by Ana Simons
“I need to tell you something.”
“Then, do it. This shit is so slow you may actually finish before we get all the way down.”
“Can’t we go back inside?”
“No, we can’t. I’m done talking with you and I really think you should go now, forget that I came here and move on with your life. I’ll try to do the sam–”
“You make me nervous too…” She tugs at my hand and lays it on her chest. It’s thumping hard inside. “Jesus, the moment I saw you that day when you left for New York, my heart almost skipped a beat. And then again at the wedding, it wouldn’t stop racing.
“My God, that day! There you were, after all those years, smiling, so handsome and charming. It felt as if the ground was taken from beneath my feet.
“You were sitting a few rows in front of me, and I spent the whole ceremony looking at you, thinking about what to tell you, how to react once you stood before me. Oh boy, the sheer thought of meeting you again, of talking to you almost made me dizzy, with an awful fluttery feeling I barely managed to keep under control... Well, handsome is an understatement, you really look good... And then when we talk, I crumble, I find myself struck dumb; I either sound rude or mentally deranged. The words either get all mixed up or I open my mouth and there’s a flood of nonsense coming out... Like right now, for example, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore…”
Just breathe.
“I’m so sorry. For everything… All I know is that when you’re around I’m a quivering pile of clumsy jitters, that’s the truth. And it’s exciting and engulfing. Also wild, uncontrollable, overwhelming. Way too many things at the same time. Way more than I can deal with right now...”
Sweetheart...
“I’m a wreck, Brian. I feel like I’m on a road heading straight for disaster, and the worst is that I don’t know if I want to turn back or keep going. I spend my days replaying that weekend in my mind, daydreaming about the moment I get to see you again, imagining that you take me to dance again... and wishing you could be around to snuggle with me on the couch as we watch all Hugh Grant’s movies together. Yes, I’ve seen them all this past week. Notting Hill, twice already. It’s a blinking disgrace.”
No, it’s not. And please don’t cry.
“I wake up and go to sleep thinking of you. I spend all my waking hours missing you. I wanted to see you again so badly—and not anytime soon. Not in a month or week. Not in an hour. I wanted to see you, like, right now. But then I start to think, oh, I’ll be damned if I let myself fall into some bloody whirlwind again, and keep telling myself it has to stop. I’m an adult, intelligent woman, goddammit, it should have stopped already!
“Except that, it hasn’t. And now it’s like a wave crashing over me, keeping me off-balance and it’s consuming me in a way that is beyond my willpower. And I really don’t know what to do with it, with this gut-wrenching mix of pain and fear and excitement because I know beforehand it will rip me apart. Shit! I shouldn’t have gone to the damn wedding, I shouldn’t have let it happen. Because you’re a problem I don’t really need in my life right now.”
Yes, you do.
“But isn’t it ironic? The moment I feel I’m getting back on my feet again, that I accept it’s better to be alone, even if a bit lonely sometimes than in a soul-sucking relationship that is taking me nowhere, life sends me you? For Christ’s sake, of all the men in the world, why would I want to fall for you all over again? God, fate or the bloody universe or whatever forces are out there, they’re all a merciless beast with a very twisted sense of humour, I’m telling you! Because I’m perfectly aware, Brian—I know exactly what kind of life you’ve been living. Now look at me and tell me, do I need some playboy to break my heart? Of course, I don’t! I’ve had my share already! I need someone willing to respect me, to support me, to connect with me on a deeper level. Not another daft prick who’s stuck in his ego and can’t take me seriously.”
I don’t want to be that either.
“You know cliff diving? It feels like I was up there, on the edge, finally determined to face my fear of heights, listening to the ocean roar and contemplating the beauty of those deep waters. In peace. But then, the moment I spread my arms and close my eyes to feel the warm, gentle breeze brush against my face, some mindless jerk comes unnoticed from behind and kicks me hard in the bum. And now I’m free falling. Hard. Uncontrolled.
“And I’m so scared because I don’t know what to do when I hit the water. If it is as they say, it will be as hard as cement and it will crush me. Or I’ll drown because I won’t have the strength to pull myself out, that’s what will happen. So I’m stuck now in a situation that is as broad as it’s long, and I’m feeling absolutely miserable. Because I want you out my head, but no part of me really wants you to leave. Because I want to be in your arms, but my reason tells me to stay away from them. Because my broken heart, regardless if you leave or not today, will love you anyway... If this makes any sense... Shit, I’m babbling like crazy again...”
Oh my God...
“Aren’t you going to say anything? Please.” She collapses in tears.
My eyes are locked with hers and the brief silence that follows is powerful and intense. She’s waiting for my reaction, but the only truth is that I’m frozen, speechless, still fumbling for the right words in my mind.
“Brian?” My name comes out in a smothered murmur followed by a sigh of apparent resignation, “You’re leaving anyway, aren’t you?” she asks eventually, her voice emotion-choked. And then she closes her eyes, biting her trembling lower lip, probably trying to internalise the possibility that her words haven’t affected me as much as they actually have.
My heart begins to hammer hard against my chest, my whole body surging with emotion as I reach up my hands to frame her beautiful face with them. I have her look into my eyes, hoping she finds the truth behind them, that I’m not the kind of man she thinks I am and that leaving is the last thing I want.
The next thing I know I’m leaning forward, holding her face steadily in my hands to crush my lips against hers. And I kiss her, hard, hungrily, pushing her back against the metallic wall and pinning her there with my body, breathing her name against her skin, letting her know I’m scared too—she’s not alone anymore.
The intense emotion that swirls through my veins is both special and exhilarating; I haven’t told her yet, but she should know she’s the only thing that matters in the entire world, a realisation that is frightening and exciting at the same time.
She clasps her hands at the back of my neck, buries her fingers in my hair, pulling it, pulling me against her, eagerly, with a desire that matches my own. And my body pulses, my mouth demands more from hers, and she claims me with the exact intensity I wished she would, our tongues stroking into a deep and demanding kiss, my senses reeling with the feel of her lips against mine, my emotions drenching me like a breaking tide.
I hear her breath catching, hitching and her body shudders as I bend further down to nuzzle against her neck, kissing it, sucking the tantalising soft skin, her scent gripping me, making my heart race and pound. I believe neither of us wants the moment to end.
I pull back and gasp for air. Her face is flushed, her lips parted in a way that makes me crazy. My eyes linger over her full lips and then drop to study the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the swells of her breasts and every inch of her exposed shoulders, which I trail with kisses up until my mouth covers hers again, our breaths mingling, our tongues intertwining in another passionate kiss.
A soft moan escapes her lips and reverberates through my body and a wild frenzy begins to stir me up inside. I am nearly insane. I’m lost, with her, in her, as my bared heart whispers into her mouth that I love her too. I do, for so long I don’t even know when it started.
I draw back again, both of us still breathing heavily, and I let my thumb brush her lips, rub against the side of her jaw, slide down her neck and caress her shoulder. Looking intently into her face, into her startled eyes
and the naked vulnerability that covers her features now, I let my hand run along her wavy, soft hair, then down her arm until it rests on her hand, which I take and tighten reassuringly.
“You’ll be all right, don’t worry,” I whisper against her face. “We’re free falling together—but I’m holding your hand, see? I won’t let go until you’re safe.”
24 Falling home
A mix of relief and excitement and hope turned into happiness mingle all together as I close the door behind me with a soft kick.
The moment we get in, I hold her firmly against me, taking her mouth in deep, hungry kisses, our bodies almost wrestling against each other, our tongues intertwining with a passion that goes beyond anything.
I can barely contain the ripple of anticipation that’s sliding up and down my spine as I back her towards the living room wall without ever breaking our kiss. It’s insane, this wild craving, this reckless rush of desire that is sweeping through me and overtaking my mind completely. God, I want her, I want her so badly...
She runs her tongue over my lower lip and pulls it. “Brian?”
My lip pulses like my beating heart. “Sweetheart?”
“You really came here for me?” She asks between ragged breaths, her eyes searching mine, her hands moving to rest on my chest. She can probably feel how hard my heart thumps against it.
I nod. My eyes bore into hers, and hers into mine.
“I can hardly believe you’re actually here, that you stepped onto a plane–”
“To see you,” I finish, holding her head in my hands, having her looking at me, into me. “It’s all true, Liv. I really meant every word I said.” I run a thumb over the smooth curve of her parted lower lip and bend to capture her mouth again with a long kiss.
“God, I missed you so much…” She clutches me, pulling me even closer, kissing me with the same need, burying her hands in my hair, her mouth demanding more and more from mine.
“You did?”
A soft moan escapes her lips, a sigh that stirs the torrent of feelings coursing through my veins in a wild frenzy, sending me into a state of near desperation. I kiss her harder and deeper, my tongue moving with determination against hers, feeling and tasting it shamelessly. One hand creeps to the small of her back, the other snakes under her top, caressing her hot skin and the silky fabric of her bra.
She shivers beneath my touch.
Without breaking contact, I move behind her, feeling her warmth, stroking her soft skin with my fingertips, holding her steady as I press my hard body against her back.
I diligently undo her bra and Olivia brings both hands up to the straps and slides them off her shoulders. Pulling it from under her top, I toss it to the floor, my hands skimming over her body, feeling her hard nipples through the soft material.
A tingling warmth surges through me, making my senses reel. This is driving me insane, making me mindless with wanting. The bare truth is that I feel like taking her right here, right now. Though aching to claim her, to make her mine, I hold my breath and suck in the urge.
Gently pulling her hair aside, I trail kisses from the nape of her head down the soft curve of her shoulder, nibbling the delicate skin, teasing her with my tongue.
“Brian…” She gasps my name and a warm feeling radiates again from my groin and rushes up my chest. And every muscle in me clenches tight. I’m burning alive, barely containing the urgent need to feel her against my skin, under me, around me, melding with me.
I bury my face in her neck to nuzzle against it, to kiss and bite it gently. “So, you wanted to dance with me again, huh?”
There’s a mischievous smile on my face she can’t see, but only sense in the tone of my voice.
She glances sideways, her eyes glittering with amused mischief. “I did.”
I stretch my arm to the side table to grab the remote and turn up the sound system. Some soft, nice beat fills the room and she tries to turn around, but I hold her firmly in place. I want her back against my chest. Just a little longer.
My arms tighten around her in an entangled embrace, as our hips swing to the slow rhythm.
“I want you,” I whisper against her face, nuzzling her ear with my lips and hot breath. My hands explore her body again, tracing the well-defined line of her waist, gripping the swelling curve of her hips, bringing her bottom closer, rubbing my erection against it.
One of her arms reaches around my neck, sliding into my hair, caressing, pulling it, her back arching at my touch, her head shifting sideways searching for me, her eyes pinning my mouth, her lips parting and daring mine.
And I can’t resist her invitation. I kiss her hard, then I kiss her softly, and then hard again. I breathe in each soft moan of pleasure as I press my lips into hers.
Christ, I’m so lost.
Struggling to recover some last bit of control, I spin her around and fall on my knees, kissing her belly, lifting her top to caress the velvety skin. My nostrils flare as I take in her scent, the same flowery fragrance from the night of the wedding, I remember perfectly—it’s indelibly imprinted in my memory.
Her hands clutch my shoulders before she begins to stroke my hair, entangling her fingers in it, pulling me tight against her.
I like it. I like it a lot.
I slowly untie the cord of her sweatpants and pull them down, one leg after the other. My mouth covers and kisses her mound over the silky blue panties, my hands caressing the tender skin of her inner thighs.
“Brian, I want you…” Her voice comes out in pants between heavy, dragging breaths, and there’s a glimmer of anticipation and pleasure in her eyes. “Now!”
A shudder rushes through me and my entire body clenches in response. I feel absolutely maddened.
Trailing unhurried kisses up her body, I rise slowly, nibbling, brushing my lips and tongue against her satiny skin. And then I stop and cover her upper body again, the look of frustration plastered on her face, a cute pout of irritation, making my lips twist into a small, devilish grin.
“It’s not like you don’t deserve to suffer a little, sweetie...” I tease as we sway to the music, or not to the music, I don’t know anymore. Maybe it’s to something else. Perhaps we’re vibrating to the rhythm of our erratic heartbeats.
A provocative, malicious grin breaks over her face as she begins to unbutton my shirt, splaying her hands to push it off my shoulders. “Oh, sweetie, one way or another... I know I’m gonna get ya,” she reminds me of the embarrassing moment in the church when my mobile rang.
She has already. From the very moment, I laid my eyes on her that day.
I cradle her face, gently at first, but then I take her head in my hands and kiss her hard on the mouth, a wet and demanding kiss, one that begs her to kiss me like she really means it.
My hungry eyes reflect back in me as our gazes meet, her hands grabbing and ruffling my hair. She presses her breasts against my chest, rubbing sensuously, writhing in my arms as her thighs crush against my hard shaft, which is pounding and screaming to be released.
I leave a trail of kisses along her jaw line, down her neck, and to her collarbone, stroking the swells of her breasts, which are fluttering up and down to the same cadence of the fast pants gusting from her throat.
I’m so drunk on it.
Though my wildly beating heart is threatening to burst from my chest, I stop, pushing her gently back. “Liv?”
“Yes?”
Inhaling deeply to calm myself, I finally manage to speak. “I didn’t come prepared... for this. So, unless you’ve got protection, we might want to slow things down or–”
A wave of disappointment washes over me when I see Olivia shaking her head. No? You haven’t? Damn.
“It’s okay. We’ll wait.”
Before I even have the time to gulp down my frustration and shift my mind into some plan B, she meets my gaze.
“I don’t... want to slow things down.”
Grabbing my hand, she guides me to her room, where she begins a furious search th
rough the dresser drawers. After a few seconds of waiting, seconds that seem like long minutes, she tugs out a box of condoms. Heaving a sigh of relief, I pull her to me, to kiss her again, her soft lips, down her neck, the top of her shoulder.
I pause for a moment only to watch her reaction. Her eyes are closed now, her mind taking in and absorbing the sensations and the flush of anticipation creeping along her sides.
It’s mind-blowing, seeing her like this, as desperate as I am, sizzling, shaking inside, drowning in desire.
I finally reach over and slide the hem of her top up, unveiling her beautiful full breasts, which I caress with the back of my fingers, cupping and fondling the firm flesh. An indistinctive whisper rises from within her as I pinch one of her nipples and the air catches in my throat.
But then I can’t contain a chuckle. A chuckle of happiness.
“What?” she breathes out, looking at me with heavy-lidded eyes, on her face the expression telling me sensation has long taken command of her thoughts. The sheer sight of it makes the excitement drum even harder in my temples.
“I’ve just had an epiphany. A true moment of clarity!”
“You what?” She looks at me with puzzled eyes, her eyebrows arching impatiently, demanding a quick response.
I press my hand on her back and bring her closer, her bare breasts touching my chest and her belly feeling the hard length of my arousal.
“I think I know now why I like your boobs.”
“Can’t wait to hear it…” With a sly smile on her lips, she kisses the stubble on my jaw and draws back enough to unbuckle my belt.
I place my hands over hers, helping her. “Because you like when I touch them. Because of all those sighs and gasps. I could get off fairly easily just with that!” In between kisses and chuckles, my jeans are discarded.
She chuckles, a naughty little grin full of malice twitching her lips as she outlines the top of my boxer shorts with her finger. Ever so slowly she works them down, teasing me, firing me up even more.