Susan Landberg listened as Cassie Shaw continued to rant about Noah Hunt.
“Cassie,” Susan said. “What I’m hearing is a lot of anger. Which is understandable. But do you really think you should be directing so much of it toward the young man who saved you?”
Cassie’s eyes flared.
“Susan,” she said. “Do you understand what he did?”
“Yes,” Susan said. “He saved you. He took care of you and helped you through what must have been a nightmare. And then after showing such care and concern, he called the police to report a crime. Which he should have talked to you about. You’re correct. But it’s done. If he had asked you, what would you have done?”
Cassie thought about it for a moment.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Probably I would have called. I’m the daughter of a police detective. And I still remember how angry I felt when those women came forward against David Childs. Like coming forward then did anything to help my family.”
Susan waited. She had been hoping Cassie would bring Childs up.
“If one of them had reported their rape,” Cassie said, “maybe he wouldn’t have broken into my house and raped and murdered my mother.”
Cassie let that thought sit there for a moment as the memory that was never far away came bubbling to the surface.
“I think maybe you’re angry over what this Tom did to you,” Susan said. “Which is natural and even healthy, and I think a lot of the anger over what happened with your mother is there. Also understandable. And you’re directing it at this young man named Noah.”
Cassie didn’t respond.
“Let me ask you another question,” Susan said. “Did you find yourself attracted to Noah?”
Cassie groaned.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Susan said.
“What does it even matter?” Cassie asked. “I don’t want to end up with a guy who sees me as a victim. That was part of the problem with Adam. I was the girl who watched her mother get brutalized. He needed more than that.”
“Have you ever asked Adam if that’s how he saw you?”
Cassie groaned again.
* * * *
“So, you came in late last night.”
Noah stopped doing one-armed pushups as his grandfather came into the basement—where Noah did his morning workout—and sat on a bench.
Walter Collins was a massive man. Back when he had been Noah’s age, he could bench press over three hundred pounds. However, it was never his size that people remembered about Walter. For his entire life, it was his goofy sense of humor.
Walter nearly always had a smart ass comment to go with any situation. He was always known to wear a contagious grin.
That grin had disappeared for a long time, but it had slowly been returning. His grandson had been the biggest reason for that.
“I hope I didn’t disturb you when I came in,” Noah said.
“Don’t worry about it,” Walter said. “I’m already disturbed. So, all you told me was that you were out helping someone. I don’t suppose that this someone was a young lady with a flat tire and was so grateful for your assistance that she threw herself at you?”
Noah’s eyes went to his sneakers.
“No,” he answered. “There was a girl, but it wasn’t a flat tire. And she wasn’t grateful. Not that I can blame her.”
“Oh?” Walter said. “What happened?”
With a sigh, Noah relayed the previous night’s events. He tried to do so the same way he did to Detective Shaw, but he found it hard to look at his grandfather while talking about such things.
“I screwed up,” Noah said at the end.
Walter considered what his grandson had said. He motioned for Noah to come over to him. Noah got up off the floor and walked over to his grandfather, taking a seat.
“Back in my day we had a word for that,” Walter said. “We called that bullshit.”
“Grandpa.”
“Noah, you saved that girl,” Walter said. “Sure, it would have been better to let her decide, but I don’t think you need to crucify yourself.”
Noah didn’t look at his grandfather. In his mind, he imagined Cassie Shaw’s eyes. The look of betrayal in them.
“I should have known better.”
“Jesus, Noah,” Walter said. “Would you give yourself a break? You’re human. And besides, this girl…”
“Cassie Shaw.”
“Cassie,” Walter continued. “She had just been through hell. She was venting at you more than anything else. I’d bet you anything if you saw her again she’d as much as say so.”
Walter sighed and placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder.
“Did you say her last name was Shaw?” Walter asked. Noah nodded. “Her father’s a cop, I think.”
“Yes,” Noah said. “A detective. That didn’t help. Once I called the cops, there was no chance of it not getting back to him. I met him last night, too.”
“Yeah? What was he like?”
“Nice enough,” Noah said with a shrug. “He thanked me.”
“I would think so,” Walter said. “Noah, listen to me. We’re talking about one little oops here. Don’t lose sight of the big picture. You saved that girl a lot of nightmares. I’m proud of you.”
Noah stiffened.
“I wish you’d believe that,” Walter said.
Noah shrugged. “You can’t tell me that if you could go back in time and change things, you wouldn’t. I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Stop,” Walter said. “Stop talking nonsense. Noah, I love you. Now, you’re a good grandson, so you’re going to do what your grandfather tells you. After you finish your workout, go take a shower and see your mother. Then I want you to go see if you can find this girl. Call her or knock on her door.”
“She doesn’t want to see me…”
“Hush now,” Walter said. “I’m older and wiser and just maybe I know something, and one thing I know is that you’re going to twist about this until you try and make it right. So go see her and apologize. And we’ll see what we’ll see.”
Noah nodded. “Yes, sir.”
Walter got up to leave and paused in the doorway. “Noah, I do love you. Please, don’t try and make me feel bad about that.”
Walter managed to disappear before Noah could respond, which was good since he had no idea what to say to that.
* * * *
“How could you not call us?” Megan asked.
She was pacing back and forth in Cassie’s bedroom. Word had already started to spread about the attack.
“Sorry,” Cassie said.
“How could you leave the party without one of us?” Megan asked.
“You were having a good time,” Cassie said.
Megan stopped pacing and glared at her.
“Sorry,” Cassie said.
Megan started pacing again. “I mean, walking home at night? Alone? Without your pepper spray in your hands?”
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.”
“How come you…”
“Enough,” Ben interrupted. “Would you give it a rest, Megan? Nothing that happened was Cassie’s fault and she doesn’t need you telling her it was.”
Megan stopped, looked at Cassie and concern filled her eyes. She must have seen how upset Cassie was.
“Geeze,” Megan said. “I’m sorry.”
Cassie just shook her head.
“Forget about it,” she said.
“No,” Megan said and sat down next to Cassie on the bed. “I’m really sorry. That was shitty of me.”
The two girls hugged.
“I’m kinda used to it,” Cassie said as she pulled away. “Ever since my mom was killed, people would ask me questions like, ‘Why didn’t I sneak out of a window’ or ‘Why didn’t I crawl to a phone.’ Never mind that I was terrified out of my mind and trying to keep Tyler quiet. We were in a closet in the same room where my mother was getting raped. Where he stabbed her to death. How was I supposed to get by him?
“Even better,” Cassie continued as she got up from the bed and started to pace like Megan had been doing a moment ago, “are the idiots who tell me how if they were there, they would have fought them off. Gotten something to use as a weapon! Or they would have just jumped on his back and throttled him! Some of them try and tell me what to do should I ever find myself in the same situation again. Like I’m ever going to find myself in a closet, watching some monster rape and murder my mother again! She’s gone!”
Cassie stopped pacing and looked at her two friends. Megan looked ready to cry, while Ben simply looked shocked.
“Oh God,” Cassie said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be going off like that. You guys don’t want to hear this.”
Ben stepped toward her.
“You’ve never wanted to talk about it like that before,” Ben said. “It just took us by surprise. That’s all.”
Cassie felt a tear in her eye. She quickly wiped it away. In the distance, there was the sound of the doorbell. A moment later, her father called up.
“Maybe Coretta’s here?” Megan said.
“She’s working,” Cassie said as they piled down the stairs. She stopped short when she saw Noah Hunt standing in her living room.
* * * *
It took more than a little effort to get Megan out of the house and into Ben’s car. Ben himself was a little reluctant to go, but he picked up on the fact that Cassie wanted to talk to Noah alone.
When they were gone, Cassie motioned Noah toward the backyard. She wasn’t sure what to say to Noah, but she was glad she was going to get the chance.
“Cassie,” Noah said once they were in the yard. “I wanted to see how you were doing today, and also to apologize for what I did. I should have known better. You had every right to be angry with me.”
Cassie considered him for a moment. Last night, she had seen Noah be both confident and commanding. He was fierce and sturdy.
She never expected meek and mild.
He had looked her in the eyes when he apologized, but now his eyes watched her feet very carefully as he waited for her response.
“It’s okay,” Cassie said. “I do wish you had waited, but calling the police was the right thing to do. My father told me that there have been two other recent rapes about two towns over. Both women were grabbed off the street, raped and beaten. One died from her injuries and the other one is still in the hospital, but she can’t give much of a description. Just a young male, Caucasian. It might very well be Tom.”
Noah nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“I’m sure you agree that I overreacted last night,” Cassie continued.
“Not really,” Noah said. “You had the right to decide when to call in the authorities. It wasn’t up to me. Again, I really am sorry.”
Cassie sighed.
“It’s alright,” Cassie repeated. “Really. It’s really sweet of you to come by and apologize and check on me. And thank you for everything you did last night. You took care of me, you let me go off on you. You saved me from… from…” Cassie felt her breath hitch as she tried to get the words out. For the first time, she thought about what would have happened if Noah hadn’t been there. She knew exactly how Tom would have violated her.
The weight of it came crashing down on Cassie, and the dam broke.
“Oh God.”
Cassie started to cry. In the back of her mind, she half expected Noah to run or shift around in discomfort. Instead, Noah stepped closer and let her cry in his arms. He didn’t tell her to stop, or that there was no reason to cry. He just held her until the tears stopped on their own.
Even then, he held on. Giving her a moment to gain her composure. She looked up into his eyes and she felt safe.
“I’m sorry,” Cassie said. “Last night I yelled, today I cried all over you.”
Noah smiled. Gone was the meek boy who had apologized. The confident, reassuring Noah had returned.
“Please don’t apologize,” Noah said. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
Cassie smiled at Noah.
She invited him inside and offered him a cup of coffee. She had Noah wait in the living room while she took a few moments preparing the beverage. She took that time to quickly touch up her make up to make herself more presentable after her crying jag.
“Where do you go to school?” she asked as she came in and handed Noah the coffee mug.
Noah explained he was starting college at the University of Albany.
“Me too,” Cassie said. “We could go together.”
Noah smiled as his cell phone rang.
“I’d like that,” he said as he looked at the caller ID. Cassie glanced down at it and saw the name Pamela.
Cassie could see Noah’s face change the moment the name registered.
“Excuse me,” he said. “I should take this.”
He stepped away from her for privacy. Cassie watched him closely. Who was Pamela? Why did Noah look so unhappy talking to her? And why did she care so much?
Noah hung up with Pamela and came back over. Cassie had a feeling she knew what was coming next.
“I’m sorry,” Noah said. “I’ve got to go.”
Cassie saw he wasn’t happy about the idea. She wondered if it was because he had to go see this Pamela or because he had to leave her.
“I had a feeling,” she said, trying to keep her voice light. “Here.”
Acting more boldly than she was used to, Cassie took Noah’s cell and added her number and took her picture with his phone so it would show when he called her. If he called her.
“Give me a call tomorrow,” Cassie said as she walked him to the front door. She handed the phone back to Noah and sent him a smile that she hoped would let him know she really wanted him to call her.
“Here,” Noah said. He pressed a few buttons on his cell phone. “I just texted you, so you’ll have my number, too. If you need anything, call me.”
Cassie nodded. She didn’t know how to take what Noah had just done. Did he just look at her as a charity case?
“I’ll talk to you soon,” Noah said as he waved goodbye and walked away.
Quickly, she went to the front of the house. Looking out the bay window, Cassie watched Noah climb into his Mustang and take off down the block. Geeze, would it have hurt him to pause for just a moment to look longingly at the house?
Cassie spent the day watching bad chick flicks on Lifetime and hanging by the phone, all the while trying to convince herself she wasn’t hanging by the phone just on the off chance that Noah would call. She justified every stolen glance at the phone that refused to ring with the knowledge that she had friends who would want to check on her. Coretta would call and hear firsthand what had happened. Ben would want to ask again if she was okay. Megan would want to apologize again and then talk about the guy she had hooked up with at the party.
The icing on the cake for her was the call that came in at three minutes past ten. It was Adam.
“I heard what happened,” Adam said. “Are you okay?”
Cassie cursed herself for answering the phone.
“Yeah,” she responded. “I’m fine.”
There was silence on the other end. Cassie couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing.
“Have they caught him?”
That wasn’t what he wanted to ask and she knew it.
“Not yet,” Cassie answered, playing along. “They will. He attacked a cop’s daughter. In a car dealership with cameras. Tom is the definition of shit for brains.”
More silence. Cassie could just picture Adam pacing back and forth as he talked on his cell phone. It was a habit of his she knew well. When they were together, she sometimes found it endearing. Right now, it just annoyed the shit out of her.
“Have they started again?” he finally asked.
Cassie sighed as she lay back on her bed. She could just lie, but Adam would know. He knew her too well. She had been too intimate with Adam. She had given him her heart, bared her soul and let him t
ake her into his bed.
Let him.
That wasn’t fair to Adam and she knew it. He never pressured her. She didn’t let him. She owned what she did with him.
“Cassie?” Adam said, reminding her that he was still there. Waiting. “You there?”
She sighed again.
“Yeah,” Cassie said. “Look, I won’t lie to you. It brought it all back again, but I’m not twelve anymore. I’ll be fine. And I’m not your problem anymore.”
Now it was Adam’s turn to sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Just because we’re not together anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t still care. If you need anything, call me.”
Cassie closed her eyes.
“Fine,” she said. “But I’ll be alright. I’ve got friends. I’ve got Coretta, Ben, Megan.”
“Megan?” Adam said. “Really?”
Despite herself, she laughed.
“Okay,” Cassie said. “Maybe not Megan so much, but she tries. And there are… other people.”
“Alright,” Adam said. Some of the tension had left his voice. He was off the hook. “Have a good night.”
However, Cassie knew she wasn’t going to have a good night. It was late. Noah wasn’t going to call. It was stupid of her to think that he would.
Noah had saved her. He checked on her because he was a nice guy who felt like he had screwed up. But why would he want to saddle himself with such damaged goods?
And that’s probably how Noah saw her, she feared. As a girl who would always need to be taken care of and had very little to give. It wasn’t just the fact that something bad had happened to her last night. Something that could have been so much worse if Noah hadn’t shown up.
Noah had looked at her having a panic attack and known it wasn’t the first one for her. He was a smart enough guy to realize something must have happened in her past. Or maybe he just figured she had a screw loose. Either way, he was probably running for the hills. She was psycho city.
She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and then went downstairs to say goodnight to her father. She found him on the phone, talking to her uncle, telling him not to worry about it.
Just Breathe Page 3