Noah’s eyes flared, and he nearly launched across the room when Cassie accepted it.
Calm down, he thought. You kept your eye on the bottle and he didn’t do anything to it.
“Yeah,” Ben said. “He says he knows he needs to tell them, but he’s scared. I don’t know.”
“It’s a hard thing,” Noah said.
Cassie laughed and took a long swig from the bottle. She smiled at the blond, touched his arm and laughed at something he said.
“Is it?” Ben said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but what would you know about it?”
“Secrets,” Noah answered. “I understand secrets. Everyone has them, but some are bigger than others. When you have one that defines you in so many ways, the idea of exposing it can be terrifying. It’s harder for some than others.”
Ben nodded. “I guess.”
Noah found himself taking a small step in Cassie’s direction as the blond guy put his hand on the small of Cassie’s back. It was just a light touch.
But what could he do? She wasn’t protesting.
Why the fuck wasn’t she protesting?
“Can I ask when you came out?” Noah asked.
“It’s actually hard to say,” Ben said. “I used to have crushes when I was little on other boys. My Aunt Janice is out, and she was dating Aunt Lucy back then. So when I finally said it, it wasn’t a big deal.”
Noah nodded as Brady made his way back and handed both Cassie and the blond another beer each.
Was that four since they’ve been here?
“So you never worried about it?” Noah asked.
Ben shook his head. “There was my dad. My parents are divorced. I didn’t think he’d like it. I was right. He barely talks to me, but we didn’t talk that much before. He’s not much different with my brothers, who are both straight.”
“So you didn’t have much to lose?”
“No,” Ben said. “I guess not. I guess I should lighten up. It’s just been awhile since I dated someone who wasn’t already out. And I really like Brady. I know we haven’t known each other long, but sometimes it’s just there. You know what I mean?”
Noah didn’t answer. It was taking all of his strength to keep himself from walking across the room and knocking that blond guy through a wall now that Cassie was talking to him with her head tilted, swaying to the music.
Ben blew out a breath and looked from Noah to Cassie and back again.
“Noah,” Ben said. “Listen to me. We’re friends, right?”
Noah broke his gaze on Cassie for the first time. He had always considered Ben to be Cassie’s friend. He’d never had a friend. Not really.
Noah managed a nod.
“Two things I want to say,” Ben continued. “First off, what you were saying before about secrets was right. But secrets can crush you, too. You have to know when to share them. And with who.”
Noah relaxed a moment when the blond guy walked away from Cassie.
Noah looked back to Cassie. “It’s not that easy. Some secrets are meant to be shared. Some aren’t.”
Ben shook his head. “I don’t know about that, but unless you killed someone and you don’t want anyone to know where the body is buried, I doubt that this is one of them.”
Noah looked at Ben for a moment. He raised an eyebrow.
“Fuck,” Ben said. “Please tell me that’s not it.”
Noah looked back toward Cassie. “I never killed anyone.”
Ben sighed in relief.
The blond guy returned to Cassie with a fresh bottle, one that Noah didn’t see Brady hand to him. Noah winced when they clinked bottles.
“Here’s the second thing I want to say to you,” Ben said. “You can’t blame that guy for going after Cassie when you won’t. So when I tell you to go do something about it before you burst into flames, don’t rip him into pieces.”
Noah looked at Ben for a moment.
“Now go!”
When Cassie leaned in to the blond with a laugh, Noah went.
* * * *
“I’d like to talk to you,” Noah said to Cassie.
Cassie looked at Noah and then back to the blond.
“Noah,” she said. “I’m talking to Kyle.”
Noah looked at Kyle. Kyle smiled. At least until he saw the look in Noah’s eyes.
“You were,” Noah said. “I need to speak to you. Please.”
Cassie smiled and said, “Can’t it wait?”
“No,” Noah said.
She rolled her eyes, but grabbed Noah’s hand and brought him to one of the empty bedrooms. Once inside, she put the beer bottle down on a dresser and closed the bedroom door.
“What?” she said, all trace of humor gone.
“You need to go home,” Noah said.
“What?” Cassie said. “Why?”
“You’re drinking,” Noah said. “That’s your fifth beer. You’re going to…”
“What?” Cassie said. “I’m going to what? Have a good time? Get lucky? What business is it of yours? I’m a big girl.”
“I know that,” Noah said, taking a step closer.
“I don’t need you riding to my rescue,” Cassie said. “Is that all you know how to do? What do you want from me?”
“I don’t know,” Noah said. “Maybe that is all I do know how to do. Ben just told me out there that he considers me his friend. I’ve never had my own friend before.”
Cassie blinked at the revelation. It was the first real private thing Noah had ever shared. “I didn’t…”
“I don’t let people in, Cassie,” Noah continued. “I don’t know how. What I do know is that you’d probably be better off without me. I feel like the best thing for me to do is let you get together with Blondie out there…”
“Kyle.”
“Who cares?” Noah said. “Here’s the thing. I can’t. I can’t stand to watch you with him like that.”
Cassie put her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart pound in his chest like it was trying to escape. What in the world was scaring him so much?
“Then do something about it,” she said. “You’ve got to tell me what you want. You have to…”
Noah crushed his mouth against hers, his body pressing her against the wall. This kiss was even more powerful and wanting than their first, and it ended even more abruptly.
Noah backed away quickly, leaving Cassie gasping for breath. His eyes narrowed.
“What?” she asked. “For the love of God, don’t stop.”
Noah moved toward the door.
“You’re leaving now?”
Without ever taking his eyes off of hers, Noah grabbed the beer bottle off the dresser and sniffed it.
Cassie bit her lower lip.
Noah took a small sip from the bottle.
“This is water,” he said, showing her the bottle.
Cassie shrugged. “I never said it wasn’t.”
Cassie watched Noah quickly replay everything in his head. The quick looks between Brady and Cassie and the blond guy named Kyle. The beer bottles that Cassie kept downing one after another.
“You set that whole thing up,” Noah said. “Just to get under my skin. It was probably Brady’s idea.”
Cassie squeaked. “I’m sorry.”
Noah stepped forward. She smiled meekly. He leaned down and kissed her again. This time, he didn’t pull away.
“I’m not.” he said. “Maybe I needed it.”
“You did,” Cassie said.
Noah kissed the top of her head and held her. “I still may need to take things slow. This is new for me.”
Cassie nodded into his chest. “As long as we take it slow together.”
Chapter 10
Noah found Walter in the garage, stripping an old cabinet so he could refinish it. He had some old George Straight song playing in the background that he hummed along to. Noah took a long look at the kind man that was his grandfather before he knocked. When he did, Walter spun around quickly, surprise in his eyes.
/> “Noah,” Walter said. “I didn’t expect you. You don’t normally come out here.”
“Sorry to startle you,” Noah said as he entered.
“So, did you have fun last night on your date?” Walter asked, going back to work. “I know, I know, it wasn’t a date. You don’t date.”
“Last night wasn’t a date,” Noah affirmed. “I am picking Cassie up later today. And that will be a date.”
Walter dropped the sandpaper block. He placed his hand over his heart.
“Don’t mess with me boy,” Walter said. “I don’t know if this old heart can take it. You mean it? You’re taking that girl out on an actual date?”
Noah nodded. “Yes, sir.”
Walter smiled in a way he hadn’t for years and walked over to embrace his grandson. “I couldn’t be happier for you. Have you told your mother yet?”
Noah nodded. “I was just talking to her. I think she’s happy.”
“Of course she is,” Walter said. “The only thing she wants is for you to be happy. Thank you for coming out here to tell me.”
Noah returned the smile. “I had another reason for coming out here.”
“Oh?”
“I’m a little nervous,” Noah said. “I was hoping you had some advice.”
Walter seemed stunned. For a moment, Noah feared his grandfather would tell him to go away. Instead, Walter grinned broadly and put his arm around Noah.
“Come on,” Walter said. “Let’s take a walk. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the dating scene, but let me tell you about when I was courting your grandmother.”
* * * *
Noah arrived on time to pick Cassie up, fully aware that she’d be late. He wasn’t sure what to expect from her father. Part of him worried Detective Shaw would answer the door, gun in hand, and tell Noah to leave and never go near his daughter again.
Noah tried not to think that he wouldn’t blame him.
Shaw did answer the door, but he wasn’t armed. Instead, he held his hand out to Noah and smiled warmly.
“Noah,” Shaw said. “Right on time. Come on in and wait.”
When Cassie came down, he handed her a bouquet of red roses he’d picked up. He’d spend an hour in the flower shop looking for the right kind, but decided that you couldn’t go wrong with roses. And they were his mother’s favorite.
“I didn’t want there to be any doubt,” he said.
She smiled and put them in a vase with water before they left.
He took her to a nearby park, where he spread out a blanket under a tree and took out a picnic basket filled with fried chicken, potato salad and homemade lemonade.
“This is wonderful,” Cassie said. “I didn’t expect all this. I just thought we’d take in a movie or something.”
Noah knelt and started to make her a plate.
“I wanted to do this right.”
“You did,” Cassie said. “Did you make the chicken?”
“No.”
“Get it from the store?”
Noah handed her a cup of lemonade. “No. Amber made it for us. She was very excited that I was taking you out.”
“Was she?” Cassie said. “You know, Noah, I still don’t know much about you. I know that you can beat the crap out of people real good. And that you’re very sweet and kind, but beyond that I don’t know who you are. Or who all these women in your life are.”
“You met Diana.”
“Yes,” Cassie said as she sampled the chicken. “And I liked her. I just get the impression these women are important to you. Diana, Amber, Paige. Not to mention Linda, Judy, Margret.”
“You didn’t say Pamela.”
Cassie reached out her hand to take his hand.
“I know she makes you sad,” Cassie said. “I just wish I knew why.”
Noah sipped his drink. He knew they would have to deal with it. He just didn’t know how.
“Talking about my life is hard,” Noah said. “It hard for me to explain it without getting into… stuff…”
“Stuff you’re not ready to tell me about yet?”
Noah shook his head. “I want to. I do. I just…”
“Hey.” Cassie leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. “It’s okay. You don’t have to bare your soul on our first date.”
Noah smiled. “Thank you. Some of those names are easier. Linda, Judy, Margret. There’s also a Bernadette and an April.”
“More?”
“Depends on who’s available. They work for my mom is all.”
“Oh. Seems kind of anticlimactic.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said quickly. “I just want to know who you are. What was your childhood like? What was it like where you came from?”
Noah settled down beside Cassie, stuck between talking about things he wasn’t ready to talk about yet, and answering questions that had no real answers.
He didn’t want to evade, but he didn’t know how to answer either.
“I’m sorry,” Cassie said. “If your past makes you sad, tell me about who you are now. What you want to be. One thing you did tell me was that you want to be a police officer. A detective, like my dad.”
Noah relaxed. “That’s pretty much it. I live at home with my grandfather and my mom.”
“Are you close with your mom?”
Noah nodded. “I’d like to think so. Whatever has happened, we’ve been through it together. She was very happy to hear I was taking you out. She even managed to smile.”
“A whole smile?” Cassie said, teasingly. “Sounds like she was thrilled.”
“She was,” Noah said. “It’s hard for her. She’s sick. Those women you mentioned, the ones I said work with my mom, those are nurses that text me to let me know how she’s doing.”
“Oh no,” Cassie said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… Can I ask what’s wrong?”
Noah fiddled with a napkin.
“Cancer,” he said.
“Is she doing chemo?”
“Not anymore,” Noah answered. “No point. She gets hospice care in the home.”
“Do they know…?”
“How long?” Noah finished for her. “Depends on which doctor you ask. Some are surprised she made it this long. Some say she’ll have a few weeks to a few months. We just don’t know. That’s why I always have to check my phone. They tell me they’ll know when it’s real close, and I want to be there with her. I don’t want her to be alone.”
Cassie moved over and hugged Noah. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Noah shrugged. “I didn’t want to burden you with it. And I guess I didn’t know how to say it.”
Cassie touched his face. Noah looked her in the eye, and she placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “What can I do?”
Noah shrugged again.
“Please,” Cassie said. “Talk to me.”
Noah took her hand. “It’s a lot to ask. I know this is just our first date, but she would love to meet you. I’m afraid I really don’t know how much more time she has. My grandfather would love to meet you, too. Would you consider coming by tomorrow?”
“That’s it?” Cassie asked. “Of course, I’d be happy to meet her. You’ve met my family and friends. I want to meet yours.”
“Thank you,” Noah said. “It really will mean the world to her.”
Cassie smiled at Noah and pulled him into a kiss. She pulled him down on top of her, their kissing growing more heated. Noah’s body responded to her and she started to laugh.
“Am I doing something funny?” he asked.
“Not at all,” Cassie said as she ran her fingers up and down his back. “I was just remembering how I actually wondered if you were gay back when you didn’t respond to any of my flirting.”
Noah kissed the base of her neck. “I hope I’m not leaving you any doubts.”
“None,” she said. “But we might want to cool it while in public. You had your chance last night at the party.”
“Last night?”
“You had me alone,” Cassie said. “In that bedroom. Not that I’m that easy, but I guess I expected you to try.”
“Really?” Noah said. “We just kinda got together last night. I hadn’t even taken you out yet.”
Noah nibbled her ear and Cassie giggled. She pushed on Noah’s shoulder until he fell over on his back with a sigh. She rolled on her side and put her hand on his chest.
“Megan couldn’t believe it when I told her we hadn’t done anything,” Cassie said. “Megan’s never been one to wait.”
“Well,” Noah said. “I’m not Megan.”
“I know,” Cassie said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone with more self-control. A part of me hoped you would try last night.”
Noah shook his head. “I wouldn’t want the first time to be with a bunch of people by the door.”
“Should we talk about that?” Cassie asked. “Our past?”
“Past?”
Cassie sat up and Noah joined her. “You know about me and Adam. That we were intimate. He was my only one, just so you know. I’m not as… experienced as Megan. And I’m still on the pill. I just wanted you to know that.”
Noah nodded, but remained silent.
“I’m sorry,” Cassie said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up. I’m making you uncomfortable. I just wanted to get this part out of the way.”
Noah nodded. “It’s okay.”
“Can I ask about you?” Cassie prompted. “Your past?”
Noah kissed her gently. “There’s nothing to tell.”
Cassie sighed. “Noah, I’m not asking for specifics. I know you don’t like talking about your past. I just feel like it’s something we should be honest about.”
“I am being honest,” Noah said, reaching out and taking her hand. He realized he was going to have to spell it out for her. “Okay, here it is. In that sense, I really don’t have a past.”
Cassie waited for the punch line, but there wasn’t any.
“Wait,” she said. “You mean you’ve never…? You’re still a…”
“Virgin,” Noah supplied. “Yes. Is that a problem?”
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