“You like what you see?” I purred as my brother rolled his eyes and handed me over to the trembling Junior.
“You know it baby!” Junior shouted, picking me up and swinging me around. “You are so dang hot I’m tempted to kick everyone out and create a next generation episode with you right now.”
My father cleared this throat and tried unsuccessfully to hide his laughter. “Maybe we should get you two married first,” he suggested.
“Right,” Junior said, putting me down, but still holding me close. “My bad. Go ahead Preacher Moongie. Can you make it fast, sir?”
“I’ll do my best,” my dad said, chuckling at Junior’s demand. “Mating is the unbreakable bond of our kind. Both couples have already made that momentous commitment. Now we honor our human side with a celebration in the eyes of God. Hank and Essie would you like to go first?”
“What do we do?” Essie asked nervously. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Well, thank Jesus Hesus for that. That would be a little awkward,” Dwayne chimed in.
“Just tell Hank what he means to you,” my dad instructed, ignoring Dwayne.
“Do you need help?” Dwayne asked, working the blue mini dress with pride. “I’m very good at these kind of things.”
“NO!” the entire room shouted in unison.
“It’s okay. I’ve got this,” Essie said, giving Dwayne a quick kiss on the cheek. “Not sure yours would be palatable.”
“Fine point, well made,” Dwayne agreed, pulling the neckline of his dress lower to show more of his nonexistent cleavage. “Wing it, girl.”
“Hank,” Essie said as she stared into his eyes. “You are my best friend. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you and grow with you. You make my life whole. I will love you even when you’re an overbearing butthead and I will support, care for and adore you for the rest of our very long lives. You are my world and standing by your side is the only place I ever want to be. I love you so much, I almost can’t explain it.”
“Ohmygod,” Dwayne gushed. “If Vampyres could cry, I’d be a damn mess. That was outstanding!”
Ignoring Dwayne’s outburst, Hank took his turn. “Essie, I choose you. You make my life worth living. I’ll do my best not to be a butthead, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be completely successful. But I promise you this…no one will ever love you or care for you like I do. I will support you and carry you when you fall. My commitment to you is complete and I will love you till the day I die and forever after that. Having you as my mate and my wife is my every dream come true.”
“Oh my God Hank, I’ll marry you,” Dwayne shouted. “That was hotter than Satan’s underpants in August. It is so unfair that dead people can’t cry.”
“Hush,” Granny said, smacking Dwayne’s bald head. “This ain’t your wedding.”
“It’s not?” he asked, surprised.
“Junior, it’s your turn,” my dad said, doing his best to pretend Dwayne wasn’t present.
It was hard, but doable. Dwayne was always going to be Dwayne.
“Sandy, I love you to the point of unhealthy. I promise to be your biggest fan and your partner in crime. However, I’d prefer not to be trussed up in silver watching you get your very fine ass handed to you.”
“But I did pretty well on my own,” I reminded him with a giggle.
“You did, but next time I’ll be at your side—the place I was always meant to be. I vow to cherish you and our love for each other. I will also do my damnedest not to be an asshat. You’re the smartest, hottest most beautiful person in the world—inside and out. I’ve been in love with you more than half my life and now I plan to make up for the lost time. I don’t know what I did to get so dang lucky, but I will never take you for granted and I will kill the shit out of anything or anyone who tries to harm you. You’re mine and I’m yours till the end of time. And please wear that outfit every day.”
“I’m crying. Look at me, I’m pretty sure there are real tears,” Dwayne said, pointing to his dry tear ducts. “This is so beautiful I can barely take it—especially the kill the shit out of anything part.”
“Are you done?” my dad asked Dwayne politely.
“Yes, thank you,” Dwayne replied, dabbing at his invisible tears.
“Sandy?” Dad said, prompting me.
“Junior, this is the best day of my life, next to the day we mated—which was totally awesome,” I said, getting lost in his gorgeous eyes. I barely heard the laughter of my friends and family as my heart was pounding so loud it thundered in my ears. “I don’t care if you’re an asshat. I love you unconditionally, no matter what. You make me braver than I’ve ever been and I’ve never felt so loved and wanted. I, too will kill the shit out of anything or anyone that tries to hurt you. Together we will build a life full of love, laughter, compassion and complete nerdiness. Not a day will go by that you don’t know how much I love you.”
“What about grandchildren?” Sadie called out.
“Oh yeah… and I want a bunch of nerdy kids,” I added with a blush.
“Hot damn,” Junior yelled, pumping his strong arms in the air. “Can I kiss her yet?”
“I’m positively verklempt. This is so beautiful. Look at me—totally overcome with emotion,” Dwayne wailed, fanning himself dramatically. “Kiss the brides already. I’m about to faint with joy over here.”
“Since Dwayne is about to lose consciousness, let’s get on with it,” my dad said with an almost indiscernible eye roll. “By the power vested in me by the State of Georgia and in the eyes of God, I now pronounce you, Hank and Essie… and you, Junior and Sandy, man and wife. You both may kiss your brides.”
“Hell to the yeah!” Junior yelled, laying a smacker that left me dizzy and wanting more.
“Best day ever,” Hank shouted as he did the very same to Essie.
“I say we shift in celebration,” Granny shouted, beginning to strip down.
“Absolutely,” Junior agreed, yanking his shirt over his head. “Everybody get naked. We’re going for a run.”
The magic in the room was mind boggling as we did what we were meant to do. Dima and Nicolai shifted outside as their Dragons were huge.
I felt the mystical power deep inside me as I let my wolf come out to play. My bones shifted painlessly and my ravaged body healed with ease.
My wolf was smaller than Junior’s but I was sleek, blonde and fast. He nudged me with his wet nose and I nipped back playfully. I was going to run with my mate—my husband. I wasn’t running away anymore. I was running toward my future with the people that I loved and the man that completed me.
Life was as close to perfect as it could get.
Epilogue
“What the hell is that?” Granny yelled staring up at the sky.
“It’s Jim-Bob Adams. He’s sky writing now,” I told her as I tried to decipher what the heck he’d written.
“Looks like Lava Poo,” Granny said, squinted up at the mess on the horizon. “That boy is as dumb as a box of hair.”
“Pretty sure it’s supposed to say Love You,” I told her with a laugh as I made my way over to Junior.
“How long do we have to stay?” Junior asked for the tenth time.
The party was truly fabulous. Sadie had outdone herself. The tables on the lawn groaned under the weight of food on top of them. There was live music and a dance floor laid out on the lawn underneath a huge canopy with twinkling white lights. Shifter after Shifter paid their respects to their Alpha and his new mate. It was overwhelming, humbling and wonderful. By mating with Junior, I’d taken on a world of responsibilities, but I welcomed them.
Word of the attack and subsequent death of the vicious Gina had spread and our people’s admiration washed over me when they met my happy gaze. I was formerly known as ‘Sandy the hacker’ and I liked that woman. Now I was forever going to be known as ‘Sandy the knife-throwing Werewolf who takes no shit’ and I was good with that too. My knife throwing skills would keep the skanks away from my man.
It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Junior—I trusted him completely—but he was a hotter than hell Alpha. Women couldn’t help themselves…However, now I was around to show them the futility of their misguided efforts. Of course this went both ways. Junior had growled at every man that came within five feet of me at the party. It was somewhat embarrassing, but I went with it. I felt the same way about the gals.
“We stay until Essie and Hank leave. They’re going to Chicago tonight,” I said, leaning into Junior and watching Dwayne and Granny teach a brave group of Werewolves the finer points of twerking.
It was all kinds of awesome—Sadie was even gettin’ jiggy with it, much to Jack’s horror. Of course Granny and Dwayne’s earlier performance would make Sadie’s prediction of the party going down in Shifter history come true.
Essie’s folks talked quietly with my parents in the corner of the yard and it hit me how much they had in common. All of them had worked for the Council and had gotten out. Essie’s parents had gone through hell, but I now suspected my parents had too.
Dima and Nicolai chased their son, Daniel, around much to his delight. Seeing a baby made me want one and I wanted to get started immediately. The thought of a tiny Junior made me want to cry with joy.
Of course Caleb, Bubba, and Duke had started a card game and were giving each other hell. I suspected my brother cheated, but it wasn’t hard to pull one over on the boys. They weren’t exactly well endowed in the brains department, but they were good people and I adored them. I just prayed they weren’t playing strip poker. I didn’t think Sadie would be too happy with Lions streaking at her shindig.
“You know the Council will be paying us a visit in the near future,” Junior said quietly as he played with my hair and waved to our friends.
“Yep, I figure you’re correct.”
“What do you think about that?” he asked.
I glanced up at him with a surprised expression. “What do you think about it?”
“I say we hear them out and take one day at a time. Our people will be in trouble if those old farts decide Shifters need to come out in the open. I’d like to be part of stopping that mistake from happening if I can. Also, I’m a little curious about the scientific strides they’re clearly making.”
Wrinkling my nose, I considered what he said. I knew he was alarmed at the thought they had a serum that could permanently prohibit a shift—that was a dangerous cocktail to have and in the wrong hands, could be devastating. Clearly the Council needed some new blood that couldn’t be bought. They were wildly out of touch with the real world and had it in their pea brains that Werewolves should reveal themselves to the humans—very bad plan.
“I say we take one day at a time and be happy. However, before we make any life changing decisions I want to upgrade that PC motherboard. We never did get around to that,” I told him with a seductive smile.
“Will you wear your Star Trek uniform?” he asked, adjusting his pants.
“Will you wear yours?” I shot back.
Granny was amazing. She’d ordered me ten Uhura outfits knowing we’d destroy the original… which, of course, we did. She’d also had the foresight to order Junior a few Kirk and Spock uniforms, which took care of all my geek fantasies perfectly. We were set for at least another week or two. I was going to buy stock in that company since we were probably going to be keeping them in business singlehandedly.
“I’m feeling very Captain Kirk at the moment,” Junior whispered, copping a covert feel of my butt. “Your ass is so fine. Do we really have to stay?”
“Umm…” The ass fondling was clouding my thinking. Maybe we could leave… Captain Kirk was hot.
“There you are,” Essie said, running over and trapping me in a hug that made it hard to breathe. “We have to go. I love, love, love you. I’m gonna miss you something awful, but I have a feeling…”
“I know,” I said, hugging her back. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. You be safe. If you die, I’m coming after you and yanking your ass right out of hell.”
“Noted,” she said with a grin. “And right back at you, my friend.”
Hank and Junior were locked in a man hug that made my heart swell. Two of the most powerful Werewolves alive were also loving and compassionate men. They were going to be the best dads ever.
“Take care of Dwayne and make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble,” Essie said with an eye roll.
“Could you define too much trouble?” I asked with a laugh.
“Umm…no, but you’ll know it if it happens.”
“Got it. I’ll do my best to keep him in line,” I promised.
With a few more hugs and some tears from all, Essie and Hank left. Part of my heart tore a little, but they were together and they were going where their fate decreed. It was right. I wondered what fate would decree for Junior and me but for now we were here—mated, married and wildly in love. Life was so good and I was so very lucky.
“Okay, you ready to go upgrade a motherboard?” Junior asked with waggling eyebrows and a nod to his Archimedes.
“Yes I am.”
And I was.
And we did.
And it was every kind of perfectly, wonderfully, sexily, nerdily awesome.
— The End… for now —
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~ Robyn Peterman
KEEP READING in this ebook for an extended excerpt from a spoofy new science fiction romance Junior and Sandy would both love…
Matchmaker Abduction, Book 1 of Aliens in Kilts
by author Donna McDonald
Excerpt: Matchmaker Abduction
Book 1 of the Alien In Kilts Series
True love is said to defy time, but can it survive space, aliens, and being abducted? Angus MacNamara and Erin O’Shea are about to find out.
The big blue planet that most call Earth desperately needs matchmakers. There is only one small—okay, BIG—problem. No one wants the alien dating service job… No one. The original matchmakers are dead, and much worse, their DNA is no longer viable for cloning.
Solution? Go back in time to some of Earth’s other—thankfully slower spinning—versions, and retrieve the alternates of the one couple in any universe who seems able to do the job.
Far easier said than done though, especially when the alternates are anything but a loving couple, and both are none too pleased to be thrown into the future.
What does oil and water create? Salad dressing or a real fecking mess of aliens, humans, and matchmaking fun!
Click Here For More Info!
Chapter One
Universe 6, May 15,1958, on a hill outside Lisdoonvarna, Ireland…
Angus MacNamara pulled the pistol from the holster on his kilt belt. He checked the chamber, made sure his shot was loaded, then looked down at the grave and glared.
Love and hate had always been intertwined in his life. The nagging harpy he’d married over forty years ago had been his greatest pleasure and his darkest curse. Loving so hard made a man weak. There was no doubting that for him. But losing that love could destroy ya and often did.
“Alright, woman. It’s been nine fecking years, but I finally kept my entire promise to yer dying soul. Yer children are married well, even the stubborn ones. Ya have two grandchildren remembering yer name already, five still on the tit, and a few more on the fecking way because our sons and daughter are as lusty as we were in creating them.”
Angus huffed. “Wait… what’s that ya say? Yes, I can hear ya fussing, even from six foot under. ‘Why d
id it take so long, Angus? What have ya been doing all this time?’ Well, this isn’t the 1800s, you crazed old crone. I couldn’t make them hardheads you bore do what they didn’t want to. In fact, I had to fecking bribe most of their intendeds to take them on. Without yer guidance, the last four never got their edges rounded off as well as the first three.”
Angus stomped his polished brogue on the mounded dirt. The tassels of his father’s clan flapped from the top of his pristine white stockings every time his foot landed. His kilt lifted with his actions, bringing a welcome breeze to cool everything under it. Wearing wool in the early summer was never a good idea for a man his size, but he’d wanted to look his best today. He’d wanted closure to come in style and for it to happen while he was wearing the plaid of his clan.
“Pay attention to me, woman. Stop rolling over down there and laughing at my misery. Do ya think it’s been easy on me all these years without ya? Well, it hasn’t, ya cruel creature. I told ya not to die, but no… ya never did listen to me.”
Wanting to make sure her spirit understood his frustration, Angus stomped on her grave again just for good fecking measure.
Her feet made no sound as walked, but Erin muttered quiet oaths as she moved across the grass. “Goddess, what is the eegit up to now?” She swore even more fiercely when she got closer and saw how dressed up Angus was.
Though a tall woman who dwarfed most men in height, Erin felt short next to the nearly two meters tall Angus MacNamara. That was especially true when he was looking every bit of his proper Irish self in his best Prince Charlie outfit. It irritated her to no end how the man’s long, sculpted legs seemed meant for wearing his stupid, fecking kilt that she’d have given anything to get under.
Were Me Out: Shift Happens Book Four Page 13