by Brown, Tara
Now I see the greenery and listen to the sounds of the forest, and know I am safe. The forest is my friend. It was a tense relationship in the beginning, but it has earned my trust over time.
Like Leo, it has become part of my family. Where I lost one family, I gained another.
The branches break under my foot but in a way that keeps the birds chirping and squirrels nattering. It is a gift. I learned it from Leo. He is able to wander the forest quickly, but in sync with the woodland creatures.
I stop at the small dip in the forest. I have a great view here. I blend into the trees and listen. I close my eyes and wait. The noises become like a song the forest sings. You only hear it when you stop being you and become part of the forest. I feel the waves in the music rising and falling with the wind.
I grab my bow and arrow and get read. I wait for it. I hear the sound I am seeking. It is a pheasant.
I see the bizarre looking face of it and the spectacular colors. It is a male. I take a breath and on the exhale, release the arrow perfectly. It took me two years of constant shooting to be able to down a pheasant at this distance. The male drops without a sound, as the arrow pierces his throat just below his head. I wait and watch. The forest continues its merry song. I wait an extra second. I put the bow and arrows back in the small hole beside the tree.
I retrieve my catch, constantly looking over my shoulder. Jake and his sister watched me in the forest for two months before I became aware of them. My sense of security in this place is questioned. A heat flushes my cheeks as I walk carrying the bird by his feet. I think about Jake. His dark hair and blue eyes and long eyelashes.
A stabbing pain rips through my thigh.
I look up to see the reflection of a scope from across the small gully. I drop to the ground and whistle. I lay amongst the brush frozen. My heart is beating out of control.
Anna.
I know she has shot me. She wants my cabin. She made that perfectly clear. My heart hurts for the smallest of seconds. I force it back into its cave and harden myself to the fact I will have to kill her. Flashes of her sweet face and how much she looks like her brother fill my mind.
I hear the shots whizzing past me in the brush. Panic fills me. She is using my own silencer against me. I wonder if Jake knows.
I hold my breath and wait. I know Leo will come to me. I have trained him to come to me. He will come.
I hear footsteps.
The forest is silent as the predator moves through it. The birds can hear the panic in me. My heartbeat reveals all to them.
I feel a sickening hurt as I realize I have been betrayed. I never should have helped him out of the hole. I should have never opened the door.
I should have cracked the whiskey and listened from inside my cabin, for her to die or leave.
I knew I would regret it.
I look around. There is too much brush surrounding me. Any movements will stir up the bush and reveal my spot. I can hear her footsteps as she draws nearer. She is heavy in step. She breaks the branches roughly, making the birds and woodland creatures even quieter.
Her footsteps are on top of me. I am certain she can hear my heartbeat. I am also certain she is going to shoot me in the back.
I hear a whizzing noise again and bullets hitting the tree behind me. The ricochet lands not far from me. I wonder what she is doing. Has she lost the spot where she shot me? Thankfully the bush is thick around me.
I hear a thump and some rustling near me. I don’t know what's going on. I am panicking silently.
"Em." A whisper fills the forest near me.
I look around without rustling the bushes.
"Em."
I feel Leo's breath on me suddenly.
I look up to see Anna squatting beside me. She has walked silently toward me like Leo does.
I see the rifle in her hands. Rage fills me, but I know the bullet in my thigh is not going to allow me to jump up and fight for the gun. I will not be defeated by some kid. I look at Leo, who is on edge. He is hunting as if Anna is his partner. That hurts more than anything.
"Em I killed him but there might be others."
"What?" The words leave my mouth, before I have a chance to check my volume.
She puts a finger to her lips, "He probably isn’t alone."
I look at my gun in her hands, "You never shot me?"
She points to a bush beside me, "He shot you. Why would I shoot you? What? Where are you shot?"
I ignore the shooting pain and get up on my knees. I almost cry out as I make it to my feet in a hunched position.
I see the boots of the man on the ground.
"Those are military issue." I speak softly, scanning the forest.
"Great."
I limp to him and bend over. My leg is pouring blood now. I take off my outer shirt and tie it around my thigh tightly. I fish his pockets. The warmth of my blood is seeping down my leg. He is older, forty maybe. He has brown hair and looks like he's been eating quite well. His butt is remarkably large. I take his gun and a knife I find in his boot. I take some beef jerky he had and throw it at Leo.
"We could have eaten that."
I look back at Anna and frown, "Never eat anything you take off another human. Could have the infection or be rotten."
She points to Leo, "He could get the infection."
I shake my head, "He's immune."
"No one is immune."
I smile sarcastically, "I have downed sick things before and he has eaten them. He never gets sick."
She makes a face as she unties his boots, "Oh god, so he ate his mother and lived?"
I nod, "Yeah probably. I try to not think about it."
"You said he never ate her."
I shrug and scan the forest speaking softly, "I didn’t want to gross you out or scare you while I was touching your brother's wounded leg. We just met. I was trying to be polite. Get the bird."
She takes his boots, the bird and walks to me, "You need a hand?"
I lean on her. Leo comes up to my other side. He is less startled now.
"He got all crazy and started scratching at the door. He tried to open the door himself. I knew something was wrong. He led me right to you."
I brush a hand into his dense fur and stroke. It's not the first time he's saved me and I know it won't be the last time.
We walk back to the cabin. I feel sick and afraid. I have no doubts the army guy is not alone.
My small defenseless cabin is under attack. My shirt around my leg is soaked red and I feel weak. I'm afraid the bullet is still in my thigh. I think about the fact that Anna is the only able bodied person now and we are going to be attacked any moment. My safety and comfort is gone. In my mind I can hear the tearing and the screaming again.
As I walk through the door, Anna helps me to the other chair. I sit on the edge and try not to get blood everywhere.
Leo looks worried. His eyes are concerned and full of expression. He nudges me. I scratch his face and kiss the top of his head.
"I can't believe you thought I shot you. That's really what you think I would do after you help Jake?"
I wobble slightly from blood loss and smirk, "No, but I was scared. I'm glad it wasn’t you."
I feel the chair against the back of my head as the ceiling starts to spin. I feel sick but then everything goes black.
Chapter Four
"Seriously you both have to be hurt. I'm going to get Leo to bite me so someone else gets a turn at laundry and cooking."
Pain shoots everywhere. The light in the cabin is too much. I feel like I'm on a boat like when I was a kid. Everything feels thick like I'm moving through mud.
"Oh you're awake."
I bat my eyelashes at the fuzzy being in front of me.
I feel hands on my face, "But still hot. Anna what did the book say about fevers?"
"I never read that part."
I cough and sniffle, "I need fluids and salt. I need my body to get hydrated again.
Jake brushes hi
s hands over my face, "You look really uncomfortable. Want me to take you to your bed?"
I sit up as best as I can. I feel weak.
"I'm okay here. Did my artery get shot?"
Jake's face comes into view completely, as my vision clears.
He shakes his head, "We don’t think so but you lost a lot of blood. I think you're anemic. Our mom was anemic."
"I eat a lot of meat."
"She always ate a lot of veg though. Something found in radishes and purple cabbage and beets was what her doctor told her."
"Well that would explain it." I feel crabby. My leg hurts.
I look at the huge white bandage on it.
"Who did this? Did you get the bullet out?"
Jake limps back to his bed on the couch, "Anna did it. She did exactly what you did for me. Only you weren’t awake for it."
I catch the bitterness dripping from his statement.
"Stop being a baby I saved you. What about the man?"
Anna brings me a glass of water, "No one else has come but at the same time we haven’t exactly been leaving the cabin."
Leo is sleeping beside the loveseat I am stretched along.
I reach my fingers down and let the tips slide through his fur, "Someone will come looking for him. I think we should go to one of the other houses." I can't believe I've said it. I've never helped anyone. The words feel unnatural for me.
Jake laughs, "You have other houses?"
"Supply houses where I've hidden the food and the supplies. They're all farmhouses with bunkers or shelters and cellars."
Jake whistles softly, "You are an amazing girl Emma. How long have you been alone?"
Visions of my father creep in but I'm too tired to fight them. My lips move on their own. "The whole time. He died, my father died in the first month. When the panic hit the cities and everyone fled." I don't tell them he was the first person I left. The first one I ignored.
I see the pity cross Jake's face, "You were nine?"
I nod once.
"How have you made it this far?"
"I don't help people. I haven’t helped anyone. He told me to run. Always run. Don’t look back Emma just run. Then hide."
Anna sits on the couch beside her brother and beams at me, "Until us."
I look at her and think terrible things about being shot and the fact the man no doubt followed them to my cabin. Instead I smile, "Till you."
Jake reads my thoughts, "And look where it's gotten you. I think you're right. As soon as we get back on our feet we should get moving."
I need to look at the wound on my leg. I need to make sure she did it right.
I lift the leg and ignore the pain. I tear the tape wincing and slowly peel the layers away.
Blood seeps through the closer I get to the wound. I feel nauseous seeing my own blood filter through the cotton. It's stark compared to my blood that has made an image of a flower appear.
The top bandage is soaked. She hasn’t stitched me up properly.
I want to get angry with her but I speak softly, "I need the water boiled and the needle and floss."
She looks hurt, "Did I do it wrong?"
"Yes." I grit my teeth and speak through them, "But you tried."
She passes everything to me on a plate. I want to chuckle at the fact I've been downed by a sniper, but I can't. I should have noticed him, instead of daydreaming about Jake.
I glance up at him. He looks worried.
"How's your leg?"
"Fine. It itches but my fever is gone. It looked really red and angry when Anna changed the bandage earlier."
I point to the bathroom, "Anna I have tea tree oil in the cupboard. It's antiseptic and antibacterial."
She returns with the small blue bottle. My father had left bottles of it in here when he was stock piling his supply cupboards.
She passes it to me. I dump it all over my wound. It doesn’t sting. It feels like nothing, but the smell burns my nose with mint freshness.
I put the lid back on and toss it to Jake. He is sitting in his underwear on the blankets. He undoes the bandage and smothers his leg in the oil.
My fingers tremble as I pour whiskey over them. I try to thread the needle with floss but I can't. I close my eyes and sigh. I feel the cool nose of Leo press against my ankle. I open my eyes and thread the needle. It's the smallest needle we have. I grit my teeth and remember the day my father took me to the San Francisco Pier.
The wind was warm and filled with exotic smells. My stomach rumbled as the breeze lifted my dark blond hair up into the air. People shouted and squealed in joy at every turn. I had never seen a two-story carousel before. I remember the magical feeling of climbing aboard my horse. It had a dark golden mane that matched my hair. I ran my fingers over the warm hard mane and imagined it was real. My father took pictures and waved at me as the ride stared up.
I press the needle into my skin. I am somewhere else. I am the girl on the carousel. Her smile becomes forced as tears slip from her eyes and land on her pale yellow blouse.
Chapter Five
Leo whines. He never whines much but he senses it. I can't look back. The sickening feeling that is creeping around inside of me grows with every step I take. The cabin is a parent, a hug, a haven. It's the only thing I have from before. Turning my back on it feels like cutting myself. Every step I take is a betrayal of my soul.
"We'll come back Emma."
I look over at her. I want to scratch her eyes out and roast her flesh over a spit. My face expresses this. I know because she winces when she meets my eyes.
Leo rubs against my side, his back comes up to my hipbones. I rest my fingers in his coat. I grip the fur, as if holding onto him will ground me and I will get back a semblance of my safety.
Fingers brush my arm and then squeeze. I'm pulled back into an embrace. I want to fight against it but the warmth overwhelms me. I can’t fight my tears and Jake so I let him hug me.
"Emma we will come back one day. We didn’t hide all that food for nothing. It and the wood and the supplies will be here when we come back."
I push his body away from mine and crane my neck to look up into his bright blue eyes, "Don't you see? We can never come back. This is always going to be a place that’s watched. They won't stop until we're all working the farms."
His eyes grow passionate, "We erased all of the signs of life. Give it time. Not that many places have a functioning well Emma. We can't afford to just ignore it."
I want to push him away but a funny thing is happening to my skin when he touches it. It's just like in the books I found in my Granny's closet. He makes me swoon and shiver simultaneously. Then he frustrates me. The romance novels were right.
I shake my head and tear from his grip, "Look we need to get going."
The path down the mountain isn't my favorite hike, but today I feel distracted. I walk quickly listening to the forest song. It speaks of happiness and peace. Leo seems content. His sloppy wolf face is a great indicator of what's what in the forest.
"Anna remember the second house dad hid us at?"
She ignores him. I wish I could.
"I think it was near here. Remember it had the pool and we swam in it to get clean."
I glance at her, her jaw is set.
He looks oblivious, "God then we found that pantry full of food. Cherry pie filling on toast made on the barbeque was my favorite."
I imagine the cherry pie filling for a half a second but catch a glimpse of Leo in my peripheral. He's crouched with his hackles up. He stalks into the long grass.
I imitate him and crouch low. Anna follows along, not from watching me but from seeing Leo. Her eyes haven’t left him.
"What?"
I groan, "Get down." He ducks along with us, but he's too large to actually hide in the grass.
I raise an eyebrow at Anna who rolls her eyes. It makes me snicker. I've never actually snickered before.
"How are you still alive?" I whisper.
She laughs qui
etly, "Luck. Not even kidding."
I glance back at a red-faced Jake and smirk.
"Nice to see you have an actual personality Em."
I stick my tongue out at him until I hear it.
The high moan.
I feel my eyes close in fear and disappointment. One of us is going to die. Whoever can't run fast enough will die.
Leo looks back at me for a second. I see the worry. I nod. He creeps forward along the grass. I lick my finger and put it in the wind. The breeze is behind us and carrying our smell down the hill. They are the survivors that don't seem to die, we are screwed. They hunt like an animal.
Anna licks her lips. I can see worry and fear crossing her face like clouds moving in the sky. Her heartbeat is pounding in her neck. I can watch it increase. She looks around and points to the trees behind us.
I shake my head. Climbing only puts you in a tree surrounded by the infected. I look for another option, my brain flexes under the strain.
"The river." I whisper.
Jake looks at me unconvinced, "How far?"
"A mile."
"Emma your leg and mine won't make it outrunning the infected for a whole mile."
I know he is right. I know this to be a truth but I don’t have anything else.
I pull one of my guns from my sack and pass it to him. I look into his blue eyes, "Don't shoot unless you have to. Don't shoot me or yourself either."
Anna takes the rifle with the scope, which she has grown fond of, and takes the right flank. Leo stalks down the middle of the field and I take the left. We leave Jake on the hillside. His injuries are worse than mine.
The bullet never made its way very far into my leg. The new stitches, lavender and tea tree oil have made it heal fast.
I look at Jake's dark head of hair poking out of the long grass and sigh. He is too big to try to hide. He will be the death of us all. I know I will leave them if I have to. I force myself into the agreement. No matter what happens, my father never died so I could waste my life on strangers.
They don’t feel like strangers anymore though.
I focus my thoughts and scan the grassy and thin forest.
Bile rises when I see them. They're slumped over something. They look disgusting and diseased, even from the distance I am at. One shoves the other and the high pitch moan shrieks out across the emptiness. It takes up all of the space. I feel the walls of fear closing around me. I see a hand come up and down on whatever they have on the ground. One of them is striking it. It is still alive. It is sick now, infected like them. They are the closest things to zombies. Not real zombies. They are human but they live with the sickness in a way that would never be considered survival. Their skin is covered in sores, open and scabbed over. Their hair is falling out where the sores have taken over their scalps. They cry tears of blood like the fantasy movies that were out when I was nine. The first thing the virus destroys is the throat. The high moan is from the scaring in the throat and the brain damage the high fever causes.