“Have You no heart?”
Matti cried deep within her spirit. Oh Lord, I jus’ don’t believe You be forsaking me.
Chloe stepped aside as Nurse Johnson bent over and felt Jenny’s wrist. Then she raised her hand to Jenny’s neck and touched her artery… then shook her head, confirming what they already knew.
Camilla, overwrought by learning of her new relationship with her father-in-law, her husband, and now the untimely death of her birth mother, burst into tears, “Oh, Mom, how could you leave me… and Henry, how can you be my real father?”
Henry was so absorbed in Jenny’s passing that he failed to hear his daughter-in-law’s words. Matti suddenly realized Camilla’s dilemma and went over to comfort her and explain…
Camilla tore away from Matti’s hold and fled the room.
“That poor girl thinks Henry be her father which makes her husband her half brother.” Matti turned to Chloe, “I best be going to help that child. She be one confused young lady.”
As Matti made her way out of the room she hollered back, “You all don’t worry none over Jen. She be coming back… I jus’ knows it!”
Nurse Johnson shook her head and made her way over to Henry who was lost in a daze of despair. She softly whispered to Chloe, “Perhaps say your goodbye and then we best leave him.”
Nurse Johnson touched Henry’s shoulder, patted it and left the room.
Chloe, overcome with sorrow, bent down and buried her face in Jenny’s side and wept.
Henry was unaware of Chloe’s moaning. At that moment, all he felt was complete loss and utter despair, even more so than when Jenny departed for Ottawa all those years ago. Henry shut out all heaven and earth. Nothing had meaning anymore.
Chloe raised herself up and thrust her arms around Jenny. “Oh, Auntie, I will miss you so much. You were always a mother to me…Oh, Auntie, I love you…what will we do without you?”
Chloe straightened up, took one last look through tear filled eyes and left the room.
Henry squeezed his eyes, trying to expel the tears so he could see his Jenny more clearly, hoping against all hope that she would open her eyes once more. But her long lovely lashes remained still; she was gone, gone into eternity like a passing summer breeze, now free, while he remained imprisoned in his anguish.
Gradually Henry became aware of a growing stillness. Normally, there would be the sound of monitors, but since Jenny didn’t want any kind of life support machines, the only sound he was aware of was that of his breathing. The adrenalin that had supported him time and again that day was gone, leaving him totally deflated. Complete exhaustion swept throughout his body, he needed to rest. He hung down his head and then fatigue slowly made its way upon his arm and hand which was still holding onto Jenny’s hand. He didn’t want to let go of her and had no stamina or energy to stay alert.
Self-anger grew within him as he drifted in and out of consciousness. At least six months ago he felt the urge to visit Marjorie while she was in the Santa Maria Home. Imagine, for six months they could have visited and shared their lives together, getting caught up, giving each other joy and pleasure, filling the void, the emptiness in each of their lives. How foolish he was to have neglected such a once-in-a-lifetime, golden opportunity. His second chance at love had come down to just these few minutes, just a few words, holding each other’s hand and only one kiss, a final kiss.
“Oh, Henry, why did you leave it to the last minute? You’re always putting things off and now you’re getting what you deserve.” That had always been his downfall, losing precious time that could have been so rewarding and enriching. “I could have lived two lifetimes in all the time I wasted deciding what to do.” He screamed at himself.
Total weariness was at the doorstep; his eyes closed and he began to slowly drift off. He relived kissing Jenny, savouring her lips as he would for the rest of his days. Getting up and kissing her again would no longer be the same and besides he wanted to remember and feel it over and over again as he did just minutes ago when she was alive. At least death waited until they kissed. He could be thankful for that. Yes, their guardian angels watched over them, fulfilled their wishes, their hearts’ desire. And just as Jenny clutched her pewter guardian angel before she died, Henry reached up with his free hand and searched for his. It was still hanging outside of his shirt ready to fly to his dear sweet Jenny, his dear sweet Jenny, his…dear…sweet, sweet…Jenny…
Chapter Eleven
As father left the chapel following the most powerful prayer meeting he’d ever seen, his legs could barely carry him down the hall. He knew his time had come. That it was his turn to see the Lord. The weariness he had been feeling over the past few weeks seemed to have reached a peak.
He had given his all to the Lord, not just in servitude for so many years, but his physical body. He had pledged his life in exchange for Jenny’s so that his son and she could have the life together that they’d been denied.
He wobbled into his room for his Bible. The light that he’d noticed hovering around him over the last little while seemed brighter— as if the closer he got to heaven the more intense the light became.
Bible in hand, he walked into the sun room, periodically stopping to lean on the wall for support and rest. His favourite chair waited for him in the sunlight. His weary body found comfort and rest in the soft cushions.
Father took a deep breath— he knew it would be one of his last, as he felt the life draining out of him. He knew he wasn’t far from seeing his Anna. He opened his Bible instinctively to the 23rd Psalm.
“The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul.” As Father read these words, his eyelids closed.
The day nurse starting her shift came in to check on Peter. She was surprised to see him still alive. She smiled at Angie as she passed and said, “He’s got a fighting spirit.” The nurse patted her back and left. “I’ll be in shortly to check again.”
Angie didn’t look at the nurse but simply nodded and softly whispered, “Thank you, Florence.”
Peter’s breathing was shallow. Angie felt so helpless and wished with all her heart that she could do more. She would miss her husband. He was such a good man. She recalled the day Peter confessed his deed to the parish. They thought that would be the end of their tenure at the church, but instead it only increased the love that the parishioners had for Peter. His openness, honesty and transparency precipitated many to share their transgressions. Sins and deeds that many were ashamed to reveal, opened up and received healing and the freedom that comes with forgiveness.
Peter was authentic inside and out. He showed his humanness and touched the hearts of others. Angie felt at times the parishioners loved him more than she did. Many were in the hallway now praying for him. The church was also packed with others praying.
“Oh, dear Jesus, hear our prayers. Let him lead the parish longer and train a predecessor. Let him see his daughter, Camilla. Let them reconcile. Please, bring Jenny and Peter together in peace, as well. His heart and soul yearn for such a healing.”
Angie squeezed Peter’s hand and bent forward and laid her head on her arm and wept. The day nurse came back and changed one of the IV bags. As she left, she stopped at Angie’s side and rubbed her shoulder.
Angie straightened out once more and continued to pray. The faith in her words began to reflect a loss of hope.
“Oh, Lord, if it is Your will to take Peter home, You know the desires of his heart. He holds such a deep love in his heart for his daughter. His prayer would be that she would feel his love in spirit. He is such a godly man. Grant him the peace of knowing that his life on earth was worthy and acceptable to you. Grant him peace that surpasses all understanding so that as he breathes his final earthly air, he knows in his heart that all is well with You and Jenny and his daughter, Camilla.”
The monitor began to beep, startling Angie and those present. The nurse rushed in and made a
n adjustment on the wires leading to Peter’s chest. The noise stopped and the blips continued, slowly… laboriously.
Chapter Twelve
Perhaps I will lie down for awhile,” he said to his mother. He could hardly believe that he didn’t smell the potatoes and fried onions when he came into the house. He had just met the girl of his dreams and wondered if this is what it must feel like to be in love. Henry left the table and trudged to his room. Maybe he was suffering from the same thing his Uncle Ron had when he met Aunt Darlene. He recalled his mom saying that it had been love at first sight and that Ron had been lovesick for her. It would be at least another hour until he would call on Jenny and take her to Balfour Collegiate. He decided to lie down, but still exhausted from the roller coaster emotional highs and lows of the morning, he drifted quickly off to sleep.
As Henry lay there dreaming of that day in the hospital room, still holding Jenny’s lifeless hand, he entered into another dream with visions of Sleeping Beauty. He was running through the woods and arrived in a clearing filled with heavenly wildflowers. There in the middle of the meadow lay his Jenny, asleep on a bed of white daisies like the Sleeping Beauty. He knew as Prince Charming, his kiss had the power to bring her out of her deep sleep. Henry ran towards her, but a man wearing a hooded black cloak was coming towards him, his arms outstretched, trying to stop him.
Henry’s body shuddered when he had first dreamt that horrible nightmare while waiting to take Jenny to Balfour so long ago. He tried to snap out of it now, just as he had back then, but the dream held him firmly as he felt the grip of the hooded man. The man had no face, no life, it was Death.
Rigid and hard, his arms strong, he thrust Henry to the ground and sped towards Jenny. Henry scrambled to his feet in quick pursuit, “I should have known you would come for her. I was warned of this day. I must get to Jenny! I must hide her, kiss her, and keep her from you. Stay away, stay away!”
But Henry was no match for the swiftness of Death; He was way ahead and already at her side. Henry stopped, his chest heaving, catching his breath, desiring to have one last look at his beloved before she was whisked away. As Henry’s somber gaze fell from the darkness upon the light of his Sleeping Beauty… she was no longer there…instead, in her place, was a man in a tan coloured suit, with a yellow flower in his lapel.
Henry recalled the dream so vividly now and as he drew nearer to the site, he should have known who it would be and what had happened. There on the bed of daisies, lay his beloved friend, the one who was always there for him…even now unto death…
“Oh, Father Engelmann, have you given your life for her? For us?” Henry searched the meadow…
“Where is my dear sweet, Jenny!? Jenny, Jenny where are…”
“Mr. Pederson, Mr. Pederson. Wake up.”
Henry abruptly raised his head, but his arm wouldn’t follow, it was asleep and he couldn’t move it. Henry was perspiring profusely, and startled; horrified. Jenny lay before him dead and Nurse Johnson was standing over him, shaking his shoulder.
“Were you dreaming? You were shouting so loudly, I heard you all the way from the nurse’s station.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Henry said, finally orienting himself to what had transpired. “Yes, yes, I was dreaming, the same dream I had dreamt way back in 1956, the day I had met Jenny. It was so real, I had to kiss, Jenny, but Death held me back… a good friend of mine gave his life… Oh, I’m sorry, Nurse, I shouldn’t be burdening you with my silly dream.”
“Oh no, that’s fine, I understand. Times like this can be very trying and dreams very revealing.”
Henry gazed at the nurse still half caught in his dream, wondering if he could go back and search for Jenny. His entire arm began to tingle down to his hand, which was still holding Jenny’s. All feeling was gone. He could no longer discern the warmth or coldness or stiffness of her hand. The strength in his arm had left him as well, and he was completely unable to remove his hand from Jenny’s. A part of him had momentarily crossed over with his beloved.
“My arm’s asleep and I can’t get my hand back,” Henry said sheepishly as he looked helplessly towards the nurse.
Nurse Johnson stepped forward, took hold of his arm with one hand and pried loose his grip on Jenny’s hand with her other. It came free, but was lifeless, and just hung there, limp in the nurse’s hand. It gave both of them an eerie feeling, what it must be like to have one’s blood stop flowing through your veins. The nurse began to rub his arm and move it up and down encouraging the blood to flow.
“There, does that feel better?” Nurse Johnson asked, studying Henry and waiting for his response.
“Yes, it does,” Henry wiggled his fingers, opening and closing his hand.
“You’ve been in here a long time, Mr. Pederson, I was beginning to get worried about you. You have slept for over an hour.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I checked in on you almost a half hour ago and you were sound asleep. I decided to just let you rest until I heard you shouting.”
“Well, I am glad you heard me and came. It was the strangest dream and it seemed so real, like Jenny may have come back to life, if I was just able to find her, kiss her. Kind of silly, isn’t it?”
Nurse Johnson looked at him and smiled and tilted her head to the side as if to say, anything is possible.
“That was some kind of kiss you and Ms. Hamilton had. It certainly touched my heart. It made me think about a lot of things…” Her voice trailed off, not wanting to get into her private affairs. “Well, we have to move Jenny’s body shortly, Mr. Pederson, I will leave you for a few minutes to say your good-byes and—”
“Yes, of course, Nurse Johnson, I understand. Thank you for allowing me to stay for so long.”
“Yes, I am so happy that Ms. Hamilton came out of her coma and was able to talk to you and Camilla. Your reunion and farewell was so beautiful, I am still touched by it all. I will never forget this. Thank you for letting me share your experience.”
Henry didn’t respond. He had known Ms. Johnson was in the room the entire time, yet he had been so caught up in the moment, he’d been oblivious to her presence.
“The lady from Jamaica, I think her name is Matilda, did such a wonderful job in consoling your daughter-in-law. Coming to the hospital to find her real mother so critically ill and to think that you fathered her would be so overwhelming.”
“Oh, my… is that what Camilla thinks?”
“She did. In fact, when I witnessed you and Jenny kissing and all, I thought that was the circumstance, as well. However, Matilda explained that was not the case and when Chloe came out, she too, confirmed that you were not the father, but some other man was. I thought I would pass that along to prepare you for what is ahead.”
“Yes, thank you for sharing that. It is a relief to know that Camilla knows all the true facts.”
“Do you know a James Hamilton?”
Henry wrinkled his face, “Not personally, but I do believe that is Jenny’s former husband. Why do you ask?”
“He was phoning most of the day wanting to know how Ms. Hamilton was. I guess he took Jenny’s passing very hard. In any case he asked us to pass along a message for you to call him.”
The look on Henry’s face grew more puzzled. He simply nodded.
Nurse Johnson went over to the window, moved the drapes slightly to the side and opened the window. Henry knew her intent was to bring in some fresh air and help revive him and bring him to his senses.
“We will see you in a little bit, okay?”
“Yes, I will be out in just a moment.”
He watched as Nurse Johnson left the room and then turned his gaze back to Jenny. She looked as if she were asleep; so peaceful and still. A breeze gushed through the open window, tossing the plastic drape even more off to the side. It felt good against his hot, clammy body. The light coming through the partially exposed window struck across Jenny’s face and spread almost down to the outline of her toes as the increasing wind conti
nued to open the curtains wider. It almost seemed as if the wind and light were trying to give life to Jenny’s body. Oh, how she loved the elements; the wind, butterflies, the rain and especially the sun, were her dearest friends. She so loved life and loved to frolic in it. Henry smiled as he recalled the pleasant thoughts.
Even though Jenny was gone, he sensed her presence stronger than before. He felt as if she were in the room, flying around, carried by the wind, dancing in the light entering the room. He surveyed the room, turning, looking into each corner and then raised his head towards the ceiling. He quickly repeated the pattern, hoping to catch her off guard and fully expecting to see her. He often read that when people die, their spirit leaves their body and floats about, looking down at themselves lying there and all the people in the room.
“I know you are here, Jenny. I feel your presence.” He looked at her body lying in the bed. “No, I know you’re not there, anymore, but I feel your spirit.”
Quickly, he looked up again, hoping to catch a glimpse of her and bumped into the end table, almost toppling the lamp. The drawer was open; a letter shimmered with light inside. He just knew it was his even before he took it out.
It was the last letter he had sent to Jenny in 1956, the one Nurse Johnson had read to Jenny earlier that morning. Jenny must have read it often by the looks of it too. It was beginning to tear at the folds and the edges were soiled and tattered. Somehow it survived the carnage of all the other letters he sent to her father.
Amazingly, the last one he received from Jenny also survived. It looked similar in wear and tear to Jenny’s. He still read it almost every day. It was inside his breast jacket pocket next to his heart; it felt unusually warm. He reached inside and brought it next to the one he was still holding. Instantly, a warm glow emitted from their union. It was almost as if two lost friends had found each other. Henry could feel the joy and love coming forth. The letters were not inanimate objects, but seemed to possess human qualities. Unbidden tears welled up in his eyes at the sight and feel of it all.
Angel Promises Fulfilled Page 6