Henry shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, Father. I suppose I would do more painting. The kids are taking over the operation of the business…the only thing that seems to stir any other interest is when I receive a letter from Gary and he talks about the missionary work he is doing.”
“Yes, both John and Gary seem to be very committed to serving the Lord in that capacity. Would you consider going abroad, too?”
“I don’t think I could do that, Father. What appeals to me is to make the Western world more aware of their responsibility to help meet the needs of their brothers and sisters in the third world. I recall the talk Gary gave that Sunday you had asked him to speak about his work before Mom died. He indicated that there was a need to do that.”
“Yes, Mother Teresa has done similar tours to make North America aware of that need. She did say however, that loneliness is even a greater concern. I believe she was referring to the treasures in our heart which lack purpose and meaning to serve God and others.”
“Yes, it’s all connected…” Henry’s words trailed off.
“Perhaps the Lord wants to talk to you about it, Henry. You have such a magnificent retreat house in the valley. Have you considered doing a retreat there?”
Henry was hesitant to answer and then dared to go on. “I think I am afraid of what the Lord might ask of me, Father. I still am too connected to the world and its ways. I struggle with what I have and the identity it gives me. I enjoy the recognition, prestige and accolades of my accomplishments. I know it is all an illusion and has no eternal value except for how it is used to serve. What it comes down to, Father, is that I still serve two masters.”
“It’s good that you recognize that. You remind me of the man in the Scriptures that Jesus asked to sell all and follow him.”
“Yes, and he walked away sad because he was a very wealthy man. I think of that Scripture all of the time. Surely, He doesn’t want me to go to that extent? Does He?”
“We have discussed this many times amongst ourselves and also in sermons. It’s not the wealth so much as it is our attachment to it and our pursuit of it that is a very serious problem for the western world. Simplifying our lives, giving of our riches, is a start. The closer we come to a true sense of poverty; the realization that nothing is ours, not only our wealth, but our very lives, the freer we become. We must become less and less until we know deep in our heart that we are nothing without God. Everything is His, it all belongs to Him. Don’t be seduced into worldly ways any longer. Don’t blame the world that it has too hard of a grip upon you. It’s all up to you to take responsibility for your life and choose His ways over yours. It comes back to the power of free will that you just spoke of. Everything you choose to do in your life must glorify the Father. Keep in mind that our lives on earth are very short; just an infinitesimal blip in the vastness of eternity. The closer you get to this sense of poverty and realize how short our existence really is, the freer you become to your attachment to the world.”
Father could see that Henry really wasn’t listening, he had an idea of what was troubling his son and Henry’s next words confirmed his assumptions.
“I know what you are saying is true, Father, but my mind is too troubled…what if I lose Jenny again?
Father had already been thinking of such a possibility and that is why he asked Henry what he would do with his life if Jenny had not returned to life.
“It seems to me, Henry, we have had this discussion one time before when Julean came into your life.”
“Yeah, I recall that time in the back storage room you talked to me about God’s divine providence and trusting in Him to turn it all into good.”
“Yes, we have to yield our will to His, Henry and trust in Him. You just explained such beautiful insights about trusting Jesus like Jenny did and waiting on Him.”
“Yeah, I know it comes down to that all the time. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t rely on your own understanding.”
Henry wondered if he would ever be able to do that. He worried so much about Jenny and him. Could he just give it all to God? Oh dear Lord, give me the grace and strength to submit our lives into Your care and trust You with all of my heart to turn it all into our good.
Father peered at Henry over the rim of his glasses, “Why don’t you come and spend a weekend with me at the prayer house? There are things that the mind cannot answer, Henry, only the heart can.”
Henry nodded. Father thought his son was finally agreeing with him to make a prayerful retreat, but Father was wrong.
Once again, Henry posed the question…
“What if Jenny decides to go back to James?”
Chapter Fifty Eight
The doorbell rang for the second time. Jenny thought she had heard the chime as she sat on the patio. Good thing the doors were open. She looked outside and saw a delivery van with Regina Florists written on the side. “Oh no, I hope James isn’t sending me a bunch of flowers again.” Jenny opened the door and saw a huge grin on the delivery man’s face. He was holding a small package. It was long and narrow. Jenny suspected perhaps a single flower or two and definitely not from James. It’s probably from Henry.
“Morning ma’am, I’m glad you answered, I’m always afraid to leave flowers at the front door when no one is at home. Hope this makes a happy day for you,” said the young man.
“Yes, thank you very much…and you have a nice day, too!”
“That was so thoughtful of Henry, I wonder what it is? A rose? It could be a wildflower,” Jenny said, as she made her way into the kitchen.
She laid the package on the kitchen table and opened the wrapping. It was a single white daisy with a deep yellow–orange centre. Attached to the stem was a card.
Jenny carefully removed the elastic securing the card and slowly opened it up.
An eerie feeling began to sweep through her body. Instinctively she knew this wasn’t from Henry…it was from James:
Dear Jenny
It came to me that a single flower would capture your attention more than a showy bunch of dozens of flowers. It’s simple, plain and honest. I want you know that I’m trying to be like that. I know how much you love flowers and see such beauty in them. I hope someday to grow just a little bit so that you see in me what you see in this daisy.
I will call later, hope you are home.
I love you Jenny.
James
Jenny felt weak. She made her way slowly outside to the deck and sat down.
Oh James…my dear, James. Can’t you see that it is over between us?
Jenny shook her head and tears surfaced in her eyes. She had planned to call him this very day to ask for an annulment. She so much wanted to be free to marry Henry and now…this.
Oh dear guardian angel, what am I to do?
The back yard garden was in full bloom and looked so beautiful and serene. The Monarchs were back and Jenny felt like she was in paradise. Usually it was such a sight that restored her calm and gave her such peace especially when she lived on the estate, but now it had lost its healing power. Sadness was seeping into her heart. She didn’t want to hurt James. He was growing…he was becoming like a flower ready to bloom.
The ring of the telephone startled her. Panic gripped her heart; she couldn’t move. She brought her hand to her mouth and muttered, “Oh Lord, what am I going to do?” She had to answer the phone. The phone rang again and again. Slowly, Jenny got up. Her knees threatened to collapse. The phone rang again as she made it into the kitchen. She reached for the receiver but couldn’t pick it up. It rang again…
“Hello,” Jenny said almost in a whisper.
“Hi Jen, I was just about to hang up. Bet you were outside in that haven back yard of yours.”
“Oh, Henry, I am so relieved that it is you!”
“Yup, it’s me. Were you expecting someone else?”
Jenny held her breath; she had to be truthful…
“Oh, Henry, I don’t want to upset you, but I just recei
ved a flower from James. He said on the card that he was going to call this morning and I thought that when the phone rang, it might be him.”
There was a long silence on the phone. Finally Henry spoke, “Is he asking for you to come back, Jenny?”
“Yes…” Jenny said softly, but quickly added, “But I don’t want to and I won’t. I had planned on calling him today and discussing an annulment of our marriage but…he keeps asking for us to try again.”
“Geez, Jen…I love you with all my heart and there isn’t anything I want more for us than to be married…”
“And that’s what I want too, but how can we with so many obstacles in the way?”
“We will just have to take one step at a time, perhaps ask him about an annulment when he calls.”
“I know what he will say, Henry, and he won’t even understand what I’m asking.”
“You will have to explain it to him—”
“Oh, Henry, I don’t know how to handle this. If it was just James it would be easier but with a son and grandson and daughter–in-law and all the problems that are going on there…it’s just so overwhelming.”
After a long silence, Henry spoke softly, “Jenny, as much as I love you, I don’t want to force you to make a decision. I will support you in any way I can but you are going to have to decide…you can do it. I will accept what you decide.”
“See, you always give me this freedom, Henry. Can’t you just come and sweep me away and lock me up and let’s just shut out the rest of the world?” Jenny blurted out of frustration.
“Jenny, please, things are going to work out…we just have to have faith and trust in God to turn it all out for the good. As hard as it is for me to see that, I just don’t see any other way.”
“I suppose so, Henry. Did you call to tell me you’re coming over?”
“Actually, I was going to pick you up and bring you to the farm. The kids are home and Jeremy and Camilla are coming for dinner…but maybe some other time would be better?”
“No, I think that would be wonderful. Yes, I would love to come. I hope Justin warms up to me.”
“Oh, it’s just a matter of time, Jen. He and Julean were very close. He’ll come around.”
“He’s such a nice boy. I see a lot of you in him; he wears his heart on his sleeve.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll pick you up around two thirty or so. Maybe we can go for a walk in the valley. I was surprised how you ran over all the wild daisies when we were visiting Father in the Poustinia.”
“It doesn’t hurt them. Daisies spring back even when they are trampled.”
“See, Jen, you’re like a daisy. I know when James calls, you’ll spring back too. I love you, dearly, sweetheart.”
“I love you, too.”
No sooner had Jenny hung up when the phone rang again. Hopefully it was Henry and he had forgotten to tell her something, Jenny thought. Since talking with Henry, Jenny felt stronger. She answered the phone on its second ring.
It was James!
“Hi Jenny, did you get my meager, lone daisy?”
“Yes, I did and it’s beautiful, James, and so was the note.”
“I must say that one only took me a little over an hour to compose. Pretty soon Hallmark Cards is going to hire me.”
Jenny laughed and felt a welcome relief to her tension.
“So, how are you feeling, James?” Jenny sincerely wanted to know.
“To be honest, Mar-Jenny, not so good. The test results came back and so did the cancer. A lump is growing next to the prostate gland and they see another smaller one near the liver.”
“Oh, James, I know how all that feels. Are you on chemo or radiation?”
“Yeah, I go in every three days for both. Also taking some wonder drug, but so far don’t notice a damn difference. Doctor wants me in the hospital, but I don’t want to leave…in fact, Jenny, I’m waiting for you to come home.”
Jenny’s tension returned instantly. She was gasping for breath. She didn’t want to hurt him and yet…
“Are you still there, Jenny?”
“Yes, yes, I am, James. Oh, James, I am so sorry that you’re ill and I want to support you as much as I can but…I can’t come back there anymore.”
“Look, just give it a week…check out the difference on the estate, in me, in the staff. Everything is the way you wanted it when you were here Jenny.”
Jenny took a deep breath and slowly said what she had been rehearsing for three days. “James…I want to move on and…and…I need to ask you for an annulment of our marriage…”
There was a long silence on the line as if it had gone completely dead.
“What…? What the hell are you talking about, Marj. What is an annulment?”
Jenny knew he wouldn’t understand and she dreaded the thought of having to explain it to him.
“Oh, James, please try to understand…to annul our marriage; that there never was a marriage in the first place. We were married on paper, but never really married.”
“For Pete’s sake, Jen, of course we were married.”
“You may recall how difficult it was for me to say the wedding vows, ‘I do.’ I fainted, do you remember?”
“You were nervous! It happens all the time! So was I, but we were married!”
“In name only, James. The very next day you were gone and from then on, it only got worse. We spoke of this last time you called. You were married to your company, not me. And when you learned that I had a previous daughter, you wanted nothing to do with me after that. All you wanted from me, was an heir. After I was able to give that to you, you cast me away.”
“But it is different now; I was wrong and too engrossed in the business. This illness has stopped me in my tracks and now I see what a beautiful person you are and I want to start over again. I want you back…and, why do you want this annulment thing? Where did this come from, anyway?”
Jenny didn’t want to bring Henry into this and so she answered this way.
“I am a Catholic by faith, James. We were going to get married in the cathedral, remember? When your father died, you convinced me to elope and we were married by a Justice of the Peace.”
“So, what has this got to do with an annulment?”
Jenny knew she was beating around the bush and continued. “Well, since I had received a dispensation from the Bishop to be married outside the Catholic Church, the Church recognizes our marriage as valid—”
“Of course it was valid—”
“The problem is, I cannot re-marry in the Catholic Church since I am divorced. The Church does not recognize divorce…that’s why an annulment is required; to show that the marriage was not valid in the first place.”
A long silence ran through the phone line. Jenny knew what thoughts were running through her ex-husband’s mind. James was no fool.
“I suppose that Pederson guy is of the same faith, Jen?”
“Yes, James, he is…”
“So you want to marry him?”
“Oh, James, I so don’t want to hurt you…but, yes, I do want to marry him.”
“You don’t love me anymore…you don’t want to at least try?”
Tears filled Jenny’s eyes. James was trying so hard. Had he been this way before, she just knew that they would still be together. She did love him at one time…but it was never like Henry, yet…how would she really know? What would it have been like to be married to Henry? She just knew at the core of her being it would have been so wonderful.
“Mar—Jenny, are you still there? You didn’t answer me.”
“I do love you, James, but not in the same way. But I do want to be there for you in any way I can.”
“Then come back just for awhile, Jenny. Please come and see how I have changed. For so many days, I have imagined you sitting here on the gazebo swing like I used to see you. I dream of watching you again. Every day I place flowers in the angel’s basket in thanks for bringing you back…I just know it will happen. I placed flowers in the baske
t for your healing and a miracle happened…I just know it will happen again.”
“Oh, James,” was all Jenny could utter.
“And…and, there is one more thing I want to say to you…I…I, am very sorry for how I was during our marriage…please let me make it up to you. Please say you forgive me…”
For the first time, James truly spoke from his heart and Jenny could feel his sincerity. It touched both Jenny’s and his heart. Neither could speak and James began to weep. Jenny was too overwhelmed to continue. Her heart was too forgiving, too compassionate, too kind, too generous…too sacrificial.
“I forgive you, James…please, let’s talk again…I have to go…bye…”
Jenny waited for a response, but there was none…just heartfelt tears streaming through the line.
Jenny hung up the phone and picked up the daisy that James had sent her. It was still lying on the kitchen table. She read his card once more and began to cry. Her heart was breaking…
Still holding the flower, Jenny went outside for some air and solace. She stood on the deck for the longest time and tried to seep in the beauty before her as she done earlier. Then, she stepped off the deck and slowly strolled along the paved path that led to her gazebo.
A ray of sun caught the Angel of Thanksgiving and it beckoned her. When she got to the angel’s side, she placed the daisy from James into the basket.
“Oh, thank you Jesus for all my blessings. Thank you for James, for healing him and giving him new life. What is it that I should do? What is Your will for me, dear Lord? In my heart, annulment isn’t the answer. I did give my vow to James and the Church does encourage reconciliation…but, I love Henry so dearly, Jesus.”
Tears began to surface and Jenny wept. She was so elated to come back to life and so thankful to be healed. She thought for certain it was so that Henry and her could be married and live the life they dreamed of for so long and now…was it that she should return to James?
Jenny made her way to the swing in the gazebo and sat down. Everything was beautiful and serene in the garden, but her spirit was so troubled. Monarchs flitted about her, but neither the butterflies nor the wildflowers, nor the fragrance of the herbs in the air could soothe her heart. For the first time, nature seemed to grow distant.
Angel Promises Fulfilled Page 39