by Мишель Роуэн
George came over to stand next to me. “That was so sweet I think I need a shot of insulin.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“Want a hat?”
“I think I’ll pass. Hey, George,” I turned to look at him. “Did you hear that Thierry sold the club?”
He nodded and looked away. “I just heard. Haven won’t be around for much longer. I guess I’m going to have to look for another job. Maybe it’s a sign. I should expand my horizons wider than being a waiter. What do you think I could do?”
I frowned. “Well, I know Precious Illusions is always looking for new dancers.”
He smiled. “It’s like we have the same brain. A brain of brilliance.”
I swallowed. “Where is Thierry right now?”
“Around. Probably holed up in his office as usual. I tried to get him to wear a hat too, but he was all ‘get that hat away from me right now or else.’ Total club-selling party pooper.”
“I . . . I need to talk to him.” I looked around, feeling tense. Janie had told me I should fight for him. I’d fight for him.
George frowned. “You look upset. Is everything okay?”
“No, everything’s not okay. I . . . just need to talk to him.”
He nodded, then rubbed my shoulder. “I’m here for you, gorgeous. Whenever you need to talk.”
“Thanks, George.”
“But you’re still moving out of my place soon, right?”
I managed to laugh at that. “You don’t want me to be your roommate anymore?”
“I love you as much as I could possibly love somebody with breasts, but I need my space.”
“What about Barkley?”
He nodded over at the bar. Barkley waved at me. He was dressed in George’s clothes, a very metrosexual outfit of a tight white shirt and tight brown leather pants. He looked pretty damn good for somebody I’d recently taken on leashed walks. He was drinking from a highball glass. Well, maybe lapping was a better description.
I frowned. “He’s very . . .doglike , isn’t he?”
“He was looking at my leg a little funny earlier.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, you said your love life was sucking lately.”
“He only had eyes for my leg. Unfortunately.”
“You’ll find somebody, don’t worry. Who could resist an amazing guy like you?”
He smiled. “Right back at you, babe.”
“I’m an amazing guy?”
“You are. You really are.”
Everyone at the party got drinks, mingled, and started having fun. Except for me. I observed the fun taking place. There was a buffet of all of Amy’s favorite finger foods: chicken fingers, quesadillas, fried mushrooms, nachos, brownies, tiny cheesecakes. I eyed it all with equal parts envy, since I couldn’t partake without throwing up, and disinterest, since my stomach didn’t growl at the sight of food I couldn’t have anymore.
The sound system kicked it, the lights dimmed, and the strobe light started spinning. The first song started belting out and Amy led everyone onto the dance floor. She dragged me up next to her. I went up for one dance. Then I had to focus on everything else.
“You should have told me,” she scolded.
“Then it wouldn’t have been a surprise.”
Her expression wilted. “I shouldn’t have doubted my Barry. He’s so wonderful. We’re lucky to have found each other.”
She looked at me expectantly. Like I was going to make a jab at her husband. An insult.
I just nodded. “You’re right. You’re lucky. Both of you. Now remember that the next time Mr. Doubt comes a-knocking.”
She beamed at me. “I will. I promise.”
“Good.”
“Now you need to findyour perfect man. I know he’s out there somewhere for you, Sarah. You can’t let yourself give up hope. Don’t let all the other drama in your life get you down. Just go after what you want, and you’ll get it. I have faith.”
I nodded and stopped dancing and turned away from her. “You’re right.”
“Where are you going?”
“I need to take care of something.”
Without waiting for a reply, I left the dance floor and walked slowly across the club, past the bar, to the hallway leading to Thierry’s office. His door was closed.
I took a deep breath and knocked on it tentatively.
“George?” his deep voice said after a moment. “I already told you I don’t want to wear the hat. I wish to be alone.”
I pushed the door open. “It’s not George. And the hat would look cute on you. Are you sure?”
He sat behind his desk surrounded with computer printouts and other papers. He looked up at me but didn’t say anything for a moment.
I raised my hands. “Surprise!”
He regarded me for a moment longer. “I am surprised. I would have thought you wouldn’t wish to speak with me again after . . . earlier.”
“I didn’t, but I changed my mind.” I smiled at him. “I wanted to see if you were okay. Let you know there were no hard feelings.”
“I’m very glad you feel that way.”
“So you didn’t tell me where you were going when you leave the city.”
“ToFrance .”
I nodded and had to force my voice to remain light and carefree. “Wow. So you’re not just leaving the city, you’re leaving the whole country. When are you going?”
He looked down at his papers and I saw his throat muscles work as he swallowed before speaking.
“I’m leaving tomorrow.”
The warmth left my body in a rush. “Tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“You’re leaving tomorrow. ForFrance .”
“That’s correct.” He looked up when I didn’t respond. “Nicolai has left town.”
“He has?”
He nodded. “This morning. So the threat he presented to you has also left. I wanted to wait until he was gone before I, too, made my departure.”
Nicolai had left town already with Gideon just arriving? What the hell?
He broke the silence after a moment. “Was there anything else, Sarah?”
“I . . . ” My chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. A fatter-than-normal elephant. What was I going to say? He’d obviously made his decision. “Will you be coming back?”
His face held no discernible expression. “I have no plans to.”
I nodded. “I see. Is that why you’re here in your office while the party’s going on out there? Because you didn’t want to see me before you left?”
He moved closer to me. “I wouldn’t have gone without saying good-bye to you first.”
I laughed. “I’m such an idiot. I actually came in here because I wanted to convince you that, despite what everybody else says, we’re right for each other. That we can work things out if you just give me a chance. But now I see that I was mistaken.”
He let out a long breath, which hissed between his teeth. “Sarah—”
I shook my head. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll go find Quinn, who by the way has been keeping far away from me because I told him that I wanted to be with you. But maybe I need to find him and beg his forgiveness and hope he’s still interested in me. Then he and I can be together. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“I think it would be for the best.”
I slapped him. Right across his left cheek. My eyes widened. I hadn’t planned to do that.
He didn’t flinch. “I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, Sarah.”
“I didn’t mean to hit you.”
He smiled. “Yes you did. And an excellent blow, too. Your strength is increasing.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am, too. For everything. I never should have given the idea of a relationship between the two of us room to grow. It was very wrong of me.”
I felt utterly empty inside. “I know I can’t make you love me. I understand that now.”
“Is that why you think I’m doing this—?” He cl
enched his teeth shut and his brow furrowed. Then he looked away and nodded. “Of course. Yes. I think it is best that we say our good-byes now.”
“Fine.” I pressed my lips together and nodded. “But will you answer one last question from me before I go?”
He studied me for a moment and turned away. “Anything.”
I took a deep breath. “I want to know what really happened with Nicolai’s wife.”
He froze in place. “Who told you of that?”
“Does it matter?”
“Nicolai spoke to you alone before he left. I should have known this.” He turned back to face me, his expression cold. “The fact that you would ask me about this makes me believe you already know all too well.”
“Hearsay. People tell me lots of things about you, Thierry. Ever since we met. Am I supposed to believe their stories, or get it from the subject himself?”
“How would you know whom to believe?”
“I would make that decision once I have all the facts.”
“What did Nicolai tell you of Elizabeth ?”
“That she was wonderful, that he loved her more than life itself, and when he turned his back you ripped out her throat. In a nutshell.”
He let out a bark of laughter. “My, that is the short version. And did you believe him?”
I swallowed. “Being that it was right after this,” I touched my neck, “I wasn’t sure what to believe.”
“And now?”
“I’m still not sure.”
“Then you’re a very foolish woman. Because it’s true. I was responsible for Elizabeth ’s unfortunate end.
To believe otherwise would be naive.”
I suddenly had to struggle to breathe. “You drained her.”
His gaze rested briefly on my neck before he looked away. “Yes.”
“But you couldn’t control it. It’s not like you did it on purpose.”
He shook his head and looked at me as if I were a five-year-old who wouldn’t learn her lesson. “The extenuating circumstances mean nothing. It is my fault that Elizabeth died so long ago. It haunts me to this very day. The moment I feel that I am free of it I am reminded—” his gaze flicked to my neck again “—reminded that there is a monster inside me capable of something heinous and uncontrollable.”
“But you were able to stop with me.”
“Barely. And it was the same with Elizabeth . When I tore myself away from her, she ran from me into the clutches of hunters waiting outside the inn where I stayed. She had no chance. All I could do was stand by and watch her die.”
I frowned. “Hunters killed her?”
Thierry’s expression was tense and haunted. “No. I killed her. It is my fault. Had I not attacked her she never would have needed to run.”
Nicolai didn’t know this version of the story. I was positive he thought that Thierry had ended Elizabeth himself. God, this was too much to take. But Thierryhadn’t killed her. Hunters had. Why couldn’t he see that himself?
“Were you in love with her? With Elizabeth ?”
He frowned at me with an expression of confusion. “Of course not. She was Nicolai’s wife. At the time he was my closest friend. While he was away on business I had promised to keep an eye on her, make sure she was all right. Elizabeth was only a fledgling, having a difficult time with the transition from human to vampire. The nights proved long for her and her love for Nicolai was unfortunately not as deep as her love for his thick wallet. When he was gone for many months on Ring business, she became lonely.”
“She threw herself at you.”
“In a manner of speaking.”
“Where was Veronique?”
He shrugged. “I don’t recall. InEurope somewhere.”
“So you had an affair with this woman.”
He seemed uncomfortable with my continual questions. “She was my friend’s wife. I respected that. But that was her goal. One night when I was alone, she . . . attempted to seduce me.”
I felt a sharp twinge of jealousy. “Oh.”
“I had not had blood for some time. I was old enough by then that I could go without it entirely if I chose to, but I was still hungry. She wanted me to bite her. And . . . it happened. And I lost control. I took too much and she is now dead because of me.”
“Why didn’t you tell Nicolai the whole story?”
He sat down behind his desk. “The whole story is not much better than what he has believed for all these years.”
“That his best friend killed his wife?”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“So that’s why you quit the Ring?”
“Yes. It was best that I removed myself from his presence. From everyone’s presence. I have kept to myself since then. It has been a century since I have tasted another vampire’s blood.”
“Till the other night with me.”
“And now I see that I can never taste it again.” Our eyes met and I watched as his darkened a shade.
“And that will be very difficult.”
I felt a moment of fear from that look in his eyes, but it quickly faded into concern for him. “But not impossible.”
“You should leave now, Sarah. We’ve already said our good-byes, have we not?”
“Yes.” I swallowed. “But I want one last thing.”
“What is that?”
I waited for a moment until I knew my voice wouldn’t go all shaky. “A kiss?”
He almost smiled. “First you slap me, now you want a kiss? You are of two minds, Sarah.”
“I know. But . . . just a good-bye kiss.” I took a deep breath. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
He shook his head. “No, it is fine. One last kiss between us.”
He hesitated for a moment, then slowly pulled me to him, staring down at me with his silvery eyes. I was about to say something else, I don’t even know what, but I didn’t have a chance. He touched his lips to mine, just soft like a feather. Hardly touching. And I thought that’s all it would be. Just a tease. A reminder of what it was like to touch him. He seemed to pull back a bit, but then stopped.
“Thierry—” I managed, but my words were cut off as he crushed his mouth against mine, his grip tight on my upper arms, then slowing trailing down my back, against my waist, and he crushed me against him as if he never wanted to let me go.
The kiss deepened and I opened my mouth to him. He staggered back a few feet until he hit the edge of his desk and my hands were under his jacket, under his shirt, and against his warm skin. I couldn’t stop touching him. I wanted him so much. Despite everything. All the harsh words, all the fighting, all the uncertainty. This was real. I could feel it. This wasn’t good-bye. It couldn’t be.
The kiss made my head spin, my heart ache, and then it was over. My lips felt bruised. He turned away and made for the door.
He stopped in the open doorway. “I wish you the best of everything for your future.”
“Thierry . . . ” I said, shakily, the pain a living, breathing thing in my throat as I spoke.
He didn’t turn around. “Good-bye, Sarah.”
And that was that. He was gone. Back to make a brief appearance at the party before he disappeared forever. Somewhere I’d probably never be able to find him even if I wanted to.
And why would I want to? Why would I want somebody who didn’t want me back? Who’d made it painfully obvious?
My legs gave way and I sat down heavily in his chair behind the desk. I just stared at the door, feeling like my heart had turned into a paperweight in the center of my chest. Heavy and easy to shatter. But I didn’t cry. I just felt numb.
I didn’t want to go back out there. Not yet. After a few minutes, and without thinking much about it, I opened my purse and searched through the contents for a moment before I found what I was looking for.
Then I grabbed the phone and pecked in the number on the card.
It rang four times.
“Oui?”A beautiful voice sang out.
“
Veronique?”
“Oui, c’est ca.”
“It’s . . . it’s Sarah.”
There was a pause.
“Sarah Dearly,” I clarified. “From Toronto .”
“Of course! Sarah, my dear, how are you?”
I cleared my throat. “You were right.”
“I am right about so many things. Can you be more specific?”
“Thierry. He dumped me. He’s sold the club and he’s moving back toFrance . Tomorrow.”
“He’s coming here?”
“That’s what he said. Maybe you two can work out your problems and have another thousand years together. Whatever.” My vision blurred but I sucked it up. Focused on the letters on the phone pad. My lips still tingled from the kiss.
“Oh, no, no. That won’t do. If he’s coming here I’m sure we will not see much of each other. I have my own life.” She covered the receiver, but I could hear her say, “Yes, yes, I’m coming, Jean-Luc. Just a moment.”
My throat felt tight. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.”
“No, you are a friend in need. And I am here with the advice to help mend your broken heart.”
“I’m listening. Help me mend.”
“He wasn’t right for you. Not from the beginning. You are—too different. He is so old, you are so young. He is so serious and rigid, you are so goofy and whimsical.”
“Goofy?”
“He is a very important man of business, you are essentially a glorified waitress. You see? It is best it ends now to avoid any unnecessary pain.”
I nodded. “Weare very different.”
“See? My advice is already helping. It was such a short relationship that it really is no great loss.”
“But, Ilove him.” And I did. I still did. Damn it.
She tsked with her tongue. “The fantasy a schoolgirl might have of her handsome teacher. That’s all it was.”
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see it. “No, that’s not true.”
“Do not worry, your feelings will fade with time. Then you will see them to be nothing more than romantic illusions, like those silly books they sell at the drugstore.”