She had to speak to Paul Radley. Whether or not she wanted to, she had no choice now. She couldn’t have him coming anywhere near her. She had no idea how Justin might react if he did. Cold foreboding snaking the length of her spine, she eased the front door open, slipped out, walked away from the house, and then steeled herself and called him.
‘Hi, Ali,’ he answered on the fourth ring. ‘I take it you got my text? I would have rung, but I guessed that might be a bit awkward.’
‘Why are you doing this, Paul? What do you want?’ Alicia snapped.
Paul avoided the question. ‘Alicia, don’t you think it might be an idea to discuss this face-to-face, rather than over the phone?’ he said instead. ‘Why don’t we meet up and have a nice relaxed lunch, and then—’
‘Why, Paul?’ Alicia demanded.
Paul didn’t answer immediately, then he said, ‘Hold on a sec, I need to go somewhere more private.’
Alicia waited for what seemed like an eternity.
‘Sorry,’ he said, finally coming back on. ‘I was in the foyer. There’s still work going on in the building, workmen all over the place. I didn’t want everyone overhearing our personal conversation.’
Alicia continued to wait silently. If he thought she was going to be drawn into actual conversation, he was wrong.
‘I think we need to come to some arrangement, Alicia,’ he said, obviously getting the message and getting to the point.
Her heart thudding, Alicia closed her eyes. ‘What arrangement?’ she asked him, attempting some level of calmness until she’d heard him out.
‘A mutually agreeable one. I’m assuming you don’t want Justin to know?’
Nausea churning her stomach, Alicia didn’t answer.
‘Look, Ali, I really don’t want to cause any upset, especially to Sophie,’ he went on – sounding concerned, Alicia noted with disbelief. ‘I’m sure there’s a satisfactory way forward that will suit us both.’
‘Which would be?’ Alicia asked, drawing in a tight breath and holding it.
‘Like I say, I think it would be better if we discussed it face-to-face. How about I book a table at our favourite hotel? I could be there in, say, an hour? We could have something to eat and—’
‘It won’t work, Paul,’ Alicia cut in evenly, determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing how upset she was. ‘He knows about what happened between us.’
Ending the call, she tried to still the palpitations in her chest. Unable to believe that he would do this, on top of all that they’d suffered, that Justin and Sophie had suffered, she stayed where she was for several minutes. The past had come back to haunt her. Almost in the blink of an eye, her life, and Justin’s along with it, had unravelled. As if she’d made an arrangement with the Devil himself, she’d known deep down that one day it would. And it wouldn’t stop here – Alicia could sense it. Paul Radley presumably didn’t know that Justin was aware that Sophie might not be his. As far as he was concerned, he had one more ace up his sleeve. Would he try to use it? Would he cold-heartedly try to destroy her husband completely? She wouldn’t let him. The twist in all of this was that Paul Radley knew she wouldn’t.
Thirty-Two
ALICIA
Alicia watched Justin checking his texts, trying Sophie’s mobile for the thousandth time that morning, pressing his fingers hard to his temples when he got no reply. Dragging in a long breath, he went back to staring out of the lounge window, undoubtedly seeing nothing but the same petrifying images she was.
Where was she? Why weren’t the police doing anything? Why had they classed her as a low-risk case when, if she was out there on the streets, she was clearly at risk. It was her fault. All of it. She was the reason Sophie had left, the reason her husband couldn’t look at her. Could hardly bring himself to speak to her. How could she ever have risked her child’s future, her life, been naive enough to imagine that if she closed her eyes to it, it would all go away? She’d made bad decision after decision. She’d been so stupid and weak.
Justin would have no life without his children.
She glanced towards him from where she sat uselessly on the edge of the sofa. He hadn’t slept, not a wink. Neither of them had even considered going to bed, watching the clock instead, endlessly pacing and hoping and praying. Jumping, physically, whenever a phone rang. When a floorboard had creaked overhead in the night, it was as a ghost had trodden lightly over their graves.
‘Justin…’ Tentatively, Alicia got to her feet and walked towards him. ‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured – a short, useless word that couldn’t possibly convey the deep remorse that she felt.
Justin tensed, his broad shoulders stiffening. ‘Don’t, Alicia,’ he said, after a second, his voice hoarse. ‘Please don’t. I can’t deal with this right now. I just can’t.’
‘Please, talk to me,’ she begged him. Tell me to go if you want me to. She couldn’t bear the thought that she might be torturing him even further by being anywhere near him.
‘About what?’ Justin shrugged, his back still to her. ‘What is there to say, Alicia? Luke’s gone. Sophie’s missing. Out there somewhere because of some fucking…’ He stopped, breathing hard.
‘Because of me. I know.’ Alicia sobbed. ‘I’d undo it if I could. I didn’t mean for—’
‘But you can’t!’ Justin turned towards her, his eyes smouldering with raw anger. ‘You can’t undo any of it! There’s nothing to talk about, don’t you get it? We have no past that I can contemplate even thinking about, let alone talking about. No future. There is nothing you can say that will make any of this—’
The ringing of his mobile cutting him short, Justin immediately answered it.
Alicia felt as if her heart might turn inside out as she watched him, praying it was news of Sophie.
Justin glanced at her. His disappointed expression told her it wasn’t. ‘Yes, thanks for calling back,’ he said into his phone. ‘I need to take some extended leave for personal reasons. Do you think you could organise someone to cover as clinical lead?… I’m not sure. Dr Paton, possibly?’
He waited, squeezing the bridge of his nose hard between his thumb and forefinger. ‘Okay, thanks. Tell her to call me if she gets stuck on anything.’ His frustration tangible as he ended the call, he glanced up at the ceiling.
‘Justin, please believe that I never meant to hurt you,’ Alicia tried cautiously, knowing how ludicrous it sounded even as she said it. Still, she had to try.
‘Right.’ Emitting a guttural laugh, Justin dropped his gaze. ‘I need to go,’ he said gruffly, turning suddenly to the hall.
‘But where?’ Panic gripping her afresh, Alicia followed him.
‘To look for her,’ Justin said, grabbing his jacket from the banister and heading for the front door. ‘I can’t just stand around here doing nothing, for Christ’s sake.’
‘Wait,’ Alicia said, as he yanked open the front door. ‘I’ll come with you. Let me get my mobile and—’
‘No,’ Justin said adamantly. ‘Not because…’ He stopped, sighing heavily as he turned to her. ‘It would probably be better if we split up,’ he suggested, his eyes flicking briefly to hers. ‘I’m going to be walking the streets, in the town centre, anywhere I can think of. You might do better to concentrate on local areas, places she might be known – café’s, clubs she might have been to. And you could speak to her schoolfriends.’
Alicia glanced uncertainly away.
‘It would look less suspect than a man hanging around the school. The police may have covered it, but…’ Again, he stopped, making proper eye contact with her at last, albeit guardedly.
But they might not have. Alicia understood. And Sophie’s schoolfriends might be more likely to talk to her mother than the police, particularly if they frequented the same clubs she and Justin both guessed Sophie snuck into. It made sense. She was sure he wouldn’t want to be in her company, but he wasn’t making a point. His thoughts were on Sophie’s welfare. As she had known they would be.
> Swallowing hard, Alicia nodded. ‘Be careful,’ she said, holding his gaze, wishing he could see inside her heart to understand how truly sorry she was.
Thirty-Three
SOPHIE
‘It’s Britain’s highest rollercoaster,’ Sophie said excitedly, her nerves tingling with anticipation as the car trundled to the top of the ride. ‘Wow! Look at that!’ Breathing in the crisp, salty air, she glanced out over the bird’s-eye view of the seafront they had from almost sixty-five metres up. It had been raining when she and Chloe had come before, grey and gloomy, but today, with the sun bouncing like jewels off the water, the sight was spectacular. She was really glad she’d come now. She’d felt like crap when she’d finally woken up, woozy and headachy, having slept really heavily. She’d been sure she was coming down with the flu. Paul had said she’d feel better for a day out. He’d been right.
‘You’ll have to hold on tight.’ Her adrenaline pumping, her chest now about to burst with anticipation, she turned to Paul as they reached the dizzying summit of the climb, from where they would hurtle back to earth, leaving their stomachs behind them. ‘We’re going to drop at, like, eighty miles an— Oh.’
Paul was holding on for grim death. She noted his white-knuckled grip, his eyes squeezed tight, his complexion, which was a sickly shade of green. Shoot. He really was scared of heights.
Sophie was about to try to reassure him when her breath was snatched from her mouth, her insides turning inside out as they plunged, rolled, twisted and spun.
‘Shit.’ She regurgitated her tonsils as they swooped to a stop, her heart thumping so manically she was sure it would leap right out of her chest. ‘Are you all right?’ She turned quickly to Paul, who was grappling to get out of his seat.
Scrambling out when the safety bars where released, Paul didn’t answer, heading fast away from what had obviously been pure torture for him.
‘Paul?’ Sophie caught up with him where he’d stopped, clutching his thighs and taking deep breaths. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes,’ Paul managed, and nodded.
‘Are you sure? You look terrible. I didn’t realise you were that scared. Do you want to go and find somewhere to sit—’
‘I’m fine!’ Paul snapped, causing Sophie to take a step back. He’d been really cool up until then, laughing and joking. He hadn’t minded at all about getting soaked on the spooky water ride and he’d been fine on the Grand National. To Sophie, the ancient wooden rollercoaster, clunking and grinding, was way scarier than the ride on the Big One.
‘Sorry,’ he said quickly, straightening up and arranging his face into a smile. ‘I felt a bit nauseous for a minute. I’m fine now,’ he reassured her, placing an arm around her shoulders. ‘Come on, let’s go and do something tamer, where we can keep our feet on the ground.’
Sophie had quite fancied seeing the Tower, but maybe that wasn’t such a great idea, given his phobia. ‘Go-karting?’ she suggested.
‘And that’s supposed to be tamer?’ He arched an eyebrow.
‘Oh, right.’ Sophie guessed he probably wouldn’t want to be whizzing around bends and stuff. ‘The casino?’ she ventured.
Paul didn’t look impressed. ‘I don’t really approve of gambling, Sophie, sorry. How about the Star Trek exhibition?’
‘Sounds good.’ Sophie nodded. It wasn’t exactly her first choice, but she supposed he was paying.
‘Excellent.’ Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he gave her a smile and led her on. ‘And then food,’ he suggested. ‘Hopefully, I’ll have got my appetite back by then.’
* * *
Paul wasn’t enthralled with the exhibition, Sophie gathered. It wasn’t as exciting as she’d expected, but it was okay. She’d thought sitting in the captain’s chair of the original Starship Enterprise was cool. Paul, though, didn’t seem to rate it much.
‘So what did you think?’ Noting his pensive expression as they walked out, she tested the waters.
‘Not worth the entrance fee, in my opinion,’ Paul said. ‘Considering how vast the Star Trek universe is supposed to be, the exhibition was extremely small, wasn’t it? And I didn’t see any evidence of the Star Trek: Discovery props as promised by the signage outside.’
He was obviously a Trekkie. Shrugging, she quickened her pace to keep up with him as he strode off.
‘What do you fancy to eat?’ he asked her, his smile back in place a second later.
Sophie plumped for chips. ‘You have to have chips at the seaside.’
‘Really?’ Paul’s smile dwindled. ‘Well, it is your day out. Okay, chips it is.’
Five minutes later, his smile dwindled further as Sophie pointed out the pier-front burger and chips kiosk. ‘I think I prefer to eat mine with a knife and fork,’ he suggested, obviously not keen to eat his chips walking along the seafront, which Sophie had quite fancied. There was nothing quite like eating chips drenched in salt and vinegar straight from the paper, as far as she was concerned.
Noting his unenthusiastic expression, she shrugged easily. ‘Okay,’ she said. They’d probably come in a cone anyway, and that wasn’t quite the same.
‘How about here then?’ she asked, pointing out a Burger King a few minutes later.
Again, Paul didn’t look that taken with the idea. Sophie was beginning to wonder whether he even wanted chips.
‘Kentucky?’ she tried, another few shops on.
Paul looked no better impressed. ‘What about over there?’ He nodded across the road. ‘It looks a bit more salubrious, don’t you think?’
Sophie didn’t quite get why eating chips had to be done salubriously, but the curiosity coffee shop he was indicating looked kind of cute, and now at the point where her belly was thinking her throat had been cut, she’d go for anywhere that served food.
Grabbing a window seat, Sophie perused the menu hungrily, though she’d already chosen her order from the board behind the counter. Veggie burger and chips – had to be. She was practically fantasising chips now. ‘Done,’ she said, handing the menu to Paul with a smile. ‘What do you fancy?’
Paul frowned. ‘A clean table,’ he said, wiping two fingers along the surface of it, examining them and then sighing audibly. Taking the menu with a shake of his head, he scanned it leisurely, finally deciding on beef stroganoff.
Sophie wrinkled her nose. ‘I don’t know how people eat meat,’ she said. ‘I mean, I wouldn’t judge anybody, but personally, I couldn’t eat another living creature if my life depended on it.’
‘It’s dead, Sophie,’ Paul pointed out, his smile a bit short this time. ‘And I doubt many carnivorous animals would give you the same consideration if the situation were reversed.’
Oops. Sophie reprimanded herself. He probably thought she was criticising him. ‘I know. It’s just a personal choice and, like I say, live and let live. Or rather, eat and let eat.’ She shrugged and gave him a bright smile.
Paul’s smile was more relaxed then. ‘I’ll order,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you go and wash your hands.’
Sophie followed his gaze as he nodded towards the loos, and then looked back at him, perplexed. She didn’t need to go to the… Ah. She got the gist as he turned to summon one of the waiting staff. He meant actually wash her hands. A bit fastidious, wasn’t he? She knitted her brow. But then, she supposed she had been hanging on to rides where a million other sweaty hands had been clinging on for dear life.
Fair enough. Hoping the food wouldn’t be long, she humoured him.
Her hope faded when she came back to see a coachload of old-age pensioners coming in. Looked like the service was going to be slow. Sighing inwardly, Sophie took her seat and tried to ignore her rumbling tummy. ‘So, what do you do in Dubai?’ she asked him, distracting Paul from checking his watch.
‘Investment advice,’ he said. ‘All a bit dull really, unless you’re into financial planning.’
Sophie tried not to look too bored. ‘Do you mind if I ask you when you lost your family?’ she ventured.
Paul looked down at that. ‘It’s a bit painful, to be honest,’ he said. ‘Maybe another time. We don’t want to spoil the day, do we? Tell me about yourself. What do you want to do when you leave school?’
‘Veterinary surgeon,’ Sophie answered straight off. ‘I was hoping to do my undergraduate course at the Royal Veterinary College, but I’m thinking that might depend on whether I can get a student loan now.’
Paul eyed her interestedly. ‘Oh, how so?’
‘Stuff,’ Sophie sighed. ‘You know, at home.’
‘Ah, I see. I wouldn’t worry too much about that, Sophie. I can cover your study costs,’ Paul said, smiling benevolently.
Sophie’s eyes grew wide. ‘Really?’
‘I’d have to run it by your mother first, but yes, I don’t see why not. I’m supposed to be looking out for you, aren’t I?’
‘Well, yes, but…’ Her uni fees? Wow. How cool would it be to have those covered?
‘Unless you want to have a word with your mother, that is?’ Paul asked.
‘No.’ Uh-uh. She absolutely did not want to have a word with her mother. Not any words, any time soon. But what about Justin? How would he feel?
She was debating whether to broach the subject with Paul when she noticed he was checking his watch again and looking agitatedly around for signs of their food.
Justin would feel relieved, Sophie guessed, turning to gaze out of the window. He wouldn’t want the responsibility now, would he? He’d hardly want to pay out thousands of pounds for someone who wasn’t his daughter. It might have been different if he’d known she wasn’t his from the outset. He would have had a choice then. Who knows, he might have decided he wanted to be her father. Her mum had taken that away from him, though, hadn’t she? She should seriously consider Paul’s offer, she decided. Show them that the choices about her life weren’t theirs to make.
The Affair_A gripping psychological thriller with a shocking twist Page 12