Justin sighed. ‘No, not really. I think I just needed to hear a familiar voice,’ he said. And then went quiet.
Unable to bring himself to talk more, Alicia guessed, to someone he’d once trusted implicitly with his inner feelings and who’d so badly deceived him.
‘So, are you back at work?’ he asked her, changing the subject.
‘No.’ Alicia sighed, despairing of her apparent inadequacy on all fronts. ‘I tried, but I couldn’t handle it. The children…’ She left it there, guessing he would understand what she meant. ‘I’m keeping busy though. I’ve set up a Twitter account and a “Find Sophie” Facebook page. I thought it might be a good way for people to communicate anything that might help, any likely sightings. I also thought that if her friends wanted to message us privately for any reason…’ She trailed off, realising Justin would gather what she meant there, too.
‘Good idea,’ he said. And went quiet again.
Alicia waited, sensing there was something else he needed to say.
‘Can I ask you something?’ he asked, after what seemed like an eternity.
Alicia felt a prickle of apprehension run through her. ‘Yes, obviously.’
‘Radley,’ he said, causing Alicia’s insides to turn over. ‘You said he’d had no contact with Sophie, right?’
‘Yes,’ Alicia said quickly. ‘I mean, no. He hasn’t, as far as I’m aware. Why?’
Justin breathed in long and hard. ‘It seems he has.’
What? A million emotions assaulting her, Alicia felt her legs turn to rubber beneath her. ‘He’s spoken to her?’ she whispered. She had to see him. She headed for the hall. Went back for her keys. Why hadn’t he mentioned—
‘He rang her. Just once, according to Taylor,’ said Justin. ‘She’s staying with a friend. She didn’t say where.’
‘When?’ Alicia asked, feeling desperate. She needed to do… something.
‘Two days ago, apparently,’ Justin said. ‘Alicia… did you give him her number?’ He paused, giving her a few seconds as she tried to assimilate the information. ‘Did you give him Sophie’s number?’
‘No! I wouldn’t. Why would I have?’
Justin’s silence spoke volumes.
‘Justin, I didn’t. I swear to God, I didn’t,’ Alicia repeated, tears streaming down her cheeks, the phone clutched tight to her ear. ‘I don’t want him to have access to her. He must have got it from my phone, or from someone else. Please believe me,’ she begged.
‘I have to go,’ Justin said, over another tight intake of breath. ‘We should talk,’ he added.
‘About?’ Alicia asked fearfully.
‘Things,’ Justin replied vaguely. ‘At some point, I mean. Take care, Alicia.’
He signed off, leaving Alicia emotionally floundering. The ‘things’ he wanted to talk about were presumably to do with their marriage. At ‘some point’ soon, she would have to face the reality that they would have no future together.
Hesitating for a second, Alicia steeled herself and then rang Paul Radley’s number, only to get his voicemail. After trying again minutes later, she grabbed the wine from the fridge. It would do nothing to anaesthetise her beyond the first alcohol-induced hour of total oblivion, after which she would end up going over and over things, until her recollection was more clouded than ever. Yet she needed it – needed somehow to try to numb the pain.
Did Justin believe she hadn’t passed Sophie’s number on to Paul? Why would he? He would never be able to trust anything she said ever again.
Draining half a glass in one, she topped it up again.
Why hadn’t Paul Radley rung her?
Forty-Nine
JUSTIN
After fruitless hours ringing around Sophie’s friends again, hoping to find out the identity of the mysterious friend with whom Sophie might be staying, Justin headed to the hospital. He wouldn’t stay. There was no way to concentrate. He couldn’t possibly trust himself with people’s lives until he knew his daughter was safe. Whether he would still have a job then, Justin felt didn’t much matter without his family.
Picking up the results he’d come for, he went to the hospital restaurant, where he bought a coffee but didn’t drink it. A colleague spoke to him. He hardly heard her. Dragging his hands over his face, he sat motionless, staring out over the car park, watching people coming and going, attempting to digest this latest news, until his coffee went cold. Then, sucking in a long breath, he left, going straight from the hospital to room he was renting.
Weary with exhaustion, yet knowing sleep would elude him, he barely noticed the sparse furnishing as he dropped his keys onto the single chest of drawers. He’d stopped craving material things the day Sophie had disappeared and his marriage had disintegrated. Before that, when Luke had been cruelly snatched away from them, he’d begun to wonder how much one really needed in life. The fancy cars, flat-screen TVs, the latest in technology – they were just things, accumulated throughout a life. Stuff you couldn’t take with you when you ceased to exist. It was all meaningless without someone to share it with.
Justin didn’t miss those things. He didn’t need them. There was no point in living luxuriously any more. He wondered whether there would be any point in living at all if he didn’t find Sophie. Whatever the hell was going on with Radley, he knew Alicia felt the same: she was existing, rather than living, waiting and praying for news, for any shred of information that might lead them to her.
Refusing to entertain the thought that he might never find her; that she might choose never to contact him again, he pulled off his coat and dropped onto the bed. He should ring Alicia. He’d wanted to believe her – badly needed to – but how could he? How could he begin to believe anything she had to say when their whole life together had been a lie?
But would she really be carrying on with the charade if it was Radley she wanted to be with? Justin had considered that too, but had reached no conclusion. Part of him hated her for what she’d done, but part of him still loved her. It was pathetic, but there it was. He wanted to reach out to her. A couple of times he almost had, when he’d seen the tortured look in her eyes and felt her palpable pain, but he’d stopped himself. He couldn’t take any more hurt. There just wasn’t room inside him for any more.
He had to stay in touch, though. If he couldn’t say what he wanted to, ask the endless questions going around in his head, they needed to communicate about Sophie.
Retrieving his phone from his pocket and selecting Alicia’s number, his gaze strayed to the one thing he didn’t want to be without – a framed photograph of her with Luke and Sophie, which he kept on the bedside table. He felt like it had been taken eons ago, in another lifetime, when they were a family, happy and healthy, a smile dancing in Alicia’s dazzling cornflower blue eyes. Despite the pain she’d caused him, he hoped she would smile again one day. That she would have a life beyond the purgatory they were living in now.
‘Hi, Justin, it’s me,’ Jessica said, picking the call up. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Not great.’
‘I know.’ Jessica sighed sympathetically. ‘I honestly don’t know how you’re getting through each day.’
‘Willpower,’ Justin joked half-heartedly.
‘Yes, it’s a good job you’re a strong man, that’s all I can say,’ Jessica said dourly. ‘Some men would have walked away from it. Most men, in fact.’
‘I haven’t always been, Jess,’ Justin said, reminding her of the time he hadn’t been strong. Then, Alicia had had to be the strong one, while he’d learned how to feel normal again.
‘You’d lost your family,’ Jessica said softly. ‘To have discovered them the way you did… To have had to bury them, try to carry on, never knowing who had been responsible, why someone would commit such an atrocious act of violence…’
She stopped. Justin was relieved when she did, every desecration of his family inevitably searing itself again on his mind.
‘It’s wonder you didn’t break down completely. Th
e fact that you got through that makes you strong,’ Jessica went on forcefully. ‘You shouldn’t be bottling your feelings up now, though, Justin, not when you’re going through the same heartbreak all over again. I know you’d probably feel a bit awkward about it, but if you do ever want to unburden, I’m here. Just because I’m Alicia’s sister, it doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend to you, too.’
Justin ran a hand over his neck. Knowing exactly what had gone on, Jessica was possibly the only person he could talk to, but he wasn’t about to do that. It wouldn’t be fair on Alicia – or Jessica, come to that. There was also the fact that he didn’t think he could talk about any of this without breaking down, and he was desperately trying not to do that.
‘I know. Thanks, Jess,’ he said, wanting her to know he appreciated the offer.
‘And if you don’t fancy unburdening, we could just get drunk instead,’ Jessica suggested.
Justin smiled wryly. He didn’t think that was such a good idea either. He doubted his problems would look much better at the bottom of a whisky glass.
‘Has he been in touch?’ he asked, bringing the conversation around to why he’d called. He should ask Alicia, and he would, but he’d taken to asking Jessica for information first, which didn’t make him feel great.
Jessica hesitated. ‘He texted her,’ she said, sounding reluctant. ‘Apparently, he’s going back to Dubai. He’s asked to meet with her. And now I’ve said enough. I’d hate Alicia to think I was going behind her back. You’d do better to ask her about the detail.’
‘I’ll do that,’ Justin assured her, already bracing himself. The fact was, he was scared. Terrified she would lie to him again. He had no idea what he would do, how he would react.
Whatever the future held for Alicia and him, he was hugely relieved Radley was scuttling off back to Dubai. He’d been shocked by the realisation he’d been an inch away from inflicting possibly fatal injuries on a man. Despite his assurances to DI Taylor, he wasn’t certain he would be able to control himself if he found himself in Radley’s company again.
‘Is she around?’ he asked, assuming from the tone of Jessica’s voice that Alicia must be out of earshot. And then he immediately felt pig-sick as he wondered where she was – and with whom.
‘She’s busy. That detective guy has just arrived.’
‘Taylor?’ Justin was surprised.
‘He said he was passing, so he decided to call in to check on Alicia,’ Jessica said. ‘I’ll get her to call you back as soon as she can.’
‘Cheers, Jess,’ Justin said, feeling wary. He wasn’t sure why Taylor had decided to pay Alicia a visit. It certainly wouldn’t be because ‘he was passing’, but it wouldn’t be to announce they’d suddenly decided Sophie was a high-profile case, that was for sure.
Fifty
ALICIA
Hearing his ringtone, Alicia knew Justin had just called. She was desperate to call him back after the way their last call had ended, but first she needed to hear what the detective inspector had to say. ‘You’re sure you won’t have some tea or coffee?’ she asked him, having already established that he wasn’t here with news of Sophie and then gone through the awkward civilities.
‘No, thanks, Alicia. I can’t stay long.’ Giving her a brief smile, DI Taylor checked his watch.
‘Something stronger possibly?’ she asked him, making a supreme effort to be cordial, despite the fact that all she wanted to do was scream at him to do his job and bring Sophie home. She’d rung around all her friends, only to be told Justin had already called, and to receive the same news he presumably had. She’d supposedly been with this mysterious friend – whom no one had any idea about – two, getting on for three days ago, which meant she could be anywhere now. The nagging thought had also occurred to Alicia that this ‘friend’ might not even be a girlfriend. A boyfriend would be worrying, but what if it were neither? What if it were some predatory adult?
‘I’d love something stronger,’ DI Taylor smiled, regretfully this time. ‘I’m still on duty though, unfortunately.’
‘Right, well.’ Alicia smiled back. ‘What can I do for you, Detective?’
‘Do you mind if we sit?’ Taylor asked, and walked across to seat himself on the sofa anyway.
Alicia took the armchair, uneasiness creeping through her as she noted the troubled look on his face. He hadn’t called by with news of Sophie. And Justin had just phoned, so what on earth was this all about?
‘Paul Radley,’ Taylor said, and paused. Alicia’s stomach turned over. ‘I believe he’s an old acquaintance of yours?’
Oh no. Alicia dropped her gaze, feeling an immediate sense of deep humiliation.
‘Mine’s not to judge, Alicia.’ Taylor smiled kindly. ‘I’m merely trying to ascertain all the facts in regard to your daughter.’
Alicia drew in a breath and nodded. ‘Yes, of course. Yes, he is,’ she confirmed falteringly.
Taylor nodded thoughtfully. ‘Justin came to see me,’ he said. ‘He was rather irate at the time – exhausted, clearly, having been searching for Sophie.’
Alicia nodded, immense sadness settling inside her. She had no idea how Justin was pushing himself on. He wouldn’t be sleeping. She could tell he was barely eating. He’d lost weight. She suspected the only thing keeping him going was his determination to find Sophie.
‘He seemed very concerned about Mr Radley having any contact with your daughter. I take it he told you Mr Radley did in fact speak to her on the telephone?’
Alicia nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said tightly. ‘He did.’
Taylor studied her for a second. ‘And what about future contact, Alicia? If Sophie turns up, which I’m quite sure she will, would you want Mr Radley to be in contact with her?’
‘No, absolutely not,’ Alicia stated categorically. ‘He’s… a womaniser,’ she added. ‘Not the sort of person who would be a good influence on an impressionable young girl.’
‘I see.’ Taylor nodded. ‘Would that be why Justin would want to warn him off, do you think?’
‘Warn him off?’ Alicia’s gaze shot worriedly to his.
‘We had a call-out,’ Taylor explained, ‘from one of the staff at Mr Radley’s place of work. Apparently, Justin paid him a visit.’
He let it hang, watching her carefully, then said, ‘He attacked him, Alicia. Quite aggressively, by all accounts.’
‘What?’ Alicia stared at him, stunned. Justin? He’d never been violent in his life. He simply didn’t have it in him to be violent. ‘Was he injured? Paul?’ she asked, fear that Justin might be arrested causing her chest to constrict.
‘He did have an injury, according to my officer’s report. Sustained earlier at the gym, according to Mr Radley. It seems he wouldn’t confirm the initial report we received. Said there’d been some misunderstanding.’
Now Paul’s sudden decision to fly back to Dubai made sense.
‘The strange thing is, the attack took place before your husband learned of this contact.’ DI Taylor paused. ‘A reaction to the difficulties he found himself him, no doubt. Understandable.’ He sighed expansively. ‘Nevertheless, Justin is still at fault. Please try to persuade him to stay away from Mr Radley, Alicia. He could very easily have been charged with assault, which would have done no one any good, would it?’
Still uncomprehending, Alicia shook her head and nodded all at once. ‘He’s leaving. Paul… Mr Radley. He says he’s going back to Dubai.’
‘Ah, right.’ Taylor’s smile brightened. ‘In which case, hopefully that will be one less obstacle on the road to recovery, hey?’ he said, getting to his feet. ‘I’ll see myself out.’
Walking him to the door anyway, Alicia maintained her composure. But when she’d closed the door behind him, she leaned against it and pressed a hand to her forehead. He’d attacked a man. But Justin wasn’t aggressive. He’d never condoned violence of any sort. It was because of the paternity test, she realised. He was as determined to be a good father to Sophie as he was to find her. And Justin was
her father – the person who’d nurtured her, loved her, laughed with her, cried for her. He would never give up on her, never bow out of her life. If there was anything positive to gain from this, it was that Paul Radley at least knew that now.
But what about Justin? What state of mind must he be in?
She picked up her mobile, unsure what she was going to say to him or how much she should reveal of her conversation with DI Taylor.
Justin picked up straight away. ‘Hi,’ he said. ‘Thanks for returning my call.’
Hearing the formality in his tone, the politeness, Alicia felt another crushing wave of sadness.
‘Obviously, I would,’ she started, and then stopped. He was keeping her at a distance. He’d hung a no-admittance sign on his emotions, one he wouldn’t easily let her past, not now. ‘Sorry I couldn’t get back sooner,’ she said, trying to keep the devastation from her own voice. ‘DI Taylor was here.’
‘I gathered. Did he have anything to say worth listening to?’
‘Not in regard to Sophie, no,’ Alicia answered cautiously.
Justin sighed wearily. Clearly, he’d expected as much. ‘So, why the visit?’
Not sure what his reaction would be, Alicia hesitated. ‘He wondered whether I knew that Paul Radley had been in touch with Sophie. He was a bit concerned, I think.’
‘About?’ Justin asked curiously.
‘You. He said… He told me you attacked Paul Radley. He was—’
‘He said what?’ Justin sounded immediately agitated.
‘He was worried about you, Justin. About the consequences. If you’d been charged with assault…’
‘It would have been worth it,’ Justin assured her.
‘It would have affected your job, Justin,’ Alicia pointed out, feeling scared that he didn’t seem to care. ‘Your future.’
Justin didn’t answer immediately. ‘I don’t have much of a future, though, do I, Alicia, without my family?’ he said quietly.
The Affair_A gripping psychological thriller with a shocking twist Page 18