Worth It All

by Claudia Connor

  Jake stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” She angled her head back to meet his eyes. “Everything good at home?”

  “Yes. Better than good.” He kissed her neck as they watched Casey burn off a last bit of energy before they headed to the airport.

  She sighed and leaned back into his hold, loving how it felt to be surrounded by Jake. She’d woken several times in the night and each time she was in his arms. She’d turned to him, silently asking for more, which he gave. “Did you ever ride here?”

  “No. My brother met Hannah after I’d moved.”

  “That’s right.”

  They watched another minute, then Jake turned her in his arms and cupped her face. He took her mouth in a long, deep, toe-curling kiss that stole her breath. “What was that for?”

  “No reason. I just wanted to.”

  “Really?” Smiling, she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “I just wanted to, too.”

  Chapter 26

  A week later, the magic of Freedom Farm had almost vanished under the reality of work and school. She’d barely seen Jake. He’d been busy with his work, and when he was free, it never failed that she wasn’t. He hadn’t pushed her for time, but she still felt guilty, on top of missing him. No matter how hard she tried, there were only so many hours in a day. Hours at work, hours in class, hours studying. Casey needed her and she had to sleep at some point. Would he get tired of being put off again and again?

  She walked into the back to hang up her purse next to Jenny’s and smiled at her cousin. “Hey, girl. Where were you last night?”

  A smile spread across Jenny’s face, and then it grew until she thought her cousin’s cheeks might crack. She was always happy but…“Jenny?”

  “I was with Simon!”

  Jenny shrieked his name and followed it with a squeal of unrestrained joy. Paige struggled to close her mouth that now hung open. “You were…”

  “Yes! He came into the diner and we were talking and then he waited for me to get off and…” She paused for a happy wiggle. “He took me out to dinner, not out actually, to his mom’s! Can you believe it? He took me to his mother’s! And then when he asked if he should bring me back for my car, I said no!”

  “Wow.” Paige managed to smile, but on the inside she was thinking, Oh, Jenny. She wanted to preach to her cousin about not getting her hopes up, not losing her heart, but she really had no room to talk.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Jenny went on. “I really haven’t been with as many men as I make it seem like sometimes, but it doesn’t matter. This is it. There won’t be any others. Isn’t it great? We’re both finding men at the same time.”

  Paige’s heart skipped. “I’m not finding a man, Jenny. Not like you mean.”

  “What? Why? I thought things were good.”

  “They are, I mean he is. Very good.”

  “Then what? Because you’re afraid?”

  Because I’m terrified. She pressed a hand over her aching heart.

  “Have faith, Paige. When it’s right you’ll know, like I do. You just can’t be too scared to grab it.”

  She wished she could know. More than anything she wished she could take chances and not feel like she was standing on the precipice of a major fall. But she didn’t want to squash Jenny’s happiness. “It might be different if I didn’t have Casey.” Though she doubted it. She’d always preferred the sure thing over the maybe. How did Jenny have so much faith everything would work out? How did she have so little?

  “I get it,” Jenny said. “I do. I just—”

  “Yo! Jenny!” Mac yelled from the front. “There’s a man out here for you!”

  She squealed again and wrapped Paige in a crushing hug, then literally bounced out of the break room. Paige peeked and sure enough, Simon stood in the middle of the diner, an enormous bunch of roses of every color clasped in his big hand. Jenny bypassed the flowers and took a flying leap right into his arms, wrapping her tiny self around Simon. It knocked him back a step, but he laughed and caught her against his chest.

  The customers looked on smiling, a few people clapped.

  She wished she had Jenny’s unbidden trust in life. The total lack of fear to take a flying leap into the arms of whatever or whoever life threw you without looking ten steps forward or ten steps back.

  She prayed Jenny knew what she was doing. The same prayer she had for herself as she spent the rest of the afternoon trying to imagine giving in to her feelings for Jake without feeling like she was diving into the great unknown with Casey on her shoulders.

  Later that afternoon Paige brought soda refills for a young couple cozied up on the same side of a booth by the window. “Can I get either of you anything else?”

  “No,” the man said. “It’s about time for us to hit the road. We’re already behind schedule.”

  The woman elbowed him playfully. “You and your schedule.”

  Paige smiled at them; it was hard not to as they’d been practically beaming since they walked in.

  “Yeah,” the man continued. “We got off for gas and got turned around.”

  “He got turned around,” the woman said, but she gazed at him lovingly.

  “Right,” he said. “I got turned around.” He covered her hand with his and his wedding band twinkled. “I should have listened to you, but we made it to this diner, right?”

  “Yes. It’s all good. I mean, we’re on our honeymoon,” she said to Paige. “What could be bad?”

  Right, Paige thought. What could be bad?

  She understood singles who came in or moms with kids. She understood the couples at the bar and the ones who came alone hoping to leave with someone. But that? A man and woman both looking over the moon at the promise of forever? That’s not something she knew anything about.

  This thing between two people that she hadn’t thought existed, yet she’d seen it with the McKinney couples, between his parents who’d been married for over forty years. And now here it was again; although new, the marriage-license ink barely dry, she could see it working. She could see this man and woman together for the long term without her usual sense of foreboding. Because of Jake.

  The woman turned her face back to her husband, and he touched his forehead to hers. The moment felt too intimate for an onlooker, but she wanted to look. Chastising herself, she spun away. She brushed at the tears gathering and rushed around the counter, hoping to get to the back before they fell. Mac yelled out to her, but it was too late.

  Her foot hit a wet spot, her legs flew out from under her, and she went down hard. The floor knocked the breath from her lungs, and the instant pain brought even more tears. “Damn. That hurt.”

  Chapter 27

  JT smiled as he pulled up in front of Paige’s trailer, happy to see her car was there and she hadn’t taken an extra shift today. She’d been working too hard since their return from Virginia. And he’d admit it bothered him even more than it had before. For her and for himself.

  In addition to work and studying, she wouldn’t make a habit of sleeping at his house, which he understood even if he didn’t like it. And him sleeping at her place was out of the question. The most he’d gotten in five days were a few stolen kisses.

  He definitely wanted more, to touch her, to kiss his way past her lips all the way down her spectacular body. But he also wanted to talk to her and look at her and lose himself in her eyes. He also wanted her to take a night off and he meant to make that happen. He’d take them out to dinner, maybe suggest a movie at his house, a Disney something or other, and then woo her into staying if Casey fell asleep. That was the plan.

  He climbed the steps and knocked lightly before letting himself in. Casey sat on the couch, facing a video and dipping her hand into a bag of snack crackers. “Hey, Case. Where’s Mommy?”

  “She’s lying down.”

  “Really?” That was unusual. Maybe she was studying.

  “Jenny said she’s tired
so I’m not yelling for her.”

  Huh. He moved toward the back and ran into Jenny in the kitchen.

  “Hey, handsome. What’s in the bag?”

  He glanced down at the plastic bag in his hand. “Just a few things from the hardware store. I thought I’d replace the door latch.”

  She peeked in, then grinned up at him. “You’re cute.”

  Batteries, a flashlight, and door latches didn’t exactly say I love you, so he’d added a candy bar. And gum.

  Jenny kissed his cheek. “You came at a good time. She had a fall at work and I’m on my way out.”

  “What?” He started to step around her.

  “It’s nothing serious. Just a bruise, but Mac sent her home. Told her to take off a few days. She’s being stubborn, of course.”

  He dropped the bag on the table. He’d wanted time with her, he didn’t want her hurt.

  “Hey.” Jenny stopped him with a hand on his arm. “I like you.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Don’t make me not like you.”

  “I won’t.” He reached her room and found her at her dresser, wearing nothing but a T-shirt that barely reached her navel and underwear. Damn, she was beautiful. “Paige?”

  “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  “I came over to fix the door. What are you doing up?”

  “I’m fine.”

  He was beside her in three steps and he caught her by the shoulders. He gently ran his hand down her arm, and she hissed in a breath when he got to her elbow. It was dark red, headed toward purple. “Where else are you hurt?”

  “I’m not hurt, I’m just—”

  “Paige.” He reached for her shirt. If she wouldn’t show him, he’d see for himself.

  “Okay. Fine. My hip is bruised but it’s nothing.”

  He examined her hip, which was worse than the elbow. “You should lie down with some ice.”

  “I do not need to—”

  “I can pick you up and put you in bed, but I don’t want to hurt you, so please.”

  “Jeez. You’re so bossy.”

  Her tone was teasing, but he could see the strain of pain around her eyes and mouth. “I can get way more bossy. Have you taken anything?”

  “I took a painkiller at work,” she said, sitting on the side of the bed. “I was about to take another one.”

  He pulled the covers back and straightened her pillow. “Come on,” he said, patting the pillow while he waited.

  She grinned up at him. “You should have been a nurse.”

  When she got to where he wanted her, he pulled the covers up and stood. The fatigue in her eyes and under them bothered him more than the bruise. She was wearing herself into the ground. She’d barely stopped to take a breath since last weekend, like she had to make up for having two days of fun. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

  He returned with two more pain tablets he’d found in the bathroom and some water. “Take these.”

  “Thanks. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m sure you will.” Though if she thought she was going to work tomorrow, she was dead wrong. “That was the last of the pain reliever. I’ll head to the store for a few necessities. I can take Casey.”

  “Okay. You’re always taking care of me.”

  He sat beside her and watched her take the medicine, then lay back. With his hands on either side of her head, he leaned over her. “I like taking care of you.” He lowered himself to kiss her forehead, then her lips. “You’re so beautiful. I probably don’t tell you enough. I don’t say it every time I think it because”—he laughed softly at himself—“because that would be every damn minute, but God, Paige.”

  Uncomfortable with his compliments, she averted her eyes. “I feel like roadkill,” she muttered.

  “And still so beautiful it hurts.” He pressed another quick kiss to her forehead and left.

  —

  He and Casey made quick work at the store, might have gotten a few extras. More than a few. Then they stopped off for a quick swing at a nearby park.

  She’d entertained him all morning with stories of talking animals and questions. He enjoyed the quiet, enjoyed being alone, but there was something about listening to what she thought of the world, wracking his brain for answers to her questions, that lifted him.

  He walked beside her through the park, fighting the urge to pick her up. She was so far away down there.

  “I start kindergarten in thirteen days,” she said, her eyes tracking two boys racing by.

  “I know. I saw your countdown on the fridge. Excited?”

  She shrugged and he smiled, thinking she was so like Paige. “Do you think I’m going to run fast in kindergarten?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like the wind?” The boys climbed to the top of the play set.

  He took her little hand in his. “Yes.”

  They reached the plastic rock wall leading up to the slide entrance and, without hesitating, she started up. “Watch me.”

  “Watching.” He fought the urge to hold his hands out and under her, but made sure he was close enough if she needed him.

  She didn’t, and he looked on proudly as she stood at the top and fluidly moved to the slide. He moved to meet her at the bottom. The boys jumped from the top, stopping to stare at both of them as Casey stood beside him.

  “Whoa. Check it. Her dad doesn’t have two legs either. Weird.”

  At the look on Casey’s face, he was tempted to beat the crap out of a ten-year-old. He went to Casey instead. “Want to do the rock wall again?”

  “No.”

  “How about the monkey bars?”

  Casey sniffed. “No.” Her nose was red and she was never this quiet. Damn it. He’d never had to deal with things like that. He’d run and climbed and raced through his childhood without a care in the world. He’d gladly give Casey those years if he could.

  He picked her up, swinging her as he went in an attempt to get a smile. “Want some ice cream?” Probably not the best move, but it was all he had.

  “Okay.”

  As he carried her toward the ice cream truck parked at the curb, he felt her little shoulders shaking against his chest. “Don’t listen to them, Case. Boys are stupid.”

  “You’re a boy,” she said brokenly.

  “Yep.” And a prime example.

  She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. “I don’t want to go to kindergarten.”

  “Hey, hey, don’t cry, Case. Look at me. Don’t cry.” She didn’t look at him and he held her while she cried like her heart was breaking. His heart broke with it.

  “He said I was weird.”

  “If you’re weird, then I’m weird too, right?”

  She sniffed again and finally lifted her head. “Because we’re the same.”

  “That’s right, Pop-Tart. Because we’re the same.”

  “But it’s true. I am missing stuff.”

  He stopped walking and waited until her eyes met his. “Listen to me. You’re perfect. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not. Everyone’s missing stuff, even if you can’t always see it. And that kid, he’s the one missing the important stuff.”

  “Really?”

  He held her tighter. “Would I lie to you?”

  She studied him so long he thought she might say yes. “No.”

  They got their ice cream and sat side by side, Casey intent on the job at hand. “Better lick it around the bottom. Lick and turn. See?” He demonstrated.

  She worked it like a science, seeming to have recovered from her sadness. The knot in his stomach loosened.

  When she was down to the last bit of cone, she scooted closer until she was leaning against him. “You always call me things to eat. Cotton candy. Pop-Tart.”

  “All good things,” he said, finishing his cone. “All things I like.”

  “And you like me?”

  “Yes.” He wrapped his arm around her and held her closer. “I like you.” I love you.

 
; “Jake?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.” He smiled, thinking she’d never asked permission before. “It must be a big one.”

  “It is.”

  He prepared himself for some kind of birds-and-bees question or something otherwise out of his zone.

  She lifted her head from his arm and peered up at him with those summer-sky baby blues. “Do you think…” She paused, glancing at the ground in front of her. “Do you think you could ever want a little girl with one leg?”

  The bottom dropped out of his stomach and the world from under his feet. His chest squeezed so tightly he couldn’t get a breath. The answer was he could, he did.

  He lifted her onto his lap. “I most definitely could,” he said, cradling her against his chest. “But mostly, more than anything, I’d want a little girl that was you.”

  She tilted her head back farther. “But there’s only one of those.”

  “That’s right. Only one.”

  She leaned against him, seeming to think about that, and so did he.

  Only one Casey. Only one Paige. Only one woman who’d ever made him want to change the person he’d always thought he was. The only one who could make him want what he hadn’t wanted and then make him feel good enough about himself to have it.

  “You’re smart and you’re beautiful, just like your mother, with your mother’s eyes.”

  “Not exactly like Mommy’s.”

  He rubbed his hand lightly over her back. “No, not exactly. Your eyes are the color of the sky. Hers are the color of the sea.”

  Casey straightened, her bright smile back in place like the sun after a storm. “And yours are the color of dirt! So we make the sky and the water and the land.”

  He shook his head and smiled at her, figuring that was the weirdest, sweetest compliment he’d ever received. And perhaps the best way to explain it.

  They sat there a long time, her head on his shoulder, the breeze blowing her hair and baby-shampoo smell over his cheek. His arms tightened around her and he felt her sleepy breaths.