Eric was filled with pity and rage, the contrasting emotions making his head pound. He wrapped his arm around his mother as she cried and brought her head to his chest, the warm tears soaking through his shirt.
“He’ll kill us both,” she cried.
“I know, Mom. I won’t do anything.” He pulled her head away and looked into her eyes. “I won’t do anything, okay? Now come on, I gotta get back to the dorms, I got a big mid-term tomorrow.”
His mother wiped the tears on her sleeve and pulled her bangs behind her ears. She took a deep breath to calm herself and sat still, watching the cars pass. She put her sunglasses back on and started driving. “It was my fault,” she said. “I told him to leave after he hit you. I said I didn’t want to be with him anymore.”
“It’s all right. I can’t worry about this now so you’ll have to tell me about it later, okay?”
“Okay. It’s just when he drinks . . .”
“I know, we’ll talk about it later.”
“I’ll be at St. Anthony’s hospital.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t supposed to leave but there was no one else to come get you. I just had some bleeding and they wanted to keep me under observation.”
“Oh.”
They rode the rest of the way in silence, Eric saying good bye as he was dropped off and promising to call her tonight. He watched her drive away and felt sorry for her. For a life that fell apart after his father left. But he had only one thought on his mind and it dominated everything else: where could he buy a gun that couldn’t be traced back to him?
CHAPTER
13
The night seemed to wrap around Eric, swallow him. He was crouched down in the bushes behind his mother’s house looking up into the kitchen window and listening to Jeff talk on the phone. A .40 caliber handgun was tucked against the small of his back. It was the first gun he’d ever bought and it’d surprised him how easy it was. He just walked the streets of downtown at night and was offered drugs but asked for a gun. A young kid, no more than fifteen or sixteen, said he’d get one for him. An hour later Eric had a stolen gun that couldn’t be traced for less than two hundred bucks. The guns were purchased with fake ID’s from gun stores and were sold on the streets to people who couldn’t purchase them legally.
It was cold out, or at least he thought so. There were gray clouds blocking the moonlight and it made the city appear darker than normal. Eric was thoroughly drunk but not to the point of staggering. He stood up and peaked inside. Jeff was shirtless, a large skull tattoo with flames around it on his shoulder, a gold crucifix around his neck dangling with his chest hair.
Eric snuck around the back porch and slowly twisted the knob to the back door, stopping with each squeak to see if Jeff was coming. He opened the door only far enough for himself to fit through and shut it behind him. All he could hear was his heart thumping in his ears and he was short of breath, butterflies twisting his stomach in knots. The TV was on and he tip-toed over and turned it up.
Jeff was still on the phone; Eric could hear him from the hallway. With each step forward, Eric felt he was losing something. Some grip he had on his life that was quickly spiraling out of control. But something was pushing him to go into the kitchen. Eric stopped by the entrance of the kitchen and leaned against the wall. He reached behind him and came out with the gun. The trigger felt smooth and the weight of it in his hand gave him confidence, moved him forward. What other choice did he have? It was only a matter of time before Jeff would kill his mother. There was no way around it. His mother would be too frightened to testify against him and the police wouldn’t do anything. There was no one else.
He turned the corner and pointed the gun.
Jeff was sitting at the dining table with his back toward him. Eric took a couple steps and could see the sheen of sweat on Jeff’s neck. He pointed the barrel at his head, his finger feeling the trigger.
Jeff stopped talking. He put the phone down and stood up. Eric realized he could see his reflection in the glass of the kitchen window. Jeff turned and looked straight at him, fear flashing across his face before disappearing. He glanced down at the gun and then back up at Eric.
Eric could feel the anger in him, the hatred. It flowed from his gut, through his arm, and into the finger pressed against the trigger. Hatred had a taste; it came up like bile and clouded his eyesight, made him deaf. It consumed him and in the end, there was only the hatred.
Eric squeezed the trigger.
The click of the empty gun echoed in the room. Eric tucked the gun away, never taking his eyes off Jeff.
“Touch my mom again, and it’ll be loaded next time.”
He turned to leave the kitchen. Feet running on the linoleum behind him. Eric reached into his pocket.
Brass knuckles bashed into Jeff’s mouth as he tried to tackle Eric from behind, cracking his front teeth. He fell back, blood pouring down his chin and onto his chest.
“Motherfucker!”
He charged at Eric again, connecting with a jab to his face before receiving a powerful right to the jaw. Jeff’s eyes glazed over and he shook his head to rid himself of the blurry vision. Eric pummeled his face and Jeff threw his hands up in a guard. His hands and forearms turned bright red from the blows. He fell back against the sink and reached for a knife behind him.
Eric smashed the brass knuckles into his face with a straight right and that sent him to the floor. He stood over him, panting, and said, “Touch her again cocksucker, and I’ll kill you.”
Eric was near the front door when the sound of a cartridge hitting the floor registered in his mind. The round had nicked his ear and been embedded into the heavy wood of the front door. His ears began to ring and it felt as if time slowed.
Jeff held a revolver with a loose grip, his other hand stopping the blood that spilled from his mouth. Eric felt the pull of fear. He dashed behind the couch as a round missed his face by inches. Another round went through the couch and embedded into the coffee table. Jeff stepped closer and fired another round into the couch, grazing his leg. Eric knew if he stayed where he was he would die. He stood and rushed at him.
A bullet slammed into Eric’s shoulder but he tackled Jeff to the floor before the next round went off. They wrestled with the gun. Eric’s arm had Jeff’s hand pinned to his chest. Jeff began to pull down, trying to fire a round into Eric’s stomach.
Eric felt a sharp pain and thought he had been shot. He screamed as the muffled blast from the gun tore through flesh.
Eric stood up, blood covering his clothes, certain that he was shot. Then he heard the sucking noise coming from Jeff’s chest and the black liquid oozing onto his mother’s floor.
“No!” Eric shouted. He grabbed a blanket off the couch and pressed it against Jeff’s chest, putting his weight behind it to stop the flow of blood that was pooling on the floor. “Jeff, I’m calling an ambulance. Hold this here. Jeff!”
But it was too late. Jeff’s eyes soon sat still, life drained from them. He no longer appeared human but as a corpse. As if someone had pulled the animating soul out of the inanimate body.
Eric grabbed the phone and dialed 911. He told them his mother’s address and then set the phone down. He sat on the couch waiting for the police to arrive. Then a thought crossed his mind and it made him feel sick: they wouldn’t believe him. He showed up with a gun and brass knuckles. They would think he did this on purpose. New Hampshire had the death penalty; he would die for this.
He sprinted to the kitchen and out the back door into the night, hopping over the neighbor’s wooden fence and into a flowerbed. He ran across their lawn and noticed a doghouse in the corner. A growl drew his attention in front of him where an Akida stood bearing his teeth. The dog was large and muscular, thick strands of drool beginning to ooze out of its mouth. Eric darted for the fence and the dog was on him. He felt a burning pain in his ankle and turned around to see the Akida biting down and shaking its head.
Eric noticed for the first time
he was still holding the gun. He hit the dog over the head with the butt and it whined and loosened his grip. Eric lunged over the fence as the dog made another jump at him but missed and bit down on air.
Eric jumped two more fences and then was on the street. He walked quickly around the block as he heard sirens in the distance, coming closer. They wouldn’t believe him. He went over there with a gun and pulled the trigger. He pummeled Jeff’s face. They would think he did it on purpose.
Each street lamp was like poison as he passed underneath, glancing around to see if anybody saw him. His ears caused him a dull pain and his wrist was starting to ache, but he didn’t feel much different. He didn’t feel much of anything; just a nothingness.
Sirens were right behind him now, on the same street. Two patrol cars were speeding toward him and he threw the gun into the first trash bin he saw and started walking slower, his hands in his pockets. As the sirens came behind him, he wondered if he should run or maybe pretend to have a gun so they’d shoot him. There was no way he could survive in a cage surrounded by men like Jeff for twenty years before being executed. He’d rather die now.
He held his breath as the first car’s lights hit him, and drove past. The other one followed and they turned a corner heading toward his mother’s house. Eric exhaled and his body seemed to melt, his knees wobbling and unable to hold him. He had to stop and lean against a fence before he was able to walk again.
He waited by a bus stop, sitting on the bench and trying to catch his breath. His ankle stung but the bleeding had stopped and the stain on his sock was covered by his pant leg.
The waiting was the most frightening part. Every sound became a gunshot and every conversation became the police yelling at him not to move. When the bus came it was half-empty and Eric sat staring out the windows. It felt like everyone that looked at him knew he’d killed. Like they could hear his thoughts.
In the quiet of the bus he had time to think about what he’d done. Taken a life. It didn’t seem like much. He pictured feeling and thinking different afterward but there was nothing.
Though he had a vague sense that nothing had changed the nothingness would cause change. If taking a life didn’t mean anything, then what did life mean? A sense of pointlessness grew in him as he watched the passing convenience stores and street lamps of downtown Concord. He didn’t feel like being in motion right now, he just wanted to sit somewhere and think.
Relief poured over him when he was let off in front of the dorms. The cramped, inexpensive building never looked so good. He walked in, resisting the urge to break into a run.
The dirty little room was warm and smelled like men’s cologne. Eric turned the lights off and sat on the bed. The moon was out now and the pale light coming through the blinds appeared like bars against the wall and it made him uncomfortable. He undressed, and lay down.
Adrenaline coursed through him and he just lay staring at the ceiling and replaying the event in his mind. In his moment of anger and hatred he acted like a fool. Maybe he could’ve run out of the house? Maybe he should’ve waited for the police?
When the rush had faded, only emptiness remained. He felt agitated. A suspicion entered his mind and quickened his pulse; his mother was in the hospital because of Jeff, they would come to her first, and then him.
After rising and dressing himself, he got a gym bag out of the closet and stuffed it full with whatever he could grab; socks, underwear, two pairs of jeans and a few shirts, deodorant, toothbrush, and a couple baseball caps. When he went to take his wallet off the nightstand he saw Thomas’s card next to it with some change and condoms Jason had left out. Eric picked up the card, running his finger along the edge. He admired the simplicity of it; all it said was Thomas Keets—Hunting Guide. It had a phone number and an email address. He threw it back on the nightstand and hurried out of the room. Suddenly, a pain hit him like none he’d ever experienced and the bag dropped from his hand. Blood had soaked his sleeve and was dripping from his arm onto the floor. As the adrenaline faded, his shoulder felt as if it were tearing away from his body, muscle fiber by muscle fiber. He vomited from the pain in the hallway and then picked up his bag and hurried out. There was no choice; he had to risk a visit to a hospital.
CHAPTER
14
Eric woke to the sound of passing traffic. The sky was the color of smoke in the moments after dawn, the earthy scent of rain hanging in the air like a transparent fog and giving him the sensation of dampness in the nose. He lay in the hospital bed and enjoyed the wind that blew through the open windows.
The wound hadn’t been as serious as he had thought but the bullet had hit a tendon, causing an enormous amount of pain and limiting his movement. All gunshots in hospitals were reported to police and an overweight officer came to his room and filled out a report, hardly glancing up. Eric claimed it was a road rage incident and gave a description of his attacker, describing Jason down to the last detail. The officer stated he would contact a detective and they would be in touch with him and left the hospital room, taking all of fifteen minutes.
Eric stretched and took a Lortab without water before checking out of the ER. He walked outside. When he was on the sidewalk he pulled out a cell phone and dialed Jason’s number. He didn’t answer and Eric left a message. “I think I’m trouble Jas, I need to talk to you. Call me back as soon as you get this.”
There was a small diner nearby and he walked in and sat in a booth by the window. He ordered pancakes and coffee and added up how much money he had: fifty in cash and six hundred on a credit card. As he swallowed the last drop of a second cup of coffee, his cell phone rang. It was Jason.
“I’m glad you called,” Eric said.
“Jesus Eric the police were here.”
Eric’s heart jumped. “Why?”
“They wanted to talk to you. Said Jeff’s dead and they need to talk to you as soon as possible. Tell me you didn’t do anything stupid.”
“Of course not.” Eric was suddenly unsure whether he could trust Jason fully. He’d been a good friend the entire time he’d known him, but things like this break loyalty and Jason’s was untested so far.
“Your message said you were in trouble.”
“I got a DUI.”
“Shit, really? Well I’ll cover for you at school.”
“Don’t worry about it; I’m withdrawing from this semester. I’ve already missed enough class to be kicked out.”
“If that’s what you want, I guess. So what’d ya think happened to Jeff?”
“He was a junkie. Probably some other junkie shot him.”
There was a slight pause before Jason spoke. “How’d you know he was shot, Eric?”
Eric panicked and then said, “I didn’t, I just guessed.”
“Oh,” Jason said.
“I gotta get goin’ Jas, but, I want you to know you’ve always been a good friend to me.”
Jason chuckled. “You sound like you’re dying. You’re a good friend too. You take care of yourself, all right?”
“If you see Wendy, tell her . . . well, tell her I love her.”
“I will. Bye Eric.”
“Bye.”
Eric sat another hour in the diner, sipping coffee and watching the traffic out the window. More than anything else he wanted to see his mother and say good bye. But that was exactly the one thing he couldn’t do; the police would be waiting for him there. He thought about it and then dialed Jason’s number again.
“What’s up?”
“Did the cops leave a number for me to call?”
“Yeah, somewhere. As soon as I find it I’ll text it to you.”
“Thanks.”
The text came in and Eric dialed the number. It rang twice before a gruff voice answered. “Concord Police Department, this is Detective Pregman.”
“Yeah, Detective, my name’s Eric Holden and my roommate just informed me that you wanted to talk to me.”
“Yes, we did. He actually told us you didn’t have a cell phone.�
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Eric grinned. “I just use it for emergencies. What can I do for you?”
“Did your roommate tell you your stepfather’s dead?”
“Yeah, it’s crazy. I don’t know what to think.”
“Well we have a few questions for you; I was hoping you could come down to the station and give us a statement. You know, if he had any enemies or anything like that.” The detective hesitated. “Why don’t you tell me where you are and I can just have someone come pick you up?”
The hesitation was as loud as any words: he knew. “Actually I got a class in a couple hours so I’ll be around the campus all day. I’ll come up as soon as I’m done. How’s around three sound?”
“That’ll be fine. You know where the precinct is?”
“Yeah, do I just ask for you?”
“Yeah, me or my partner Detective Rodriguez.”
“Okay, I’ll see ya at three then.”
Eric hung up and threw a ten dollar bill on the table before rushing out of the diner. It had started to drizzle and a cold breeze was quickly turning into a gale as he ran to the bus stop.
*****
The hospital smelled like all hospitals; disease and floor polish. The emergency room was packed with people coughing, people crying, and people staring silently at nothing. Eric walked past them and made his way to the front desk. He asked a portly receptionist where Carol Steiner was and she said the third floor, room 305.
He took the elevator to the third floor and looked down the hall before stepping out. The hallway was nearly empty but voices were coming from the various rooms. Room 302 had an older woman in it, crying. She had her arms around a younger boy and the boy was crying too. 304 had an enormously fat man with a round potbelly protruding from his hospital gown. An IV was in his bicep and he had crusted white saliva on the corners of his mouth. A bag of chips was on the nightstand and the television was blaring a daytime talk show. Room 305 was next door and Eric glanced in; it was only his mother.
The Extinct Page 6