“You’re the expert on that one; I trust your judgment. But I wasn’t talking about the ship and I think you know that. I’d like a sit-rep on the Alex situation. If you can spare the time.”
Sandy looked at his friend, his nominal boss, and took in the body language: the hands clasped behind the back, the slightly raised eyebrow, the no-nonsense expression on that face. Sarhaan had been noticeably mellower since they’d landed on Doradus -- since settling into domestic bliss with Caleb. So mellow, in fact, that Sandy had gotten used to the more relaxed, ‘run a clean shop and don’t bother me with minutiae’ leadership style Sarhaan had adopted since falling for Cal and all of his glorious blond cuteness.
On the outside Sarhaan might still be every inch the intimidating warrior, but knowing he had something to live for besides Honor, God, and Corps had changed him. Maybe it was knowing he had someone at home who cared whether he lived or died -- Caleb certainly filled that bill. In Caleb’s eyes, Sarhaan hadn’t hung just the moon, but the planets and every hunk of orbiting rock as far as the Kuiper Belt. For his part, Sarhaan looked at Caleb with an expression that told anyone with eyes to see that he’d rip the beating heart out of any man’s chest who thought he could come between them.
Sandy had worked and fought alongside Sarhaan for enough years to know he was fully capable of delivering on that threat.
It was the God’s honest truth, though, that it got a little hard to take sometimes. Not that he begrudged Sarhaan happiness; not by any means. But Ess was his friend, his compatriot, his teammate since boot camp, and he’d gotten used to having Sarhaan’s ear first. Taken it for granted, even. Caleb had done his best to fit in with the rest of the team -- not always easy as the only civilian on board -- and no one questioned that Caleb had Sarhaan’s interests foremost in his mind any more. In fact, to the average bystander the intensity of the blaze between them could be a little blinding at times.
Sandy was starting to realize, though, just what a man might be willing to do to get something like that for himself and viewed his friend accordingly. “Alex is doing okay. He’s got steady work, no enemies that I know of, and as far as I can tell he’s not on anything.”
“Good. That’s good. So… mind telling me exactly what I saw going on back there?”
The businesslike pace of their walk slowed and Sandy’s hands, jammed into his pants pockets, tensed. “Guess that depends on who’s asking. My friend, or my CO?” Sandy took a deep breath and checked Sarhaan’s reaction from the corner of his eye.
“A little of both.” Sarhaan’s hands, like usual, were clasped behind his back, his hair hung past his shoulders in its customary mass of small braids. “I feel responsible for Alex, and I’m the one who asked you to keep an eye on him. Were you looking after business the best way you know how, or was that something a little more personal, maybe?
Little bubbles of resentment began floating up in Sandy. Who he chose to get involved with was nobody’s business but his own. Sarhaan might be the nominal leader of their ragged little bunch, but it had been a lot of years since Sandy’d answered to anyone about his personal life. Stopping, Sandy stood still to meet Sarhaan’s gaze.
Opening his mouth to tell Sarhaan to go fuck himself, Sandy thought better of it and closed it -- before he said something he couldn’t take back. His friend knew him well enough to read the silence, though, and, for whatever reason, wasn’t willing to let it go. “What? Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
Sandy stared. Words welled up in his throat, only to jam. A small part of him wouldn’t mind some help on this one -- somebody to bounce ideas off of. But the other, larger part of him said this was too personal. Nobody else’s damn business. “Nothing to talk about.”
One of Sarhaan’s eyebrows went up. “Really?”
“Nope.”
“Odd, because I can think of any number of times you’ve protected a target, but I don’t ever recall you having to swap spit with one before.”
“Nothing to say.” This had nothing to do with security, safety, or anything at all to do with the team. Sandy wasn’t going to talk about it and he gazed steadily back at Sarhaan until the message sank in.
“D’abu! What’s up, my man?” Kai Xuwicha, XO of the Vigilant and number two behind Sarhaan, slapped Sandy on the back. “Tell me good things about the business you brought in.”
Sandy turned to Kai, keeping an eye on Sarhaan as he moved on. “Hey, Kai. I got a couple of things on the line.”
***
“Sandy, comm line two for you.”
“Thanks, Jimi.” Sandy set down the filter canister he’d been working on and grabbed a towel to dry his hands as he headed for the nearest comm unit. Gesturing at Naslund, elbow-deep in the ship’s water treatment system, to keep going, Sandy pressed the connect button. “D’abu here.
“Sandy, hi. It’s Alex. What are you doing?”
Alex’s voice carried and Nas looked up, speculation sparking to full-blown life instantly in his eyes. Weighing privacy against the pain-in-the-ass factor of going to the nearest private unit, Sandy decided to grit his teeth and try to keep the conversation short.
“Hey, Alex.”
“Yeah, I… I just wondered if, maybe, you’re coming by tonight?”
“I can’t.” Sandy glanced at Naslund, who wasn’t even pretending to be focused on his work, listening with blatant interest. “I’m stuck on the ship tonight. I’ve got this job going that I can’t walk away from and everybody figures I’ve just had three weeks of shore leave, so I’m getting no sympathy. What are you doing? A word of warning, though: you’re on speaker and Naslund’s listening to every lascivious word, so watch what you say.”
“Oh. Well—” Sandy could hear the hesitation; could almost see Alex chewing his lower lip. “I was, I saw the other guys come in and I was… just hoping I’d see you.”
The disappointment in Alex’s voice sounded real and Sandy wondered who was listening in on Alex’s end. Individual comm units weren’t allowed in any of the performance rooms at Nelly’s, so where was Alex calling from? “Me, too. I can’t get away right now, though.”
“That’s too bad. Last night was…” Sandy closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the comm unit as Alex’s voice softened. Watch what you’re saying, honey. “I really liked it.”
Naslund’s grin only got wider. The little fucker was really enjoying this. “Yeah, me, too. I’m sorry, babe, but I’m stuck. Hopefully, I’ll get this finished soon, so hopefully tomorrow.”
Sandy raised a hand to the comm unit, his fingers curling inward as though to stroke the words that emanated from it; caress the unit itself if he couldn’t have Alex.
“Oh. Serious? That’s too bad.” Alex’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I’d really like to see you.”
Flashing back to sharing Alex’s bed, Sandy scraped his fingertips over the half-dozen holes in the speaker panel. The sound quality was so-so, but he could still remember what Alex’s voice sounded like from the adjoining pillow. “Me, too. I’m sorry, Alex.”
They’d hardly done more than kiss, and even that had been tentative and fraught with misunderstandings and false starts, but already Sandy thought of Alex as his and wasn’t that crazy? This was just a game. A game they played for the benefit of Alex’s employers and the rest of the people around him. Not that Sandy wouldn’t like to make it real, but he had to keep in mind that it wasn’t. Not yet, anyway.
“Maybe I could… forget it. Have a good night, Sandy. I hope your job goes okay. Comm me when you have a chance?”
Oh, hell. Sandy slumped against the bulkhead, folding his arms and tucking his hands beneath his armpits. Alex never asked for much. Watching him night after night at Nelly’s, Sandy knew Alex worked hard and pulled his weight, rarely made a fuss. What had it cost Alex to find an available comm line and contact him?
“Listen,” Sandy checked to see if Naslund was still listening and shot the man a look that said he’d remove the man’s tonsils throu
gh his asshole if Nas didn’t get back to work. “I can’t leave the ship, but there’s no rule that says you can’t come here. I have to check on this water system every couple of hours until I get it up and running, but you could come and hang out in my quarters.”
“Really? That’d be terrific. I’ll stay out of your way, I promise. You’ll hardly know I’m there. You’re sure, now?”
“I’m sure.” The little bloom of warmth in his gut told Sandy he was doing the right thing -- whatever the personal cost to himself. “You know how to get here?”
***
One down, two to go.
Two more sections of airlock and Alex would be off the station and on the Vigilant. Off Doradus for the first time in six months. Odd how he didn’t remember being bothered by the small chambers in between sections before. He didn’t remember being claustrophobic the last time, but the size of them, the thickness of the walls, was really getting to him.
Alex snorted. Maybe he should admit that the reason he didn’t remember was because the last time he’d been through the airlocks he’d been coming down off the drugs, crashing hard, and the truth was he didn’t remember much of anything from that period. Alternately burning up and freezing cold, Alex’s only hazy recollection from that time was of ants -- the grotesque blue-green ants he’d thought were climbing out of his clothes, crawling on his skin, chewing the flesh from his bones. He’d scratched his skin raw, even after he’d landed on Doradus and Joe Sotheran had taken him in.
Shaking himself like a dog coming out of the water, Alex shoved the memories aside. That was all behind him now. He was doing okay. He had a job. A few friends. Sort of. Sandy wouldn’t have agreed to help him if he was a total loser, so he had that going for him.
Sandy.
He was looking forward to being with Sandy like he hadn’t looked forward to being with someone in… Alex searched his memory. A long time. Ever, maybe.
There had been Nick, of course. Alex could remember a time when he’d looked forward to seeing Nick so much that he’d practically vibrated with anticipation: scared, excited, his stomach doing somersaults. Nick had been dangerous and thrilling, and it made Alex laugh now to think about what a stupid hick kid he’d been about his first time. His first love.
Love.
Alex pulled the borrowed coat he wore closer and rolled his eyes at himself. Nobody was that naïve.
No one but him, that was.
A flicker of movement caught Alex’s eye, making him sit up straighter. There wasn’t much traffic at this hour, most people preferring to stick to a schedule that mimicked terrestrial Earth, so in the wee hours of the morning Alex had the chamber to himself.
Squinting, Alex tried to decide if -- yes, that was someone at the window -- the far window on the other side of the next chamber. A series of three airlocks separated the precious artificial atmosphere inside the rotating cylinder of the asteroid-turned-space-station from the void of space, and someone was at the window of the third, looking in at him.
Pushing himself to his feet, Alex approached the window. His distance vision stunk to begin with, and adding in the two sets of double-paned windows doomed him. It might be Sandy, though, so he gave a little wave before returning to his seat, self-conscious as hell.
He couldn’t sit still. Alex jiggled his knees; bounced on the balls of his feet; crossed and uncrossed his arms. God, how long did this process take? Between the tram ride and the pressurized airlocks, it felt like he’d been traveling for days.
Oh, come on Alex. He’s just a man. They all put their boots on one foot at a time.
Maybe.
Sandy was different. He just seemed so… decent. As if there was such a thing. Sandy would never— Alex shook his head again. No need to revisit those memories any more than necessary. They were even beginning to fade a little, so let them already.
Alex looked down at his feet, encased in the same pair of ordinary black work shoes he wore every day, and wished he had something a little nicer. He shouldn’t worry about it, he knew. No one had to tell him about the futility of worrying about what couldn’t be changed.
Still.
It would be nice, just for once, to be appreciated for who he was.
The magnetic lock clicked open and the door rolled slowly back.
Two down, one more to go.
***
“You made it.”
The third and last door had finally opened and Sandy swept Alex into a hug, burying his face in Alex’s hair; holding tight. Alex didn’t know what do with his hands, but he was pretty sure he ought to do something with them, so he tried placing them carefully on Sandy’s back.
Tongue-tied and shy suddenly, Alex fumbled for something to say. Anything. “Yeah.” Oh, brilliant conversationalist.
Sandy had sounded truly busy, tied up with work, and probably didn’t have time to waste keeping Alex company. It was too late to worry about that, though. He was here. Now what did they do about it?
Sandy pulled back, running his hands up Alex’s arms, cupping Alex’s face. A big man, Sandy had hands to match and they were enormous, easily spanning the back of Alex’s head as his thumbs stroked circular patterns along Alex’s jaw. “I’m glad. But you’d better kiss me if you want anyone to believe we’re in love.”
“In love?” Alex’s mouth fell open.
“Yeah. We’re crazy about each other.” Eyes twinkling, Sandy gave Alex a rakish grin. Anyone looking at Sandy would no doubt believe him. Drawing closer, shoving the bulky borrowed jacket aside, Sandy’s eyes got that hooded, I’m-thinking-of-sex look in them. “Now kiss me.”
Hands pressed flat against Sandy’s back, Alex was mesmerized by the look in Sandy’s eyes. Suddenly aware of the proximity of Sandy’s dick, a jolt of apprehension shot through Alex.
When Sandy’s lips touched his, though, the apprehension turned into something else. Something different and much more interesting. The little tingle that had begun in Alex’s groin, back at Nelly’s, was back. What was even more strange about it was that Alex realized he liked it. Maybe even wanted some more of it.
Pressing closer, Alex gave up his mouth to Sandy’s kiss; splayed his hands across the muscles of Sandy’s back and let Sandy’s tongue lick into him. A heartfelt groan gave Alex the confidence to chase after Sandy’s tongue a little with his own as Sandy’s retreated.
Running his hands through Alex’s hair, Sandy broke the kiss, pulling Alex deeper into his embrace, Sandy’s heavy sigh bringing their bodies into even closer contact. Surprising himself by how much he liked it, Alex clasped his hands together behind Sandy’s back and looked up. “In love, huh?”
“Oh, absolutely. Deeply. Wildly. Crazy in love.” Sandy smiled and gave a little wink. When Alex smiled back, Sandy swung them in the direction of the ship, away from the airlock, and dropped an arm over Alex’s shoulders. “C’mon. I’ll show you where to stash your gear. Then you can decide if you want to eat, sleep, or just hang out.”
“Gear?”
Sandy swung something in his free hand and Alex recognized his own carryall, obscured by the jacket that had landed on it. So dazzled by Sandy’s greeting, he’d forgotten its very existence. “Oh, right.”
Half expecting to see a crowd, Alex was a little let down that they made it all the way to Sandy’s quarters without meeting a soul. Fitting his hand to a thermal imager, the door slid open for Sandy and he led Alex inside.
Not nearly as palatial as Alex had imagined, still, it was larger than Alex’s own room back at Nelly’s. The bed was huge. But, then, so was Sandy. A small table, a couple of chairs built on the same scale as the bed, a desk and a computer completed the furnishings.
“It’s nice.” Alex smiled encouragingly as he looked around.
“Not exactly the Governor’s suite, but at least I don’t have to share.”
“Yeah, that would be bad. You’re a little past it for the whole roommate bit.”
Sandy head came up. “Hey. Watch who you’re calling old
there, junior.”
“Oh, please. Would you get over yourself already?” Feeling lighthearted -- playful, even -- in a way that was totally new and unfamiliar, Alex nudged Sandy. “You know you’re the hottest thing to hit town since portable virtual reality units. Don’t try to play coy.”
Laughing, Sandy nudged back. “Holy shit, I’d ask what you’re smoking, but I thought you quit all that.”
“You know I did. And watch who you’re pushing there, old man. You have no idea who you’re dealing with here. No idea at all.” Alex got a lucky shot in, rocking Sandy back on his heels with a well-timed shove.
“You little—” Alex never even saw Sandy move. The next thing Alex knew he was falling backwards, bouncing a little on the firm mattress as Sandy followed him down. Caged between Sandy’s arms, legs pinned by one of Sandy’s, Alex gasped for air. Not even breathing hard, Sandy grinned down at him. “I’m sorry, what was that again? No idea? I’m saying I’ve got me some hot new stranger in my bed and it’s looking mighty tasty.”
Off World 2: Sanctuary Page 8