by R. C. Martin
The hallway that houses both the men and women’s restrooms is long and narrow. I prop myself against the wall just beyond the mouth of the corridor and wait patiently for the object of my desire to make her exit. I don’t have to wait long. She’s fidgeting with her long necklace as she enters the hallway, and stops with a jolt of surprise when she notices me.
“Judah,” she sighs, bringing her hand up to her chest. “You scared me.”
“My apologies. It was not my intent.”
She nods, letting her hands fall to her sides. For a second, neither of us speaks. “Um, is everything okay? I mean—why aren’t you at the table?”
“I don’t play the third wheel very well,” I inform her, standing upright before taking a step toward her.
“Hmm,” she hums with a knowing smile. “Neither do I. But they seem to like each other a lot, which is nice.”
I shrug, sliding my hands into my pockets. “If you’re into that sort of thing, I suppose.”
A slight frown pulls at her features before she asks, “What is that supposed to mean?”
I shake my head, looking down at my feet as I remind myself of the bond that I saw between sisters. Of course she would be rooting for them. I suppose, in my own way, I am, too—for Ben’s sake. The fool. I meet her eyes once more and find that she is still waiting for a response. “Nothing. It means nothing.”
I watch as she studies me for a moment, curious to know what thoughts are whirling around behind those big eyes. “So…” She starts and then she stops, tilting her head to the side as she peers up at me. “So what you said the other day—what was it?” she asks herself. “You like to dine before you fuck? Those were your words, right?”
For reasons completely unknown, the foul word formed by those sweetheart lips makes my cock stir. All at once, I’m overwhelmed with the desire to back her up against the wall and devour her.
“Am I wrong?” she asks, lifting her eyebrows in question.
I draw in a deep breath, willing myself to gain control of my thoughts as I take another step toward her. “No.”
“So—um—so…”
I can feel the beginning of a smile at the corner of my mouth as her body begins to respond to mine. Her breathing has grown shallow. I take another step toward her, eradicating almost every inch between us, and I no longer remember what we were talking about.
“Wait,” she insists, pressing a hand against my chest. Her touch lights me on fire, and I can tell she feels it, too. She yanks her hand away as if I’ve burned her. “So—you’re saying, that while Ben and Harper are looking for love—you’re looking for—for—for what?”
I pull a hand from my pocket, eager to touch her, to feel her touch. I take her hand, trapping it against my chest before I reply. “Pleasure, Teddy. I seek pleasure.”
She coughs out a sigh and pulls away from me, taking two steps back so that she is no longer in reach. “Well then. I don’t think you’re a gentleman at all, Judah. More like—more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
I snicker softly, returning my hand to my pocket. “I do like to bite.”
Her eyes grow wide and her cheeks fill with color as she gasps—her mouth falling open, practically begging for my tongue to dive inside.
“It’s time for me to go,” she mutters, sweeping by me before I can stop her. “Oh, and Judah?” She stops at the mouth of the hallway, and I turn to look at her. “Consider this our date. No need to return that call.” Then, without a moment’s hesitation, she’s gone.
I shake my hand out, trying to rid my mind of the memory of his palm against my skin. Even just thinking about what I’m trying to forget makes me hot from head to toe—but to admit that I feel even the slightest bit turned on is way beyond what I can endure in this moment.
I do like to bite.
His words replay in my head, along with the vision of his devilishly handsome half smile. He had been so close—I could feel his body heat radiating off of him. That, coupled with the smell of his cologne, made it hard for me to breathe. What I wanted more than air was to stand dwarfed in all that is Jude, pinned in that one spot, with those gorgeous grey eyes looking at me like no man has ever looked at me before. Ever.
Shit! I think I might actually be breaking out into a sweat as I approach the table. I barely register the fact that my sister’s lips are sucking on Ben’s as I reach for my purse and tap her arm. When she pulls away from him with a start, looking up at me from over her shoulder, the tug of her eyebrows informs me that she’s instantly aware that something is wrong.
“It’s time to go. I’ll meet you outside. Better yet—I’ll meet you at the car. Ben,” I chance a pause, needing to take a breath. “It was lovely meeting you. I’m sure this won’t be the last time.”
“Is everything okay?” he asks, concern tugging at his brow.
I peek over my shoulder and blush when my gaze clashes with Judah’s. “Yup. Everything is fine,” I say, backing my way toward the exit. “Harp—five minutes, okay?” I don’t even wait for her response before I hurry out of the restaurant.
The night is a balmy one, which I would usually appreciate. Right now, though, I’d kill for a cool breeze. I’m about halfway to the car, ready to cross the street, when I hear Harper calling for me.
“Who the fuck is Speed Racer now? Slow down! These heels were sure as shit not meant for running,” she yells, gesturing wildly to her feet.
I look behind her, making sure she isn’t being followed, before I offer her a nod and wait.
“Okay. Lay it on me,” she says, spreading her arms wide once she’s reached my side. “Do I need to dump Ben?”
“What? No!” I insist.
“Good,” she says with a grin, linking her arm with mine. “I love you, and I’m all for solidarity and whatever-the-hell, but he just might be a keeper.”
I smile at her, her smitten-joy somewhat contagious. “He’s great—every bit as wonderful as you described him.”
“So, what happened with Jude?” she asks as we continue toward the car.
I open my mouth to explain, and then he’s in my head again—in that hallway, taking my hand with his. My stomach tingles as I recall the wall of muscle that is his chest.
“Teddy?”
“What? Oh,” I sigh, shaking my head, suddenly unsure of what I should say. How do I explain the way he made me feel? How do I tell her that I ran, not because he repels me, but because he does the exact opposite? How do I justify my actions to someone who can read through any and every lie I’ve ever told? “Good cop, bad cop,” I finally spit out. “You got the good one, that’s all.”
“Hey,” she says, stopping just in front of her car as she grips both of my arms. “Did he do something awful? Do you want me to say something to Ben? I will—you know I will.”
“No,” I assure her with a small smile. “It’s okay. I’m a big girl. I handled it.”
“You’re sure?” she asks, giving me a squeeze.
I nod before leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Let’s just go home, okay?”
“You got it.”
We both climb in the car without another word. I try my damnedest not to think of Judah; of the way he seems to awaken my body just by being in the room; of the way his deep voice sounds when he’s talking only loud enough for me to hear; of the way he looks at me like he’d never tire of doing so. I try to push him from my mind. I try and I fail, fisting and flexing the hand that he took against his chest.
Halfway to our destination, Harper reaches over and grabs my other hand, giving my fingers a squeeze. “Thanks for tonight,” she says softly. “It really meant a lot to me.”
I lean my head back against the seat and sigh, admitting to myself that I’ll never be sorry for tagging along, even if she didn’t give me much of a choice.
“Anything for you, Harp.”
She unlocks her front door and grabs my tie, tugging me inside. I slam the door behind us, brushing away her hand as I circle an arm around her waist, p
ulling her back against me.
“Where are we doing this?” I mutter, pressing my erection against her ass.
“Anywhere you want, baby. We’re alone, now.”
She spins around in my arms and presses both hands against my chest before reaching up to kiss my lips. I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no fire. There is no desperation. There is only my need for a release.
I pull my mouth from hers and look down at her face. She’s pretty. She certainly has enough working in her favor to get my dick up, but she’s not who I want. She’s not who I crave. And after two days, I still can’t shake the feeling of Teddy’s touch.
Fuck!
It’s been a hell of a long Monday. The little bar I went to in order to find a quick lay served its purpose. Now here I am, about to sink myself into Rochelle’s wet cunt—only, I’m still thinking about Teddy.
Theodora Fitzpatrick.
I grunt in frustration, reaching for the hem of Rochelle’s skirt. I bring it up around her waist and she smiles at me as I back her further into the room. “I can’t stay for long,” I warn her. “I only have time for a fuck.”
“Aww. Does someone have a curfew?” she teases, pulling at my tie again.
Swear to god—if this bitch doesn’t stop grabbing that piece of silk like it’s a fucking leash—I’ll turn around and walk right out of here.
The threat is an unspoken, idle one. I know good and well that I need this fuck—right now. She was an easy catch. Too easy. Nevertheless, I cannot scoff at the convenience.
“One round with my dick, and you’ll be just fine,” I mutter, pushing her against the wall. I take both of her wrists and hold them pinned above her head. I’ve had enough of her lukewarm touch.
“Well, aren’t you confident.”
I slip my hand into her panties, circling her clit before I jam two fingers into her pussy. She gasps, turning me on just a little bit more. I then bring my mouth a hair’s breath away from hers before I say, “No more talking.”
She nods and then forces her lips against mine. I kiss her back, needing the distraction.
Tonight, this small victory will have to do.
I’m in the storage closet, silently singing the alphabet over and over as I file a stack of paperwork that has been piling up on my desk all week. Just as I tuck away the last form, Andrew appears in the doorway.
“Teddy, could I see you out front?”
“Yeah, sure,” I reply with a nod. He leaves before I have a chance to walk with him, and I furrow my brow, curious as to what this could be about. The sound of my heels fills the gallery with the echo of my approach. When I round the corner into the main room, my step falters before my pace slows as I close the distance between the cousins and me.
Geoffrey has the biggest grin on his face, his hands holding a mason jar filled with flowers. This will be the third bouquet I’ve received since Tuesday. What I didn’t know about flowers before, I’m certainly learning now. Right away, I recognize the sunflowers, the roses, and the calla lilies, but there’s something else in the mix that I’ll have to look up later. After my chat with Andrew, which no doubt has to do with what is becoming my daily deliveries.
“Buzzkill over here thinks that this is getting ridiculous. I, for one, think it’s fantastic,” says Geoff, handing me the arrangement once I am in reaching distance. I fight a smile as I accept the gift and direct my attention to Andrew.
“He’s twisting my words,” Andy mutters, giving Geoff a sideways glance. “What I said was, maybe we should talk to him. If this Jude guy is making you uncomfortable in any way, I’m more than happy to take a trip to his office.”
“Oh, Andy, no. It’s okay. Really,” I reach out to give his arm a reassuring squeeze. “He’s not making me uncomfortable. I just—” I look away from him, down at the flowers pressed against my chest, then at Tuesday’s delivery, which sits behind the reception desk. Wednesday’s arrangement went home with me last night. It’s now taking residence with the flowers Harper found over the weekend. They’re still doing their best to hang on, though I’d imagine I’ll have to get rid of them in a couple more days. It’s also possible, at this rate, that I’ll need to toss them just to make room for more.
“I’m sorry if this is bothersome,” I apologize with a sigh. “I know I need to talk to him—and I will. I promise.”
“Freckles, that man wants a hell of a lot more than a conversation.”
I throw a glare Geoff’s way, but he only smirks at me in response. I then roll my eyes before addressing Andy once more. “Like I said—I’ll talk to him. Soon.”
He studies me for a moment before he asks, “You’ll let me know if you need me to go kick his ass?”
“I’m sure that won’t be necessary, but yes. Thank you.”
He offers me a curt nod before he gives my shoulder a squeeze and heads back for his office. I make my way behind the reception desk, setting down the flowers before sinking into my chair. Geoff stands beside me, half sitting, half leaning against the desk as he stares at me. Neither of us speaks. We don’t have to. I know what he wants. He knows I know what he wants. So, I endeavor to give him just that. I reach for the little envelope and pull out the note and his business card.
I draw in a deep breath, my heart racing.
Sunday, after dreaming of Judah all night, I made Harper go to church with me. I’m really horrible about going consistently. I’m not particularly close with anyone in the congregation, so there’s not really anyone to keep me accountable. Nevertheless, I do like going. When I’m there, it helps me find my center again—it helps me to remember why I believe in God—it helps me remember that I am worth so much more than I ever believed. Sunday morning, after what happened with Jude the evening before, I needed that reminder.
What Judah wants from me—my body—I can’t give it to him. After what happened with Justin, after he stole what I might have just offered him had he given me more time, it took a lot for me to understand and accept that my body is still mine to give away; that my body is a vessel that was specifically and wonderfully made by the Creator of the universe. It’s a gift, and it’s mine.
It’s been four years since I was robbed of my sense of worth and self-ownership, and I’ve come so far. I’m not ready to just hand myself over—no matter how handsome the invitation. And yet, in the same breath, I cannot deny that Judah makes me feel things that I’ve never felt before in my whole life.
Tuesday morning, after two days of silence, I figured he had heard me when I told him not to call me. I wasn’t disappointed. Not exactly. Something tells me that to encourage him would be to enter into a dangerous game I’m not sure I’m equipped to win. But then Tuesday afternoon came—and with it came the most beautiful bunch of red tulips.
Geoffrey pulls me from my thoughts as he grumbles and snatches the note from between my fingers. “Can’t stop thinking of you,” he reads aloud softly. He them hums, flashing me his handsome smile. “Thinking of you. Still thinking of you. Can’t stop thinking of you…come on Teddy, admit it—there’s a part of you that isn’t calling him because you like his attention. You don’t want it to stop.”
I press my lips together before burying my nose in the bouquet, hoping to hide my rosy cheeks. The truth is, he’s not entirely wrong. Whether or not I’m ready to admit that is an entirely different story.
“Teddy!” He stands, grabbing my chair and spinning it so that I’m facing him dead on. I look up at him sheepishly, knowing already that I’m not ready to have this conversation with him. “It’s me, baby girl. Tell me the truth.”
The look in his blue eyes speaks only of his loyalty. His love for me makes him bias, but he’s also my objective half—always trying to make me see and understand what my blinders or my emotions won’t allow. I know that part of the reason I haven’t opened up to him about Judah, other then to tell him about Saturday night, is because he’ll make me confront what I feel safer running away from. Yet, I’m aware that I can’t hide fro
m him forever. He’s my best friend.
When I nod, he sits down in his chair and leans his elbows on his knees, staring at me as he waits for me to speak.
“He’s charming. Over the phone and in his notes, he’s the gentleman he professes to be. I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t flattered that a man like him is interested in a girl like me.” He scowls at me, but before he can jump in, I shake my head at him. “Don’t even start. He’s thirty-one, babe. Plus, he’s successful and gorgeous and mature in a way that guys my age just aren’t. He drinks scotch for crying out loud.”
Geoff coughs out a half laugh, shrugging his shoulders as a sign of agreement. I take that as my cue to continue.
“While I’m flattered, while I admittedly adore the level of commitment that he’s invested in pursuing me—I’m also not too stupid to see what his end game is. He’s as dangerous as he is charming. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I don’t feel threatened by him at all. What I said to Andy is true. He doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. He actually…”
“He actually what?” Geoff asks, arching a single eyebrow.
“Nothing. Never mind. I just mean—”
“Oh, no, no, no,” he says with a laugh. “How does he make you feel, Teddy?” I seal my lips closed, refusing to entertain the question. It just makes his smile grow wider. “Fuck,” he says with a grin. “You’re not afraid of him trying to get into your pants. You’re afraid of yourself letting him into your pants.”
“Okay!” I exclaim, snatching the cards out of his hand and tossing them into my purse. “We are no longer having this conversation.”
He laughs some more, folding his arms across his chest as if to shield me from the force of his amusement. “No need, baby girl. I know everything I need to know.” He stands and presses a kiss on top of my head. I jerk away from him, annoyed that he read right through me, but he doesn’t seem to mind. “Let the man take you out. Live a little, Teddy—you might enjoy it.”