by R. C. Martin
I shut myself up in my office this morning, determined to find the focus to plow through my emails and handle my managerial responsibilities so that I could spend the afternoon working on a couple designs I’ve been itching to make progress on. My weekend with Teddy put me behind. While I’m certainly not complaining, I’ve got a ton of shit to do.
Thinking about my shy girl reminds me of the night I spent in bed alone. I woke up hard as a rock, needing that tight pussy. I ignored it, knowing I wouldn’t find the release I was after with a quick hand job. Now, after a day like today, I could use a good fuck—and her pussy is exactly what I’m craving.
Before I dive into my design work, I decide to give her a call. I want my woman in my bed tonight, and I won’t take no for an answer.
“Hello?” she speaks.
I ignore the way my chest tightens at the sound of her voice, concentrating on the way my cock starts to harden as I imagine that mouth of hers when she moans my name.
“Hello, Teddy.”
“I miss you.”
A smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth, and I know already that tonight, I will have her.
“Let’s do something about that, sweetheart.”
“Please,” she murmurs sweetly.
Her choice of word has me fully erect, and I reach down to give myself a tight squeeze. I love it when my woman begs for me.
“Come over tonight.”
“Tonight?” she asks, her voice not as enthusiastic as I had anticipated. “I can’t tonight.”
I furrow my brow, displeased. “Why not?”
“I already made plans to hang out with Geoff.”
“So, cancel,” I insist.
She hesitates before she replies, “I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you won’t?”
“I—I don’t want to.”
A scowl pulls at my brow as my blood starts to race away from my groin. I look down at my lap, dissatisfied and determined to have my way. “Last I checked, mine’s the dick that makes you scream, sweetheart—not his.”
“Judah…” she whispers, sounding embarrassed.
“If you really miss me, you’ll prove it. Come over tonight.”
“That’s not fair,” she argues. “I do miss you, but I promised Geoff. I’m not going to cancel on him. Can’t we see each other tomorrow?”
The thought of another night without her irritates me. I waited weeks for her damn cunt, and I think that’s earned me the right to fuck it whenever the hell I want to—and I want to tonight. I don’t want to compromise. I want my woman.
“You can push me off until tomorrow, but not him?”
“Judah—it’s not like that. Can we please just see each other tomorrow?”
I shake my head, appalled at how irrationally perturbed I am, and annoyed that she’s made me feel this way. Even more, I just want a goddamn fuck—and she’s the reason I won’t be getting shit tonight.
“I have to go,” I mutter, no longer wishing to hear the sound of her voice. It just reminds me of how much I want her, how tight she’s got me wrapped around her goddamn finger, and right now—it’s pissing me off.
“Wait, Jude! Are you mad at me?”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” As soon as I say the words, I pull my mobile away from my face and end the call.
That sure as hell didn’t go like I thought it would.
I want to stay pissed off. I want to latch onto the irritation I feel at having been denied what I know we both want—what we both need.
But as I toss my phone down onto my desk, jealousy creeps into my blood stream, coursing through my body. My anger dissipates, my lust wanes, and what’s left is only a longing that causes an ache in my chest that won’t be denied.
Wait, Jude! Are you mad at me?
I know I probably just hurt her, and it makes me feel like shit—but my pride keeps me from picking up the phone to call her back.
Fuck. I’m so fucking fucked.
I stare down at my phone, panic replacing the excitement that filled my belly when I saw it was Judah calling me. I wasn’t prepared for our conversation to take such a nose dive. The stubborn side of me knows that I did nothing wrong. I promised my best friend that it would be just him and me tonight, and I won’t take back my word. And yet, my heart hurts knowing that I’ve made Judah upset with me.
It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. He has no right to be upset with me. He’s told me no plenty of times before; but that’s the logical side of me talking—that’s my brain screaming at me, telling me I did the right thing and that my desire to cry right now is completely irrational and uncalled for. But I do want to cry—because my heart doesn’t care about logic. My heart knows only one thing.
He’s mad at me.
I pace back and forth along the length of the room, a full on battle raging inside of me. It takes me a few minutes to gain control of my emotions. In the end, it’s by sheer will that I convince myself to let logic rule. I’m in love with Judah, but I am not his beck-and-call girl. I’m his girlfriend, but I’m still Teddy—I have to be. And tonight, I’m going out to spend some quality time with one of my favorite people in the whole world. Whatever jealousy issues Judah has with Geoff, he’s just going to have to get over them; and the dick that makes me scream, as he so romantically phrased it, will have to wait.
I take a deep breath as I reach for the handle of the door in front of me, ignoring the worry I feel; ignoring the doubt that makes my stomach ache; ignoring the question of what might happen between Judah and me after a night spent at odds? I ignore it all—especially the memory of what happened the last time he got upset with me…
He wants me, I remind myself.
He’s chosen me.
After everything we’ve been through, he wouldn’t just change his mind about us.
He couldn’t.
“Give me that,” Geoff demands, holding out his hand.
I look down at my phone, sitting on top of the table next to my barely-touched glass of wine, and then over at him.
“Give it to me.”
I suck. I suck so much, I despise myself. I think I might even cry. Right now, I’m like the definition of the world’s worst friend. I promised Geoff that tonight would be just the two of us. I’ve broken that promise over and over again—every single time I look down at the damn phone. The damn phone that won’t ring.
“For Christ’s sake—Theodora Rose Fitzpatrick, give me the fucking phone.”
I swallow the lump in my throat as I slide the device across the table. It doesn’t even make it half way between us before he’s snatched it up and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans.
“Now—drink the rest of that wine. I mean it, baby girl—chug that bitch.”
I take a deep breath and then do just as he says. I don’t put the glass down until I’ve swallowed every last drop.
“I’m assuming you’ve only actually heard about every other word that’s come out of my mouth in the last twenty minutes. Don’t worry,” he says, holding up a hand to stop me when I open my mouth to protest. “I’m a boring sack of shit these days. Thinking about redecorating the condo. I don’t need you to tell me whether I should consider a warmer pallet, or stick with a cool theme. Not today, anyway. But you bet your cute, little ass I’m dragging you to IKEA when I’m good and ready.”
“Of course,” I murmur sincerely. “I’d love to come with you.”
“Great. So, are you going to tell me what’s got you so preoccupied? Or are you going to pretend that the ghost of boyfriend present isn’t standing at my back?”
I sigh, reaching up to sweep my hair behind my ears, replaying our earlier conversation.
“He’s mad at me. I don’t know, Geoff—I think we might be in a fight? I mean—maybe. I don’t know for sure.”
“Okay. What happened?”
“He wanted me to come over tonight. I told him I couldn’t, and that I had plans with you.”
As soon as the words fall from my lips, a f
rown pulls at my brow. It sounds so stupid; and judging by the look on Geoff’s face right now, he agrees.
“That’s it? He’s mad at you because you’re hanging out with me instead of him?” I nod and he laughs. “God, what a dick.”
“Geoffrey,” I mumble, his retort not helping me feel better in the slightest.
“Come on, Teddy—admit it. Your boyfriend is throwing a temper tantrum, which is flat out ridiculous.”
“He’s used to getting what he wants, that’s all,” I say with a shrug—sounding awfully close to defending him. I mull that thought over in my head, and my heart jumps in immediately.
He wanted me. He wanted me tonight. And while he’s not new to the concept of waiting for me, he didn’t want to wait this time.
The Judah Danyl St. Michaels wanted me—Theodora Rose Fitzpatrick—now and not later. But he’s not the begging type, so he didn’t beg. He demanded. And when he didn’t get his way, he didn’t yell or start an argument; he didn’t even answer my question, he just shut down. He told me he’d call me tomorrow. It’s not fair of him to treat me like that, but I know my man. Suddenly, I see our conversation differently than I did before.
“I think he misses me…”
“Excuse me?” asks Geoff, lifting his eyebrows condescendingly.
“I don’t know that he would ever say it. I mean, he’s not the most sentimental man I’ve ever met. I told him I missed him, and instead of just telling me that he felt the same way, he told me to prove it. Oh, my god—why are men so confusing? Why can’t you just say what you mean?”
“Teddy, I do say what I mean. Maybe he does, too. Sounds to me like he was just wearing his selfish ass-hat today.”
“You don’t understand,” I say, shaking my head at him. “This wouldn’t be the first time he’s done something like this. I mean, it didn’t lead to a fight, but…”
I love you.
Tell me again tomorrow.
“But what? You’re losing me, baby girl.”
“I love him, Geoff.”
I watch as a soft smile graces his features, washing away his frown. “I know.”
A hint of a blush kisses my cheeks and I return his smile with one of my own. “Well, Judah knows, now, too.”
“You told him?”
“Yeah,” I reply with a nod.
“Did he say it back?”
“No—but that’s what I’m getting at. He’s not ready, and that’s okay. Really, it is,” I assure him when he gives me a dubious frown. “If you knew his history…” I shake my head, waving the thought away, knowing it’s not my story to tell. “My point is, he’s just a little emotionally handicapped. He hasn’t done this in a long time.”
“So, let me get this straight,” Geoff says, leaning his forearms against the table. “He’s mad at you because he misses you?”
I groan, wishing it made more sense than it does. “Maybe.”
Geoffrey studies me for a long while, a contemplative scowl tugging at his brow. Then, without another word, he takes my phone out of his pocket and slides it across the table.
“Go make up.”
My back straightens as I gape at him in surprise. “Really? But tonight—”
“Tonight hasn’t been about us since you got that phone call. I love you, you owe me, but tonight, your company is better spent elsewhere. Get out of here.”
“Geoff—” I start to say, feeling overwhelmingly guilty.
“Tomorrow night. You’ll buy me dinner. It’ll be our do-over. Now, go.”
“I love you so much.”
“You bet your ass you do.”
I lean across the table and he offers me his cheek for me to kiss. I thank him and then hurry my way out of the bar, anxious to get to Judah’s. I decide not to call, assuming he wouldn’t answer even if I tried. A surprise attack will work out better, I’m sure.
I had to park a couple blocks away from The Tap Room, since I didn’t really have the patience to circle my way around until I found something closer. After stopping at home for a quick bite and a change of clothes, I was running a little behind to meet Geoffrey. Now, as I hurry my way to Agatha, I tug my knee length cardigan around me tighter, the late September night air giving me a chill. October is just a few days away, and I know winter will be here before I know it. The leaves are starting to change, and that means cuddle weather.
Of course, cuddling makes me think of Judah, and my stomach knots up with nerves. I don’t like the way things are between us right now, but I’m hoping my impromptu visit will soften him up enough for me to get through to him. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spot a silver Porsche, causing me to stop dead in my tracks.
It’s true that Jude can’t be the only person in all of Fort Collins who drives a Porsche, but it’s not everyday that you see one. I’d be willing to bet that that little, sexy sports car belongs to my sexy man. Turning around, I make myself more aware of my surroundings, and I see that I’m standing right in front of Cooper’s Pub. Now, I’m even more certain who that car belongs to. Only Jude could get a parking spot right in front of the place he’s chosen to dine.
I hesitate for about two seconds, and then I decide to go in after him. I head straight for the bar, assuming that he’s here for pizza and baseball. It takes me just as long to spot him as it did for me to make up my mind to come inside. What I see makes my heart fall all the way to my feet, splattering on the floor.
Now, I know what they say is true—assuming makes an ass out of you and me.
And Judah Danyl St. Michaels, the man I love, is most certainly an ass.
After work, the last place I wanted to go was home. As soon as I got into my car, I knew that the absence of Teddy wouldn’t just be felt when I went to bed—it would be felt as soon as I pulled into my garage. I used to imagine her all over the house. I would picture her naked; I would plot out the ways in which I wanted to ravage her—all the ways in which I wanted to possess her body on every fuckable surface I could find. But now, it’s more than that.
Now I have the memory of all the places I have fucked her. I also have the memory of the way she looks when she enters my kitchen, wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts as she goes hunting for ice cream. I remember the sound of her footsteps as she pads into my office, looking for me when she finally wakes up from a restful bout of slumber. I see her sitting beside me at the dining room table, dusk lighting her gorgeous red hair just right.
She’s a part of my home in such a way that no one has ever been. No one. In a matter of weeks, she’s left her mark in every room. Tonight, that truth makes me feel—and what I feel is pissed off and resentful. I latch onto the anger, knowing it’s better than whatever the hell I was feeling after I got off the phone with her earlier.
Fuck. Life was easier when I lived by the rules of the little black book.
I shake my head, rubbing the palm of my hand against my stubble-covered jaw, knowing good and damn well that I can’t give Teddy up. Not for a random hook-up. Not anymore. My dick wants one cunt—her cunt. My mind sees no one else. Just Teddy. My Theodora. My sweetheart. My shy girl.
All. Fucking. Mine.
I polish off my last slice of pizza, wiping my hands and pushing the empty plate across the bar as I chew. I shift my focus up to the game playing just above the bar. As I watch, I try to think of something other than Teddy. Anything—anything at all.
“Is this seat taken?”
I look beside me just as Diana pulls out the stool to my right, sliding on top of it as she smiles at me. Her blonde hair is a little longer, and she’s dressed more casually than I’ve ever seen her—in jeans and a simple pink t-shirt that clings to her chest. My cock remains still at the sight of her, but her timing is impeccable. She’s just the kind of distraction I need.
“Guess it is now.”
“Are you here alone?”
“Yes,” I answer honestly. “You?”
“I’m here with some girlfriends,” she says, nodding to a table behind me.
>
I don’t bother looking.
“So how have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while. You stopped calling.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“St. Michaels, that’s always your story,” she says with a smirk.
I chuckle, shaking my head, knowing she’s right. I always had an excuse to keep her close enough to reach, but far enough for her to understand that we were never going to be more than just sex.
“Surely, an attractive woman like yourself has no problem finding company when it’s desired.”
“True,” she replies, pursing her lips. “But not all company is worth keeping.”
I offer no more then a slight tilt of my head, acknowledging my agreement.
Her smirk transforms into a knowing smile, and I wonder what it is she thinks she knows. I don’t have to wonder for long before she asks, “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?”
“What makes you think that?”
She quirks an eyebrow at me, clearly amused. “You’ve wanted in my ass for months. You’re no quitter, Judah. Either you lost interest, or you’re playing the part of a faithful lover—and for the sake of my pride, I’m going to guess it’s the latter.”
Before I can reply, her eyes flicker away from me. Whatever grabbed her attention makes her eyes grow wide in surprise, and I turn just in time to see Teddy stomping her way toward me.
In an instant, my heart starts pounding, and my cock jerks—the sight of her beautiful, angry face igniting my need. Just one look at her and I’m reminded of all that I’ve been trying to forget since I walked into the Pub. And then she speaks.
“Is this how this works? I do something you don’t like, and you go running to her? I mean—what is it with her?” she cries.
She’s all fired up and ready to fight, but I don’t miss the tremble in her voice.
“What are you doing here?” I ask calmly, genuinely interested in how she found me. She’s supposed to be off somewhere with Geoffrey—the man she chose over me.
“Me? What are you doing here?” she shrieks, her eyes welling up with tears. “It was one night, Judah! One night! I’m not available, so you just decide to pick someone else for the night? How could you do this to me? I told you I loved you and—”