by R. C. Martin
Before I can even conjure the wherewithal to think of an answer, he slips two fingers into my ass—stretching me open further. I gasp and then mewl, arching my back even more, blown away by how insanely good this feels. I can barely think, my body taking over as I seek only to indulge in every bit of pleasure he’s giving me right now.
I push back harder, unable to silence the soft whine that frees itself from the back of my throat. He growls in response, and I swear I feel high—high on him—doped up on all that is Judah. Nothing else exists except for him; him inside of me. And it’s out-of-this-world amazing.
“Oh, Judah—fuck me! Shit—I want to come. Please, make me come. Jude!”
His hand leaves my breast, and then his fingers grip a handful of hair, pulling it back until I feel a sting at my scalp.
“You’ll come when I say.”
“Please,” I beg, too wild with want to be docile.
“Fuck, I love to hear you beg, sweetheart.”
He increases his pace, which is such blissful torture. I whimper, my eyes welling with tears as he keeps me on the precipice of my orgasm without giving me what I need to reach my climax.
“Judah!” I plead.
He grunts, letting go of my hair before reaching around me, down between my legs. He mutters a curse the instant his fingers graze my swollen clit, and I reach down to cover his hand with mine, applying more pressure.
“So fucking greedy,” he chuckles huskily, rubbing circles around my sensitive nub.
As I detonate, my whole body begins to tremble uncontrollably. I come so hard, I can barely breathe as I scream—my core and my ass clenching Judah simultaneously. He continues to fuck me through the duration of my release, and just when I feel like I’m about to collapse into a heap on the floor, he pulls his fingers out and lowers himself on top of me.
His chest pressed against my back, he bucks his hips more aggressively. As he swells and twitches inside of me, he groans, sinking his teeth into my shoulder, biting me roughly. I’m overwhelmed with the combination of pain and pleasure as he continues to rock his hips, his fingers still on my clit. I reach up and grip his hair in my fist as I feel another wave of pleasure roll through my body, and then he collapses on top of me.
He’s heavy, but I don’t care. I adore the feeling of his hot, sweaty chest pressed against me, his dick still buried inside of me, and his mouth kissing the tender flesh at my shoulder. I don’t wish for him to move, not ever. For a full minute, he doesn’t move a muscle. Then, when he begins to pull away from me, I tighten my fingers in his, hair, whining in protest. I’m still not capable of speech, which he seems not to mind; he settles back on top of me, and I sigh in sated relief.
“My wild girl,” he whispers.
I hum a shy giggle, feeling a little naughty after what we just did. Though, I cannot deny that there’s already a part of me that wishes we could do that all over again.
“We should get up; go cool down with a nightcap.”
“Mmm. Ice cream?”
“Mmmhmmm,” he hums, nuzzling his nose in my neck.
“Five more minutes?”
“All right,” he agrees, kissing my cheek. “Five minutes.”
These days, more times than not, I fall asleep in Judah’s arms. I have a toothbrush that has permeant residency beside his, a travel pouch, filled with all my other necessary toiletries, that has never been used more, and a bag I keep at his place until I need to bring it back home to swap out clothes and do laundry. When we first started dating, I was hesitant to ask him if we could see each other during the middle of the week because he turned me down so frequently—mostly due to his heavy work load. His work load hasn’t changed, but as we each grow more and more accustomed to our relationship, our need for one another supersedes our excuses.
I don’t mind keeping myself busy for the first couple hours of my evening, allowing Judah to stay late at the office before I meet him at his house. He doesn’t mind my presence in his office while he works from home, allowing me to share his space while I occupy myself with a book, my laptop, or my camera. Sometimes he’ll take me out to dinner after work, and a couple times we’ve met up with my friends before we head back to his place.
We don’t always have sex before we fall asleep. Or, rather, he still seems to appreciate my company when I’m on my period and I don’t want to have sex. That’s about the only time that I don’t want to. I tease him about being insatiable, but I swear my body was made for his. He never fails to turn me on—my gorgeous, generous man—and the things he does to me are enough to always leave me wanting more as soon as possible.
All that being said, there are usually one or two nights that we don’t see each other every week. Sometimes a night with my bestie is in order, or he has a business thing he has to attend in Denver. Tonight, it’s both of those things—only, tonight, I’m a little upset about it.
I try to shake off my hurt feelings as I climb out of my car and head for the entrance to Geoff’s condo. Our plans were last minute, as I didn’t know why I’d be spending the night alone until I called Harper on my way home from work to say hi. She was busy getting ready for her night out, which I thought was odd—as she usually doesn’t go out on a school night. Then, when she found out I wasn’t getting ready myself, I discovered that she’s spending the evening as Ben’s date at a charity event he’s attending. A charity event Judah will be attending.
I knew he had a work thing in Denver tonight, but I didn’t know that he was allowed a date; furthermore, I didn’t know he’d be spending the evening with Ben and Harper. I don’t know what to make of the fact that I wasn’t invited. I understand that he’s going as a representative of Eddalyn’s Interiors, but I don’t understand why he didn’t even tell me the details which I just found out.
I thought about calling him, but I was afraid that my attempts to figure out why he’s going without me would turn into a one-sided battle. He’s not one for arguments, so when I imagined how the conversation would go in my head, it ended with him telling me he was going to be late before hanging up on me, only to deal with me later. And since his favorite heated conversations end with his dick doing most of the talking, I also imagined the ways in which he would take me against the wall the next time he saw me.
I’m thinking about it again even now, which makes my cheeks flush as I reach the top of the stairs. I take a deep breath as I walk down the hallway that leads to Geoffrey’s door, wishing I could reign in my emotions better. Now I’m sort of turned on and sort of upset, which is all too confusing.
After knocking on Geoffrey’s door, I wait only a few seconds before testing the handle to see if the it’s unlocked. When I find that it is, I walk right in, setting my things down on the small table just beyond his door. My eyes dance around his sitting room as I slowly make my entrance, taking it all in. It’s not the first time I’ve been over since he redecorated, but every time I come, he’s added a little something here or there. I can tell he’s almost completely finished with this room, and I love it. It’s grey, like Judah’s eyes, with cream linens and dark beige accents. It’s very sophisticated, both warm and cool, and totally Geoffrey.
“Freckles? Is that you?” he calls out from another room.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Be out in a sec! If you’re hungry, raid the fridge.”
A half smile plays at my lips, appreciative of his offer, but not at all interested. My appetite is pretty non-existent at the moment. Rather than heading to the kitchen, I kick my shoes off and curl up on the couch, hoping that he’ll come out soon to help save me from my thoughts.
“Uh oh,” he mutters, stopping at the mouth of the hallway as he looks over at me a minute later. He’s changed since I last saw him at work, and he’s wearing a pair of jeans with a plain, white sweater. “Do I need to go search for a bottle of wine? I might have something in the pantry.”
“No,” I sigh, shaking my head at him “I don’t feel like drinking.”
�
��All right,” he says, rounding the couch to come sit beside me. He pats my thigh as he asks, “What happened?”
I hadn’t meant to waltz right into his place and spill my guts before I had a chance to fully process all that I’ve been feeling since I hung up with Harper, but his question kicks open the floodgates, and I can’t hold back. I sit up, sweeping my hair behind my ears as all the words just start to tumble from my mouth.
“Two weeks ago, Judah was my date at the exhibition. It was a work event, but I invited him to come along. I wanted him there. I wanted to share that with him. He’s my boyfriend—boyfriends are meant to attend functions, right?”
“Well—”
“You know what I mean!” I interrupt him, rolling my eyes. Whatever logical answer was about to come out of his mouth is not one that I have the patience to listen to at the moment. “My point is, we’ve reached that stage in our relationship where such things are expected. Except, he went to a work event tonight—one that he could have brought a date to—and he didn’t even mention that he had a plus one. And maybe that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but Ben will be there with Harper. I just don’t understand why I wasn’t invited. It’s like he’s ashamed of me or something. Do you know that I haven’t met one of his coworkers? Unless you count Eddalyn—which I don’t. I haven’t met any of his friends either…though, I’m not sure if he has any. Not really. But that’s beside the point! He should have invited me tonight!”
I finish with a huff, folding my arms across my chest, not caring in the slightest how silly I look as I throw my tantrum. When I look over at Geoffrey to gauge his reaction, I know from the slightly amused expression on his face that I’m not going to like what he has to say.
“He’s not ashamed of you,” he states matter-of-factly. “So he hasn’t introduced you to his co-workers; the only reason he’s met yours is because we happen to be your closest friends. As far as his lack of friends are concerned, yeah—he strikes me as the kind of guy who knows far more acquaintances than friends. He’s not warm and fuzzy, and he spends all his free time with you. When he’s not with you, he’s working. He’s driven by success. People like that tend to isolate themselves. But as for why you’re not with him now, there could be a dozen reasons why he didn’t bring you along. Shame certainly isn’t one of them.”
“Okay, then name one,” I challenge.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he gibes, tapping at his chin with a finger. “Maybe he can’t network for shit when you’re around, so he decided it was best to leave you at home.”
I narrow my eyes at him, sure that’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard him say in a while.
“I call bullshit. He had no trouble chatting up people at the gallery. Your reason sucks.”
“Au contraire, baby girl—my reason is spot on. He had no trouble chatting up your people. These are his people. He’s not there as your arm candy, he’s there to work—and he can’t work if he’s too busy keeping tabs on every dick in the room, making sure they don’t stare at your pretty ass all night.”
“What? He doesn’t do that.”
“Bull-fucking-shit, he doesn’t. He was doing it all night. The only reason you didn’t notice is because you were too busy basking in all of his territorial attention. Don’t get me wrong—” he continues, holding up a hand as I open up my mouth to argue. “You’re cute as a button when you’re all twitter-pated, and he’s fine as hell—I’d be the same way if I were in your shoes; but that doesn’t make it any less true. He was pissing all over you at the exhibition, and he can’t piss and work at the same time.”
I wrinkle my nose at him, not incredibly fond of the image he just put in my head; and yet, I feel slightly relieved at hearing his defense of Judah. Slightly…
As if he senses my hesitation, he says, “That man loves you. No way in hell is he ashamed of you.”
Now that knocks the wind out of me.
I sag back against the couch, willing myself not to latch onto his observation. In the end, it’s only just that. Geoffrey might think he has a good grasp on my boyfriend, but after the four months that I’ve known him, even I understand that he’s a mystery I might not ever completely solve. I shake my head at Geoff, wishing he was right, but with no proof to convince myself that maybe he is.
“He doesn’t.”
“And you’re sure of this, why?”
“Because he hasn’t said so.”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I—”
“No,” I insist, clenching my fists in an attempt to keep myself from covering up my ears like a child. I don’t need anyone telling me how he looks at me. I know how he looks at me. It’s not the same as saying the words. “If he loved me, he would tell me. I give him the chance every day. Every day I tell him I love him, and every day, he doesn’t repeat the words back at me.”
“Then why do you tell him?” Geoff asks, appearing genuinely curious and not at all judgmental.
“Because…” I lift my shoulders in a feeble shrug, not sure that he’ll understand my reasons why. I’m not sure anyone would, not when they don’t know Judah like I do. “It’s just important that I tell him,” I admit. “It’s important that he doesn’t think I’ve changed my mind.”
“Oh-kay,” he says, dragging out the word. I turn my head, not wishing to bear witness to the thoughts I’m sure to see in his eyes. He doesn’t let me off the hook that easily, though. Instead, he reaches over and places his heavy hand on my knee before he speaks once more.
“Even the toughest of men lack the bravery of vulnerability.”
I let his words seep into me, repeating them over and over. As the seconds pass by, I realize that he makes a good point. Sheepishly, I bring my gaze up to meet his, and he offers me a lopsided smile.
“Don’t make up reasons why tonight turned out the way it did, Teddy. He deserves a fair trial. And as for his feelings for you—well, if you haven’t changed your mind, there’s a reason for that, too.”
I study my best friend, pinching my bottom lip with my fingers as I try and figure out how my ally ended up defending someone other than me.
“I didn’t know you were such an advocate for team Judah,” I say, dropping my hand into my lap.
“I’m not, baby girl. I’m team Teddy, all day. But it’s because I’m team Teddy that I can’t let you get all tangled in a web of lies, spun by your own insecurities. Take it from me—he’s not going to get it right all the time. Neither are you.”
I draw in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, wishing that Geoff had given me at least one minute to bitch and moan. Yet, at the same time, I’m grateful that he loves me enough to not allow my brain to wander where my heart doesn’t belong. I shift in my seat and rest my head against his shoulder as I think about Judah.
Geoff is right about so many things. No matter how sensitive I’m feeling today, or how much Judah’s actions have hurt my feelings, that doesn’t mean he did it on purpose or that it’s a negative reflection of what I mean to him. What we share is intimate, genuine, and real. Regardless of what Jude may or may not be saying, his actions have proved over and over that I belong to him. One night—one party doesn’t change everything we’ve built.
“I suppose there are perks to being friends with someone who is even older and wiser than your older and wiser boyfriend. Your looking glass is much clearer than mine.”
“Hey,” he grunts. “Are you calling me old?”
I giggle, snuggling into his side. “Can we watch a movie? I promise I won’t stay too late.”
“Oh, so now I’m old with an old man’s bed time?”
“Stop!” I laugh, moving to kiss his cheek. “You’re not old. You’re fabulous. Speaking of fabulous—it’d be fabulous if we enjoyed our movie with some popcorn. Have some?”
“Yeah, baby girl, I’ve got some. I’ll pop the corn, you pick the movie?”
I nod enthusiastically, jumping up from the couch to dig through his movie collection while I shove all thoughts of Judah into
the back of my mind.
I’ve never successfully mixed business with pleasure—not when it comes to women. I didn’t even think twice about going to tonight’s charity dinner alone. However, doubt in regards to my decision crept into the evening when I ran into Benjamin and Harper. I knew that Benjamin would be in attendance, as the charity is one in which he sits on the board. It’s an organization that raises money for neglected and abused children. Like the other charities that Benjamin is involved with, it’s very near and dear to him. I assumed that his presence would no doubt mean Harper’s presence as well—for my brother is the sentimental type. I even anticipated the reprimand for having not brought Teddy; but what I didn’t account for was my distracted mind, which spent the better part of dinner imagining what the night would have been like with her in attendance.
The company I kept at the table purchased by Eddalyn’s Interiors didn’t help, either. Eddalyn choose to allow all of our Fort Collins office design associates to come, inviting those with husbands to bring them as well. With Logan and Miranda’s spouses, our group of five became a group of seven. The empty seat beside me, meant for Aunt Eddalyn—who decided not to come, as she wasn’t feeling well—only made me think of Teddy more. Not to mention Logan’s fucking incessant questions as to why I didn’t bring my girlfriend, and when I would bring her around so they could all meet her—as if happy hour with my employees is an idea I’d actually ever entertain.
Needless to say, I found myself in a foul mood by the time I got in my vehicle to head for home. The event was not nearly as enjoyable as I wished it to be. For a couple of hours, I mingled with people I had no interest in speaking to, I barely got a word in with my brother, and every text message I sent to Teddy was left unanswered. By the time I had made the hour-long trip home, it was past eleven o’clock. When I walked into my bedroom, flicking on the lights, my bed had never looked so uninviting. Not only was it empty, but the woman I wished to occupy it with was being uncharacteristically quiet.