Healing My Heart
By
Aleya Michelle
Copyright © 2014 by Aleya Michelle
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations and incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.
Editor: gypsyheartediting.com
Dedication
To my beautiful mother,
You were taken from our lives way too soon, but knowing you are no longer in pain gets me through each day. Thank you for your daily advice, tough love, and for being an amazing Nana to your grandsons. I will treasure you forever. I love you as your daughter, as a best friend & as a Nana to my boys. Rest in Peace Mum <3
This book is for you. xxx
Prologue
It’s been four wonderful months with Dylan. We laugh, go out to dinner, hang out with friends and he treats me extremely well.
Do I think of Kade? Absolutely! Not quite every day; it’s gotten easier as time has passed. It was the best decision for us both and I see that now. His headspace was messed up thanks to his cheating mother and between his job and surfing he was struggling with himself.
Letting go was hard, but it was right.
Do I see a future with Dylan?
Well sure, there are no flashing lights telling me to run, no crazy ex-girlfriends I know of so far and apart from one mate they are all easy going. The sex is hot, we have a connection and so far so good.
Isn’t that all anyone can wish for?
Its Valentine’s Day next week and Dylan is taking me to dinner by the harbour, very romantic.
I’m excited but hate surprises so it better be worth my anxiety. Five days to go and counting.
Oh and Jemma is seeing someone, it’s about freaking time!
His name is Dan and he’s a newbie bar tender at the Pub. After lots of flirting between the both of them I managed to set them up.
She is hopeless with relationships so I took over. It’s been one hiccup free month; record for her. He is still sleeping over, still calling frequently and I can hear the loud screams from her bedroom so the sex is still hot and far from boring!
It’s my last year at uni and then I’m a qualified graphic design artist. Totally cheering about that!
Work is work, I do love the girls I work with, they are not trolls like I hear from other offices. They’re fun loving and work hard, just like me.
It’s Friday and I‘m finishing up work. I’m trying to hurry up and leave because it’s Valentine’s Day!
I’ve already been spoilt, Dylan sent a dozen roses. They are beautiful red ones and they smell amazing. I love them. The card read:
Dear Roxy, these roses are beautiful just like you, Happy Valentine’s Day. From Dylan xx
My heart throbbed... He is so very sweet to me. And talk about goddamn timing. Beep, beep my phone messages chirp.
Oh it must be Dylan checking to see I got the roses.
I open my messages and almost drop my phone.
The name says KADE. No... It can’t be... it’s been months since we spoke, no contact at all in six fucking months, this is not happening! Do I even want to read this? My head is buzzing.
Still, something makes me click on his message.
Happy Valentine’s Day Rox. I miss you. Love Kade xx.
Shit, fuck, bloody hell why did I open it! Shocked is an understatement. Why now!
What does this mean? No! I’m with Dylan now, he is too late!
Does he want me back?
Wow. I have been waiting for this moment for months! Every day I would check my messages hoping he had changed his mind and come back to me.
Doesn’t Kade realise that by ending it and giving me no contact, he rejected me, disappointed me and it, hurt like a knife in my chest every day for months, weeks, days on end?
I felt jilted, shunned, and casted out.
He destroyed me. I have slowly put the pieces back together. They were still jagged, with sharp bits that pricked my finger on occasion but I glued them back together. I’m no longer shattered into a million fragments like I was when he left.
Ok breathe.
I am happy with Dylan now.
But he is not my Kade.
Dylan has never hurt me, betrayed me, or told me he would love me forever and then go and leave like Kade did.
Shit!
I’ve dreamt of this moment, when the one who held my heart captive in his high tower would return to me like a knight in shining armour.
Return for me!
But fucking hell! Is he too late?
All the anguish, misery and suffering I felt when Kade left has lessened, if only slightly.
No! You will just hurt me again. You will walk out just like before.
Is this my punishment for hurting you those first few weeks? I was bruised from the past, wasn’t ready to let anyone in.
Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again. Skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts!
He left, he is gone. It’s over, we are over!
If only my heart would slow down I might actually agree with the words coming out of my mouth.
What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter 1
Dream vs. Reality
“Don’t go, please I’m begging you to stay. It will be okay, everything will be better if we stay together.”
I see him drifting, now he’s walking away, he proceeds to open the door , then he is gone out of my life, without so much as a backward glance.
Gone, forever never to return.
I’m crying hysterically as I feel two strong male arms wrap tightly around me.
“Shhh it’s okay Roxy, shhh I’m here.”
Kade is here, he’s back, oh my god what a bad dream, thank god.
I lovingly wrap my shaking arms around him and snuggle into his neck, his warmth radiates through me, instantly calming me.
“Oh Kade, I’m so glad you’re here,” I whisper.
“No Roxy it’s me, it’s Dylan.”
I hear a male’s voice answer and immediately I know it’s not my Kade, not that sexy husky voice I’d never forget.
Oh damn it what have I done?
“Shhh it’s okay Roxy you were having a bad dream,” he tells me while caressing my cheek.
I hug him harder. “So sorry babe I was confused. I didn’t mean to call you that,” I say sincerely, feeling tiny and shallow.
I am now wide awake and yet I cuddle into Dylan and stay quiet as a mouse, pretending to fall back asleep.
I am not dealing with this right now, even as a big part of me still wishes it was Kade I was sleeping next too, instead of Dylan…
The indiscretion in regards to my dream wasn’t mentioned again, I have swept it under the rug and I’m drastically trying to act like it never happened. Dylan appears to be doing to same thing. Thank god.
I really should be happy with this charismatic, charming guy that has healed me in more ways than one. He is a very easy going and likeable man.
He has glossy sky blue eyes; manly features but with soft skin that I love to rub against. His chestnut brown wavy hair falls messily on his head and his firm and toned body is sexy to look at and even sexier to touch.
He i
s twenty-six, only just older than me and from what I can tell it helps with maturity levels considering males definitely take longer to mature.
Being in his company soothes me, calms me and I enjoy spending time with him. When we kiss or he holds my hand it gives me a much needed sense of security and stability. He is a touch on the clingy side, but it’s a safety net for me right now.
It’s Friday night and we are laying on my lounge watching the movie The Conjuring and what a goddamn scary show this is. But I love it.
Dylan is rubbing his thumb along my arm, the usual way that he shows affection.
I glance at my dining table and see the gorgeous red roses he bought for me on Valentine’s Day last week, they have now wilted and they are on their last legs.
Mental note to self: throw them out tomorrow.
My mind wanders, red roses are so elegant, romantic and sexy.
If only Dylan knew me better he would know that pink roses are my favourite. I find pink to be bright, fun, and flirty much like my personality.
Oh Kade, you knew me like no one else.
It was a hard decision to make but I didn’t reply to Kade’s message before my big date with Dylan, I just couldn’t. Fuck I wanted to.
But I owe it to Dylan to give this a real shot, right?
Besides who the hell does Kade think he is saying that to me out of the blue when it’s been four fucking months of silence from him.
By ignoring Kade’s message that was my answer wasn’t it? He didn’t text me again, so he gets that it’s over. Does he think I can forgive and forget that easy? I can’t go backwards.
Dinner with Dylan on Valentine’s Day was wonderful; he took me to a fancy Indian restaurant that we had heard great reviews about. The chicken tandoori was mouth-watering and the service was five stars.
Dylan had a red gift bag with him so I knew he had gotten me something.
“Here Roxy, I picked up a little something for the special lady in my life,” he tells me smirking while handing the bag to me.
“Oh Dylan you didn’t need to get me anything,” I respond to him shaking my head while taking the bag from his hand.
I open the bag and inside find a heart shaped red box with a bow.
Oh wow what’s it been a couple months? What the hell is in the box?
I feel myself sweating. A cute teddy, perfume, chocolates all suffice for presents. But this may just be too much too soon.
My hands are shaking as I untie the box and lift the lid, refraining from making eye contact with him.
Can he tell I’m petrified?
I peer into the box and breathe a deep sigh of relief. Earrings, fucking earrings! Thank fuck for that.
“Oh Dylan they’re gorgeous I love them!” I tell him with fake enthusiasm, still wishing it was a less intimate gift. The earrings are zirconias in a delicate flower shape, very pretty.
“I’m so glad you like them Roxy and I’m sure you’re wondering, yes they are real diamonds, a full carat. Nothing but the best for my girl,” Dylan admits to me smiling, obviously proud of himself.
Is he seriously giving real diamonds to someone he’s known a few months?
Our relationship is still fresh and well shit, it’s not serious to me yet and he spent hundreds, no wait a full carat, at least five hundred dollars upwards on my Valentine’s Day present. I feel the blood drain from my face. Maybe I rushed this? I’ve lead him on, I don’t want a full-blown committed relationship with him, not yet I’m not ready.
Well hell how can you move on when you never really had closure or a proper goodbye with your first true love.
“Roxy you look pale, maybe you had too much wine,” Dylan says concerned.
“Yep that’s it and it’s a hot night, can you give me a second in the ladies? I ask him staying calm for his benefit.
“Sure babe.” He squeezes my hand as I rise from the table.
Walking shakily to the ladies room I manage to keep it together, I push the door open and commence freak out in three, two, one.
“Fucking hell,” I say to myself as I enter a stall now loudly crying, and feeling totally confused.
What do I do? It is all so full on, I wanted casual, fun, happy, and it’s gotten so serious all of a sudden. I take more deep breaths and focus on the positives.
This amazing man has helped you so much Roxy. You can’t leave him for buying you diamonds. He was hurt in the past and left broken hearted too after all. A few more deep breaths and mantras from Louise Hays “You Can Heal Your Life” and I’m fixing my makeup and walking back to the table.
Dylan is smiling as I return. See Rox he is sweet, caring and generous. That is all it is.
Chapter 2
Bedroom Eyes
Over the last few weeks I have noticed Dylan has become more controlling with the constant messages, questioning me on who I speak to and wanting to spend every second together.
I really hope it’s not going to get more frequent.
I am enjoying a texting session with Jemma and I start laughing at the last message she sent me.
Damn that was some good orgasm I just had Rox, I was seeing stars…
I reply to her text, feeling slightly jealous that I haven’t been seeing my fair share of stars lately.
Ha well that’s the way it should be Jem. Every girl needs a man to rock her world to the point of stars…
“Who are you messaging Roxy?” Dylan asks me with a curious look on his face.
“It’s Jem, of course she is talking about her and Dan’s bedroom antics,” I answer smirking.
“That stuff should be private. I hope to hell you don’t tell anyone what we get up to behind closed doors Roxy. It is between you and me and nobody else,” he replies now frowning and somewhat red cheeked.
Well fuck, why so serious?I can’t tell anybody jack shit about my sex life because it is non-existent at the moment, is what I really want to say but I know it will only make it worse.
I gloomily walk into my well-designed bedroom and start to get dressed for our movie date, pissed off by Dylan’s comment. Jemma is my best friend and I always have and always will tell her everything.
What is his fucking problem today anyways?
Well I know mine… I need a good, toe curling, earth shattering, orgasm and if I don’t get one tonight I will be a raging bull!
I decide on my sheer red button up blouse with a black singlet underneath. It shows off my pushed up cleavage, if this doesn’t get him in the mood then maybe he’s not really worth the trouble after all.
I seductively change my underwear to my lace black G-string that matches my bra and slip on my dark blue skinny jeans.
It’s a warm night so I choose black strappy heels, and because I am a freak when it comes to matching, I paint over my toenails red to match my top. Perfect.
I keep my make-up simple but with red lips to match my top. I run a brush through my long ash blonde tresses and spray on my favourite Halle Berry perfume.
I am totally looking smoking and ready to score tonight.
I am still less than impressed as I walk out into the lounge room not giving him any eye contact, but I can feel Dylan’s baby blues eyes on me.
Plan is taking shape.
Dylan changes into jeans and a nicer t-shirt and we head out to his Jeep, it’s a pretty cool car, it’s black and scratch free though a much older model. The coolest part is that the roof can come off on a hot day, perfect for summer.
I haven’t uttered a word to Dylan since his over-reaction about Jemma’s text, so I keep to myself. He owes me an apology and I’m not talking first till I get one. Stubborn bitch.
It doesn’t take long before he speaks first and finally apologises.
“Okay Roxy, I am sorry for snapping before. I just don’t want the world knowing our business, I am a very private person,” Dylan tells me breaking the silence.
“Jemma is not the world, she is my best friend and I tell her everything Dylan. But honestly it wasn’t ev
en about us, she was talking about her and Dan, I didn’t tell her shit,” I defend myself and Jemma.
He affectionately reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Okay, can we just forget it and enjoy ourselves tonight?”
I place my hand instinctively on top of his and squeeze. “Sounds like a good plan to me, just don’t try and be controlling or bossy Dylan, I don’t like it one bit,” I throw in to put him in his place.
“So you are the boss then?” he asks playfully.
“Maybe I will show you when we get home tonight just how bossy I can be babe,”” I say in a deep voice while rubbing my hand up his arm.
I see his eyes widen in surprise. “Well shit, I won’t be arguing with that one Roxy. Do you know how amazing you look tonight? You are so hot in red.”
We line up to get our tickets at the movies to see an action flick. Dylan holds my hand and is sweet and attentive, but from the smirk and twinkle in his eyes I can see the lust. He is thinking about sex with me just as much as I am thinking about sex with him. Perfect.
We share popcorn and a drink, which is ideal as I keep purposely brushing against him. I take some popcorn and place it in his mouth, then take a sip of the coke, using my lips to press firm against the straw and licking the end. I can feel Dylan’s eyes on me watching me tease him.
“Are you trying to make me attack you in the movies Roxy?” Dylan whispers in my ear, his hot breath giving me goose bumps. I look at him and grin.
I decide to behave for the next hour, getting arrested for sex in a cinema might not look good on my record or resume for that matter.
The movie is pretty cool, lots of violence and action; it helps to distract me from my naughty thoughts.
We make it out to the car park and hop into the Jeep, Dylan looks at me and dives in for a kiss. He kisses me hard and rough, I love it! I bring my hands up and run them through his hair.
I manage to pull back from his devouring kiss. “Drive Dylan, the sooner we get home the sooner you can pin me to the bed.” I order him while licking my lips to increase his arousal.
With that the engine comes to life and we speed off, so glad my place is only ten minutes up the road.
Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series Page 1