by Bill Orton
“Can someone deliver the third sandwich to the white stretch Lincoln in the lot? With a coke,” Ed handed the server another hundred. “Keep it open.”
Across the room, stepping to the center stage, was an incredibly huge-breasted dancer with a mop of raven black hair. “Put your hands together for our featured celebrity dancer, De-CEM-ber.”
The workers in the orange vest began chanting, “Sit-KO’s girl. Sit-KO’s girl...”
“Check your ATM receipts gentlemen, because we are going to auction off half-an-hour in paradise… with De-CEM-ber,” said the DJ.
“I didn’t know she worked at places like this,” said Larry.
December, in a red bikini, gripped the pole and twirled, as a referee stood motionless on stage. She picked up a small handbag she had set on stage and walked into the audience, with the referee. She worked the room, dancing virtually every song. When she approached the workers, she looked up and her face brightened. “Sweeties!”
The dark-haired giant who had gotten the dance from the brunette dressed as a schoolgirl reached out to December, pulling her to him. The ref blew a whistle, and December yelled, “Let go, Sitko!” Several bouncers converged on the table. The giant laughed and sat back, demonstrably raising his hands in the air, as December, now accompanied by the ref and two enormous men wearing “SECURITY” tee-shirts, moved her towards the stage. She turned to look to Larry and Ed.
“Get ready, gentlemen,” said the DJ. “If you haven’t taken a vacation this year, we’re about to offer you a trip to paradise.... Half-an-hour in a luxury suite… with De-CEM-berrrr.”
“Sit-KO’s girl. Sit-KO’s girl...” chanted the workers.
“Looks like we have a chance to save a friend,” said Ed. “It would be cruel to not win this one, don’t’cha think?”
“Open yer wallets, gentlemen, because we are starting the bidding at… five hundred dollars,” said the DJ, as December reached the stage with the ref and security. She put her hand over her eyes as a visor, looking out towards Ed and Larry.
“Five hundred,” yelled Sitko.
“Five fifty,” yelled a businessman in a gray suit, near the stage.
“Six hundred,” yelled Sitko.
“Seven,” yelled the businessman.
“Seven-fifty,” yelled Sitko.
“Just $800 to spend half-an-hour in heaven,” said the DJ. “Do we have eight hundred?”
“Eight hundred,” yelled a Hispanic man, sitting in a group of men wearing birthday hats.
“Eight-twenty-five,” yelled Sitko.
“We have eight-twenty-five, eight-twenty-five, going once; eight-twenty-five going twice...”
“A thousand,” yelled Ed. On stage, December let out a hoot.
“A thousand dollars,” repeated the DJ. “Gentleman, half-an-hour with our celebrity dancer, Miss De-CEM- ber… Do I hear ten-fifty?”
“Eleven hundred,” yelled Sitko, turning around and glaring at Ed.
“Fifteen hundred,” yelled Ed.
Sitko stood abruptly and was swiftly circled by three brawny men in “SECURITY” tee-shirts. He sat back down and whispered back and forth quickly with the other workers.
“Sixteen hundred,” yelled Sitko.
“Two thousand,” yelled Ed.
“Two thousand dollars for a trip to heaven,” said the DJ. “Do we have twenty-fifty?”
Sitko alternately glared at Ed, talked with the men at his table and looked up to the stage. “Twenty-five hundred dollars!” yelled Sitko.
“Twenty-six,” yelled Ed.
“Twenty-seven,” yelled Sitko.
“Five thousand!” yelled Larry. Both Ed and Sitko turned to stare at Larry.
“I think we have a ticket to heaven,” said the DJ. “Five... thousand... dollars. Five thousand, going once….”
Sitko glared at Larry and Ed and kept his hand down.
“Five thousand, going twice.” On-stage, December hopped up and down and clapped. “Gentlemen, five thousand dollars… sold! One ticket to paradise.” The ref and security walked a smiling December back towards Larry and Ed.
“Hundred dollar dance?” Sitko asked the ref as they passed.
The ref looked to December, who sneered.
“We’re done, Sitko,” said December.
“C’mon, baby,” said Sitko. “Don’t’cha miss Mr. Magnum?”
“Fuck yerself,” said December, as she passed Sitko’s table. “Oh! Hunny!” she squealed as she arrived next to Larry, who let loose with a feeble wave.
“Hey there, beautiful woman,” said Ed, smiling broadly.
December reached for Ed and Larry’s hands and pulled the two toward a luxury box. Inside, the referee unzipped his pouch and put out a hand, expectantly. Ed reached into the inner pocket of his coat and produced a bundle of hundred dollar bills. He counted off fifty, which the ref counted twice and looked at several of the bills in the dim light, before sliding the bills into the pouch.
“Who’s the asshole?” asked Ed.
“Oh,” said December, “just... someone.” December leaned down and held Larry’s face in both her hands, kissing him repeatedly on each cheek, and straddling his lap so her knees dug into the vinyl cushion and her body pressed into his. “Thank you, hunny,” she whispered into his ear.
Larry put his hands on December’s hips and was swatted by the referee. He pulled his hands back and put them on the seat, just inches from her legs. December made no effort to keep her own body from mashing into Larry.
“You don’t have to…,” said Larry. “I don’t want you to....”
December wetly kissed Larry and whispered, “This is how I pay the bills, hunny…. It’s okay.” She stood, angling her body so her chest was inches from his face. She slowly lowered the clingy fabric of her swimsuit top, causing her breasts to spill out, like a flood.
Larry looked up to December, who smiled sweetly, and repeated the move over and over, gently swinging her breasts back and forth inches from his face, then shaking them up and down, causing them to slap into his face.
“Is that the guy who hurt you the other night?” asked Ed.
“We used to date,” said December, slipping her breasts back in to her top. “But that’s over.”
“Obviously, he doesn’t think so,” said Ed.
“Well, I think so, and so it is,” said December, running her hands tenderly over Larry’s face, as he closed his eyes.
“Is he messing with you?” asked Ed.
December, now sitting on Larry’s lap, leaning into his chest and running a hand along his neck and jaw, looked to Ed and scowled. “C’mon, Ed,” said December.
The remainder of Larry’s trip to paradise passed with few words.
December stood over him, as he sat immobile, in a trance, until, with a tap by the referee on her shoulder, December leaned forward, wrapped her arms tightly around Larry, and kissed him several times on the cheek. “Thank you, hunny.”
Ed – following Larry and December – leaned to the ref, as they opened the luxury box door. “Think we can get an escort out to the car?” said Ed.
The ref nodded, as they all exited the box and closed the door behind them. Seconds later, six huge men in orange reflector vests circled Ed, Larry, December and the ref.
“Leave me alone, Sitko,” yelled December.
The ref raised the whistle to his lips, got off a short, shrill blast and, as quickly, a hand snatched it away, snapping the chain that held it around his neck.
“We’re not done, bitch,” growled Sitko, grabbing December by the arm.
“Hey!” yelled Larry.
“Shad’ up,” said one of the workers.
“Let go!” screamed December, as whistles shrieked and a sea of black-shirted, barrel-chested men converged on the circle, pulling December free and hustling her away. Larry and Ed were shoved back into the luxury box by the bouncer who had been with December, while, through the smoked glass, they watched as two bouncers grabbed Sitko’s arms, while a th
ird got inches from his face and was clearly yelling. The workers were shoved towards the main stage, away from the luxury boxes.
“Okay,” said the bouncer with Ed and Larry, “lets go.” Less then a minute later, they were jogging up to the Lincoln. Ralphie stepped out of the driver’s cabin and opened the back door. Larry and Ed tumbled into the passenger’s cabin. Ralphie slammed the door and got into the front.
Ed knocked on the glass separating the compartments. “Ralphie, we’re staying for awhile. Gonna wait for someone.”
“That’s fine, gentlemen,” said Ralphie. “Thank you for the sandwich, earlier.”
“Oh, good, glad you got it.”
“The waitress who carried it out left this for you, Ed,” said Ralphie, handing a slip of paper.
“Thanks for being such a nice guy,” read the note. It was signed Carole, with a phone number.
“Thirty-ish brunette?” asked Ed.
“Yes,” said Ralphie.
“Perfect,” said Ed, reaching for his phone. He looked at the slip of paper and composed a text.
“GOT UR NOTE. THANKS. FRIEND N ME R IN LINCOLN, IF UR FREE. — ED.”
Larry dialed December’s number, which went to voicemail, “Um, hi December, it’s, uh, Larry. Me and Ed are in Ralphie’s car, outside.... We can we drive you home. You don’t have to be in there. If it’s to make money for bills, I can pay them. I’ll even pay you to dance, if you really wanna do that, but I don’t want you to have to do that in there, I mean, if you don’t want to. Um, w’ull, okay. Bye.”
Ed opened the mini-fridge, producing a can of Cactus Cooler. “Friend, you’ve got a little bit to learn,” said Ed. “The timing on your bid could’a been better.”
“Timing’s not my strength,” said Larry.
Both Larry and Ed’s phones beeped.
“OFF IN 20 MIN. PLEASE WAIT 4 ME,” texted Carole.
“DONE IN 20,” texted December. “DON’T GO.”
“Ralphie, could you pull up to the security team up there?” asked Ed.
Ed rolled down the passenger’s window, as the Lincoln drew up to the security detail. “Evening, gentlemen,” said Ed. The two men looked into to the window. “We’re gonna be over there for a bit, but could we stay under your watchful eye, in case anyone from inside gets rumbly?” Ed reached into his pocket and handed four twenty dollar bills through the window. “There’s some dudes in orange vests who wanna fight, and I’m sure you don’t want that on your property.”
The security guards each took two bills. “No problem.”
Ralphie returned the Lincoln to the spot they had been in and shut off the engine. Ed tuned in a jazz station and sipped soda. Larry sorted through the cans, pulling out a ginger ale.
In the front of the lot, the workers in orange vests were being manhandled by security, who shoved them out of the front door. Two guards and six security from inside stood in a line, as the workers straightened their vests and turned to walk to their cars. Sitko and one other stood alongside a Ford F-250, smoking cigarettes.
“Easy, now,” said Ed, slowly. “Not yet, but be ready to drive, Ralphie.” From a side door, half-way between the front and back of the building, came both Carole and December, each accompanied by a security guard. Both made their way to the limo. December looked several times at Carole, shrugged and then walked together.
Inside the car, Ed and Larry watched as Sitko threw his cigarette onto the ground and stormed towards the two women, near the limo.
“Fire this thing up, Ralphie,” said Ed, lowering Larry’s window.
“Girls!” yelled Ed, and both Carole and December quickened their step, but not before being intercepted by Sitko, who grabbed December by the arm.
“Let go, Sitko!”
A can smashed into Sitko’s jaw, exploding, showering him with soda and spraying wildly as it fell to the ground. Sitko released December, who bolted with Carole for the limo.
Larry let loose with another soda, as Sitko charged, taking the next can square in the face, sending him down. Larry dove into the open door. Ed yelled, “Go!” and Ralphie peeled forward, as Carole pulled the door closed. Ed rolled his window down and saluted the lot guards as they passed. The guards laughed as the limo sped passed.
“Good arm,” said Carole, to Larry.
“Breakfast, girls?” asked Ed, with a smile.
.
Ed poured the remaining salsa onto his Denver omelet, as December worked on a stack of pancakes and Carole poured honey on her scrambled eggs. Larry wiped mustard from his mouth and returned to his pastrami sandwich.
“Why doesn’t the driver join us?” asked Carole.
“Oh, Ralphie?” said December. “He’s real proper.”
“It’s his own car,” said Larry. “He says he feels better staying with the vehicle.”
“Okay,” said Carole, picking up a slice of wheat toast, “let me get this straight. You won $235 million on the lottery, and you’re giving the money away. Aren’t you worried people will just glom onto you for the money?”
“W’ull, yeh,” said Larry, “but that’s why I hired people to help me... including Ed. He already told a bunch of people ‘no’ for me.”
“Not to put too fine a point on it,” said Carole, “but Ed was doing a pretty good job saying ‘yes’ at the club.” The two women chuckled.
“I was offering my client an important lesson in spreading capital,” said Ed, in an official tone.
“And what’s that?” asked December. “How to get laid?”
“No,” said Larry. “It’s about smiling and having nothing to lose.”
Ed nodded his head.
“Well, when we are done,” said December, Ralphie’s gotta take me back so I can get my car.”
“Me, too,” said Carole.
“That’s fine,” said Ed, “unless you girls wanna do something fun, like Vegas or something.”
Carole laughed. “Vegas. Right.”
December said nothing, but looked back and forth from Ed to Larry.
“No,” said Larry. “If you guys want to, I’ll pick it all up.”
Carole and December looked at one another. “I’d need to pick up clothes,” said Carole.
“Shopping?” replied Ed.
“Uh, yeh,” said Larry. “On me.”
.
“Ralphie,” said Ed, knocking on the shaded glass. “Pull in there!”
The Lincoln pulled into a parking stall for PharmaGreen, with its green cross on the door. Ed grabbed his wallet and several bills from the bundle. “Be right back.”
.
Larry drank a Diet Coke as Ed passed an enormous joint to December, who took a long hit and passed it to Carole.
“You are crazy, man,” said December. “But definitely fun, Ed.”
“Ditto,” said Carole, handing the joint to Ed, who put it between his lips and leaned back into the leather seat, taking a long drag.
“Careful, okay,” said Larry. “This is Ralphie’s car.”
Las Vegas, 110 miles, read a freeway sign.
.
“Welcome to Caesar’s Palace,” said a blonde behind the counter. “Do you have a booking?”
December made her way to the desk. “Do you have a list of specials? For a big suite.”
The desk clerk reached for a sheet of paper and handed it to December, who studied it. “Do you have pictures?” After scanning photos and the specials list, December nodded approvingly to Larry, pointing to the Emperor’s Suite.
.
December popped her head out of the dressing room, calling out to Larry. “Hunny.” Larry walked over and December pulled open the fabric drapes, showing her body packed into a red dress that clung to every curve and was tight enough that it stretched across her navel, revealing that December’s was an innie.
“It’s, um…, wow,” said Larry.
December smiled, and pulled the curtain closed.
Larry returned to his spot next to Ed, just as Carole carried in several
outfits. She smiled sweetly to both men as she passed.
A moment later, Carole popped her head out. “Ed?”
.
“Hit,” said December, drawing a six to the two cards totaling nine. “Damn!”
“Nothing to lose,” intoned Larry.
December looked silently to Larry, and then asked for another card.
“A four,” said the dealer, as December waved her hand over her cards.
Ed took a hit on 14 and busted.
Larry stood with 18.
Carole hit with ten and drew an ace. She shrieked and grabbed Larry’s arm.
Larry’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw “LORI” on the screen.
“Hullo,” said Larry pushing loudspeaker.
“Bix, where are you?”
“Las Vegas. Me and Ed and December and this nice woman named Carole are at....”
“Vegas? And December’s there? And Ed?”
“Yeh,” said Larry. “Wanna talk to ‘em?”
“Can you put December on?” said Lori.
Larry handed the phone to December, just as the dealer busted and slid chips to Carole, Larry and December, who smiled and left them in front of her. The dealer dealt.
“Yeh, Baby!”
“We were supposed to go out this morning,” said Lori.
“Oh, right, well, Larry and Ed showed up last night and suddenly now we’re in Vegas.” December called out “blackjack” and excitedly turned over a jack of spades and an ace of diamonds. “Yeh, Baby! You just brought me luck!”
“I planned a morning for us,” said Lori. “Took a break from training so we could....”
“Oh,” said December, leaving her winnings on the table. “How ‘bout when we get back, huh? I’ll bring ya’ something real special, huh?”
“Dee, the only rule was if we were supposed to spend time with each other, just don’t be with someone else.”
“C’mon, Baby,” said December, whose new cards totaled 18. She held her hand over the cards. “It’s just Ed and Larry.”
“And some woman?”
“Someone I work with,” said December, as the dealer showed an 18. December left her winnings on the table after the push. “Look, I’m having fun, okay? Let’s talk when I get back.”