Shit.
She wanted that sense of belonging back. But the other stuff, the darkness she’d been fighting, the shit she’d been suppressing would come too. She had no doubt about it.
The baby in Annie’s arms gurgled and out from the blankets popped the tiniest, cutest arms Kinley had ever seen.
“Little Joe is hungry too.” Annie laughed. “Would it be okay if maybe I got us some food and we could eat here together? I can nurse him. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. And you could hold Little Joe for me for a couple of minutes. I would so love for someone to babysit him even for such a short time. I could pretend I’m on vacation.” Annie laughed again. “Amazing I can even think something like that when he was just born this morning.”
This morning? Kinley blinked in stunned disbelief. And the woman was out of bed and wandering around already?
The baby’s fists curled together in defiance and the kid let out an annoyed cry. Annie swayed him gently back and forth in her arms.
“Little Joe is my nephew?”
Annie nodded.
Jeez.
She was an aunt. Hell, she was an aunt many times over from the looks of those toddlers running around the meadow.
Standing, Kinley accepted the blanket-wrapped baby into her arms and the warmth from his cuddly body sifted against her. When she met Little Joe’s soft blue gaze, all the breath escaped her lungs and brought along a wave of lightheadedness unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.
“Are you all right?” Annie’s concerned voice echoed from somewhere far off and Kinley was suddenly in some long tunnel. The baby was being taken from her arms and an immense loss shifted through her. An emptiness. Shame.
You forgot the rules, Kinley.
A man’s voice. Far away. Dizziness assaulted her. Her limbs grew heavy.
“Never leave your drink unattended, baby.”
Something black and horrible slithered though those words. Then there were faces. Several men. A couple she recognized from university. The others…she had no idea who they were.
“If you forget the rules, then you pay the consequences, Kin.”
She was on a bed. How had she gotten onto a bed? She couldn’t remember.
Panic sliced into her, deep and hard. She wanted to move but everything was so heavy. A man at the side of the bed was chuckling as he gazed down at her.
“You’re a nice piece of ass, Hero. Just like the boys said.”
“What?” she tried to speak. No words formed. Only a pathetic moan. She tried to cover herself. Oh my God, she was naked. She couldn’t move!
Drugged?
Helpless, she lay there. The door opened and the man who’d just been there exited. Men’s laughter echoed from behind the door, and then two of them came into the room. The door closed.
Oh God.
“She won’t remember much of anything. She’ll think she’s hungover from all that drinking,” one man said.
“The beauty of the date rape drug, huh?” Another chuckled.
“Keeps them off balance. You don’t have anything to worry about. Just use the condoms on the table. That way there’s no evidence. Enjoy. Oh and put the money in the jar over there.”
Money? What? Did they think she was a hooker?
The man stuffed some bills into the glass jar then left. The other one turned to her and began to undress. His leering smile made her stomach clench with a horrible sickness.
“No need for condoms, heh, sweets? I like my young women skin-to-skin.”
She cringed as he palmed her breast and squeezed until pain made her moan. She began crying as he climbed on top of her. He was too heavy.
Get off! Get off!
The man grinned as she gasped.
“Forgot the rules, eh sweetie? Lots of you young ones do that. Lucky for me, heh?”
She cried out as he sank into her.
“Get off me! Get off me!” she screamed.
Hands were on her. Holding her arms. They wouldn’t get off her!
“Get off!”
Panic spiraled. Fear sawed through her so deep it hurt.
They kept holding her arms. “Let me go! Don’t touch me!”
Oh God. Help me.
“Kinley! Kinley! It’s me! It’s Blackie. You’re safe! You’re safe!”
Something painful slapped her right cheek. It snapped the terror from her body and suddenly the men were gone. The darkness and the horrible betrayal and the awful shame shifted to the back of her mind. But it stayed there, hovering, threatening to return if she wasn’t careful.
Blackie was in front of her. He was the one holding her arms. Anguish raged in his eyes. “You are safe,” he said softly.
He smiled and Kinley blew out a tense breath. She was shaking. She couldn’t stop shaking.
“I forgot the rules,” she whispered as she stared at him. “I forgot the rules.”
Puzzlement creased his face, but then she was in his arms. He embraced her and held her tightly as she began sobbing into his broad shoulder.
The men. They were gone. But so was her baby.
* * * * *
“Oh my God, Kinley. Why didn’t you tell us? You should have told us,” Kayla quietly said as the three of them—Piper, Kayla and Kinley—lay in the hide shelter beneath their blankets.
“I was ashamed,” she admitted. Despite sobbing in Blackie’s arms for, like, forever, being here, lying beside her two sisters made her feel the safest she’d been in a long time.
It was dark now. Late. The village was silent. Everyone had gone to bed.
“We wouldn’t think badly of you because of what happened. It wasn’t your fault. It was theirs. What they did was criminal. You should have pressed charges. From what you’ve said, they’ll do it again,” Piper said as she reached over and caressed Kinley’s cheek.
Kinley remembered who she was now. With the memories of the gang rape back on Earth at her university dorm, everything else had come flooding back. Her wonderful, tight-knit family. The devastating news of her brothers being unable to return to Earth. How she and her sisters had dropped their studies in order to train for a top-secret mission to Paradise in order to bring their brothers’ asses home.
She remembered the good things in her life as well as the bad. The spaceship crashing into the swamps. The horrible solitude she’d endured following the rape by not telling anyone what had happened to her. It had been wrong for her to work it out on her own. She’d needed support.
“I know that now. I should have done what you said. But after it happened…and everything that happened after…the abortion. I was so confused. I shut down. Blocked it out. Wanted the baby gone. Everything. The memories. Gone.”
“You need counseling, Kinley. You need it because you haven’t fully dealt with the rape and the abortion,” Kayla said softly. Reaching out, she took Kinley’s hand into hers and held tight.
“And above all, you have to realize none of it was your fault,” Piper chimed in.
“But I forgot the rules. I left my drink unattended. They dropped something in and I paid. I got raped,” Kinley whispered. Thankfully though, emotion didn’t clog her throat as it once did. Now that things were out in the open, she was better. But she also realized she had a long way to go before she could fully heal.
“No, you still are not at fault.” Piper reached out and took Kinley’s other hand in hers. “They were only saying that to pass the blame on to you. So they could make it your fault. So they wouldn’t have to take the responsibility for their actions. Don’t you see that?”
“I was totally defenseless. I couldn’t do a thing to stop them. I blacked out so many times I have no idea how many there were. I didn’t go to the hospital like I should have. I didn’t ask for a rape kit. I didn’t turn them in. I didn’t ask for a morning-after pill to get rid of…”
A wave of sadness hit her. She’d gotten rid of an innocent baby. That’s what really hurt. Guilt slammed into her.
“I
shouldn’t have had the abortion. I shouldn’t have gone back to classes and pretended nothing was wrong.” Gosh, there were so many things she should have done differently, but she’d panicked and dealt with things the best way she’d known how.
Both her sisters’ hands tightened around hers.
“You did what you needed to do at the time to survive, Kinley,” Kayla soothed.
“I should have come to you guys. I should have known you would understand and guide me. I did everything wrong. And me, taking criminal courses. I wanted to be a crime scene investigator. God, I should have known better. I know how to report things. Why didn’t I do what I knew was the right thing to do?”
Silence greeted her.
She was hoping her sisters had answers for her. They didn’t. Or maybe she had the answer already? She had done what she’d needed to do at the time to survive. Just like Kayla had said.
Despite knowing that, the memories still hurt. They hurt like hell.
* * * * *
“She had the eyes,” Blackie whispered as a rage of black anger clutched his soul. “The minute she remembered, I saw what she had been trying to forget in her eyes.”
“I know. I saw it too,” Taylor replied from beside him. They sat in the darkness by the riverbank. White lights flashed far in the distance. The lights that indicated more storms.
“In Death Valley I tried not to let the captive women of the Boys trouble me. I wanted to be strong for the females. To remain emotionless so I could focus on change. I didn’t care how slow it was going to be. I just knew their conditions would eventually alter. For the better. I had hoped.”
Taylor remained silent. He and Jarod had been good males to the female captives. They had been laughed at by the other males. Their lives threatened because of their compassion. They’d fled the Valley because they had not agreed with the Boys.
Blackie had stayed. Not because he had agreed with the Boys’ tactics, but because of his hope for change. In all the time he had stayed, he had forced himself to ignore the sour pit in his stomach whenever he saw their eyes. The haunted looks. Wounded. Fear. Hurt. Pain.
Those emotions had all been in Kinley’s eyes tonight.
At first, he hadn’t realized it was her screaming. Then he’d seen the slave Doctor Annie grab her baby from Kinley. Kinley’s face had been contorted in anguish, her screams so gut-wrenching that terror shot through him like an arrow. He could not remember going to her side. But he had experienced how hard she’d struggled when he’d grabbed her flailing arms as he’d tried to soothe her.
And he’d seen the devastation and despair roaring in her eyes. He’d seen similar looks on women following the Slave Uprising and the ones who were forced to live in Death Valley. He’d known exactly why she did not wish to remember. He ached so badly for her, his stomach knotted as if he had been punched over and over again.
“She is strong. She will heal,” Taylor soothed.
Yes, she may heal. But would he?
* * * * *
“This replicator is a gold mine, Kinley,” Joe commented as he yanked out a handful of special metal screws he’d programmed the replicator to produce.
Kinley’s heart swelled with warmth at the excitement reverberating from Kayla and Piper as they’d accompanied her and Joe, Taylor and Blackie back to the Statue of Liberty and down to the crash site of the spaceship Blackie had taken her to days ago.
During the stormy days that had followed her violent memory recall, she and her five siblings had taken refuge in one of the huts and outlined a plan on repairing the derelict ship near the Statue of Liberty. By analyzing everything Kinley and Blackie remembered, and from what Piper, Kayla and Kinley had reported about their crash, they’d decided the older ship would be an easier repair job, plus it was much closer to them.
They had begun a list of items they would need to program into the replicator in order to start the repairs. The ship was, according to Joe, an older model, but was also twice the size of the newer streamlined ships, like the one she and her sisters had arrived in.
They would also need to build new sleep stasis beds for each individual. It would be a tight fit for all of them, but they would be asleep for most of the journey back home anyway so getting on each other’s nerves would be minimal.
From the information Jacey, Ben’s mate, had given them about the computer viruses layered through the atmosphere—as well as the disintegration layers surrounding Paradise and the drones that patrolled certain areas over the land—they would have to build some pretty heavy-duty antivirus programs and strong deflector shields to protect the ship.
According to the computer models, thanks to the ship’s computers they’d been able to repair, it would be a rocky ride away from the planet. But all indications proved they would be able to make an escape safely. It would be a monumental task to get everything together to repair this ship, but achievable.
As Kinley backed out of the broken hull of the ship, she caught Blackie’s gaze. They’d been so busy with the plans she hadn’t spoken to him about her memory recall regarding her rape back on Earth. But he knew. She could see in his eyes that he knew what had happened to her.
Anger, pain and other emotions she couldn’t put a name to flared briefly in his eyes before he concealed them. He was a guarded man with his emotions, but she was the opposite. At least she had been carefree…until she’d been attacked by those men.
She needed to make sure she didn’t fall back into the pattern of withdrawal and mistrust of all men she met. She would have to seek counseling when she returned to Earth. In the meantime, there were other things that needed to be done. Like helping to rebuild this spaceship in order for them to get home.
There was something else she needed to know too. Did Blackie still want her?
* * * * *
Over the past few days, Blackie hadn’t been able to get Kinley out of his mind. Anger over his helplessness to make her feel better and confusion as to why he cared so much for this female kept him awake at night. Tonight though, he’d come down to the river to reflect on what he should do next. Stay here with Kinley? Or return to the Death Valley Boys and try to change things?
He’d cared for other females, but not as much as this one. It frustrated him that he allowed her so much control over him. It annoyed him that the decision to return to Death Valley was not as easy as it would have been before meeting Kinley Hero.
Awareness melted over him as the unique, sweet, sensual scent that belonged only to Kinley drifted through the air. He recognized the soft pattern of her approaching footsteps in the darkness and it took all his energy to force himself to remain seated. The only thing he wanted was to stand and grab her and kiss her and tell her that he wanted to be her male.
“Blackie, can we talk?” Her soft voice shot out of the darkness like a velvet bullet.
He said nothing as she paused. She sighed in anguish and his heart cracked.
“Sit,” he ordered. His heart began to pound insanely against his chest as puzzlement slammed through him. If she wished for them to part, then he would leave. First though, he would allow her to speak, and then he would retaliate with his own words why they should remain together.
“Are you coming with us?” she asked after she sat down beside him.
His fears only increased. She wished for him to follow her to another world. But what if after they arrived, she decided she no longer wished him to be with her? Where would he go then? What would he do? He had never had these insecurities before. He had always known what he wanted to do with his free life.
But now, things were very different.
“What do you wish for me to do?” he asked.
Yes, he was insane. Once he became a free male, he had sworn he would never allow a female to tell him what to do. Now he was doing it all over again. Yet with this female, it seemed right to ask.
“I won’t go if you don’t want to leave. That is, if you still wanted me to be with you, I would stay here with
you.”
He swung his head to stare at her as excitement that she would want to stay behind with him flooded his heart. Perhaps his insecurities were untrue?
As he looked at her, she smiled at him, her sweet lips curled upward, and his heart went warm and happy. She looked beautiful in the white splash of the light from the moon above. Her hair was neatly pinned on top of her head and she had a few sweet curls dangling along the sides of her face. She wore a light cloth that clung to her wickedly erotic curves and he grew hard despite knowing he should give her time with her newfound memories. Give her time to sort out the problem of what had happened to her in the past.
If they stayed here, she would be in danger. With the Death Valley Boys’ plans to explore the entire Outer Limits, everyone was in danger.
“I will go with you. If there is room. And if you wish it.”
“I wish it, Blackie. I really wish it,” she whispered.
He caught the excitement lacing her voice and the heat sparking in her eyes.
To his surprise, she leaned against him. He inhaled sharply at the soft touch of her breast against his shoulder and the tender breeze of her mouth as she kissed his cheek.
Before he could react and grab her and kiss her on the mouth, she stood.
“I’m glad, Blackie. I will make the arrangements.”
And then she disappeared into the darkness, leaving Blackie aching so badly for her he wondered if he would ever be his normal self again.
* * * * *
From their perch on the other side of the riverbank, Taylor and Kayla snuggled closer together as Kinley leaned against Blackie and tenderly kissed him on the cheek. A moment later, she left.
“What do you think she said to him?” Taylor breathed before he sucked her earlobe into his mouth. Her entire body tingled at the sweet and tender way his teeth nibbled her flesh. Gosh, this man sure did know how to treat a woman.
Captive Heroes Page 24