by Sara Gaines
“The pain fades, scars remain, but I have healed. Aleana….” As she spoke my name, my eyes lifted to hers and I suddenly became all too aware of how close we were. She raised the back of her hand to wipe a single tear from my cheek.
I carefully caught her hand, pressing my cheek into her palm. Her touch burned me; the fire radiated from her fingertips until every inch of my skin felt as if it had been set ablaze. Words failed me, and my body overrode any coherent thought I tried to piece together. Our movements were effortless, our mouths drifting together with only the slightest hesitation. Slowly, her lips began moving against mine, and I felt her hand slip to the nape of my neck. My body responded, begging her to move closer as my arms wrapped around Kahira’s neck.
It was only when she twisted her body toward mine, wrapping her free arm around my waist, that my conscience screamed through me. I tore myself away and jumped to my feet, trying to ignore the heat still pulsing through my body. Kahira looked at me, her green eyes burning with the intensity held in her touch. Tears pricked my eyes as I turned and ran into the night. I thought I heard Kahira calling for me, but I only ran harder until I reached the small stream where the moon’s dim light reflected off the surface.
My tears were pouring as I sat in the very spot I had previously shared with Kahira. I had told myself from the time I understood why Tallak could never make me completely happy that I would be fine as long as I never knew the kind of passion that would be missing from my marriage. The kiss that still lingered on my lips was anchoring itself in my memory, and I knew I had made a mistake. And yet, when Enza appeared at my side, the only protection Kahira could offer, I began to question just what I was willing to lose.
Chapter 17
I WASN’T sure how long I had been sitting on the edge of the creek, but as much as the idea scared me, I knew I had to go back. Enza had stayed with me, but had curled up to sleep, twitching as she ran through her dreams. She jerked from her slumber as I stood.
“Come on, girl.”
The dog climbed to her feet, stretching before she padded off toward our campsite. She quickly realized I was not following and turned to look at me, waiting for me to gather my nerves and start walking. If only it could be that simple.
There was so much still running through my mind. I knew I could not avoid Kahira, as much as I wished I could. I wanted to just ride on toward Seyna, forgetting Kahira and every feeling she had awakened in me. But, I knew the wish was not because I was ashamed of what had happened. No, the truth was far from that. I wished for such an escape because I was not sure if I could bear riding by her side, pretending my feelings for her didn’t exist, until I would have to say good-bye forever. Knowing I had no choice, I began to walk up the hill toward the camp. Tears clouded my vision almost as soon as I started moving.
My heart was thudding in my chest by the time I saw the glow of the fire. Until I saw her sleeping form, I had not realized how much I was hoping to avoid a conversation with Kahira. My thoughts were still too scattered to begin to explain them to this woman. She was the cause of the knot that had formed in my stomach, and yet, the sight of her was calming. That realization almost sent a new wave of tears to my eyes, because that kind of comfort was a rare thing I was not guaranteed as queen.
I forced my attention away from the sleeping woman, focusing on readying my own bed. There was still too much running through my mind to fall quickly into dreams. The light from our dim fire was dying slowly, barely illuminating the cracks in the rock overhang serving as our shelter. Lying on my back, I watched the flicker of the flames bounce across the stone surface. Imagining shapes out of the shadows, sleep eluded me.
Eventually, I rolled to my uninjured side, seeking a better position. I was now facing Kahira, and memories of her lips against mine flooded me. Staring at her back, I couldn’t force my eyes closed. There was something so calming about just the simple proof that she was resting on the other side of the fire. I heard Enza whimper and had not realized the dog had curled up beside her owner. I watched as the dog’s tail wagged, and seeing the slight twitch in Kahira’s muscles, I suddenly realized Kahira was as restless as I. Kahira was just more adept at concealing it.
I lay there, trying to determine if Kahira’s silence was due to her own embarrassment or if she had feigned sleep for my benefit. Then scenarios began flashing through my mind. The notion of going to her, spreading my body next to hers so that her arms could lull me into a comfortable sleep, repetitively pushed into my thoughts. It took every fiber of my being to remain where I was. I was too afraid of what would happen if I did walk past the dying flames of the campfire. I was afraid not because I didn’t want it, but because I knew all too well how much the idea appealed to me. If I allowed myself to give in and call out to Kahira, I knew there would be no turning back. Her touch still burned through me, and I knew that if I felt her hands on my body again, I wouldn’t be able to tear myself away. And more, I knew that if I called her to me now, whatever happiness I could find in marrying Tallak would be erased forever.
I COULD tell by the sun’s position in the sky that I had slept in later than I had in years. When my eyes opened, I wasn’t surprised to find Kahira missing. However, until I saw her leather armor resting near where she had slept, I briefly entertained the idea that she had left for good. Despite how jumbled my feelings were, a broad smile broke out on my face when I saw a fresh pile of persimmons waiting for me nearby.
Digging into the fruit, I began to wonder when she would return, and what I would do when she did. But when the sounds of someone crashing through the brush came from nearby, any hopes of forming a plan vanished. When Ori immediately emerged from the tree line, I was almost relieved at the thought of avoiding being alone with the woman whose touch was still all too present on my skin.
Kahira’s voice coming from the foliage sent a jolt through my spine. “And you say there is no word of Dakmor’s involvement?”
My eyes connected with Kahira’s as soon as she became visible from behind the guard. Neither one of us looked away. With her staring back at me, it was as if time stopped. I had the urge to run to her and apologize for everything right then.
“Aleana.” Ori’s short greeting broke the tension building between me and the other woman.
My eyes found the ground. I was suddenly too timid to risk another look toward Kahira. I tugged on my bottom lip with my teeth before I responded. “Ori, were you able to find anything?”
As he spoke, Ori seemed tired, almost pained. “As I was telling Kahira, yes, there are rumors of your death in a failed uprising, but no word of Tallak moving his army yet.”
I watched Ori dismount and saw a flash of pain cross his face. Before I could ask, he continued speaking.
“I say we push on toward Seyna today. We’re close, and if we can get you to Tallak soon, you can tell him Dalric is working with Zoriah in order to take over the kingdom. No matter what other rumors he has heard, Tallak can’t ignore that.”
My thoughts of Kahira were momentarily forgotten. “So we actually have a chance to stop this. If Tallak sees I am alive, he’d be a fool to completely ignore what I say.”
I tried to fight the joy that grew from within, but it was a battle I was noticeably losing.
“And what if he doesn’t trust you?”
Kahira’s question barely halted my rising mood.
“If he reacts with any sense, he’ll hold more of his troops back in Seyna, whether he believes what I tell him or not. Then, even if he doesn’t trust me at first, Dakmor’s presence will be known. As long as I get to Tallak in time, I still might be able to keep all of my father’s sacrifices from being meaningless. I can still save my family’s name.”
I was surprised to find Ori’s face was lacking the smile so prominent on my own. However, once he saw I had turned to him, he did his best to match my enthusiasm. As distracted as I was from my renewed hope, I did not miss the empty look in Ori’s eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice strained w
ith the effort of trying to sound like his usual self.
“Then if we leave now, we can make it to Seyna within three days, as long as we have some luck on our side. Once we arrive, I think it’s best I enter the city first. We’ve come too far to ignore one last precaution.”
Kahira and I agreed. With a new course of action established, Kahira and I set to gathering our things while Ori ate his breakfast. Though I was certainly distracted—by what happened the previous night and by the sudden realization that I was so close to accomplishing my goal—there seemed to be something slightly off about the guard. The way he moved, the stiff manner in which he sat, even his voice seemed wrong. I could not explain why, but watching him sent an uneasy feeling crawling over my skin. Trying to ignore it, I reached for the remaining persimmon.
The fruit pushed my thoughts back to Kahira. I glanced over my shoulder and saw she was crouched over her belongings, head down as she gathered her things. With her back to me, I grew more bold and watched as she reached for her leather armor. Lines danced under Kahira’s darker skin as her muscles moved to place the armor on her body. I blushed, and tearing my gaze away from the woman in front of me, I heard the voice of my conscience trying to speak. I forced it down, refusing to listen. And yet, my mood sank. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, the fact still remained that I would never see Kahira again once we reached Seyna.
I threw myself into the work of breaking down our camp, trying not to think about the nights to come before we reached Tallak’s city. Before long, my things were packed. I did not see Ori and assumed he had ventured to the stream to rinse off whatever stench he had slept near the night before. Realizing Kahira would be alone, I began to try to think of something to say to her—something that would make her understand why I ran away after our kiss. I nervously made my way to our horses, where I knew she would be saddling Taewin. I was determined not to let Kahira think she was at fault for how I reacted, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not find the proper words to explain.
Passing the wall of rock that had previously obscured my view, my face fell as soon as I looked up and saw Ori already in his saddle, waiting for me beside Kahira. The woman was not looking in my direction. She seemed much more focused on Enza’s form resting at her feet. As I approached, only Ori appeared to hear my footsteps.
“Kahira, thank you.” It was the first time I had addressed her personally since the kiss I had ended so abruptly, and my words were barely audible.
I couldn’t fight the small smile that appeared when she looked up at me. I took my horse’s reins from her hand, and seeing the look flash in her eyes, I knew the brushing of her fingertips against my wrist was no accident. Too embarrassed to say anything further, we both turned away. The bravery I had felt when our eyes connected earlier was gone, and now we both seemed too afraid to even risk a quick glance toward each other as we climbed into our saddles. All I could hope for was that Ori had managed to miss the significance of our interaction.
Once in the saddle and on our way, it was even harder to ignore Kahira. It was too tempting to try to sneak a glimpse of those green eyes, too easy to want to ride up beside her. I tried distracting myself with Ori, but no conversation would develop. He seemed distant, and for the first time since he had rescued me, I felt as though I had to keep watch over him. Finally, seeing how stiffly he rode in the saddle and how he would wince if his horse pranced slightly, I voiced my concerns.
“I’m fine, Aleana.” He tried to provide a smile, but something seemed hollow.
I tried to pass off my worry when he didn’t continue, attributing it to my own inner conflicts. There was something gnawing at me, however, as if someone were trying to tell me something I couldn’t quite hear.
The day wore on like that, very little conversation passing between the three of us. Even Enza issued far significantly fewer barks as we made our way closer and closer to Seyna. Keeping to the back roads, we came across few people and fewer animals as the foliage thinned out. The other travelers we did see were intent on minding themselves and scarcely gave a second look, even to Kahira, whose marked face and arm were boldly exposed—her own way of protecting us from bandits on the road. When the sun began to descend, our silence showed no sign of dispersing. We were each lost in our own thoughts, something I found troubling with Ori.
I was not the only one who noticed a change in the guard’s demeanor. As we prepared our supper, the few glances I risked toward Kahira proved that she also had taken note of Ori’s silence. She eyed him suspiciously, no doubt trying to piece together why he was suddenly so apathetic to her presence. As she rebandaged her wounded arm, she paid Ori less and less attention.
Later, when the only sounds around us were the crackles of embers in the fire, I sneaked another look toward Kahira. I found her gaze was locked on me, unyielding even when our eyes connected. The firelight flickering in her eyes sent a burning rush of passion through my veins. My heart quickened, and all thoughts of Ori’s strange behavior vanished. She was the one to look away first, but before she rose to fix her bed, I caught the sad smile that flickered across her face. Knowing I was the cause, the guilt began to gnaw at me once again.
Chapter 18
I GREW more and more anxious over the course of the morning. We expected to see the outskirts of Seyna on the horizon by midday. Then, Ori would ride ahead, leaving Kahira and me to wait for the last sign that Seyna was safe. There were so many things running through my mind, and each thud of my horse’s hoof on the dusty ground seemed to add another. I was so close to foiling Dalric’s plan. I only needed to make it to Tallak’s castle. The guards there would recognize me, if only from the portrait my father had sent Tallak shortly after our betrothal had been announced. Of course, my current appearance left room for the possibility that they would question who I was. I doubted a future queen had ever arrived at the palace’s courtyard dressed as a common vagabond.
However excited I was at the prospect of finally achieving what I feared was impossible, I was still plagued by what else that would mean. Kahira would be gone. But, before she left, before I lost her, we would spend another night alone. The thought terrified me because Ori would no longer be with us, meaning we no longer had a reason to ignore what had happened. There was no mistaking she felt for me what I felt for her. The kiss had proven that, but I knew my hopes for future happiness would be shattered if I allowed myself to solidify memories of Kahira’s touch. The kiss had been foolish enough. And yet, as long as I lived, I knew that was one thing I would never regret. I only hoped she would forgive me.
Soon, we saw the walls of Seyna reflected in the smooth water of the Halvar River. As I stared at the turrets of the palace peeking over the stone walls, the pain of Surea’s loss wound through my core once again. This was a sight I was meant to share with her, but I blinked the tears from my eyes, trying to only focus on what the next days would bring. Even from this distance, it was clear Seyna had been built more for aesthetics than defense—its architects confident that no army would penetrate so far into Halvarian lands. I swallowed the lump growing in my throat, realizing just how devastating a Dakmoran attack on the city would be. But, with the walls of the city so close, it was difficult to continue such pessimism. A smile crept into my features. I had almost won.
Ori halted us as we reached a fork in the road. A smaller trail led toward an area where the previously thinning trees thickened once more.
Pointing, Ori addressed Kahira and me. “If you make camp in there, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find you, but the trees will give you cover. Luckily, no one should question seeing the light from a single campfire so close to the city.”
I looked toward Seyna and the larger road that wound its way over the land and to the city’s main gate. Soon, I would take my place as queen. Pride fluttered through my chest as I recalled what Ori had told me—I would be a legend before my own coronation.
“I do wish you luck, Ori.” Kahira’s tone had never been more civil to
ward the man beside her.
The guard dipped his chin to the woman, almost guiltily.
“You’ll see your prince tomorrow, Aleana.” Ori bowed to me as well as he could while in his saddle.
At the mention of Tallak, my smile faltered slightly. Seeing the grin Ori offered me, I feared my own expression was as hollow as his.
Before anything else was said, Ori kicked his heels into his horse’s flanks and was soon galloping toward the city.
KAHIRA and I remained silent. The tension had built every second since Ori’s departure. I wanted so badly to have the right words to say to her. I owed her an explanation. I wanted her to understand I didn’t regret what had happened. To ease my guilt, I needed her to understand, but faced with the opportunity, I could not speak.
“I can hunt something for dinner if you would like?” Kahira’s voice sounded loud after such a long silence.
I thought about her offer briefly before selfishly making my decision, “No, I….”
My words trailed off, but instead of pressing for more, Kahira nodded her head. Removing her armor and resting her weapons near the fire I was slowly building, she turned her attention to the horses. I watched her, taking note of how the blackened eye she had received in her latest fight was fading and how the gash on her forearm had ceased to hinder her movement. I sat there, winding my fingers through Enza’s fur as Kahira kept herself busy, somehow finding more tasks as soon as she had completed another. Neither of us spoke, but I somehow knew her own thoughts were as conflicted as mine.
Only when the sun was finally setting did she come to rest by our fire. She sat next to me, reaching out for the dinner I had prepared. When her hand brushed against mine, I knew I would not be able to suffer through the night in silence.
The realization might have been my own, but it was Kahira who spoke first.
“There’s a chance they will arrest you as soon as you step into the city, isn’t there?” Kahira threw a piece of her dried meat toward Enza.