Half Moon Bay

  The guilt slammed down on her. ‘I’m sorry I ran away.’ Ellie’s voice faltered. ‘I couldn’t face the fact I couldn’t save her. I let her down and I let you down.’

  Tom folded his arms around her, rocking her as he’d done since she was a child. ‘You brought her home, Ellie, did everything you could. You have never let me down in your life. I understood why you had to rush off to the ends of the earth. Why you couldn’t bear to sit through all those days of questions. Just like I always understood why I needed to.’ He sighed, his breath a warm caress on the top of her head. ‘I met Nick the first day of that inquiry. He came up, shook my hand and told me who he was. I got the feeling he expected me to slug him there in the foyer of the Defence building. And if I had, I reckon he would have stood there and let me. I guess he was facing his own demons.’ He stopped talking and Ellie knew he’d be able to feel her shaking against him. ‘Come outside.’

  They sat side by side on the top step, as they had as a family so many times in the past. It was wide enough to fit three and subconsciously they sat to one side, making room for Nina.

  ‘Nick was the commanding officer of the combat engineers in Afghanistan that Nina managed to attach herself to. They were heading to Uruzgan Province eventually but were in Kandahar at the time, waiting to ship out. God knows what strings she’d pulled to organise that one.’

  Ellie reached out to hold her father’s hand.

  ‘Nina crossed the fine line between reporting and entrapping. She was so hell-bent on proving that there were drugs being trafficked to Australia that she helped set up a deal, a big one.’

  ‘No!’ Ellie said, but her mind had already joined the dots. The picture made sense.

  ‘Yes. And she had an affair with one of the men.’

  Ellie gripped his hand tighter and he patted it.

  ‘No, it wasn’t Nick. His name was Geoff Trader. Wife and two lovely kids back in Sydney.’

  ‘But that’s crazy. Where’s the proof?’

  ‘The army’s internal report is inside. Perhaps it’ll be easier for both of us if you read that first, then we can talk.’ He eased away from his daughter, leaving a space that Shadow quickly filled. She stroked the warm, black hide. Too late now to consider how hard it had been for her father to stay home and face the inquiry alone. She hung her head. She’d been so self-absorbed it had simply been easier to run.

  ‘Here you go. I’ll make us a cup of tea. Peppermint?’

  She nodded, and he ruffled her hair, the warmth of his love lingering after he’d gone.

  She wrapped her arms around her body against the sudden chill. The papers Tom had left on her lap rustled and she cautiously straightened them out. It was a fax copy with a cover note.

  Hi Nick, here’s the report from the internal investigation into the shooting of Nina Wilding and Geoff Trader. I know you’ll do the right thing and destroy it when you’ve read it or my arse will be on the line. Sorry it’s taken two days to get to you. Cheers, DM.

  DM would be Dave Miller, Ellie guessed. The ginger-haired man who’d guided her through that day from hell. She rose and walked down onto the front lawn to the edge of the dunes, holding the report against her chest, and stared unseeing out to the horizon. The world had changed colour around her. Shadow followed, sensing the shift in her mood. She didn’t even notice the dog. She knew she needed to read the fax, but part of her was scared of facing the truth, even with her father beside her.

  A shadowy image of Nick framed in her mind. Now she knew who it was, she couldn’t understand how she hadn’t recognised him earlier. He’d been there in the hospital in Kandahar in the morning, eyes heavy with fatigue, mouth stern. He’d barely spoken two words to her, but the strength in the clasp of his hand had given her renewed determination. He’d been at the airport as well, heading the detail that protected the two women and the medical team as they boarded the charter jet. There’d been approval and support in his eyes as they locked gazes while the air stair door closed. It added another colour to him, another shade, another complexity.

  She walked back to the verandah and curled up in the old squatters chair. With her fingers shaking, she smoothed the pages and started to read.

  The language of the report was clinical and cold. A civilian and a soldier, out after curfew and captured by insurgents. In the resulting rescue, both of them had been shot.

  There was a clear implication that Nina had been conducting a relationship with Geoff Trader, contrary to Defence Force policy, but nothing was officially stated to that effect. According to the report, the commanding officer had retired from the Defence Force after the incident, though the inquiry found that he had acted in a responsible and timely manner during the rescue attempt. There were question marks over some of the evidence given by him. Did Nicholas Lawson have reason to be economical with the truth?

  Ellie assembled the facts in her head. Nina had been investigating a heroin-trafficking operation, so it seemed were Defence. Her sister had had an affair with Geoff, probably because she was pumping him for information. According to the notes attached to the report, Nicholas Lawson had refused to corroborate those accusations at the official inquiry. It spared Geoff’s widow the pain of knowing how her husband really died. Consequently, Nick had left the army. Walked away from something he obviously loved passionately and was also extremely good at.

  She found a glimmer of hope in it all. Maybe, just maybe, he did care about her, she thought. Perhaps he really had meant the throaty words of the night that spoke of his need, his desire for her.

  The faxed report to her dad was dated today. Was that what Nick had meant when he said they needed to talk when he got back?

  ‘Here.’ Tom shoved the cup of tea into her hand, peppermint sharp in the air.

  ‘Thanks, Dad.’ She wrapped her hands around the mug against the chill of the afternoon sea breeze. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.’ She raised teary eyes to his. ‘I didn’t know . . .’

  ‘And if O’Sullivan wasn’t such a fool, you might never have known either,’ Tom replied. ‘I watched Nick give evidence in front of the Board, knowing that what he wasn’t saying was counting against him. He fought to keep Nina’s name out of the press not just for Geoff’s widow, but for my sake and yours as well. The official report leaves an awful lot unsaid. That was what he fought for. No slur on either of their names even though they were both responsible adults who took an unacceptable risk. And in taking those risks and involving herself in the drug trade, Nina put a hell of a lot of other people in the firing line. Nick had such composed dignity throughout the whole process. I found out later his father had died from cancer right in the middle of it. How he held himself together, I’ll never know.’

  Tom fell silent before easing himself onto the floor next to her chair. ‘He told me how amazing you were. How you turned up and single-handedly organised a medivac. You won a lot of fans that day. Nick’s your biggest one.’

  Ellie shook her head in denial. ‘But I didn’t remember meeting him until I saw the photo today. Even now, what I do remember of him is hazy, two brief occasions when we connected. I’m seeing those images of Nick through a distorted memory. The only person I can remember clearly is Dave Miller.’

  ‘The liaison officer. Good bloke. You know, the doctors told us after Vietnam that the only way most of us would cope would be to bury those memories deep, and they were wrong. I reckon you did the same thing. Parked the memories of that day into some dark recess of your mind and left them there. Maybe it’s time they came to the surface so you can deal with them once and for all.’

  ‘They’ve been dredged to the top now,’ Ellie said, shaking her head, ‘but I don’t see how Nick knew me long enough to have an opinion.’

  ‘Your “quiet dignity and amazing resilience”, apparently, to quote him.’

  She shook her head again. ‘I did what I had to and in the end it wasn’t enough.’ There was bitterness in her voice and Tom reached out to her.

 
; ‘You did everything you could. And no one was ever going to stop Nina from doing just what she pleased. Helping to expand a drug-trafficking ring? Costing someone else their life? They were the hardest things I had to deal with. She even embroiled Ron and Felicity in it, had them poking around to see what they could find out here, and look what happened to Sarah and Mikey! I’m sure she would have turned the whole operation over to the authorities once she had her story. But she couldn’t because she died. I think sorting that out has consumed Nick for the last two years. I’m glad it’s finished now.’

  They were both silent, remembering Nina and the many conundrums that had made her who she was.

  Tom looked across at his daughter. ‘I met Geoff’s widow. She’s remarried now, another soldier. This one’s with the SAS, based out of Swanbourne. She was great. I don’t know if I was seeking some sort of absolution from her, but I needed to meet her. That’s part of why I drove across the Nullarbor Plain to Perth.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I got your messages yesterday, all of them. Then Nick phoned me and I knew I had to get back here fast. I flew into Sydney on the red-eye special, landed this morning and caught the commuter flight north. When you did your big bolt from Sydney, I insisted Nick fax the report up to me.’

  Tom smiled at his daughter. ‘He told me everything that’s been going on. The Bay, the kids, you . . .’ He gazed out to sea again. ‘And I know he cares for you deeply, but thinks he’s ruined it by not being upfront. I reckoned you were too sensible to throw away a chance at love. He’s not so sure.’ Tom shrugged. ‘He spent a couple of weeks down here after the inquiry. Needed to escape. No one else knew he was here, just me and Shadow. We talked a lot. I think he found some peace. I certainly did. Made me reassess the way I’d dealt with Vietnam, losing your mum, raising you two . . .’

  They watched in silence as the ocean changed colour with the falling light. As the wind dropped, Tom checked his watch. ‘I need to see Ron and Mavis. Will you be all right here?’

  Ellie nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

  He patted her shoulder. ‘You’re the only thing that matters in my life and I’d love nothing more than to see you happy.’

  50

  Ellie knew she should ring Nick, but she wasn’t strong enough just yet. She whistled to Shadow.

  ‘Come on, let’s go get some sand between our toes. At least now I know why you greeted him like a long-lost friend.’

  She turned right, her feet taking her to the headland. She followed the track and skirted around stunted banksia trees clinging precariously to the rocks. A patch of native daisies poked their heads through the kangaroo grass and she stopped long enough to pick a small bunch.

  At the top a giant rock formed a natural seat. ‘Neptune’s throne’, Nina used to call it. The wind teased Ellie’s hair free from its twist. Dried tears left her skin feeling tight. The water below, dark with the night, harried the rocks, white foam boiling in, then retreating.

  One by one she tossed the daisies over the cliff, the wind catching them, spiralling down as they fell. Two years ago they’d scattered Nina’s ashes into the surging surf below this same spot. Several hundred people had made the journey to pay their respects, lining the headland as dawn broke. The local boardriders had bobbed in a circle out in the calm waters behind the break, bright-red petals strewn on the silvery ocean. Ellie always felt closer to Nina here, but tonight her thoughts were in disarray.

  To accept that Nina had crossed the line to pursue her story almost felt like a betrayal by a sister who had always been a mentor and a guide. She didn’t want to believe that her sister was the cause of another man’s death and the end of another honourable man’s career. Nina had put the pursuit of headlines above her own safety and that of those around her.

  Was the money in Nina’s account capital or profits? They may never be able to prove that one way or another, but she was certain that the story on Nina’s computer was compelling evidence that she would have handed everything to the authorities. She might be deluding herself, but the other option was too unpalatable. Lachlan Meriden? She’d make sure she assembled enough watertight evidence to bring him down. She owed Alex that much, even if he too had lied to her. When it came down to the wire, he’d saved her life. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, forget that.

  But Nina? Ellie contemplated the contradictions that had been her sister’s life. Nina was alluring with her straight blond hair and immaculate clothes. To most men she was out of reach. But every now and then, someone touched her soul and she fell instantly and irreversibly in love. Ellie used to tease her about those conquests. Before long, the relationship would pale beside the pull of another conflict across the ocean and Nina would be off again, to report the news as she saw it.

  Ellie doubted that Geoff Trader would have been any different. If she’d met Nicholas Lawson under different circumstances and the attraction had flared so brightly, would she have been capable of saying no? Probably not.

  She hugged her knees to her chest, looking out across the now deserted break. The sun’s last touches were winging brilliant pinks and oranges across the sky. She wished she’d brought her camera with her.

  ‘Ellie.’ Nick’s voice came from behind her and she swung around, disconcerted by his sudden appearance, as though she’d conjured him up with her imagination. The breeze flattened his T-shirt across his chest and stomach. His hands were jammed into worn jeans. He looked like he’d been through hell.

  ‘Where did you spring from?’ She tried to hide the quick dart of joy that shot through her. He’d come after her!

  ‘Tom rang me a couple of hours ago and I was already halfway here. He told me where you’d be.’

  Ellie was silent, not quite able to meet his eyes, hugging her knees tighter, feeling nerves jump in her stomach.

  ‘You’ve seen the report?’

  She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

  He crouched down near her. ‘Ellie, I never meant to lie to you. It just wasn’t possible to be completely honest at the start, and then . . .’ He ruffled his already tousled hair. ‘Then I figured you wouldn’t believe I hadn’t set out to deceive you.’

  She kept her face neutral, willing him to continue, wanting so badly to believe his words this time.

  ‘When I saw you that first morning at the house, I was shocked. I was looking for Tom. Your dad was great throughout the inquiry. I guess he never told you about that before. About how he kept me sane, then opened his home and his heart to me. Me, the man who’d failed to keep his daughter safe. I wanted to give him a heads-up on what was going down in his community, in Half Moon Bay. I knew he couldn’t be involved.’ His sigh ripped through Ellie, but she didn’t speak.

  ‘Last I heard, Ellie, you were on the other side of the world. You, and your steely composure, had haunted me for two years and suddenly there you were in front of me again. In Afghanistan all I wanted to do was cradle you in my arms and keep you safe.’ His voice had a bitter edge as he continued. ‘Instead, I had to entrust you to Dave Miller, while I cleaned up Nina’s mess.’ He shook his head, a slight tremor the only betrayal of the depth of his emotions.

  ‘We were all a little in awe of Nina. She had so much energy, so much conviction that what she was doing was right, showing the good things we’d brought to that scarred country. It never occurred to me, to any of us, until it was too late that she had another agenda. That she was already involved with Beyond Borders Strikeforce and setting up her own sting. I knew some of the ex-military guys who’d gone to work for them. So did Geoff Trader. We were gathering information on their operation to hand over to the authorities. Then Nina showed up. I tried to quarantine her, but she had a way about her, the ability to make a man feel like he was the only one in the world. Geoff fell hard. He should never have taken her out of the compound, but I should also have stopped it.

  ‘I had my own agenda, I admit. I figured we’d benefit from any additional information she gleaned. When she tapped into our contacts and set
up a deal to purchase I should have pulled the pin then. Instead, I let it run. Geoff was supposed to keep me informed, but for whatever reason he chose not to that night.

  ‘When I got word from our interpreter that she and Geoff had been picked up by Taliban insurgents we went after them. I risked more of my men to try and extricate them. I should never have done that either, but I knew we had to strike fast or we’d lose them.’

  ‘What went wrong?’ Ellie dreaded hearing the story even though she knew she must.

  Nick sighed and sat on the rock beside her, hunching forward. They were not quite touching, but close enough for her to feel the warmth from his body. His profile was edged against the night sky, his expression sad. She wanted to reach across and hold his hand, sustain him through the telling, but she remained mute, still.

  ‘I’ve relived that night a thousand times. They were picked up by one of the well-organised insurgent groups. Maybe the Taliban had been tipped off by BBS. Maybe they got lucky, but they must have thought they’d won the lottery. I got wind of it about half an hour after it happened. We tracked them to a deserted school compound, but the insurgents wouldn’t negotiate with us.’

  Ellie held her breath, not wanting to hear Nick had hurt her sister.

  ‘The group panicked when the Apache attack helicopters arrived. They realised they were surrounded and tried to fight their way out. Nina and Geoff made a break for it and got shot as they ran towards us. Some nights it plays on rewind in my nightmares.’

  Ellie reached across and placed her hand in his, feeling the tremors that were rocking the hardened soldier.

  ‘I didn’t want to see Geoff’s family hurt by something that is a product of war, of its uncertainty. I didn’t want to see your life and career ripped apart because of your sister’s actions. I was ready to quit after that tour of duty anyway. My father’s health was failing and the family engineering business needed me. But I couldn’t quite get out of my head the belief that I should have foreseen Nina’s actions, should have managed it better.’ He sighed again.