The dreams always started with me sitting with him over a beer, talking about life and laughing about how crazy our job was. That part of the dream was good, and I would look at Blake like he was more than just a friend. Like the brother I never had. Then, as time went on, he would start to change in front of my eyes. His ears would become rat like, his body would start to shrink. I’d scream and jump back in panic. Then, just as he became fully transformed into this new animal, he would laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. Then, he would lunge at me, and I’d wake up in a cold sweat. I’d lie in bed for several minutes, just trying to catch my breath, only to fall back asleep and dream the same thing all over again.
It wasn’t just Blake that I was dreaming about. Madison appeared a few times too, and in every single one of those dreams, she didn’t want to be with me. I’d beg her and tell her that I had fallen for her. I’d remind her of how good things had been in the safe house. And each time she’d look at me, and tell me that she’d been my partner for years and didn’t feel that way about me. That she had only been with me because she’d felt sorry for me.
I woke up that morning feeling exhausted from the constant dreams, and I wasn’t nearly ready to start the day. I hopped straight into the shower and scrubbed all thoughts of the night away, but when I looked into the mirror, I saw that I still looked like a ghost of my previous self. I did not look like a man that had slept well. I walked wearily downstairs and saw that Madison was sitting with the chief in the kitchen. They both smiled when they saw me, but I was certain their smiles didn’t reach their eyes. They looked like they hadn’t slept well either. Seeing Madison made me think about the dream and I couldn’t help but feel slightly detached from her that morning.
“Morning, Max. Would you like some coffee? Some toast?”
“Just coffee would be great,” I said.
“Well, you’re getting coffee and toast. I think we all need to make sure we eat this morning even if we don’t want to. Is peanut butter okay? I’m not sure I can stomach eggs.”
“That’s great,” I said gratefully. “Thank you.”
I sat eating my toast in silence while he and Madison made small talk. Madison kept shooting me worried glances, but I pretended not to notice. Then, just as we were getting ready to go, she looked at me.
“Are you okay?” she asked when the chief was out of earshot.
I smiled tersely. “I’m fine. Just had a rough night. I can’t believe we’re about to go to court.”
“Yeah, same here. You’ll be fine though, Max. You’ve got this,” she said.
“Thanks,” I replied and quickly looked away. I didn’t want to look at her for too long. It just reminded me too much of how things had been before. Would we ever go back to the way things had been in the safe house? It was the perfect name for it because during those weeks I had never felt safer in my life. Now, I felt like I had been let loose in a lion’s den. The world seemed scarier to me now than it ever had, and it was not a feeling I liked at all.
We got to the courtroom, and I sat with Madison and the chief and various other members of the team as the court case began. I listened to the chief give his speech and was impressed by how he spoke. I could tell that he had practiced over and over again, and every word that came out of his mouth was well-rehearsed. He had a piece of paper in front of him, but he barely looked at it. The judge took kindly to him, and the interaction between the two of them pleased me. I wanted to have the judge on our side from the start. The less I had to do to convince the judge, the better. I wasn’t very good at public speaking, and I hoped I wouldn’t mess anything up.
“Can Max Aarons please come to the stand,” the judge said.
“You’ve got this,” Madison said.
“You’ll be fine, Max,” the chief agreed.
I walked up to the stand and looked out over the small crowd of people. I concentrated on the faces of my team for a while and felt glad for their encouragement. Then I looked over at the boss, and my rage came flying back. He was the one that I needed to look at. He was the one that would make me say what I needed to say. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have been in this position in the first place. Once my lawyer had his say he asked me to speak as a witness. This was the part I was waiting for. I took a deep breath.
“Max Aarons, please tell us the events in your own words. What happened with Fredrick O’Leary?”
Hearing his real name made me feel better. It reminded me that ‘the boss’ wasn’t some larger than life person that had any control over me. He was just a regular guy who wanted to be better than everyone. But he wasn’t. He was just a man called Fredrick.
I took another deep breath and began the speech that I had prepared. Like the chief, once I got going, I didn’t need to look at my notes. The words just tumbled right of me, and I was pleased to hear that they were confident. I told the judge how Fredrick attempted to kill me once, and threatened to do it again. I explained about being an undercover agent on the drug bust, and how I had spent the year getting to know the team of criminals that was working for the boss. I explained how I had been in a coma and how I still had a lot of blanks in my memory. We’d already been through the cross-examination. It was a clear cut case and all that was left for me to do was to state my case. Then it was up to fate.
“But the memories I do have, those are as clear as day. This was the man that I saw that day, and he’s the one that tried to kill me. I have never been surer of anything in my entire life. He’s a danger to society, and he needs to be put away before he hurts more people.”
I sat back down, and Madison smiled at me. I looked at the chief, and he did the same. I felt an immense sense of relief. I hadn’t realized how nervous I had been until that moment, and I felt myself tremble in my seat. I thought of the doctor telling me how I mustn’t do anything stressful during my recovery period, and I almost burst out laughing. The doctor would be fuming to know just how much stress I had been in lately. I listened to the rest of the court case and tried to concentrate on calming down. When we stood up to leave the chief turned to look at me.
“You did well up there, Max,” he said.
“So, did you. I think your speech helped me. I was so nervous until I heard you speak.”
“I knew that speech by heart. Anyway, I just had to take one look at the boss and feel my confidence return. He was sitting there with such a smug look on his face, and it was driving me insane. That spurred me on even more.”
I chuckled. “That’s exactly what happened to me. His face just made me more determined. What a smug bastard.”
“My sentiments exactly. Madison, are you doing okay?” the chief asked.
“I’m okay,” Madison said quietly.
“Look, I don’t want the two of you to spend any more time worrying. It’s out of our hands now, and we’ve done the very best that we can. So, promise me that you’ll relax?”
I laughed. “I’m not sure that’s possible, but I’ll certainly try.”
“Same here,” Madison agreed.
“Good. That’s all I can ask. Now, I was thinking, it’s Wednesday today, so I’d like you both to take the next few days to relax as much as you can. If you want, you can take more time off, but I’m also happy for the two of you to return back to work on Monday if you are ready. I know it’s soon, so I’m open to whatever makes you feel more comfortable. Of course, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably going to want to get back as soon as possible just to keep your mind off everything.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” I said to the chief. “Monday works for me.”
“Same,” Madison said. I noticed she wasn’t saying all that much. She just kept throwing confused glances my way, and I kept pretending like I didn’t see them.
“Are you sure? Because I don’t mind if you want to take another week off. I don’t want to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to.”
I nodded. “I’m sure. I’ll be there bright and early on
Monday. To be honest, I’m looking forward to getting my life back in order. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before.”
“Yeah, same here. Well, call me if you need anything, and I’ll let you know if I hear anything further. I’ll see you both on Monday. Well done again on today, Max. I’m very proud of you.”
I smiled and watched as the chief walked out the room. Now it was just me and Madison, and I felt an overwhelming desire to run away from her. If I stood looking at her for much longer, I was going to want to kiss her, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea anymore. I had no idea what to do about anything anymore. I felt like I had when I’d come out of the coma, like I was living in a giant blur of confusion with no way out.
“Well done, Max. You did well,” she said and smiled at me. “I was so impressed with how you handled everything today.”
“I did? I thought I came across as very nervous.”
“No, you were confident and sure of yourself. At least that is how you came across.”
“Thanks, Madi. That’s good to know. I’m just glad it’s over.”
“Same here. I know it’s a bit early for dinner, but do you want to go and get something to eat? We haven’t eaten much today. Just that toast this morning.”
We’d both skipped the lunch that had been passed around before the court meeting. We had all been too nervous to eat. I realized I was starving the moment she mentioned the idea of food.
I shook my head. “Thanks, Madi, but I think I just need to be alone for a while. It’s been a crazy day, and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I think it’s better if I just take a bit of a time out from everything.”
Madison nodded. “Oh, well, okay then. I understand. Call me if you change your mind.”
“Thanks, Madi, I think I’m going to crawl straight into bed, to be honest.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Madison
The court case had happened on Wednesday, but it was now already Sunday, and I still hadn’t heard from Max. After seeing him every day for the past few weeks, it was strange to suddenly go to not hearing from him all. The worst was that I still had no idea what had happened. As far as I was concerned, everything was going well between the two of us. Before Blake had walked in, Max and I had practically been inseparable. I’d go as far as saying that we were almost a couple. The only thing that we hadn’t done was give our relationship a label. But other than that, we were almost boyfriend and girlfriend.
At least, that’s what I had thought. Perhaps Max had never thought of me as anything more than someone to keep his mind off of what was happening. The thought made me feel sick. If I had known that he wanted nothing from me, I would never have been with him in the first place. What was wrong with me? Why had I allowed myself to be so duped by him? I’d always thought of myself as strong in both will and character, and yet it hadn’t taken me long to fall into bed with him.
I’d spent the past few days in bed, willing the time to go by and unsure what to do with myself. I’d watched more movies than I had cared for and attempted to read about a dozen books. Each time I’d find myself at the end of the first chapter without knowing what the hell I had just read. The words just seemed to blur in front of me, and nothing seemed to make sense. I just couldn’t concentrate enough to read, and each time I’d throw the book aside and either pick up a trashy magazine or put on another movie. I hadn’t felt so lost in such a long time. When I wasn’t watching movies, I was out running. Running had always helped me to clear my head, but each time I came back from a run, I felt worse than when I had started. Nothing seemed to help. I’d hoped to spend time with my sister, but she had been away on vacation with her boyfriend and had only come home late the previous night. Thankfully, I’d woken up to a message saying that I must come over and spend the day with her. I was so grateful. I could think of nothing better to do with my day. I drove to her house the moment I got the message and practically fell into her arms.
“Madi! I’m so glad you’re out of that safe house. I hated you being there. Come in,” she said and hugged me. “I can’t believe I was away when you came out. You’re never off work, and now the one time you are, I was away. When do you go back to work?” she asked.
I flopped dramatically onto the couch and sighed. “Tomorrow.”
“What? Already? After everything you went through do you really have to go back so soon? I’m sure your boss will let you have some more time off,” she said. “Coffee? Sadly, it’s a bit too soon for wine, although I do have a bottle chilling the fridge for us for later.”
I smiled. I probably would’ve said yes to the wine if she had offered to me right then, so it was probably better that she had offered coffee instead. “Ah, I cannot wait for that. I need wine. But yes, coffee would be great until then. And yeah,” I said as she walked to the kitchen. “My boss would definitely let me take a week off. But I couldn’t think of anything worse than staring at the four walls of my bedroom for another week. I’m desperate to get back into the swing of things. I need my job more than anything right now.”
“You work too hard,” she said.
I waited for her to return before continuing with the conversation as we couldn’t hear each other over the sound of the coffee machine. She returned with blueberry muffins and coffee and handed me a cup.
I took it from her and sighed gratefully as I took a sip. “This is great. Thank you.”
“It’s so good to see you again. You look like you’ve lost weight.”
“I probably have,” I said and sighed. I always lost weight when I was stressed. People used to tell me that I was lucky, but I didn’t think so. There was a very big difference between losing weight the healthy way and losing weight when you were stressed. The gaunt look did not become me. I took a few bites of the muffin. “Did you have a good trip?” I asked. “Things with you and this guy are getting serious.”
She grinned. “Yeah. Things are going so well. I can’t believe you still haven’t met him. It seems so crazy that I can be falling so much for this guy and you haven’t even laid eyes on him in person. It’s just not right. He knows so much about you, though. I talk about you all the time. Please, can we do something next week together?”
“I’d love that, Lyndsey. I mean, I need to make sure that I approve of this guy.”
She chuckled. “You will.”
“Yeah, I think I will too. You’ve always had good taste. And from the look in your eyes, I think this one might be the one.”
She squealed. “I think so too. So, will you bring Max along? It would be fun for us to go on a double date, don’t you think? We haven’t done something like that in years.”
I groaned. That would most definitely not be happening. “Don’t even talk to me about Max,” I said.
“What? Why not? I thought things between the two of you were going well. Isn’t that what you said the last time I spoke to you? And that wasn’t such a long time ago.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I thought things were going great. Clearly, I was very mistaken.”
“Oh no. Did something happen?” she asked.
I sighed. If only I had an answer to the very question I had been asking myself all week. “Well, I’m not sure. Something must’ve happened, but I’m just not sure what it is.”
“Okay, tell me everything. From the start. Don’t leave anything out.”
I took a deep breath and launched into what had happened between Max and me, and how things had begun to develop into something that could almost be called a relationship. I told her how we had started sleeping together in the safe house, and that despite taking things to the next level we still got along great as friends. I told her how good it had felt just to be with him.
“You know, I always thought that the two of you would make a good couple. I’ve never heard you talk of anyone in the way that you talk about Max. I’m still not sure why it took the two of you so long to do this in
the first place.”
I shrugged and took another sip of the coffee. I reached for the blueberry muffin and took a bite. I hadn’t eaten much this week, and it was nice to finally have something in me.
“Yeah, I guess I don’t know why either. I didn’t realize I liked him so much. Or maybe I did. Maybe I was just afraid that he didn’t like me. I mean, he had years to tell me how he felt, but he didn’t. But the moment we kissed, I lost all my resolve of staying away from him in that way. It was amazing, Lyndsey. Amazing.”
“You sound like you’re in love.”
“I’m not sure I’d go that far. But it was at least something that could lead to love. You know me, I don’t go around sleeping with just anyone.”
“So, what changed?”
“That’s a very good question. After Blake came in to kill us, Max changed. We went back to the chief’s house and didn’t get a chance to really talk because the chief was always around. Then the next morning Max could barely look at me. I asked him if he wanted to go for dinner after the court case and he told me that he needed to be alone. I was a bit taken aback, but I didn’t push matters. I know what it feels like to want to be alone sometimes. But that was on Wednesday. It’s Sunday now, and I still haven’t heard from him.”
“That’s so strange. And he gave you no indication of why he would suddenly change like that?”
I shook my head. “Nope. None at all. It was like someone pressed a button on him, and everything changed.”
“Have you thought of contacting him?”
“No. I mean, yes, but I’m not going to. I don’t think he wants me to. Also, I don’t see why I should contact him and not the other way around. Not to sound petty or anything, but that’s just the way I feel.”
She nodded. “No, I agree with you there. I’m not sure it’s the right way to think, but I would probably do the same. Do you have any idea why he might be feeling this way?”
Dirty Maverick (The Maxwell Family) Page 16