He didn't know she was a shifter when he slept with her.
He didn't know she was of the Lycaon bloodline.
Her being forced into this position was absolutely because he couldn't keep his hands to himself and let her live her life happily. She could be on her plane back to wherever her pretty scent was from, and she'd be carefree and happy.
He wouldn't have to feel this guilt.
“Willow…” Carter started. The words felt like poison in his gut as he found the pride to say them. “If you want to go, I'll help you. You don't need to stay here. I'll find a way to get you to the airport, to get you out of here, without them having to know. I'll explain it to them. I'm sorry I've dragged you into this,” he explained, sighing.
He kept his eyes glued on the road ahead of them. The town was starting to sprawl out ahead. Every building, every street and car, all of it seemed familiar to him. The only thing that was new, that added any excitement to his life, was sitting in his car, and he was trying to let her leave.
Carter could feel Willow turn to him, could feel her bright green eyes tracing his face.
He wanted to look back, to find what truths he could in those eyes.
He wasn't sure what he wanted from her.
“Is this a test?” she asked. Her voice was unsure, and he couldn't read what she was thinking.
“No. If you want to you can leave,” he answered honestly. He wasn't going to keep her against her will.
He was sure what he felt for her was love. Whether it was some kind of fucked up affection for his Alpha, whether it was a misguided crush on the first woman who had even looked at him in years, he wasn't sure. He loved Willow, and he wasn't going to keep her against her will. Having her stay here and not feel the same would be worse than never seeing her again.
“I don't know what I want,” she said, breathing deeply and then sighing. “It would be so much easier if I knew what I wanted, if I had a chance to figure that out, but twenty-four hours ago I didn't even know shifters existed,” she murmured. “It's a lot to work through, this whole, like, changing of what I consider to be reality,” Willow admitted. Carter nodded, completely understanding. He couldn't imagine never knowing about shifters.
“I'm glad I got to know you while I was here, though,” she added. Carter's stomach dropped, and he had to force himself not to look over at her, not to betray how deeply his feelings ran.
She was going to leave.
“I am, too,” he replied. The air between them was thick.
“I don't regret anything,” she added, reaching across the car. Her hand was soft as it landed on his arm, and he wanted to feel her, touch her back, but he knew better.
He already screwed up by sleeping with someone he thought was a human; sleeping with the Alpha while he was supposed to be protecting her was an absolute sin against the pack. They were entrusting her to him to protect her, not to take advantage of their closeness. Not to have her in the nakedness and openness he'd had her before.
Arousal filled him at the memory, and as they pulled up to the hotel, he knew he couldn't leave her without having her again.
Chapter 17
It felt like a goodbye.
Willow led Carter through the resort and to the elevator with a lightness in her step, but her heart was aching.
She couldn't blame him.
Even if she wanted to, even if she knew this wouldn't have happened without him, she couldn't regret any of it. He bit her and forced these dormant genes into becoming active, but she couldn't bring herself to wish any of it differently.
She had to make the goodbye as enjoyable as knowing him was.
The resort was beautifully quiet, still empty from the mass exodus of people she now knew were shifters. She couldn't help but wonder how they'd treat her the next time they saw her. Would they care that she was the Alpha? Was it as big a deal as everyone treated it?
She didn't feel different. How she viewed herself wasn't changed, yet she could feel how other people viewed her change every few minutes. Her public image was a revolving door that spit out a new version of her every five minutes, nothing grounded or the same about her. She went from a tourist, to an important client, to a nuisance to the community, to the leader of their pack within just a couple of days.
Carter's fingers squeezed hers gently, and Willow felt herself get tugged away from her thoughts and back to Earth.
They stepped into her room together, the energy far different than it had been the night before. Something thick was hanging in the air between them. A sad desperation that had Willow unsure whether to sob or not when Carter finally kissed her.
His lips let her feel known, let her feel like he could see right into her.
She kissed him back, happy to feel his warmth and passion, happy to feel needed personally instead of just as an idea or as an Alpha.
“Is this okay?” she found herself asking, mirroring what he'd asked just the night before.
“Anything,” was Carter's response as his hands gripped her hips against him.
Willow pressed her lips against his again, and they stood in the middle of the room, kissing slowly.
She had to leave within the next couple of days.
She couldn't stay there, couldn't be the entire pack's undoing. She understood that they were short on options, but jumping to the first person available and immediately handing them the job wasn't any way to run a group. It wasn't their fault; it was tradition and she knew that now, but she couldn't be their savior. She wasn't what they needed.
She wasn't what Carter needed.
Still, he was what she was desperate for.
Her hunger for him, her starvation to keep him close, deepened the kiss, passion seeping in. He led her to the bed, still kissing and holding her. His look was almost reverent when they finally parted.
She couldn't help but wonder how he viewed her.
Willow pulled him toward her and kissed him again, blocking out the thoughts. They didn't matter. She just needed the now. Even the immediate future was too far away to consider.
His skin was hot on hers as she shed her clothing and helped pull away his. They'd just been like this a day ago, they'd only just parted from it, and this felt so different. She needed his skin on hers, his body on hers, before she could never have it again.
His kisses went to her jaw and then her neck. He seemed almost vexed by the mark that he'd made before – the mark that changed everything.
Would she have stayed even if she hadn't found out he was a shifter? Would she have stayed for some random security guard at a small resort in the middle of nowhere? Would it have even been an option?
She wasn't sure.
He placed a kiss on the mark, and chills went through her whole body.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, pulling away from her neck.
Willow shook her head. “Nothing, sorry. Get on the bed,” she said. If he wanted a leader, she could boss him around for this much. He'd treated her so well the night before. She wanted to return at least a little of the favor.
Carter laid back on the bed, watching with dark eyes as Willow started unbuttoning his pants.
“You don't have to–”
“I want to,” she interrupted. Lowering down, she laid a warm kiss to the tip of his cock's head. He was incredibly endowed, but just enough without being scary. She marveled at the dusty pink skin of his cock as she slid her hands up and down it. Lowering her face again, Willow took the head of his member into her mouth and sucked softly, running over it with the flat of her tongue.
Carter let out a moan that surprised her. It was deep, dragged out as though he hadn't wanted it to escape. Willow perked up at the sound, taking more of him into her mouth and sucking, her hands working what her lips couldn't reach. His hips tensed, like he was trying not to buck into her face, and she hummed with satisfaction as she started bobbing her mouth around him, careful not to hit her gag reflex.
“Oh, my god,” he groaned out. She could head him shifting on the bed. Looking up, she made direct eye contact with him. Carter looked lost, torn apart from the sensation. Proud she could make him feel good, Willow swirled her tongue around the head of his cock again, using it to rub against the bottom of his cock as she sucked lower. “That feels so fucking good,” he graveled out.
Willow had to hold back a smile.
“If you keep that up much longer, I'm not going to last,” he admitted. Willow felt the bed shift and let him move her lips off his cock. It glistened against his stomach, wet with her saliva, as he lifted her face to his for a kiss. The kiss was rough, filthy, like he knew what all of this meant.
Like he wanted what he could get of her.
Willow was willing to give anything.
“I need you,” she murmured, breaking the kiss.
“Good,” he answered, roughly pulling her down onto the bed. Carter rolled her onto her back, kissing her into the mattress. One of his large and rough hands were traveling up her left thigh, and Willow rolled her hips impatiently.
She wanted him in her immediately. She didn't want to wait for him to take his time.
“Please,” she begged, but he didn't move any faster. His left hand pulled down her underwear slowly, teasingly, until she almost just gave up and did it herself. He chuckled, actually chuckled, as he leaned down to steal another kiss. His lips were a good snack to soothe some of her hunger for him, but it wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.
A couple of his fingers slid up between her labia, circling her clit smoothly, before working their way down to her entrance.
“You're so wet for me already,” he murmured as the stopped kissing. She wasn't sure if it was her own desperation for him or how calm he was being about it, but she was almost rutting against his hand as he finally started to slide a finger into her.
How did even just his fingers feel that good?
He filled her so well, not entirely – not yet – but enough to hit her g-spot. Carter bent his finger and let the pad of the fingertip rub against her g-spot, the pleasure sparking stardust in her vision. “Oh, god, yes,” it was her turn to moan. He kissed her neck, and Willow let her eyes slide closed so she could focus on how it felt.
“There, yes…” she moaned out as he slid a certain way, his thumb up and against her clit.
“You'd rather this than me in you?” he asked, almost teasing.
How could he be teasing now?
“No. No, I need you,” she said honestly. 'I love you.' The words crossed her mind, but she didn't say them out loud. They turned sour in the bitter echo of her own mind.
She was leaving soon, and she couldn't afford to love him.
She shouldn't love him.
It was just the sex talking. She was sure of it.
“Carter, please,” she asked again, not wanting to make a habit of it.
He didn't make her ask again.
Carter sat on the bed, and Willow let him pull her into his lap. He guided his cock under her, and Willow thankfully sank down on it.
“Mmm, yes,” she moaned out at the intrusion. She rocked back and forth for a moment at first, letting her body, again, get used to the familiar cock. The first time she lifted her hips and dropped them back down, she was able to tear another moan out of Carter.
Now she opened her eyes again, watching his face as she rode him.
He was gorgeous.
His muscles flexed as he pressed up into her, meeting her every motion with one of his in return. He circled his hips under her, his hands firm on her waist. Willow slid her hands into his hair and kissed his lips. It felt amazing to be entirely filled by him like this. She was sure more of him was in her than last night; she was sure she was filled even better. She wasn't sure how that was possible, but she enjoyed it.
It was like his body was custom made for hers. Like they were perfect matches, designed with each other in mind, except for one small exception. He'd marked her, and she hadn't had the chance to return the favor yet. As she kept riding him, feeling their pace begin to grow and speed, she broke their kiss and her lips made their way to his neck.
“Oh?” there was a smile in his voice, as if he'd figured out what she was doing.
“Mhm,” she answered, sucking and kissing his neck. She wasn't completely sure how to mark with hickies, but when she leaned back onto his cock to admire her handiwork, she was pleasantly surprised. A bright purple and red mark now lay right above his clavicle on the left side of his chest. “Perfect,” she said, leaning forward and kissing it. “Now you can't forget me,” she added, without realizing she was saying it.
Carter's thrusting into her stilled for a moment, and she looked at his face.
He looked broken by her words.
“I couldn't forget you if I tried,” he said with sad, dark blue eyes.
“Then make sure I don't forget, either,” she answered, feeling the tragedy with him.
If this was the last she'd ever have of Carter, she was going to enjoy it.
Carter kissed her deeply and pushed her back onto the bed. Lifting one of her thighs so that it rested against his chest with her calf on his shoulder, he pressed into her again.
The angle was the best yet.
“Ah!” she gasped out, unsure what to say to convey how good it felt. Carter started pumping into her, his pace rising up to what it was before. His hands were on her hips, his thighs under her ass, as he thrust into her again and again, taking her apart with every motion. She was sure his fingertips were going to leave small, circular bruises on her hips, but she was going to cherish them.
“Carter, yes, it's so good,” she moaned, amazed by him.
He didn't reply, save for kissing her leg that was wrapped over him. Willow slid her other leg around him, her heel in his lower back to let her press back against him. Each slide, every motion, was exquisite and more than enough. She was trembling and starving for more still.
“Please, kiss me,” she gasped out, jealous of any flesh of her own that he could kiss that wasn't her lips.
“Yes,” he replied. Sliding her leg off his shoulder, he leaned in toward her. The kiss was messy, more sensation than practice, and she moaned through it as he kept thrusting into her.
“Carter,” she moaned his name, unable to think of anything else to say, any way to tell him how good it felt.
He kissed her again, his lips soothing her so that she didn't feel like she had to say anything. She just had to feel. One of his hands slipped down and against her clit, circling and bouncing slightly against it through the motion. He didn't slow, didn't stop, and kept hitting her g-spot without even seeming to try.
“I'm so close, Carter,” she managed to get out. Her whole body was buzzing in anticipation, like the sand of a beach before a huge wave hit.
“Me too,” he groaned in pleasure, still going.
The crashing roar of her orgasm swept over her like it was starved. It wrecked her body into shaking and spasming from the pleasure. Just knowing he was close to coming, just knowing he felt as good as she did, was enough to send her over the edge. She'd never had that experience before in her entire life.
Her orgasm wasn't entirely over by the time he started coming, his movement becoming erratic and messy. He fucked her with abandon, using her to make himself feel good. She loved it; she needed it; she wanted him to feel as good as he made her feel.
He leaned down on top of her at first, both of them sweating and panting from the sex. He kissed her, and his lips faltered like he was going to say something else, but instead, he rolled over and laid next to her.
Curiosity took the edge of pleasure from the glow of her orgasm.
What was he going to say?
Chapter 18
“I have to go, Willow. I'm sorry,” Carter said softly, stealing a few last kisses from the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen.
“Mm, why?” Willow asked, rolling over in
bed and staring up at him.
They'd spent the night together, only parting from each other to order food. The entire room smelled of nothing besides them and leftover pizza. He wanted to revel in it, wanted to stay in this comfortable space he'd been able to make with her.
He had a job, though.
“It's eight in the morning. I have to start my shift,” he explained gently. He kissed her more, despite the fact that she knew exactly why he had to leave. He'd already showered and changed, offered to bring her breakfast, but she'd refused. She wasn't much of a morning person, he was starting to realize.
It was cute.
All of her was cute.
“Mm, okay,” she said softly. Her voice was suddenly vulnerable. It hurt Carter to hear. He knew she was thinking about leaving. She'd made that much clear the day before. He tried to make it through the night without thinking about it, ignoring that it was happening, but in the cold light of morning, it felt real.
“Willow, I swear we'll talk about this later, you and me,” he said softly, kissing her forehead.
“Promise?”
“I promise,” he answered, squeezing her hand. “Now get some sleep. I'll catch you in a couple of hours,” he said gently. “Maybe I'll bring you some lunch on my break?” he offered.
“Sounds good,” she sighed, flopping down into her pillow.
“Good,” he answered, catching another good look at her.
She was gorgeous.
Even disheveled from a busy night, from a stressful couple of days, from changes in her entire world view, she still looked gorgeous and peaceful. Her dark hair was back over her pillow in a sheet, messy from sleep. Her soft skin looked almost ethereal in the soft, blue light coming in from the window. She was already settling back down into sleep, and he envied the ease that she seemed to do that. He'd hardly been able to sleep at all last night.
Getting up, he quietly left, closing the room door behind him.
He was starting to resent his job for taking her from him so often, even though it was how he met her.
He headed up to the control room to log in.
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