“Peter,” Tara turned to look at him, “I think your insight may be of some added benefit to us. Could you please accompany us to our private chambers for a moment?”
“Yes, certainly,” Peter responded. He didn’t so much as glance at me once as he followed the Tribunal members out of the room.
* * *
Sergei took me to a small waiting room that was just as stark and cold as the courtroom. He closed the door behind me without saying a word. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. Figures.
I looked down at my watch; eight days had now passed on Earth since I had last seen Quinn. I couldn’t even imagine what my absence was doing to him. I tried to listen for his pulse, but I could no longer hear it … I could no longer find it. I only heard the ticking of the Time Keeper resonating within me. I didn’t know if my inability to connect with Quinn was because I had been away from him for so long or because he had been assigned a new Shepherd. All I knew was that I felt so empty. I hadn’t realized how much I had come to rely on the sound of his heart beating inside of me … how much I had come to treat it like it was my own.
I hoped he was safe. I hoped he didn’t blame himself for my disappearing act. I couldn’t help but think about how backwards our relationship was: I was his protector, but somehow he always ended up worrying about my well-being.
I wanted to see Quinn, if only for a minute, and tell him I was okay. I tried to teleport myself out of the room, but I couldn’t. The room was Shepherd-proof; it was a holding cell of sorts.
I sat there for the next three hours in Aura time, during which I thought about what Tara had said, about how Quinn and I were true soul mates, about how we had a connection that transcended death. That would explain why we were so drawn to each other … so taken by each other when we first met at IU and why we fell so hard for each other so quickly—so completely.
I thought about how Quinn and I were destined to be a team, how we were supposed to stop the Servants’ demonic plans. I wondered what we would have done—what we would do if given another chance.
Then I thought about what would happen if the Council denied us a second chance. What if I would never be allowed to see Quinn again? Not even to say good-bye? Chills ran down my spine, leaving me numb. I tried to push the thought from my mind, refusing to entertain the notion. The Council couldn’t be that cruel. They had to realize Quinn and I were meant to be together. They just had to see it my way because I was terrified of the alternative.
Suddenly, I thought of my parents and of all of our family debates. I argued with them over whatever personal strife I believed they were causing me at any given moment. But even the sum of all my past familial arguments paled in comparison to the case I was struggling to make for myself, for Quinn, right now.
Just then Sergei opened the door.
“The Council Tribunal is ready to see you now,” he announced, his voice almost completely devoid of any intonation.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, forging an invisible trail that seemed to pave the way for anxiety and panic to find me as I followed him to the Council’s conference room. I knew I wasn’t going to like this very much.
* * *
“We have reached a decision,” Tara said as I approached the podium.
All eyes were on me—all eyes except for Peter’s; he was nowhere to be found. I looked into the faces of each of the seven Council members to try to get a read on their decision, but their faces were cold as stone and their eyes were boring into me. The tension in the room was so thick I could feel it closing in on me—suffocating me—causing me to clear my throat nervously. My knees began to quiver slightly as I stood there in front of the panel. I gripped the podium for support.
“Quite frankly, I am not convinced that you have what it takes to be one of us, Eve. And I am not alone in my opinion,” Tara began. My empty chest quickly filled with an overwhelming aching sensation and my stomach twisted itself in knots. This was definitely not going to be good.
“You have been a Shepherd for mere months,” she continued, “and, during that time, you have managed to make more blunders than Shepherds who have been around for centuries.” A few mumbles of agreement rippled amongst the Council Tribunal, and another wave of nausea passed through me.
“Moreover, you have disrupted what was considered to be a fluid and peaceful existence for our kind,” Tara said sternly. “You have made a mockery of our culture, our history, and our traditions, which have existed for several centuries. You have willingly disregarded the Rules we abide by, you often ignore the wisdom and advice of your mentor, and you have recklessly performed the duties as a guardian of your charge.
“Your disobedience and irresponsible behavior warrant severe consequences—unusually severe. Indeed, Shepherds have been stripped of their positions for lesser offenses than you have committed … Others have received far worse punishment.”
I felt like all the strength of my body was seeping out through my toes and into the floor. I was doing my best to appear calm despite the fact that, inside, I was preparing to hear the worst.
“However,” Tara sighed heavily, “regardless of what we decide today, a situation still remains—a situation that is larger than any of us. It is a situation that you and Mr. Harrison are uniquely tied to in some inexplicable way.
“There is a war brewing, Eve; one that inevitably will shift the balance between good and evil. The Servants have wanted this war for quite some time. It is not yet clear exactly how you and Mr. Harrison will be involved in this fight, but it is believed that you two have the ability to fan the flames of this battle or extinguish them.
“Whether the two of you succeed in defeating the Servants—or even try to defeat them—is another question altogether. And while some of us doubt your abilities, we are not prepared to abandon all hope. We simply cannot afford to.” Tara looked to the colleagues on her left and her right.
“Regrettably,” Tara directed her attention back towards me, “we have no choice but to trust that you will do what’s right, what’s necessary, to stop evil from prevailing. You are an immortal, trained by the best of the best to fight on our side, after all. So,” she sighed again, “the question before us now is what we should do with you in light of your recent infractions.”
Tara indulged herself in an exceedingly long pause, leaving me to hold my breath while I waited for the gauntlet to drop.
“Eve, we have decided to offer you a choice.” Her voice was now as smooth and serene as when I had first heard her speak. “I will be the first to admit this is a most unusual course of action for us, but it is one I believe is advisable at this juncture. As it was, six of us reached a deadlock between two very different consequences, leaving me in the unfortunate position of casting the deciding vote.
“In light of your words earlier, however, I thought it would be best to let you cast the final vote as to which of the consequences we will enforce. A few of my colleagues do not agree with my decision. Nonetheless, I firmly believe a remarkable case of this nature requires a more creative and remarkable response.”
“What are my choices?” I allowed myself to feel a glimmer of hope that I could go back to Quinn … that I could choose to remain with him.
“There are two options, the first of which is that you would be removed from your current assignment and reassigned to a new charge, never to see Mr. Harrison again.”
I cringed inside.
“The second option,” Tara continued, “would be for you to resume your current assignment and see it through to its conclusion on one condition.” Tara paused. I was on pins and needles waiting to hear the condition of my return. “You must erase all of Mr. Harrison’s memories of you since you began your assignment.”
I couldn’t ignore the wicked twist of fate that now greeted me. It wasn’t that long ago that I had wanted to erase Quinn’s memory of me—that I had wanted him to forget about me. But things were different now. Quinn and I had made up; we had rekindled o
ur relationship. Moreover, I finally remembered my past … our past, brief as it may have been. So to be told now that I could only return to him if I pledged to strip all memories of myself from his mind was a crippling blow.
“If I chose the latter, if I returned to Mr. Harrison, how much time would I be given with him before I was expected to fulfill the condition?” I asked hesitantly.
“None at all,” chimed in a male Tribunal member. “You would be expected to erase his memory immediately.”
“So I would be denied the opportunity to say good-bye to him?” I tried to keep my anxiety and sorrow at bay. I couldn’t afford to be overwhelmed with emotion; I had to think clearly.
“We see no benefit in allowing you to drag out your current relationship with Mr. Harrison any longer than you have already,” the same Tribunal member responded coldly.
“And what about my memories … of this summer … of my life?”
“They are yours to keep regardless of your choice,” Tara replied. “We do not erase memories twice as we have good cause to believe it would result in permanent damage.”
I now understood what Tara had meant when she said she had heard me. I had set myself up to prove how selflessly I loved Quinn. I had professed that his safety was all that truly mattered to me. Knowing I didn’t trust another to guard him from harm, the Council really had given me only one viable option—to erase Quinn’s memories of me from his mind and remain invisibly chained to his side as his Shepherd until his fate was sorted out. In the end, I really had no choice at all.
I just hoped I was strong enough to follow through with my decision. I had to be strong enough. I knew the Council would never give me another chance. But to have any chance of succeeding, I knew I needed to see Quinn one more time. I needed to say the things still left unsaid. I needed to finish our story.
“Tribunal members, I know I am in no position to make a request,” I said humbly, “but I would like to ask for one thing.” I paused, waiting for the objections to fly from the panel. They remained silent, so I continued. “If I agree to your condition, if I agree to erase all recent memory of me from his mind, I ask that you please give me a day—one Mora day—to be with Mr. Harrison before I fulfill my end of the bargain.
“I realize my request may not make sense to you, particularly because my charge will no longer remember me or the extra time we would share together, but I still will—I will remember every experience I’ve ever had with him … as well as every experience of my entire life. It’s a lot to come to terms with, and I don’t want to risk making any more mistakes. So I am respectfully requesting that you please let me say good-bye to him … let me close this chapter so I can move forward. So I can focus all of my energy and attention on doing my job.”
“I don’t think we need to remind you that this is a consequence for your violation of the Rules.” A second male Tribunal member stated tersely.
“I’m only asking for one day. Trust me, even if you granted me a lifetime of days with Mr. Harrison before I had to erase his memory, it still wouldn’t be enough time with him,” I responded.
“And if we refuse your request, will you choose the first option and be reassigned?” a third female Tribunal member inquired.
“No,” I responded bluntly. “As I said before, I believe I’m the one who can best protect Mr. Harrison from harm, and I am not prepared to risk his life. I am his Shepherd.
“Besides,” I said, looking Tara directly in the eyes, “if what you have said today is true, if Mr. Harrison and I are true soul mates … if our love can transcend death, then I’m not sure the first option would even work. Somehow, I think I knew we were soul mates all along. Somewhere deep down, I believe Mr. Harrison and I both knew it. In fact, I revealed myself to him because he felt me—he actually felt my presence. He knew I was there, and he couldn’t let that go.
“So, no offense, but if the Servants couldn’t keep us apart while I was alive, and the Rules couldn’t keep us apart after I died, what makes you so sure that Mr. Harrison and I won’t find each other again if you separate us now? If I get reassigned and abandon Mr. Harrison without ever saying good-bye, without ever letting him know I’m okay, I’m certain he’ll just keep looking for me until he finds me—or until he finds some logical explanation of what happened to me.”
“We could simply reassign you and erase all memories of you from Mr. Harrison’s mind,” piped in the same female member.
“Which ones?” I asked. My voice was laced with a hint of arrogance now bubbling inside of me.
“Excuse me?” she asked, baffled.
“Which memories would you erase?” I asked again, point blank.
The entire panel fell silent.
“The truth is I’m the only one who knows which memories to erase. And, now, I’ve just learned it’s unsafe to erase a mind twice. So I don’t see any reason to refuse my request when I’m the only one who can be entrusted with the task of erasing all recent memories of me from Mr. Harrison’s mind.”
“This is sounding dangerously close to a threat,” Tara said, the warning tone in her voice was clear. Without Tara on my side, I knew I didn’t have the slightest chance of getting more time with Quinn.
“It’s not,” I said apologetically. “I certainly don’t want it to be. I just want to do this the right way—the only way I know how. Look, if I can just be given a chance to say what needs to be said … to see him one more time as him, then I’ll agree to erase all memory of me as a Shepherd from his mind, and I’ll do nothing intentional to contact my charge unless it is absolutely essential to save his life. Please, it’s just one day. What’s one day?”
Tara sighed. “We will grant you eight hours, Eve,” she declared. “Eight hours in Mora time in which to get your … closure and erase his memory,” she quickly clarified. “Don’t make us regret giving you this gratuitous gift,” she added.
“Thank you,” I said respectfully, looking at Tara. It wasn’t an entire day, but it was something—it was a gift. And, in return, I would do the Council’s bidding—after all, I had no other choice … for now.
My heart began pounding loudly, and I realized that it wasn’t the Time Keeper I was feeling … it was Quinn. Not wanting to waste another second without him, I teleported myself back down to Earth.
Quinn, I’m on my way home.
Excerpt From Book Two: Peace of Mind
“Quinn,” I said softly.
He stirred slightly in his bed.
“Quinn, it’s me … Evie.”
Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked over at me, bewildered. He blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t move.
“Quinn, I’m here. I’m home.”
“Evie?” he barely managed, his voice trembling slightly.
“Yes,” I whispered. I caressed his face with my hand and felt the wet trail of a tear that had rolled from the corner of his eye down the side of his face. I wanted to embrace him. I wanted to nestle my face into the small of his neck. But I didn’t—not yet anyway.
He reached over to his bedside table and turned on the light, never taking his eyes off of me. He cautiously reached out his hand and caressed my cheek, moving down my neck to my bare shoulder.
“I thought you … I mean … I thought I would never see you again,” Quinn uttered. “That night … I didn’t know what to do. I thought I had … well, I didn’t know what could happen to you, but I thought that I had … hurt you somehow.” He rested his head back on his pillow, put his hand on his forehead, looked up at the ceiling, and paused for a moment before continuing. “You know, I actually consulted a priest about what bad things could happen to angels.”
“You did what?” I asked, unable to hold back a giggle.
“Don’t mock me,” he said sternly, turning his head towards me. “Evie, it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen you … You should have seen yourself that night … You were in so much pain, and I couldn’t do anything t
o stop it. And then … just like that, you were gone.”
“Quinn, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. You have to believe me when I tell you that none of what happened to me that night was your fault.”
“How can you say that?” Quinn replied. “None of it would have happened if I hadn’t kissed you … if I hadn’t tried to—”
“You weren’t the only one who wanted to take things further that night, you know,” I interjected. “I was kissing you too.”
“Yeah, but I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve stopped things before they got that far. I knew there were Rules, Evie, and I wanted you to break them. I was hoping you would. I was selfish, and you ended up paying the price.”
“Shh,” I purred as I put my finger on Quinn’s lips. His full lips were so warm and soft—so inviting. I pictured myself kissing them and a ripple of energy passed through me. “Quinn, you actually helped me that night.” I flashed him a flirtatious little smile. “Besides, do you really think you would have had the restraint to stop yourself?” I sat up slightly, just enough for the covers to fall away from me and expose the top half of my naked body.
Quinn took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, taking me in with his eyes. I began to draw little circles on his chest, my fingers gradually making their way down towards his stomach.
“Well,” he cleared his throat and closed his eyes, trying to focus on his answer. “I certainly … would’ve tried.” A slight groan escaped his lips as my index finger traced the rim of his navel. I smiled even wider.
With his eyes still closed, I leaned forward and kissed him. He kissed me back, and fireworks went off inside me. I kissed him harder, deeper, as I began to maneuver myself on top of him. Quinn didn’t resist—at first. But then he stopped me abruptly, pushing me off of him. He looked more worried than I had ever seen him.
“It’s okay,” I tried to reassure him. “Everything will be fine.”
“Fine?” Quinn asked in disbelief. He sat up, propping his back up against his headboard. “After what happened to you the last time we tried this, how can you risk breaking the Rules again?”
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