“You've had an accident, which has taken your memories. We're bringing you home and hoping our doctors can help you to remember. If you like, I can tell you a bit about us. Would you like that?”
I just nodded, what else could I do? My head still felt as though it was stuffed with cotton wool. It must have been a result of the accident.
He settled himself down in the seat next to mine and took one of my hands in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. The motion felt familiar, I couldn't take my eyes off what he was doing. This felt familiar. I looked back up at him and found he was watching me intensely.
“I remember this.” He seemed momentarily surprised, but then happy.
“Good, that's good. We always hold hands.”
“We're friends?” I think I knew what his answer would be, but I wanted to get it out in the open. Everything felt so foreign, but his thumb on the back of my hand did not. I was confused, scared and wanted some answers, even if they would create more questions in their wake.
“We're more than just friends, but it's OK,” - he saw the look of outright fear and utter confusion gracing my face - “we'll just take it slowly, until your memories come back, or until you're comfortable. Either way, you're in charge.”
The way he said it made me think perhaps he wasn't sure my memories would come back at all. I felt a little detached at that thought, as though not having my memories back would be a good thing, part of me thinking that remembering would only make this so much worse.
“Where are we going?” Maybe getting some facts would help.
“Home. Colorado, the United States. We've been there for a while, I'm hoping seeing it again will bring back some memories.”
Huh, Colorado. It absolutely did not bring back some memories. In fact, I had absolutely no idea where, in the United States of America, Colorado was. How was that possible if I had lived there before?
I sighed, he just kept rubbing the back of my hand, a soothing motion that did make my blood pressure lower and my heart rate steady. I decided I liked him holding my hand.
“What's your name?” My voice was small, I didn't like admitting I couldn't remember him. I wanted to remember him, I wanted to make him smile.
“Jonathan.”
That twigged a memory, or something, I couldn't quite grasp. But it felt familiar, not quite as much as the thumb rubbing on the back of my hand, but still, it was something, wasn't it?
“I remember your name, I think, I'm not sure, but I know I've heard it before.”
He smiled, but I picked up a sense of tension in his body that hadn't been there before. I'm not quite sure how I managed to do that, it seemed like the signals he was giving off were minute, but somehow I could pick up the nuances as though this was just a natural part of who I am. Reading people. That made me wonder what I did for a living.
“What do I do in Colorado?”
He pulled himself together, although I'm sure to anyone else they wouldn't have even picked up that something was wrong.
“You're my wife, you don't need to work, your place is by my side.”
I had a sudden sense that was wrong, that there was more to me than someone's other half. I hid my reaction with a shift of my hand in his, now taking hold of his instead of letting him hold mine. I smiled up at his surprised face and said, “Good. I like that.” And prayed he bought it, because I knew now he was lying. I had no way of knowing what the truth was, but I knew this was not it. Jonathan was not my friend, let alone my husband and I knew this with such conviction it rocked my soul.
The rest of the flight was much the same. The other vampires, who Jonathan introduced to me as his work colleagues and friends, sat watching the movie, while Jonathan tended to me. Getting me food and drinks and telling me about our supposed life together. I let my mind wander, still taking in what he was saying, but allowing myself the luxury of self analysis. Who was I? Why was Jonathan going to such extremes to make me believe I was part of his world? And where had we just come from?
Because the further we were getting from where ever this plane had taken off from, the more I felt like a part of me was being left behind. I clung to that part as it felt more real than the vampire sitting by my side, but no matter how much I tried to identify it, I couldn't. It was lost to me and that sense of loss almost made me cry.
Just before we were due to land, Jonathan came back from the galley with some tablets and a small cup of water.
“Take these, sweetheart, they're your medicine.” Then seeing the slightly sceptical look on my face, he added, “Without them you tend to have seizures. We don't want that, do we?”
I wanted to argue. I wanted to ask what they were. But, I knew when my back was against a wall. We were on board a plane, I was surrounded by vampires, I could not have fought back or escaped, this was not the time to rock the boat. So, I took them and I swallowed them. He was watching me too closely, to play with fire and pretend. My time would come, I told myself, because as sure as I knew that I was more than just some trophy wife, that there was more to me than meets the eye, I knew I would escape these vampires.
I knew it and I grabbed hold of that thought, held it close and settled in my armchair waiting for whatever the drugs would do to me to happen, knowing in my heart that it wasn't about seizures at all.
It took a good ten minutes before I realised I was tired and perhaps another ten before I could fight the fatigue no more. I let it wash over me, I stopped fighting it, but I promised myself, I would fight it again tomorrow.
The next time I woke I was in bed, in a big bed, the size of a truck, in a nicely decorated airy room. Pale duck-egg blue walls, delicate furniture, gauzy curtains on the windows, the moon in full glory hanging outside. I watched that moon and thought it didn't look familiar. Shouldn't it, if I am home? The shapes to the shadows, the contours across its surface. All looked out of kilter. This was not my moon, I told myself. Then this was not my bed.
I got up and walked over to the window and took in my surroundings. The building I was in was surrounded, at least on this side, by a large expanse of green grass, rolling away to wooded leafy trees in the distance, some twenty or thirty metres away. In this light it was difficult to tell the shade of the leaves, but they looked pretty and abundant. Lots and lots of leafy trees bordering the edge of the large green grassed area. I couldn't see any neighbouring houses, we weren't in a city, that was for sure and I knew that vampires liked cities. So, why the expanse?
I opened the window - which surprised me as it wasn't locked - and was met by cold, frigid, clean, fresh air. We were high up, I could tell, this air was thinner than I was used to and much colder. Perhaps we were in some mountains, Colorado is mountainous, isn't it? Damn, I wished I'd paid more attention to geography in school. I wasn't sure of my surroundings, I knew damn near nothing about Colorado, or even if this was in fact Colorado as Jonathan had suggested. As far as sussing out my surroundings go and formulating a plan of escape, this sucked.
I tried to settle my breathing and decided to explore. There was absolutely no point in succumbing to fear. Fear wouldn't help solve this mystery, fear wouldn't get me out of a potentially dangerous situation. Fear was not my friend. So I bottled it up as best I could, grabbed hold of the thought that home was back where we had come from and headed towards my door. I expected it to be locked, but like the window, it simply opened with ease.
I walked out onto the landing and looked around. The house I was in was well decorated, lovely pale colours and pale, distressed, wooden furniture. Very un-vampire like, but charming and quaint. This had the feel of a holiday home perhaps, a place in the country to get away from the stresses of urban life. Maybe that was it, maybe the vampires I could sense downstairs didn't normally live here, but came here to unwind. It sounded like it could be possible.
I started towards the stairs that I could spot over to the right, which I knew would take me closer to the vampires below. I began scratching at the bend in my elbow distractedly
as I tip-toed towards them, then realised I could feel raised bumps where my finger tips were brushing. A quick look told me everything I needed to know. Needle marks. I had been drugged with more than just the tablets on the plane.
A shudder ran through me and for a moment the fear almost succeeded in taking over all rational thought, but I rallied, I dug deep, because this could not be my life, it just could not.
I never went for playing the victim, I wasn't about to start now.
That thought and that thought alone, made me rejoice, because I was more than what I saw and felt right now.
I was not a victim. I never had been.
So, all I had to do was remember exactly what I was and all would be OK.
Chapter 4
The Best Laid Plans
The vampires were all in what was obviously the lounge, a large open-plan space with light coloured furniture and pastel coloured furnishings, all very cottagey in fact. So not American or vampire, but kind of nice. Relaxing even. I sort of had the feeling it should have been a house at the beach though, not something nestled in a tree rimmed, grass expanse, land-locked piece of property high up in the mountains.
They all looked up when I came in the room, but it was Jonathan who came rushing over, concern written all over his face. A face that still felt very unfamiliar to me.
“You're awake, sweetheart. Can I get you anything.”
He seemed genuine, but his affection only made me cringe. Not from fear, but something else, something I couldn't name, no matter how hard I tried to home in on the feeling.
“Where are we?”
He came and clasped my hand, immediately rubbing his thumb across the back of it. My heart rate started lowering straight away and the strange feeling from moments before evaporated. This was familiar, but that thought only left me feeling a little disoriented now, as though my world was spinning out of control.
“You're at home. Everything is going to be OK.”
Jonathan pulled me towards a two seater sofa and sat us both down side by side. His leg brushed up against mine, I could feel the warmth emanating from the long length of his body. His thumb continued its hypnotic swirls against the back of my hand, I watched it for a while, trying to piece my tumbling emotions back together. To make sense of everything and nothing that seemed to engulf me right now, but it didn't work. Even though the room was full of six or so vampires and one was holding my hand affectionately, sitting right next to me, I felt so alone.
I looked up into his bright azure blue eyes. They were captivating, but I felt not a thing as I stared across the short space between us.
“What is it, sweetheart? Can you still not remember us?”
I shook my head, unable to form any coherent words. He looked sad, but resigned, as though he had expected that answer all along.
“It is all right, Lucinda. I have already told you, I will remember for both of us. Trust me, can you do that?”
My mind and heart shouted no, my head nodded yes. I could only put the reaction down to survival instincts, because make no mistake, I was fighting for my life and I knew it.
We sat silently for a while, him still stroking my hand, me trying to take in as much of my surroundings as I could manage. I felt a little tired and fuzzy, but you always do after a long flight and although I had slept most of it, my body was still remembering the trip. Plus, I was sure whatever drugs they had been injecting were also partly to blame.
What the hell was I going to do? I needed to formulate a plan. I have always been practical in all that I approach, so breaking down the task ahead into smaller manageable parts made sense. I smiled slightly to myself at that thought, the more I remembered who I was at my core, the better. Jonathan didn't notice my smile, he just seemed happy to sit with me while I glanced around the room. Maybe he thought I was trying to jog my memory, maybe that thought made him happy too.
I knew there would be nothing here for me to remember. I just knew it, just as I knew at sunrise the vampires would not be able to go outdoors and that was when I would need to make my escape.
So, practical part number one. Escape. It covers a lot more than just physically getting myself away from these vampires. It also means I'd stop being injected with whatever drug they were using on me. Two birds with one stone. That I could handle.
How to escape, of course, was the next hurdle. I needed to get myself armed for starters and just as I knew sunlight was detrimental to a vampire, I also knew silver was too. Stakes were best, but I doubted I'd find one anywhere near here, so a knife would have to do. Arm myself and then escape. Things were looking up on the planning front.
Next, I would need to have an understanding of the layout of the land. Which direction to head in. Obviously away from here as fast as I could, but if I didn't find a road and just wandered for the duration of daylight hours, the vampires would pick up my scent and come after me by nightfall. I was picking I would only have one shot at this, I had to make it work.
OK. Arm myself, escape, know the way out. Getting better, but still not perfect. How far was I from civilisation and what would I do once I got there? I had no money, I had no idea where to go or to whom to go to, I had no memories of who I was.
Part of me hoped the drugs were responsible for this and once away from here, away from the medication, my memories would return. I could take myself to the human police, but what would they do? They'd make a fuss about an amnesiac and that would call attention to me. I would need to hide out until I could remember enough to find help.
I didn't for a second think it would be easy, but I was resolved to start at least, to put my plans in motion. First up. Layout of the land.
“I looked out my window before. It looks lovely outside. Can we go for a walk?”
Jonathan perked up at that, his lovely blue eyes sparkling in the lights of the room.
“A splendid idea, sweetheart. We always liked to walk in the evenings around the property.”
He suggested I get changed, as I was in a nightdress still. I hadn't even noticed, which shocked the hell out of me. Who had put me in it? Only one answer, as the other vampires all kept their distance and there was no one else in the house that I could sense. The thought that Jonathan had undressed me and put me to bed made me sick to the stomach, but I pushed it aside. I couldn't allow the luxury of a response to anything right now. As with his comments, I had to stay focused and strong. And not show my fear or give an inch. I had to stay on guard.
I almost tripped over the step I was about to climb onto, when those thoughts ran through my head. Holy shit. They were familiar. They were rooted deep down inside me and felt so right I wanted to laugh out loud at finding them again.
Never show fear. Never give an inch. Always stay on guard.
What the hell was I before this happened to make me have a mantra such as that? Because, that's what it felt like, something I had repeated to myself again and again and again in the past. Something that was part of who I am.
I walked into the dressing room attached to the bedroom I had woken in and was confronted with a huge display of clothes, all in my size, all never been worn before, all in colours I couldn't imagine I would usually wear. Whites and reds and blues and pinks and greens. Not a dark colour in sight. I wanted something dark, something I could hide in. Hiding felt natural to me, not standing out like a Christmas cracker.
I chose fitted blue jeans and a white T-Shirt and popped a blue sweater on top. I figured it would be chilly out. When I came downstairs again, Jonathan had grabbed some coats for us to put on and showed me where the boots were, all the while asking if I remembered anything. Once again, the more he did it, the more a little doubt crept into my mind. Why would he act like this if it were not true? I tried to push it away again, to concentrate on all the little things, like the needle marks, the sense that home was where we had flown from, the fact that my heart felt heavy and I was constantly rubbing over it and not even noticing I was. It was as though a hole had opened up i
n my chest and was slowly getting bigger, the more time I stayed in this house.
I was stupid. I knew people could lose their memories and feel like an imposter in their own lives, but I couldn't shake the feeling that this was more. So, I kept pushing those moments of uncertainty aside and forged on with the plan.
We walked around the perimeter of the property, well at least the grass lawn part, right up next to the lovely leafy trees, which on closer inspection showed all green colours, but in amongst the leafy evergreens were a few bare deciduous trees, leaving me in no doubt that winter was in full swing here in Colorado. That was not good news. It was unbelievably cold right now, but I could only hope, during daylight hours when I intended to escape, the Colorado sunshine would prevail. Escaping in the dead of winter on foot seemed an insurmountable challenge, but escaping at all costs was essential. There were several out buildings, one was obviously the garage and a well equipped one at that. I momentarily thought stealing a vehicle might be the way to go, but when we walked past it was obvious the security system on that building was exceptional. Cameras everywhere, automatic sensor lights, a huge box on the side that looked like it could make a lot of noise if needed.
I didn't need further complications to an already paper thin plan, so taking a vehicle was out. I'd have to go on foot.
The other building was guest accommodation, Jonathan said. It looked substantial, almost as big as the main house itself, so I guessed that was where the other vampires slept. How many more, than the six back in the lounge, were there? As long as I made my escape during daylight hours, then surely that wouldn't matter at all.
The only accessway or indication of where a road might be, was the very long driveway. It was so long that I couldn't see the gate from the edge of the trees. The only saving grace? Once I reached the trees, I wouldn't be visible from the house. So thirty metres and home free. Yeah, right.
By the time we made it back to the main house I was exhausted. It hadn't been that long a walk, but I felt so frail I was having to rely on Jonathan to steady my gait. Initially, he just offered a hand when I tripped, or to aid me up the steps to the front entrance area. By the time we reached the front door, his arm was around my waist. I didn't like it, but I had no choice. Once we got inside, it was clear I needed to get to bed, so rather than dine in the dining area downstairs as he had planned, he helped me back to the bedroom and said he'd return with my supper.
Giver of Light Page 4