I forced myself to stop crying. I sat up, drew back and wiped my eyes.
Mum and Dad are just being questioned. They’ll be out soon and then they can fight for me. The Purditts won’t make me stay. If they really love me they’ll let me go.
I tucked my wooden oval inside my top. I said the words over and over in my head.
Things can only get better.
I didn’t know it at the time – but things were about to get a lot worse.
27
r u still missing me?
About an hour after I’d arrived, Annie’s and Sam’s other daughters turned up.
I remembered them both from the other day – bottle-blonde Shelby, who had tried to make me leave, and little Madison, who had stared at me over the top of the sofa, her eyes as big and round as a bushbaby’s.
‘Are you sure it’s OK?’ Shelby said from the front door.
‘Of course, sweetie.’Annie stood up. ‘Come in and meet your sister properly.’
Shelby shuffled cautiously into the living room. Her hair was tied loosely in a ponytail and she was wearing a massive amount of make-up. I knew from what Annie had told me that she was thirteen, a year younger than me. No way would my mum have let me put that much eyeliner on even now.
‘Hi Martha.’ She blushed. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’m supposed to call you Lauren.’
‘Hi,’ I said, shortly. Then, feeling perhaps I should be a bit more generous, I added: ‘I’m sure you’ll get used to it.’
Shelby’s lip trembled.
‘It’s OK, sweetikins.’ Annie gave her an enormous hug, then turned to me. ‘Shelby’s just a little emotional right now. She was only two when you went missing, so this is all kind of strange for her.’
Strange for her?
Shelby fixed me with her tiny, grey eyes. ‘I’ve always wanted to meet my big sister,’ she said, in this flat voice that made it quite clear to me she had never wanted any such thing.
‘Oh, Shelbs. What a sweet thing to say.’ Annie hugged her again.
I heard a noise behind my chair and looked round. I jumped. Madison was standing by the arm, about half-ametre away from me.
‘Madi, please don’t creep up on people like that,’ Annie sighed. ‘I’m going to make some tea. Come through when you’re ready.’
Shelby followed her mother out of the room. I smiled at Madison. ‘Hi.’
She stared at me.
‘So how old are you?’ I said, though Annie had already told me.
‘Six.’ Madison still hadn’t taken her eyes off me. ‘Are you really my sister?’
I nodded.
‘I imagined you were a princess.’
‘Oh. Well . . . er . . . I’m not. Sorry, I guess I’m just ordinary.’
She leaned forward and whispered in my ear. Her breath smelled of strawberry jam. ‘We could still pretend you are.’
I grinned. ‘D’you like pretend games?’
Madison nodded solemnly. ‘I’m going to be an actress when I grow up.’
‘Really? D’you like dressing up and stuff?’ I asked, remembering how I used to like putting on Mum’s old clothes when I was little.
‘Some.’ Madison tilted her oval face to one side. ‘But what I really like is pretending. You know, imagining being other people.’
‘Tea’s ready,’ Annie called.
Madison skipped out of the room. I followed, watching the way her long dark hair swung from side to side across her back.
‘I hope you talked nicely to Lauren,’ Annie said as Madison sat down at the table. She turned to me. ‘She’s such a shy little thing.’
‘Such a freak show, you mean,’ Shelby said, not particularly under her breath.
Annie appeared not to have heard this.
‘Actually Madison was great,’ I said loudly. ‘She told me . . . lots of stuff.’
Madison reddened. I tried to smile at her, to reassure her I wasn’t going to grass her up about her acting ambitions in front of Shelby, but she looked away.
Annie set a jug of milk down on the table. As she reached across my chair I noticed the roll of flesh creeping over the top of her skirt.
Great. Just my luck. On top of everything else.
Fat genes.
At least I got out of the house that afternoon. I’d asked if I could use the phone later.
‘Of course.’ Annie blushed. ‘You don’t need to ask.’
‘Hey, why don’t I take you to the mall?’ Sam said. ‘You can pick out your own cell.’
So off we went, just Sam, me and Madison, in the big seven-seater family car.
Sam was OK, actually. Really sweet with Madison – gentle and a bit teasing. Not a big talker, though. I guess he’s what Carla would call intuitive – he understands stuff without you having to say it.
For instance, we both knew a new phone would take a few hours to charge up. But he could see I was dying to make a call so, without me having to ask, he offered to lend me his mobile. And he walked off with Madison round a clothes store while I was on the phone. I mean Mum would have hung around, wanting to know who I was speaking to. And Dad just wouldn’t have got the hint. He certainly would never have spent ten minutes looking at shirts and sweaters to give me some privacy.
Who did I call? Jam, of course. He was still at the hotel.
‘I miss you,’ he said.
It made me feel better. Kind of warm and glowy inside.
Until Carla called him away.
Then I was alone again.
I chose a really neat little silver mobile with a pink trim. Sam said I could have whatever I wanted, so I picked this expensive model with video and camera functions. I wasn’t being greedy. It meant Jam would be able to send me pictures and little videos of himself – if he could borrow somebody else’s phone to send them on.
Afterwards the three of us drove down to the harbour. It was cold, but in a good way – sharp and crisp with clear blue skies. Evanport is really pretty down by the water. There’s a big wooden promenade area with lots of cafés and a long marina full of boats.
We sat and drank a couple of Cokes looking out over the water. Madison drifted about, occasionally shooting me these big-eyed glances. Then Sam showed me his boat. The Josephine May. It was all sparkly in the sunshine, bobbing about on the water like an impatient kid. Sam got dead excited when we went on board – even had Madison run all over, telling me what the different parts of the boat were called.
‘Course I don’t get as much time as I’d like to sail,’ he said. ‘And Annie and Shelby aren’t as keen as they used to be. But Madi still loves coming. Maybe we’ll take her out sometime.’
He looked at me expectantly.
‘Sure,’ I said.
The sun was almost set by the time we drove the short journey home. Sam held Madison’s hand as they walked indoors. That and the darkness made everything worse. I was so miserable, I didn’t even notice MJ’s car parked outside.
As soon as we got indoors, I could see from her face it wasn’t good news. She took me through to the living area while Annie pottered about in the kitchen, casting anxious glances in our direction.
‘Taylor Tarsen’s admitted knowing about the whole kidnapping from when you were little,’ MJ said.
I frowned. ‘But that’s good,’ I said, ‘isn’t it? I mean if he’s admitted taking me, then that proves Mum and Dad are innocent.’
‘It’s not that simple,’ MJ said. ‘Tarsen’s signed a statement saying your parents were involved in the whole thing.’
I stared at her, my heart beating wildly. ‘He’s lying,’ I cried. ‘Mum and Dad told me everything. They thought Sonia Holtwood was my mother.’
‘Sssh.’ MJ leaned closer and patted my arm. ‘Between you and me I believe you. Your parents seem like decent folk and their story makes sense. But they’ve admitted now they broke the law with the money transfer to Sonia. And we have to go through due process.’
We talked a bit more. MJ promised she would get Mum and Dad
’s lawyer to call me later. Then she slipped away.
I sat on the sofa. Sam’s mobile was on the little table by the door. I picked it up and texted Jam. I didn’t dare call and speak to him in case anyone in the house came in.
Anyway, what I really wanted was a hug.
Remembering what he’d said earlier I wrote: r u stl mssng me?
He texted straight back: more.
I deleted both messages and put the phone back. Strange how something can keep you going and break your heart at the same time.
28
Martha’s room
I spoke to Mum and Dad’s attorney later that evening.
I could hardly take in what he was saying. Mum and Dad had been charged with something awful-sounding, like conspiracy to abduct a minor. They were in prison, waiting for the next stage in what ever the legal process was.
Mr Sanchez, the lawyer, said he was working hard on their behalf but that I needed to prepare myself for a long fight.
I came off the phone too dazed to even speak.
‘What is it, Lauren?’ Annie hovered round me, all nervy and anxious.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. ‘Nothing,’ I said.
‘OK . . . well . . . er . . . I’ve cooked a special dinner,’ Annie said. ‘It’ll be ready in a few minutes.’ She fluttered miserably away.
She wasn’t joking when she said ‘special’. The table was covered with a crisp linen tablecloth with proper napkins and gleaming white china at every place.
I sat down between Sam and Madison, hoping they didn’t eat this formally every night.
Annie served out something she called Osso Bucco. We ate in silence. I could feel everyone watching me. I kept my eyes glued to my plate.
‘Fork, Madison,’ Annie said gently.
I glanced sideways. Madison put down her knife and transferred her fork to the other hand.
I had no idea what was going on, but I felt way too awkward to ask any questions. A few minutes later it happened again.
‘Come on, Madison,’ Annie said. ‘We’re eating cuisine.’
Madison blushed and snatched a quick look at me.
Shelby sniggered. ‘Just because Mar— er, Lauren, does it, doesn’t mean you can.’
I stared at her. Just because I did what?
Annie started flapping. ‘It’s a small thing, Lauren. We only eat with the fork. I mean, we use the knife and fork together to cut food but then we transfer the fork to the other hand to eat.’
I think my mouth must have dropped open.
Who were these people?
Shelby sniggered again. ‘It’s because we think it’s bad manners to shovel food into our mouths,’ she said pointedly, staring at my own fork which was pressed against my knife, gathering a last mouthful of chopped string beans.
‘Oh, but we don’t expect you to do it,’ Annie twittered at me. ‘It’s just an American thing and everyone knows you’ve had different . . . I mean you’re European. I mean. . .’ She shot up from the table and started gathering plates. Still talking her head off, she raced into the kitchen and re-emerged in seconds with a large cake. Holding it high in the air, she advanced to the table.
‘I made this while you were out earlier. I wasn’t sure but I felt you would understand. This is such a momentous day . . .’ Her voice tailed off as she placed the cake in front of me. It was high and covered with white icing. Across the top, in curly yellow letters were the words: welcome home Lauren.
‘Neat frosting, Mom,’ Madison said.
I stared at the cake.
Annie kept on wittering away behind me. She edged a long knife – handle first – towards me across the table. I could feel everyone else’s gaze: Sam all concerned, Shelby looking smug, and Madison with those big velvety eyes round like saucers.
I didn’t pick up the knife, so Annie reached across and snatched it up herself. Her hand was shaking as she hacked unevenly at the cake.
‘Well, I guess you’ll want to look round upstairs, Lauren.’ She slid a slab of cake onto a small plate and placed it in front of me. ‘And we ought to discuss which room you’re going to sleep in too.’
I pushed the plate away from me.
No way was I going to eat her stupid cake.
A look of humiliation flickered across Annie’s eyes. Her face flushed a deep red. ‘What we thought was you could choose. If you’d like you could sleep in with Shelby. We thought that might be fun, so you girls could get to know each other.’
I glanced at Shelby. She glowered at me.
I’d rather get to know a poisonous snake.
‘Or you could choose one of the guest rooms and we’ll make it over for you while you get used to being here.’
I’ll never get used to being here.‘
‘Or . . .’ Annie hesitated. ‘Or there’s your old room.’
I looked up at her. It hadn’t occurred to me that I would already have a room in the house. In spite of the homesick ache inside me, I was instantly curious.
‘Would you like to see it?’ Annie asked.
I nodded.
‘OK.’ Annie jumped up eagerly, knocking over her glass. Water flooded onto the floor. ‘Oh darn, what a mess.’
Sam followed her into the kitchen to get a cloth.
‘Why doesn’t Shelby show Lauren her room first, while we clear up?’ he said. ‘You can join them in a minute.’
‘Sure, Dad.’ Shelby turned to me. ‘I’d love to,’ she whispered sarcastically.
I followed Shelby up the stairs. From behind I could see that although she was the same height as me, her legs were really much shorter. They stuck out from her mini-skirt like tough little tree trunks. I could also see dark-brown roots spreading through the blonde highlights down the back of her head. This made me feel slightly better. A horrible sister was bad enough. But a glamorous, horrible sister with perfect hair and legs up to her eyebrows would have been unbearable.
Shelby stomped across the long corridor. She pointed to an open door on the left. ‘That’s mine,’ she said.
Through the doorway I could see a huge dressing table covered with make-up and perfume bottles. Frilly lilac curtains at the window and a stash of dolls in one corner gave it a little girly feel, but the rest of the room was more grown-up. Clothes were spilling out of a walk-in wardrobe at the end of the bed.
Shelby pulled the door shut in my face. ‘You not allowed in there. Especially not my closet,’ she said. ‘I don’t want you touching any of my stuff.’
Did you take lessons in being this mean or were you born naturally gifted?
‘Don’t worry,’ I said, coldly. ‘I wouldn’t touch your stuff if you paid me.’
Shelby’s eyes were like tiny stones. ‘Dohn’t wahree,’ she said, mimicking my accent. She flicked her long hair off her shoulder and stared at the wooden oval on the string round my neck. ‘At least I have nice stuff.’
I felt the heat rise through my throat.
‘No one wants you here, you know,’ Shelby sneered. ‘Mom and Dad are making out like this is the most awesome thing that’s ever happened to them, but what they really want is the you they remember. A toddler. Not a teenager. Look.’ She pointed to a door a little further down the corridor.
The name ‘Martha’ was written on the outside in big letters, each one decorated with a different animal. I stared at the ‘M’. It had a monkey painted on the front. I felt the stirring of a memory. This was the first thing in the whole house that felt familiar. I walked right up to the shut door, my stomach churning.
‘Well, why don’t you go in?’ Shelby said. ‘It’s your room.’
I turned the handle. It was a huge room – all bright, primary colours. The walls were yellow, with an alphabet frieze up by the ceiling.
A wooden trunk stood under the window, covered with a pile of dolls and teddy bears.
I wandered over to the single bed beyond the trunk. A blue rabbit with big button eyes lay on top of the soft coverlet. I picked it up. The rabbit
was wearing a pink satin ballgown with thin straps. It was worn and one of the long ears was ripped along the seam. I felt another stirring of recognition. I had loved and cuddled this rabbit when I was little. I was sure.
‘I see you found Baby Rabbit.’ Annie was standing at the door, next to Shelby. I was struck by how they both had the same upper lip shape – full, and pointed in a V-shape in the middle.
I remembered the way my mother on the beach had laughed. Somehow I couldn’t imagine Annie laughing.
She whispered something to Shelby, who scowled then scuttled off. Annie came inside and shut the door. She ran her fingers over a shelf of little board-books.
‘I kept everything just as it was when . . .’ she looked away.
I stood awkwardly, shifting my weight from one leg to the other.
‘For years this was the only place I could be still. The only place I could find any peace,’ Annie said. She walked across the room to where I was standing. Her fingers trembled as she touched my arm. ‘Would you like to sleep here? We can go through all the baby things another time – decide what you want to keep.’
I nodded, then shrank back, pulling my arm away from her hand.
Annie stood there for a few seconds, her hand still outstretched. Then she turned and walked out of the room.
I sank down on the bed. Shelby was right. Annie didn’t want me. She wanted the daughter she’d lost. She wanted eleven years of meals and cuddles and plasters on knees.
But she didn’t want me. Here. Now. As I was.
And I didn’t want her – I wanted the mother I had remembered. The woman I had dreamed.
I curled up into a ball and cried until I fell asleep.
29
The row
Several days passed. I was going mad trying to get news about Mum and Dad. Their lawyer drove me nuts. He was like the hardest person in the world to get hold of. Then, when I did speak to him, he gave only vague answers to my biggest questions.
When can I get out of here?
When can I see Mum and Dad?
Not that I was living in some hell-hole. Sam and Annie’s house was far smarter and more glamorous than where I lived in London. But it wasn’t home.
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