FALSTAFF.
God send the companion a better prince! I cannot rid my hands of him.
May God send the companion a better prince! I can't
shake him off.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Well, the king hath severed you and Prince Harry:
I hear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster against the
Archbishop and the Earl of Northumberland.
Well, the king has separated you and Prince Harry:
I hear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster to fight
the Archbishop and the Earl of Northumberland.
FALSTAFF.
Yea; I thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look you pray, all
you that kiss my lady Peace at home, that our armies join not in a
hot day; for, by the Lord, I take but two shirts out with me, and I
mean not to sweat extraordinarily: if it be a hot day, and I brandish
any thing but a bottle, I would I might never spit white again.
There is not a dangerous action can peep out his head but I am thrust
upon it: well, I cannot last ever: but it was alway yet the trick of
our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common.
If ye will needs say I am an old man, you should give me rest. I
would to God my name were not so terrible to the enemy as it is:
I were better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured to
nothing with perpetual motion.
Yes, bless you for knowing that. But make sure
all of you who stay at home in peace pray
that we don't fight on a hot day; for I swear,
I am only taking two shirts with me, and I don't
want to sweat too much. If it was a hot day, and
I had to wield anything more than a bottle, I don't think I'd ever
recover my health. There is no dangerous action that comes up
that I don't get sent on. Well, I can't live forever; but it's always
the way with this country, if they have something good
they overuse it. If you say that I
am an old man, you should give me some rest. I wish
to God that the enemy weren't as frightened of my name as
they are–I would sooner be eaten up by rust
than ground down to nothing through perpetual motion.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Well, be honest, be honest; and God bless your expedition!
Well, stay honest; and may God bless your expedition!
FALSTAFF.
Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to furnish me forth?
Will your lordship lend me a thousand pounds to fit myself out?
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Not a penny, not a penny; you are too impatient to bear crosses.
Fare you well: commend me to my cousin Westmoreland.
Not a penny, not a penny; you're too eager to take on debts.
Farewell; give my greetings to my cousin Westmorland.
[Exeunt Chief-Justice and Servant.]
FALSTAFF.
If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle. A man can no more separate
age and covetousness than 'a can part young limbs and lechery: but
the gout galls the one, and the pox pinches the other; and so both the
degrees prevent my curses. Boy!
If I do, hit me over the head with a sledgehammer. A man can
no more separate age and greed than he can separate
young limbs and lecherous behaviour: but old men have
gout, and young men catch the clap; and so both ages
of life have afflictions like mine. Boy!
PAGE.
Sir?
Sir?
FALSTAFF.
What money is in my purse?
How much money is in my purse?
PAGE.
Seven groats and two pence.
Seven groats and two pence.
FALSTAFF.
I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse:
borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is
incurable. Go bear this letter to my Lord of Lancaster; this to the
prince; this to the Earl of Westmoreland; and this to old Mistress
Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to marry since I perceived the
first white hair of my chin. About it: you know where to find me.
[Exit Page.]
A pox of this gout! or, a gout of this pox! for the one or the other
plays the rogue with my great toe. 'Tis no matter if I do halt; I
have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more
reasonable. A good wit will make use of any thing: I will turn
diseases to commodity.
There is no cure for this wasting away off the purse:
borrowing just makes it last longer, the disease is
incurable. Go and take this letter to my Lord of
Lancaster; this one to the Prince; this to the Earl of Westmoreland; and this to old mistress Ursula,
whom I have sworn to marry every week ever since
I first found white hair on my chin. Get on with it;
you know where to find me. a pox on this gout!
Or a gout on this pox! One or the other of them
is playing hell with my big toe. It doesn't matter
if I limp; I have my military service as my
excuse, and it will help me to get hold of a pension.
A clever man makes use of everything; I will
turn my diseases into profit.
[Exit.]
[Enter the Archbishop, the Lords Hastings, Mowbray, Bardolph.]
ARCHBISHOP.
Thus have you heard our cause and known our means;
And, my most noble friends, I pray you all,
Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes:
And first, lord marshal, what say you to it?
So, you have heard our reasons and know our resources;
and, my most noble friends, I ask that you will
give me your true opinions of our chances:
and first, Lord Marshall, what do you say about it?
MOWBRAY.
I well allow the occasion of our arms;
But gladly would be better satisfied
How in our means we should advance ourselves
To look with forehead bold and big enough
Upon the power and puissance of the king.
I certainly agree on the reason for fighting;
but I would definitely like to know more
as to how we can hope to have enough
forces to challenge the power
and strength of the King.
HASTINGS.
Our present musters grow upon the file
To five and twenty thousand men of choice;
And our supplies live largely in the hope
Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns
With an incensed fire of injuries.
At the moment our forces are growing
and we have twenty five thousand good men;
and we are hoping to get more from
great Northumberland, who is raging
with the injuries which have been done to him.
LORD BARDOLPH.
The question then, Lord Hastings, standeth thus:
Whether our present five and twenty thousand
May hold up head without Northumberland?
The question then, Lord Hastings, is this:
whether our current force of twenty five thousand
would be enough without anything from Northumberland?
HASTINGS.
With him, we may.
We can succeed with him.
LORD BARDOLPH.
Yea, marry, there 's the point:
But if without him we be thought too feeble,
My judgement is, we sh
ould not step too far
Till we had his assistance by the hand;
For in a theme so bloody-faced as this
Conjecture, expectation, and surmise
Of aids incertain should not be admitted.
Indeed, that's my point:
if we think without him we are too weak,
I say that we should not make any moves
until we have his assistance alongside us:
for in such a bloody business as this
we should not rely on assumptions, hopes
and guesses of uncertain aid.
ARCHBISHOP.
'Tis very true, Lord Bardolph; for indeed
It was young Hotspur's case at Shrewsbury.
That's very true, Lord Bardolph; indeed
that's what happened to young Hotspur at Shrewsbury.
LORD BARDOLPH.
It was, my lord; who lined himself with hope,
Eating the air on promise of supply,
Flattering himself in project of a power
Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts:
And so, with great imagination
Proper to madmen, led his powers to death
And winking leap'd into destruction.
It was, my lord; he strengthened himself with hope,
trying to live on a promise of help,
imagining he could succeed with a force
much smaller than he could possibly have imagined:
and so, with the great fantasies
usual with madmen, he led his forces to their death
and blindly leapt into catastrophe.
HASTINGS.
But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt
To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.
But, if you'll excuse me, it never hurt anyone
to plan out chances and hope for things.
LORD BARDOLPH.
Yes, if this present quality of war,
Indeed the instant action: a cause on foot
Lives so in hope as in an early spring
We see the appearing buds; which to prove fruit,
Hope gives not so much warrant as despair
That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build,
We first survey the plot, then draw the model;
And when we see the figure of the house,
Then we must rate the cost of the erection;
Which if we find outweighs ability,
What do we then but draw anew the model
In fewer offices, or at least desist
To build at all? Much more, in this great work,
Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down
And set another up, should we survey
The plot of situation and the model,
Consent upon a sure foundation,
Question surveyors, know our own estate,
How able such a work to undergo,
To weigh against his opposite; or else
We fortify in paper and in figures,
Using the names of men instead of men;
Like one that draws the model of a house
Beyond his power to build it; who, half through,
Gives o'er and leaves his part-created cost
A naked subject to the weeping clouds
And waste for churlish winter's tyranny.
Yes it will do harm, if this current war–
this business which has in fact already started–
is so reliant on hope, such as we have in early spring
when we see the buds appear; we think that they
will provide us with fruit, but they are more likely
to be consumed by the frosts. If we want to build something,
first we look over the plot, then we make drawings,
and when we see what the house will be like,
we must calculate the cost of building,
and if we find it is too much for us,
what do we do then, we redraw the model
with fewer rooms, or maybe we decide not
to build at all? So we should be even more careful in this great work–
which amounts to tearing down the Kingdom
and building a new one–in surveying
the situation and the plans,
agree to a certain foundation,
ask surveyors, who know what we have,
how feasible the work we want done is,
weighing it against adverse factors; or otherwise
we are building our forces out of paper and numbers,
using the names of men instead of actual men:
like someone who draws plans for a house
which he does not have the power to build, and halfway through
he gives up, leaving a partly built monument to his
expense open to the rain and a desert for the
harshness of winter.
HASTINGS.
Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth,
Should be still-born, and that we now possess'd
The utmost man of expectation,
I think we are a body strong enough,
Even as we are, to equal with the king.
Even if our hopes, which are good ones,
do not come to fruition, and if the forces we have now
are the greatest that we will have,
I still think that we are a strong enough army
as we are at the moment, to fight with the king.
LORD BARDOLPH.
What, is the king but five and twenty thousand?
What, does the king only have twenty five thousand men?
HASTINGS.
To us no more; nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph.
For his divisions, as the times do brawl,
Are in three heads: one power against the French,
And one against Glendower; perforce a third
Must take up us: so is the unfirm king
In three divided; and his coffers sound
With hollow poverty and emptiness.
He'll only be sending that number to us, in fact less, Lord Bardolph.
In these times of war his forces are divided
into three sections: one group fighting the French,
one against Glendower; he will have to send
a third at most to fight us: so this shaky king
is divided into three; and his Treasury
echoes with poverty and emptiness.
ARCHBISHOP.
That he should draw his several strengths together
And come against us in full puissance,
Need not be dreaded.
We need not fear him gathering all
his forces together and coming at us
with his full strength.
HASTINGS.
If he should do so,
He leaves his back unarm'd, the French and Welsh
Baying him at the heels: never fear that.
If he should do so,
he leaves his back unprotected, with the French and Welsh
chasing after him: we need not fear that.
LORD BARDOLPH.
Who is it like should lead his forces hither?
Who is likely to lead his forces against us?
HASTINGS.
The Duke of Lancaster, and Westmoreland;
Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth:
But who is substituted 'gainst the French,
I have no certain notice.
The Duke of Lancaster, and Westmorland;
he and Harry Monmouth are fighting the Welsh:
I don't have any certain information as to
who is fighting against the French.
ARCHBISHOP.
Let us on,
And publish the occasion of our arms.
The commonwealth is sick of their own choice;
Their over-greedy love hath surfeited:
An habitation giddy and unsure
Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
O thou fond many, with what loud applause
Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bolingbroke,
Before he was what thou wouldst have him be!
And being now trimm'd in thine own desires,
Thou, beastly feeder, art so full of him,
That thou provokest thyself to cast him up.
So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge
Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard;
And now thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up,
And howl'st to find it. What trust is in these times?
They that, when Richard lived, would have him die,
Are now become enamour'd on his grave:
Thou that threw'st dust upon his goodly head
When through proud London he came sighing on
After the admired heels of Bolingbroke,
Criest now "O earth, yield us that king again,
And take thou this!" O thoughts of men accursed!
Past and to come seems best; things present worst.
Let's press on
and announce our reasons for fighting.
The country is sick with their choice;
they have had enough of their love for the King.
He built his house on shaky foundations
relying on such vulgar people.
Oh you foolish populace, what great applause
you shouted up to heaven, blessing Bolingbroke,
before he was what you wanted him to be!
And now you got what you wanted,
you greedy beasts, you've had enough of him
and you want to throw them away.
So, you common dog, that's how you threw up
royal Richard from your greedy hearts;
and now you want to eat up your own vomit,
and you howl for it. What trust is there in these times?
Those who wanted Richard dead when he was alive
have now fallen in love with his grave.
You who threw dust on his good head
when he came sighing through haughty London
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) Page 84