know that I should be at court.
COUNTESS
To the court! why, what place make you special,
when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court!
The court! What's made you so special
when you can just lightly say that? The court!
Clown
Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he
may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make
a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing,
has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed
such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the
court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all
men.
Honestly, madam, if God has given a man any manners, he
can fit right in at court: the one who can't
bend the knee, doff his cap, kiss his hand and say nothing
doesn't have knees, hands, lips or a cap; and in fact
to be precise about it a chap like that wouldn't fit
at court; but as for me, I have an answer for everything.
COUNTESS
Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all
questions.
I say, that's a good answer that would fit all questions.
Clown
It is like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks,
the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn
buttock, or any buttock.
It's like a barber's chair that fits all backsides,
skinny ones, squashy ones, muscular ones
or any others.
COUNTESS
Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
And your answer will fit all questions?
Clown
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney,
as your French crown for your taffeta punk, as Tib's
rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove
Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his
hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding queen
to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the
friar's mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin.
It fits like money in the hand of a lawyer,
as the clap for a showy fop, like a ring of rushes
on a peasant's finger, like a pancake on Shrove
Tuesday, a morris dance on May Day, like a nail
in itshole, a cuckold with his horn, a scolding Queen
to an arguing scoundrel, the nun's lip to the
friar's mouth, like the pudding to its skin.
COUNTESS
Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all
questions?
I'm asking you do you have an answer to fit all questions?
Clown
From below your duke to beneath your constable, it
will fit any question.
From below a Duke to below your steward, it
will fit any question.
COUNTESS
It must be an answer of most monstrous size that
must fit all demands.
It must be an incredibly large answer if
it suits everything.
Clown
But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned
should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that
belongs to't. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall
do you no harm to learn.
It's just trifle, honestly, if the educated
tell the truth of it: here it is, with everything
about it. Ask me if I am a courtier: it will
do you no harm to learn.
COUNTESS
To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in
question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I
pray you, sir, are you a courtier?
I'd like to learn to be young again if it was possible: I will be a fool
in my question, hoping that you will give me a wiser answer. Tell me Sir,
are you a courtier?
Clown
O Lord, sir! There's a simple putting off. More,
more, a hundred of them.
Oh Lord, sir! There's a simple way of doing it. Ask me more,
a hundred of them.
COUNTESS
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, who loves you.
Clown
O Lord, sir! Thick, thick, spare not me.
Oh Lord, sir! Come on, more, don't spare me.
COUNTESS
I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
I think, sir, that you will not eat this simple meat.
Clown
O Lord, sir! Nay, put me to't, I warrant you.
Oh Lord, sir! No, come on, really test me.
COUNTESS
You were lately whipped, sir, as I think.
You were recently whipped, sir, I believe.
Clown
O Lord, sir! spare not me.
Oh Lord, sir! Do not spare me.
COUNTESS
Do you cry, 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and
'spare not me?' Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very
sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well
to a whipping, if you were but bound to't.
Do you cry, ‘oh Lord, sir!’ when you are whipped, and
‘don't spare me?’ In fact your ‘oh Lord, sir!’ follows on
very closely to your whipping: you would have a very good answer
for a whipping, if you were handed one.
Clown
I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord,
sir!' I see things may serve long, but not serve ever.
I never had such bad luck with my ‘oh Lord,
sir!’ I see things will work for a long time but not for ever.
COUNTESS
I play the noble housewife with the time
To entertain't so merrily with a fool.
Here I am messing around as if
I have the time to amuse myself with a fool.
Clown
O Lord, sir! why, there't serves well again.
‘Oh Lord, sir!’ Why look, now it's working well again.
COUNTESS
An end, sir; to your business. Give Helen this,
And urge her to a present answer back:
Commend me to my kinsmen and my son:
This is not much.
That's enough of that; get on with your business. Give this to Helen,
and tell her that I want an answer:
give my regards to my kinsmen and my son:
it's not much to ask.
Clown
Not much commendation to them.
You don't want me to give them much regards then.
COUNTESS
Not much employment for you: you understand me?
Not much for you to do: do you understand?
Clown
Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs.
Absolutely: I'll be there before you know it.
COUNTESS
Haste you again.
Hurry back.
Exeunt severally
Enter BERTRAM, LAFEU, and PAROLLES
LAFEU
They say miracles are past; and we have our
philosophical persons, to make modern and familiar,
things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it that
we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves
into seeming knowledge, when we should submit
ourselves to an unknown fear.
They say there are no more miracles; and we have our
scientists to make supernatural and unexplainable things
seem modern and familiar. And so
we disregard terrors, burying ourselves
in what we think we know, when actually we should be f
eeling
some unknown fear.
PAROLLES
Why, 'tis the rarest argument of wonder that hath
shot out in our latter times.
Why, it's the greatest miracle that has
happened in our times.
BERTRAM
And so 'tis.
That's true.
LAFEU
To be relinquish'd of the artists,--
To be given up on by the skilled ones-
PAROLLES
So I say.
That's what I mean.
LAFEU
Both of Galen and Paracelsus.
By both Galen and Paracelus.
PAROLLES
So I say.
That's what I'm talking about.
LAFEU
Of all the learned and authentic fellows,--
Of all the genuine learned men-
PAROLLES
Right; so I say.
Yes, that's what I've been saying.
LAFEU
That gave him out incurable,--
They said that he was incurable-
PAROLLES
Why, there 'tis; so say I too.
Yes, I know; that's what I've said.
LAFEU
Not to be helped,--
That he couldn't be helped-
PAROLLES
Right; as 'twere, a man assured of a—
Right; he was a man who had been promised-
LAFEU
Uncertain life, and sure death.
An uncertain life, and certain death.
PAROLLES
Just, you say well; so would I have said.
That's it, you've hit the nail on the head; that's just what I would have said.
LAFEU
I may truly say, it is a novelty to the world.
I really must say, it's quite unheard-of.
PAROLLES
It is, indeed: if you will have it in showing, you
shall read it in--what do you call there?
It is, indeed: if you want the proof of it you
shall read it in-what to call it?
LAFEU
A showing of a heavenly effect in an earthly actor.
Divine work on a mortal being.
PAROLLES
That's it; I would have said the very same.
That's the one; just what I would have said.
LAFEU
Why, your dolphin is not lustier: 'fore me,
I speak in respect—
Why, a dolphin has less energy: I must say,
I'm talking about-
PAROLLES
Nay, 'tis strange, 'tis very strange, that is the
brief and the tedious of it; and he's of a most
facinerious spirit that will not acknowledge it to be the—
No, it's strange, it's very strange, that's
the long and the short of it: and it would take someone
with a very wicked spirit to deny that it is-
LAFEU
Very hand of heaven.
Truly the hand of God.
PAROLLES
Ay, so I say.
Yes, that's what I say.
LAFEU
In a most weak—
pausing
and debile minister, great power, great
transcendence: which should, indeed, give us a
further use to be made than alone the recovery of
the king, as to be--
pausing
generally thankful.
In a very weak–
(pause)
And feeble worker, there is great power, unimaginable
knowledge: and in fact we should use it
for other things apart from just saving
the King, so we can be–
(pause)
generally grateful.
PAROLLES
I would have said it; you say well. Here comes the king.
That's what I would have said; you've said it well. Here comes the King.
Enter KING, HELENA, and Attendants. LAFEU and PAROLLES retire
LAFEU
Lustig, as the Dutchman says: I'll like a maid the
better, whilst I have a tooth in my head: why, he's
able to lead her a coranto.
Lustig (full of health), as a Dutchman would say: I'll like a girl
better, whilst I still have teeth: why, he's
able to run ahead of her.
PAROLLES
Mort du vinaigre! is not this Helen?
Good gracious! Isn't that Helen?
LAFEU
'Fore God, I think so.
By God, I think it is
KING
Go, call before me all the lords in court.
Sit, my preserver, by thy patient's side;
And with this healthful hand, whose banish'd sense
Thou hast repeal'd, a second time receive
The confirmation of my promised gift,
Which but attends thy naming.
Go and summon to me all the Lords of the court.
Sit down, you lifesaver, at your patient's side;
and from this healthy hand, whose numbness
you have removed, take for a second time
the assurance that I will give what I promised,
I'm just waiting for you to say what you want.
Enter three or four Lords
Fair maid, send forth thine eye: this youthful parcel
Of noble bachelors stand at my bestowing,
O'er whom both sovereign power and father's voice
I have to use: thy frank election make;
Thou hast power to choose, and they none to forsake.
Fair maid, look them over: all these young
noble bachelors are mine to give,
I have the power of a king and of a father
over them: choose whichever you want;
you have the power of selection, and none of them can say no.
HELENA
To each of you one fair and virtuous mistress
Fall, when Love please! marry, to each, but one!
Mayeach of you get a fair and virtuous mistress
when love thinks the time is right! Just one for each, mind you!
LAFEU
I'ld give bay Curtal and his furniture,
My mouth no more were broken than these boys',
And writ as little beard.
I'd give my bay horse and his saddlery,
to have a full set of teeth like these boys,
and to be as freshfaced.
KING
Peruse them well:
Not one of those but had a noble father.
Look them over carefully, every one of them has a noble father.
HELENA
Gentlemen, Heaven hath through me restored the king to health.
Gentlemen, through me heaven has given the King back his health.
All
We understand it, and thank heaven for you.
We know that, and we thank heaven for you.
HELENA
I am a simple maid, and therein wealthiest,
That I protest I simply am a maid.
Please it your majesty, I have done already:
The blushes in my cheeks thus whisper me,
'We blush that thou shouldst choose; but, be refused,
Let the white death sit on thy cheek for ever;
We'll ne'er come there again.'
I am a simple maid, and that's my proudest boast,
that I am simply a maid.
If your Majesty permits, I have already chosen:
the blushes in my cheeks whisper to me,
‘we are blushing at your choice; but if you are refused,
then white death will sit on your cheek forever;
we will never be back.’
KING
Make choice; and, see,
Who shuns thy love shuns all his love in me.
Make your choice, and I promise<
br />
that anyone who rejects your love is rejecting mine as well.
HELENA
Now, Dian, from thy altar do I fly,
And to imperial Love, that god most high,
Do my sighs stream. Sir, will you hear my suit?
Now, Diana, I fly away from your altar,
and go to the emperor of love, the highest god,
that's where my prayers are going now. Sir, will you listen to my request?
First Lord
And grant it.
And give it.
HELENA
Thanks, sir; all the rest is mute.
Thank you sir; the rest is silence.
LAFEU
I had rather be in this choice than throw ames-ace
for my life.
I would rather be part of this selection than throw a double one
for my life.
HELENA
The honour, sir, that flames in your fair eyes,
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) Page 202