The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 388
SEBASTIAN
By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over
I'm sorry, but no. My luck has been very bad lately,
me: the malignancy of my fate might perhaps
the awfulness of my fate may perhaps
distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your
ruin yours; therefore I will ask your forgiveness
leave that I may bear my evils alone: it were a bad
and permission that I may endure my troubles by myself, it would be a bad
recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you.
repayment for your love, to lay any of them on you.
ANTONIO
Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.
Let me know where you are going.
SEBASTIAN
No, sooth, sir: my determinate voyage is mere
No, truthfully, sir: my plans are
extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent a
not serious. But I see that you are such a good
touch of modesty, that you will not extort from me
person, that you will not demand that I tell you
what I am willing to keep in; therefore it charges
what I want to keep to myself: therefore I am obligated to
me in manners the rather to express myself. You
explain things to you. You
must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian,
must know about me, then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian,
which I called Roderigo. My father was that
though I went by Roderigo. My father was that
Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard
Sebastian from Messaline, whom I know you have heard
of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both
of. When he died there was just me and a sister, both
born in an hour: if the heavens had been pleased,
born in the same hour: if Fate had been kind,
would we had so ended! but you, sir, altered that;
we would have died like that too! But you, sir, changed that;
for some hour before you took me from the breach of
for some hour before you saved me from
the sea was my sister drowned.
the sea my sister drowned.
ANTONIO
Alas the day!
Oh no!
SEBASTIAN
A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
A lady, sir, though people said looked a lot like
me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but,
me, was considered beautiful by many: but,
though I could not with such estimable wonder
though I couldn't very easily
overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly
believe that, I will not consider it exaggeration to say
publish her; she bore a mind that envy could not but
this of her; she had a mind that anyone could consider
call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt
brilliant. She is drowned already, sir, with salt
water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more.
water, though I seem to drown my memories of her with more (tears).
ANTONIO
Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.
Forgive me, sir, for being such bad comfort.
SEBASTIAN
O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.
Oh good Antonio, forgive me for troubling you.
ANTONIO
If you will not murder me for my love, let me be
If you will not reject me for my affection, let me be
your servant.
your servant.
SEBASTIAN
If you will not undo what you have done, that is,
If you will not take back what you have done, that is,
kill him whom you have recovered, desire it not.
kill the man you have saved, don't ask for that.
Fare ye well at once: my bosom is full of kindness,
Goodbye at once: my heart is full of kindness,
and I am yet so near the manners of my mother, that
and I am still so near the hometown of my mother, that
upon the least occasion more mine eyes will tell
at least once more I will go and do something.
tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.
I am heading to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.
Exit
ANTONIO
The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!
The blessings of the gods upon you!
I have many enemies in Orsino's court,
I have many enemies at Orsino's court,
Else would I very shortly see thee there.
Or else I would soon see you there soon.
But, come what may, I do adore thee so,
But, no matter what, I like you so much,
That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.
That the danger seems more like fun, and I'll go anyway.
Exit
Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following
MALVOLIO
Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?
Weren't you with the Countess Olivia just a moment ago?
VIOLA
Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since
Yes, I have walked at a fairly relaxed pace
arrived but hither.
and just arrived here.
MALVOLIO
She returns this ring to you, sir: you might have
She is returning this ring to you, sir: you could have
saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself.
saved me some trouble, to have taken it away yourself.
She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord
She adds, in addition, that you should tell your lord
into a desperate assurance she will none of him:
that she has absolutely no interest in him:
and one thing more, that you be never so hardy to
and also, don't you dare
come again in his affairs, unless it be to report
come back on his business, unless it is to report
your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.
how your lord reacts to it. Take the ring now.
VIOLA
She took the ring of me: I'll none of it.
She took the ring from me: I don't want it.
MALVOLIO
Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her
Come on, sir, you threw it at her, and her
will is, it should be so returned: if it be worth
decision is that is how it should be returned: if it is worth
stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be
bending down for, there it is; if not, let
it his that finds it.
him who finds it keep it.
Exit
VIOLA
I left no ring with her: what means this lady?
I left no ring with her: what does this lady mean?
Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!
I hope she hasn't fallen for my good looks!
She made good view of me; indeed, so much,
She took a long look at me; indeed, so much,
That sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue,
That I thought for sure she had lost her train of thought,
For she did speak in starts distractedly.
For she spoke in a very distracted way.
She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion
She loves me, surely; the cleverness of her passion
Invites me in this churlish messenger.
Is teasing me with this rude messenger.
None of my lord's ring! why, he sent her none.
She doesn't want my lo
rd's ring! Why, he sent her none.
I am the man: if it be so, as 'tis,
I am the man: if it is so, as it is,
Poor lady, she were better love a dream.
Poor lady, she would be better off loving a dream.
Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness,
Disguise, I see, you are a wickedness,
Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
In which the devil can do much.
How easy is it for the proper-false
How easy it is for the illusion
In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!
To create an impression in a weak woman's heart!
Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!
Oh no, our weakness is the cause, not us!
For such as we are made of, such we be.
For what things make us, that is what we are.
How will this fadge? my master loves her dearly;
How could this be sorted out? My master loves her dearly;
And I, poor monster, fond as much on him;
And I, poor monster, am just as fond of him;
And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
And she, mistaken, seems to be devoted to me.
What will become of this? As I am man,
What shall we do? As I seem to be a man,
My state is desperate for my master's love;
I am desperate for my master's love; As I am woman,--now alas the day!--
As I am a woman, -- curse the day! --
What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
What useless sighs poor Olivia must breathe!
O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
Oh time! You must untangle this, not I;
It is too hard a knot for me to untie!
It is too difficult a knot for me to untie!
Exit
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCH
Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
Come on, Sir Andrew: not to be in bed after
midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo
midnight is to be up on time; and 'diluculo
surgere,' thou know'st,--
surgere,' you know, --
SIR ANDREW
Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
No, truthfully, I don't know that: but I know, to be up
late is to be up late.
late just means to be up late.
SIR TOBY BELCH
A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
That is incorrect: I hate it as something illogical.
To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is
To be up after midnight and to then go to bed, is
early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go
early: so that means going to bed after midnight is to go
to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the
to bed on time. Doesn't our life consist of the
four elements?
[He means earth, air, fire, and water.]
SIR ANDREW
Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
By my faith, so they say; but I think it instead consists
of eating and drinking.
of eating food and drinking wine and beer.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
You are a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!
Marian, I'm calling you! Some wine!
Enter Clown
SIR ANDREW
Here comes the fool, i' faith.
Here comes the fool, by my faith.
Clown
How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
Hello there, gentlemen! Did you never see the picture
of 'we three'?
of the three of us?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.
Welcome, ass. Now let's have a song.
SIR ANDREW
By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
Truthfully, the fool has a great set of lungs. I
had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
would be willing to pay forty shillings to have such legs,
and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
and such a great singing voice, as the fool has. In
sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
truth, you did a great job of fooling last
night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
night, when you spoke of Pigrogormitus, of the
Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas
Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: it was
very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy
very good, by my faith. I sent you six pence for your
leman: hadst it?
tip: did you get it?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.
Come on; here's some money: let's have a song.
SIR ANDREW
There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--
That's a test of me too: if one knight gives a ---
Clown
Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?
Would you like a ballad or a drinking song?
SIR TOBY BELCH
A love-song, a love-song.
A ballad, a ballad.
SIR ANDREW
Ay, ay: I care not for good life.
Yes, yes, I don't care about a good life.
Clown
[Sings] O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
Oh my lady, where are you going
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
Oh, stay and wait, your true love's coming
That can sing both high and low:
Who can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Wander no further, pretty darling,
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Journeys need with lovers meet,
Every wise man's son doth know.
Every wise man and his son knows this.
SIR ANDREW
Excellent good, i' faith.
Extremely good, by my faith.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Good, good.
Good, good.
Clown
[Sings] What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
What is love? It is now, not after
Present mirth hath present laughter;
Fun now is laughter now;
What's to come is still unsure:
Who knows what is coming?
In delay there lies no plenty;
In putting things off there is no benefit,
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Then come kiss me, sweet twenty-year-old,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
Being young is something that will not last.
SIR ANDREW
A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
A melodious voice, if I am a true knight.
SIR TOBY BELCH
A contagious breath.
A catchy tune.
SIR ANDREW
Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.
Very sweet and catchy, by my faith.
Enter MARIA
MARIA
What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady
What wailing are you doing here? If my lady
have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him
has not called up her steward Malvolio and told him
turn you out of doors, never trust me.
to kick you out, never trush me.
SIR TOBY BELCH
My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's
My lady is a Ca
tain, we are acting like politicians, Malvolio's
a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not
spoiling our fun, and we are three jolly men.
I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
Oh, we're just having fun! Aren't I her family?
Tillyvally. Lady!
Another song, "TIllyvally", Lady!
Sings
'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'
'There lived a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'
Clown
Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
My, the knight is doing an excellent job playing the fool.
SIR ANDREW
Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do
Yes, he does it well enough if he feels like it, and so do
I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it
I too: he does it more gracefully, but I do it
more natural.
more naturally.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Sings] 'O, the twelfth day of December,'--
[Sings] 'Oh, the twelfth day of December,'--
MARIA
For the love o' God, peace!
Oh, shut up!
Enter MALVOLIO
MALVOLIO
My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye
My masters, have you gone insane? Or what are you? Do you
no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like
have no sense, manners, or honesty, but to chatter
tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an
like commoners at this time of night? Are you making
alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your
a bar out of my lady's house, that you are squeaking
coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse
your rude songs without any attempt to keep it
of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor
quiet? Is there no respect of place, people, or
time in you?
time, with you?
SIR TOBY BELCH
We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
We did keep time, sir, in our songs. Keep up!