Out of my lean and low ability Out of my limited amount of money
I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
I'll lend you something: I do not have much;
I'll make division of my present with you:
I'll give part of what I have at the moment with you:
Hold, there's half my coffer.
Hold, here's half my wallet.
ANTONIO
Will you deny me now?
Is't possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
What? You're being ungrateful.
VIOLA
I know of none;
Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
What?? You are the one being ungrateful!
ANTONIO
O heavens themselves!
Oh by heaven!
Second Officer
Come, sir, I pray you, go.
Come on sir, please, go.
ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
But I saved his life!
First Officer
What's that to us? The time goes by: away!
What do we care? Time is slipping past us: away!
ANTONIO
But O how vile an idol proves this god
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.
Oh, Sebastian, I am very disappointed in you.
First Officer
The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
This man is going crazy: away with him! Come on, sir.
ANTONIO
Lead me on.
Take me away.
Exit with Officers
VIOLA
Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
That he believes himself: so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
Oh, he mistook me for Sebastian! Please, may I be right!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
Come here, knight; come here, Fabian: we'll
whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
whisper a few poems and stories that we know.
VIOLA
He named Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
I deliberately copied Sebastian, so I am mistaken for him,
May it turn out that the storms are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
A very dishonest worthless boy, and more a coward than
a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
a rabbit is: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
friend when he needed him and denying him; and for
his cowardship, ask Fabian.
his cowardliness, ask Fabian.
FABIAN
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
A coward, a terrible coward like it was his religion.
SIR ANDREW
'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
I'll run after him again and beat him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
Do; hit him soundly, but never draw your sword.
SIR ANDREW
An I do not,--
If I do not,--
FABIAN
Come, let's see the event.
Let's go see this happen.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
I'd be willing to bet money it doesn't happen.
Exeunt
Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown
Clown
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
Will you make me believe that I am not sent to fetch you?
SEBASTIAN
Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
Enough, enough, you are a foolish fellow:
Let me be clear of thee.
Get away from me.
Clown
Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
Well held out, by my faith! No, I do not know you; and
I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
I am not sent to you by my lady, to tell you to come
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
speak with her, and your name is not Master Cesario;
nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.
and this is not my nose either. Nothing that is, is.
SEBASTIAN
I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else:
Thou know'st not me.
I beg you, spend your foolishness somewhere else:
You do not know me.
Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN
SIR ANDREW
Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.
Now, sir, have I meet you again? There you are.
SEBASTIAN
Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. Are all
Why there's for you, and there, and there. Are all
the people mad?
the people insane?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.
Stop, sir, or I'll throw your dagger over the house.
Clown
This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
in some of your coats for two pence.
I sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come on, sir; hold.
Come, sir; fight.
SIR ANDREW
Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work
No, leave him alone: I'll go another way to work
with him; I'll have an action of battery against
with him; I'll charge him with assault
him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I
if there is any law in Illyria: though I
struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.
hit him first, yet it's not important.
SEBASTIAN
Let go thy hand.
Get your hand off me.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young
Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come on, my young
soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.
soldier, draw your sword: you are fit enough; come on.
SEBASTIAN
I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If
I want to get rid of you. What do you want now? If
thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.
you dare tempt me further, draw your swor
d.
SIR TOBY BELCH
What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two
What, what? No, then I must have an ounce or two
of this malapert blood from you.
of this bad blood from you.
Enter OLIVIA
OLIVIA
Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!
Stop, Toby; on your life I command you, hold!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Madam!
My lady!
OLIVIA
Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Will it always be like this? [Insult]
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
Suitable only to live out in the mountains and caves
Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight!
Where there is no such thing as manners! Out of my sight!
Be not offended, dear Cesario.
Do not be offended, dear Cesario.
Rudesby, be gone!
[Insult] be gone!
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN
I prithee, gentle friend,
Please, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
Let your lovely wisdom, not your anger, rule
In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
In this impolite and extremely unfair extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
Against your peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
And hear from me there how many unsuccessful pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
This ruffian has messed up, and that you therefore
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
May smile at this: you shall not choose to do anything else:
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
Do not deny it. Forgive his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
He started one poor heart of mine in you.
SEBASTIAN
What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
What delight is this? How is this happening?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
Or I am insane, or else this is a dream:
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
Let I still stay in the waters of forgetfulness;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
If this is what dreaming is like, let me still sleep!
OLIVIA
Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!
No, come, please; I wish you would do as I say!
SEBASTIAN
Madam, I will.
My lady, I will.
OLIVIA
O, say so, and so be!
Oh, say so, and may it be so!
Exeunt
Enter MARIA and Clown
MARIA
Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
No, please, put on these robes and this beard;
make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do
make him believe you are Sir Topas the minister: do
it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.
it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby while you do.
Exit
Clown
Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
Well, I'll put it on, and I will be untrue to myself
in't; and I would I were the first that ever
in it; and I wish that I were the first that ever
dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to
deceived others in such robes. I am not tall enough to
become the function well, nor lean enough to be
resemble the function well, nor lean enough to be
thought a good student; but to be said an honest man
thought a good student; but to be called an honest man
and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a
and a good housekeeper is as good as to say a
careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.
careful man and a great scholar. The players enter.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA
SIR TOBY BELCH
Jove bless thee, master Parson.
Jove bless you, master Priest.
MALVOLIO
[Within] Who calls there?
[Inside] Who's there?
Clown
Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
Sir Topas the minister, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic.
the insane man.
MALVOLIO
Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.
Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.
Clown
Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
Out, terrible devil! How you trouble this man!
talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
Do you talk of nothing but ladies!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Well said, Master Parson.
Well said, Priest.
MALVOLIO
Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir
Sir Topas, no man has ever been so wronged; good Sir
Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me
Topas, do not think I am insane: they have placed me
here in hideous darkness.
here in terrible darkness.
Clown
Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
Out, you dishonest Satan! I call you by the most
modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones
moderate terms; for I am one of the gentle ones
that will use the devil himself with courtesy:
that will treat the devil himself with courtesy:
sayest thou that house is dark?
are you saying that house is dark?
MALVOLIO
As hell, Sir Topas.
As hell is, Sir Topas.
Clown
Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
and the clearstores toward the south north are as
lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of
obstruction?
Why, it's beautiful and bright, and yet you say
it is dark?
MALVOLIO
I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.
Clown
Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
Madman, you are wrong: I say, there is no darkness
but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than
but ignorance; in which you are more puzzled than
the Egyptians in their fog.
the Egyptians were in their ignorance.
MALVOLIO
I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, even if
ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there
ignorance was as dark as hell; and I say, there
was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you
was never a man treated so badly. I am no more mad than you
are: make the trial of it in any constant question.
ask me a question, any question to prove it.
Clown
What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?
What is the opinion of Pythagoras about wild birds?
MALVOLIO
That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
That it is possible for the soul of our grandfather to be inside a bird.
Clown
What thinkest thou of his opinion?
What do you think of his opinion?
MALVOLIO
I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.
I think well of the soul, and do not approve of his opinion.
Clown
Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
Farewell. Stay still in darkness:
thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
you shall hold the opinion of Pythagoras before I will
allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest
think you are sane, and be afraid to kill a bird, in case
thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
you destroy the soul of your grandfather. Farewell.
MALVOLIO
Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
SIR TOBY BELCH
My most exquisite Sir Topas!
My most wonderful Sir Topas!
MARIA
Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and
You might have done this without your beard and
gown: he sees thee not.
robes: he does not see you.
SIR TOBY BELCH
To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how
Go to him in your own voice, and tell me how
thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this
you find him: I would rather we were finished with this
knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I
trickery. If he may be conveniently rescued, I would
would he were, for I am now so far in offence with
like him to be, for I am now so far in offense with
my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this
my niece that I cannot safely continue with this
sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) Page 395