The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

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The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) Page 395

by William Shakespeare


  Out of my lean and low ability Out of my limited amount of money

  I'll lend you something: my having is not much;

  I'll lend you something: I do not have much;

  I'll make division of my present with you:

  I'll give part of what I have at the moment with you:

  Hold, there's half my coffer.

  Hold, here's half my wallet.

  ANTONIO

  Will you deny me now?

  Is't possible that my deserts to you

  Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,

  Lest that it make me so unsound a man

  As to upbraid you with those kindnesses

  That I have done for you.

  What? You're being ungrateful.

  VIOLA

  I know of none;

  Nor know I you by voice or any feature:

  I hate ingratitude more in a man

  Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,

  Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption

  Inhabits our frail blood.

  What?? You are the one being ungrateful!

  ANTONIO

  O heavens themselves!

  Oh by heaven!

  Second Officer

  Come, sir, I pray you, go.

  Come on sir, please, go.

  ANTONIO

  Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here

  I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,

  Relieved him with such sanctity of love,

  And to his image, which methought did promise

  Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

  But I saved his life!

  First Officer

  What's that to us? The time goes by: away!

  What do we care? Time is slipping past us: away!

  ANTONIO

  But O how vile an idol proves this god

  Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.

  In nature there's no blemish but the mind;

  None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:

  Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil

  Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.

  Oh, Sebastian, I am very disappointed in you.

  First Officer

  The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.

  This man is going crazy: away with him! Come on, sir.

  ANTONIO

  Lead me on.

  Take me away.

  Exit with Officers

  VIOLA

  Methinks his words do from such passion fly,

  That he believes himself: so do not I.

  Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,

  That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!

  Oh, he mistook me for Sebastian! Please, may I be right!

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll

  Come here, knight; come here, Fabian: we'll

  whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

  whisper a few poems and stories that we know.

  VIOLA

  He named Sebastian: I my brother know

  Yet living in my glass; even such and so

  In favour was my brother, and he went

  Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,

  For him I imitate: O, if it prove,

  Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

  I deliberately copied Sebastian, so I am mistaken for him,

  May it turn out that the storms are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

  Exit

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than

  A very dishonest worthless boy, and more a coward than

  a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his

  a rabbit is: his dishonesty appears in leaving his

  friend here in necessity and denying him; and for

  friend when he needed him and denying him; and for

  his cowardship, ask Fabian.

  his cowardliness, ask Fabian.

  FABIAN

  A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

  A coward, a terrible coward like it was his religion.

  SIR ANDREW

  'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.

  I'll run after him again and beat him.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

  Do; hit him soundly, but never draw your sword.

  SIR ANDREW

  An I do not,--

  If I do not,--

  FABIAN

  Come, let's see the event.

  Let's go see this happen.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.

  I'd be willing to bet money it doesn't happen.

  Exeunt

  Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown

  Clown

  Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

  Will you make me believe that I am not sent to fetch you?

  SEBASTIAN

  Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:

  Enough, enough, you are a foolish fellow:

  Let me be clear of thee.

  Get away from me.

  Clown

  Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor

  Well held out, by my faith! No, I do not know you; and

  I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come

  I am not sent to you by my lady, to tell you to come

  speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;

  speak with her, and your name is not Master Cesario;

  nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

  and this is not my nose either. Nothing that is, is.

  SEBASTIAN

  I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else:

  Thou know'st not me.

  I beg you, spend your foolishness somewhere else:

  You do not know me.

  Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN

  SIR ANDREW

  Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.

  Now, sir, have I meet you again? There you are.

  SEBASTIAN

  Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. Are all

  Why there's for you, and there, and there. Are all

  the people mad?

  the people insane?

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

  Stop, sir, or I'll throw your dagger over the house.

  Clown

  This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be

  in some of your coats for two pence.

  I sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

  Exit

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Come on, sir; hold.

  Come, sir; fight.

  SIR ANDREW

  Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work

  No, leave him alone: I'll go another way to work

  with him; I'll have an action of battery against

  with him; I'll charge him with assault

  him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I

  if there is any law in Illyria: though I

  struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.

  hit him first, yet it's not important.

  SEBASTIAN

  Let go thy hand.

  Get your hand off me.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young

  Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come on, my young

  soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

  soldier, draw your sword: you are fit enough; come on.

  SEBASTIAN

  I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If

  I want to get rid of you. What do you want now? If

  thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

  you dare tempt me further, draw your swor
d.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two

  What, what? No, then I must have an ounce or two

  of this malapert blood from you.

  of this bad blood from you.

  Enter OLIVIA

  OLIVIA

  Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!

  Stop, Toby; on your life I command you, hold!

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Madam!

  My lady!

  OLIVIA

  Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,

  Will it always be like this? [Insult]

  Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,

  Suitable only to live out in the mountains and caves

  Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight!

  Where there is no such thing as manners! Out of my sight!

  Be not offended, dear Cesario.

  Do not be offended, dear Cesario.

  Rudesby, be gone!

  [Insult] be gone!

  Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

  I prithee, gentle friend,

  Please, gentle friend,

  Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway

  Let your lovely wisdom, not your anger, rule

  In this uncivil and thou unjust extent

  In this impolite and extremely unfair extent

  Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,

  Against your peace. Go with me to my house,

  And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks

  And hear from me there how many unsuccessful pranks

  This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby

  This ruffian has messed up, and that you therefore

  Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:

  May smile at this: you shall not choose to do anything else:

  Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,

  Do not deny it. Forgive his soul for me,

  He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

  He started one poor heart of mine in you.

  SEBASTIAN

  What relish is in this? how runs the stream?

  What delight is this? How is this happening?

  Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:

  Or I am insane, or else this is a dream:

  Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;

  Let I still stay in the waters of forgetfulness;

  If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

  If this is what dreaming is like, let me still sleep!

  OLIVIA

  Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!

  No, come, please; I wish you would do as I say!

  SEBASTIAN

  Madam, I will.

  My lady, I will.

  OLIVIA

  O, say so, and so be!

  Oh, say so, and may it be so!

  Exeunt

  Enter MARIA and Clown

  MARIA

  Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;

  No, please, put on these robes and this beard;

  make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do

  make him believe you are Sir Topas the minister: do

  it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.

  it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby while you do.

  Exit

  Clown

  Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself

  Well, I'll put it on, and I will be untrue to myself

  in't; and I would I were the first that ever

  in it; and I wish that I were the first that ever

  dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to

  deceived others in such robes. I am not tall enough to

  become the function well, nor lean enough to be

  resemble the function well, nor lean enough to be

  thought a good student; but to be said an honest man

  thought a good student; but to be called an honest man

  and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a

  and a good housekeeper is as good as to say a

  careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

  careful man and a great scholar. The players enter.

  Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Jove bless thee, master Parson.

  Jove bless you, master Priest.

  MALVOLIO

  [Within] Who calls there?

  [Inside] Who's there?

  Clown

  Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio

  Sir Topas the minister, who comes to visit Malvolio

  the lunatic.

  the insane man.

  MALVOLIO

  Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

  Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

  Clown

  Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!

  Out, terrible devil! How you trouble this man!

  talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

  Do you talk of nothing but ladies!

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Well said, Master Parson.

  Well said, Priest.

  MALVOLIO

  Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir

  Sir Topas, no man has ever been so wronged; good Sir

  Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me

  Topas, do not think I am insane: they have placed me

  here in hideous darkness.

  here in terrible darkness.

  Clown

  Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most

  Out, you dishonest Satan! I call you by the most

  modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones

  moderate terms; for I am one of the gentle ones

  that will use the devil himself with courtesy:

  that will treat the devil himself with courtesy:

  sayest thou that house is dark?

  are you saying that house is dark?

  MALVOLIO

  As hell, Sir Topas.

  As hell is, Sir Topas.

  Clown

  Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,

  and the clearstores toward the south north are as

  lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of

  obstruction?

  Why, it's beautiful and bright, and yet you say

  it is dark?

  MALVOLIO

  I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.

  Clown

  Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness

  Madman, you are wrong: I say, there is no darkness

  but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than

  but ignorance; in which you are more puzzled than

  the Egyptians in their fog.

  the Egyptians were in their ignorance.

  MALVOLIO

  I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though

  I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, even if

  ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there

  ignorance was as dark as hell; and I say, there

  was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you

  was never a man treated so badly. I am no more mad than you

  are: make the trial of it in any constant question.

  ask me a question, any question to prove it.

  Clown

  What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?

  What is the opinion of Pythagoras about wild birds?

  MALVOLIO

  That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

  That it is possible for the soul of our grandfather to be inside a bird.

  Clown

  What thinkest thou of his opinion?

  What do you think of his opinion?

  MALVOLIO

  I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

 
I think well of the soul, and do not approve of his opinion.

  Clown

  Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:

  Farewell. Stay still in darkness:

  thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will

  you shall hold the opinion of Pythagoras before I will

  allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest

  think you are sane, and be afraid to kill a bird, in case

  thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

  you destroy the soul of your grandfather. Farewell.

  MALVOLIO

  Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

  Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  My most exquisite Sir Topas!

  My most wonderful Sir Topas!

  MARIA

  Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and

  You might have done this without your beard and

  gown: he sees thee not.

  robes: he does not see you.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how

  Go to him in your own voice, and tell me how

  thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this

  you find him: I would rather we were finished with this

  knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I

  trickery. If he may be conveniently rescued, I would

  would he were, for I am now so far in offence with

  like him to be, for I am now so far in offense with

  my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this

  my niece that I cannot safely continue with this

  sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

 

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