lodgings, and I'll bring you to talk to him
when the time is right: go on, I'm telling you; here's my key:
if you do go out, go armed.
EDGAR
Armed, brother!
Armed, brother!
EDMUND
Brother, I advise you to the best; go armed: I
am no honest man if there be any good meaning
towards you: I have told you what I have seen
and heard; but faintly, nothing like the image
and horror of it: pray you, away.
Brother, I'm telling you for the best, go armed:
I would be lying if I said that things were all right;
I have told you what I have seen and heard, but
I've just given you an outline, nothing like
the horrible reality: off you go, please.
EDGAR
Shall I hear from you anon?
Will I hear from you soon?
EDMUND
I do serve you in this business.
Exit EDGAR
A credulous father! and a brother noble,
Whose nature is so far from doing harms,
That he suspects none: on whose foolish honesty
My practises ride easy! I see the business.
Let me, if not by birth, have lands by wit:
All with me's meet that I can fashion fit.
Exit
I'm at your service.
A gullible father! And a noble brother,
whose nature is so good he does not suspect
evil in others: his foolish honesty
helps my plots! I can see the way forward.
If I can't have lands as a birthright, let me get them through cunning:
for me the end justifies the means.
Enter GONERIL, and OSWALD, her steward
GONERIL
Did my father strike my gentleman for chiding of his fool?
Did my father hit my servant for criticising his fool?
OSWALD
Yes, madam.
Yes, madam.
GONERIL
By day and night he wrongs me; every hour
He flashes into one gross crime or other,
That sets us all at odds: I'll not endure it:
His knights grow riotous, and himself upbraids us
On every trifle. When he returns from hunting,
I will not speak with him; say I am sick:
If you come slack of former services,
You shall do well; the fault of it I'll answer.
He does me wrong day and night; not an hour
goes by without some sort of explosion from him
that upsets everything: I won't put up with it:
his knights are rowdy, and he criticises me
for every little thing. When he comes back from hunting
I will not speak to him; say I am ill:
I will be pleased if you show him less courtesy
than you used to; I'll defend you.
OSWALD
He's coming, madam; I hear him.
Horns within
He's coming, madam; I can hear him.
GONERIL
Put on what weary negligence you please,
You and your fellows; I'll have it come to question:
If he dislike it, let him to our sister,
Whose mind and mine, I know, in that are one,
Not to be over-ruled. Idle old man,
That still would manage those authorities
That he hath given away! Now, by my life,
Old fools are babes again; and must be used
With cheques as flatteries,--when they are seen abused.
Remember what I tell you.
You and your comrades should be as lazy
and negligent towards him as you like, I want it to come to a head:
if he doesn't like it, let him go to my sister,
who I know shares my feeling that
we won't be bossed by him. Lazy old man,
who still wants to use the power
that he has given away! I swear,
old fools go back to being babies; they have to be
disciplined as well as comforted, when they misbehave.
Remember what I say.
OSWALD
Well, madam.
Very good, madam.
GONERIL
And let his knights have colder looks among you;
What grows of it, no matter; advise your fellows so:
I would breed from hence occasions, and I shall,
That I may speak: I'll write straight to my sister,
To hold my very course. Prepare for dinner.
Exeunt
And give his knights the cold shoulder;
don't worry about the outcome; tell your comrades to do the same:
I want to use these things to my advantage, giving me
a chance to speak out: I'll write to my sister at once
to tell her to do the same. Get dinner ready.
Enter KENT, disguised
KENT
If but as well I other accents borrow,
That can my speech defuse, my good intent
May carry through itself to that full issue
For which I razed my likeness. Now, banish'd Kent,
If thou canst serve where thou dost stand condemn'd,
So may it come, thy master, whom thou lovest,
Shall find thee full of labours.
Horns within. Enter KING LEAR, Knights, and Attendants
If I use other accents as well,
to disguise my speech, my plans,
for which I shaved my beard,
may come to fruition. Now, exiled Kent,
if you can give service to the one who condemned you
it may turn out that your master, whom you love,
will find your labours useful.
KING LEAR
Let me not stay a jot for dinner; go get it ready.
Exit an Attendant
How now! what art thou?
Don't keep me waiting for my dinner; go and get it ready.
Hello! Who are you?
KENT
A man, sir.
A man, sir.
KING LEAR
What dost thou profess? what wouldst thou with us?
What's your trade, what do you want with me?
KENT
I do profess to be no less than I seem; to serve
him truly that will put me in trust: to love him
that is honest; to converse with him that is wise,
and says little; to fear judgment; to fight when I
cannot choose; and to eat no fish.
My trade is to be just who I am; to serve
loyally someone who trusts me: to love someone
who is honest; to talk with someone who is wise
and says little; to fear judgement; to fight
when I have to; and to be strong.
KING LEAR
What art thou?
Who are you?
KENT
A very honest-hearted fellow, and as poor as the king.
A man with a good heart, as poor as the King.
KING LEAR
If thou be as poor for a subject as he is for a
king, thou art poor enough. What wouldst thou?
If your poverty as a subject is comparable to his
poverty as a king, you are poor enough. What do you want?
KENT
Service.
To serve.
KING LEAR
Who wouldst thou serve?
Who do you want to serve?
KENT
You.
You.
KING LEAR
Dost thou know me, fellow?
Do you know who I am, fellow?
KENT
No, sir; but you have that in your countenance
which I would fain call master.
No, sir; but there is something in yo
ur face
which makes me want to call you my master.
KING LEAR
What's that?
What is it?
KENT
Authority.
Authority.
KING LEAR
What services canst thou do?
What services can you offer?
KENT
I can keep honest counsel, ride, run, mar a curious
tale in telling it, and deliver a plain message
bluntly: that which ordinary men are fit for, I am
qualified in; and the best of me is diligence.
I can keep a secret, ride, run errands, decipher
mysteries, and deliver a simple message clearly;
I'm good for anything ordinary men can do,
and my best quality is that I'm a hard worker.
KING LEAR
How old art thou?
How old are you?
KENT
Not so young, sir, to love a woman for singing, nor
so old to dote on her for any thing: I have years
on my back forty eight.
I am not so young, sir, that I would love a woman for singing,
nor am I so old that I would drool over her: in terms
of years I am forty-eight.
KING LEAR
Follow me; thou shalt serve me: if I like thee no
worse after dinner, I will not part from thee yet.
Dinner, ho, dinner! Where's my knave? my fool?
Go you, and call my fool hither.
Exit an Attendant
Enter OSWALD
You, you, sirrah, where's my daughter?
Come with me; you shall serve me: if I still
like you after dinner, you can stay.
Dinner, aha, dinner! Where's my knave? My fool?
You, go and call my fool here.
You there, where is my daughter?
OSWALD
So please you,--
Exit
If you'll excuse me–
KING LEAR
What says the fellow there? Call the clotpoll back.
Exit a Knight
Where's my fool, ho? I think the world's asleep.
Re-enter Knight
How now! where's that mongrel?
What does that chap say? Call the blockhead back.
Where's my fool, eh? I think the whole world has gone to sleep.
Now then! Where's that mongrel?
Knight
He says, my lord, your daughter is not well.
He says, my lord, that your daughter is ill.
KING LEAR
Why came not the slave back to me when I called him?
Why didn't the slave come back to me when I called?
Knight
Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner, he would
not.
Sir, he answered me in the rudest possible way, saying he would not.
KING LEAR
He would not!
He would not!
Knight
My lord, I know not what the matter is; but, to my
judgment, your highness is not entertained with that
ceremonious affection as you were wont; there's a
great abatement of kindness appears as well in the
general dependants as in the duke himself also and
your daughter.
My lord, I don't know what's going on; but as far
as I can see, your Highness is not welcomed with
the same respectful affection as in the past; all the
servants of the Duke seem to be disrespectful
and so does he himself and your daughter.
KING LEAR
Ha! sayest thou so?
Ha! You don't say?
Knight
I beseech you, pardon me, my lord, if I be mistaken;
for my duty cannot be silent when I think your
highness wronged.
I beg you to forgive me my lord, if I'm mistaken;
my duty won't allow me to keep quiet when I think
you are wronged.
KING LEAR
Thou but rememberest me of mine own conception: I
have perceived a most faint neglect of late; which I
have rather blamed as mine own jealous curiosity
than as a very pretence and purpose of unkindness:
I will look further into't. But where's my fool? I
have not seen him this two days.
You are just reminding me of my own suspicions: I
have recently noticed them being a little neglectful;
I thought that this was just my easily offended imagination,
not deliberate: I'll investigate this further.
But where is my fool? I haven't seen him for two days.
Knight
Since my young lady's going into France, sir, the
fool hath much pined away.
Since my young lady went to France, sir,
the fool has been very depressed.
KING LEAR
No more of that; I have noted it well. Go you, and
tell my daughter I would speak with her.
Exit an Attendant
Go you, call hither my fool.
Exit an Attendant
Re-enter OSWALD
O, you sir, you, come you hither, sir: who am I,
sir?
You don't need to tell me, I have noticed it. You, go
and tell my daughter I want to speak with her.
And you, go and call my fool here.
You, you sir, come here, sir: who am I, sir?
OSWALD
My lady's father.
You are my lady's father.
KING LEAR
'My lady's father'! my lord's knave: your
whoreson dog! you slave! you cur!
'My lady's father'! My Lord's knave: you
bastard dog! You slave! You dog!
OSWALD
I am none of these, my lord; I beseech your pardon.
I am none of these, my lord; please excuse me.
KING LEAR
Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?
Striking him
Will you exchange stares with me, you rascal?
OSWALD
I'll not be struck, my lord.
You will not hit me, my lord.
KENT
Nor tripped neither, you base football player.
Tripping up his heels
We won't trip you up either, you lowlife footballer.
KING LEAR
I thank thee, fellow; thou servest me, and I'll
love thee.
Thank you, my boy; you can serve me, and I
will love you.
KENT
Come, sir, arise, away! I'll teach you differences:
away, away! if you will measure your lubber's
length again, tarry: but away! go to; have you
wisdom? so.
Pushes OSWALD out
Come on sir, get up and get out! I'll teach you
to show disrespect! If you want to be knocked down
again, hang around: get lost! Get out; do you know
what's good for you? Right.
KING LEAR
Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee: there's
earnest of thy service.
Giving KENT money
Enter Fool
Now, my friendly knave, I thank you: here's
a reward for your service.
Fool
Let me hire him too: here's my coxcomb.
Offering KENT his cap
Let me hire him too: here's my jester's cap.
KING LEAR
How now, my pretty knave! how dost thou?
Aha, my pretty knave! How are you?
Fool
Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.
Sir, you had better take my jester's hat.
KENT
Why, fool?
W
hy, fool?
Fool
Why, for taking one's part that's out of favour:
nay, an thou canst not smile as the wind sits,
thou'lt catch cold shortly: there, take my coxcomb:
why, this fellow has banished two on's daughters,
and did the third a blessing against his will; if
thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.
How now, nuncle! Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters!
Why, for taking the side of someone who is out of favor:
if you can't see which way the wind blows,
you'll catch a cold shortly: so, take my jester's hat:
this fellow has given freedom to two of his daughters,
and done the third a good turn without meaning to;
if you follow him, you need my jester's hat.
How are you then, nuncle? I wish I had two hats and two daughters!
KING LEAR
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) Page 554