by Zoe Matthews
Sierra felt some nostalgia as she watched her brother behind the desk. She remembered coming into this office multiple times in the past, only it was her father sitting behind the desk. She had never been very close to her father, but at that moment, she missed him deeply.
“What can I do for you,” Sheridan asked in his deep booming voice after he hung up the phone.
“I wanted to talk to you about Spencer,” Sierra told him.
“What has he done now?” Sheridan asked with frustration in his voice.
“Nothing,” Sierra was surprised at his words. “I just think you need to back off. Spencer will figure things out. Don’t push him to do the cattle if he doesn’t want to.”
“‘Peacemaker Sierra’, isn’t that what Mom used to call you?” Sheridan asked with a smile.
Sierra smiled back. “He is helping. He is doing quite a few little things that need to be done anyway, like the firepit and cleaning out that shed.”
Sheridan sighed and swiveled his chair to look outside. The windows looked out over the ranch and from it, you could see clear to the edge of the meadow where the hanger was.
“I can’t believe he learned to fly even though Dad was so against it,” Sheridan muttered.
“Spencer does what he wants, I guess, just like Dad always did what he wanted.”
“Yes, and Dad was right. Look what happened to him. He was killed in a plane crash.”
“I think Spencer has a great idea. Having a plane to transport people from the Pinedale airport to the ranch will bring more guests, especially people who won’t want to make the long drive from the airport or who won’t want to rent a vehicle.”
“I wonder where Spencer got the money to buy that plane,” Sheridan muttered. “He’s jumped from job to job ever since he graduated from college. How could he have saved up that much?”
“Have you asked him?”
“No. Every time I talk to him, I just end up angry.”
“That is why I am talking to you. I am afraid if Spencer is pushed too hard he will leave the ranch and won’t come back. Let him have time to figure things out.”
“You’re right, of course,” Sheridan smiled at her a bit sadly. “‘Peacemaker Sierra’.”
Sierra smiled back at her older brother and at the old nickname. Sheridan tended to take too much on himself, too many responsibilities. He would need to learn to allow his siblings to help if this dude ranch was going to work, but she also knew he would need to figure that out for himself.
“Now that we have that conversation out of the way, I have a question for you,” Sheridan told her when she was getting ready to stand up and leave.
Sierra settled back down and waited for Sheridan to continue.
“What is going on with you and Logan?”
“Nothing,” Sierra said quickly. She wished she could make an excuse to leave. She didn’t want to have this conversation with Sheridan.
“From what I have seen, it isn’t nothing.”
“Are you upset that Logan is interested in me?”
Sheridan looked surprised. “No, Logan is a great guy. If you two hit it off, I would be very happy. I was just wondering.”
“He wants to get to know me better, and Ashley and Elysha,” Sierra finally admitted.
“I think that is great,” Sheridan told her. “I know it has been difficult for you since Paul died. You deserve happiness.”
“I just agreed that we be friends,” Sierra argued. “I am not sure I am ready for anything more.”
“I know of your promise to yourself when Paul died that you wouldn’t marry again.”
“We’re just friends,” Sierra repeated.
“That’s not what I saw last night on the porch,” Sheridan teased and Sierra knew he had seen Logan kissing her goodnight.
“I don’t want to lose a husband again,” Sierra whispered quietly. “I don’t think I can go through that again and I definitely don’t want to put the girls through losing a father again.”
“There are no guarantees in life,” Logan told her. “I can’t begin to know how it feels to lose a spouse. But Logan does. I think you two will be good for each other. My advice to you as your big brother and someone who knows Logan very well is to give him a chance. Don’t let a second chance of happiness pass you by because of fear of something that probably won’t happen. And, God forbid, if it does, you will be one of the few lucky ones who has found true love twice in a lifetime. True love is a gift from God.”
Sierra left Sheridan’s office thinking about what he had said to her. He had talked about true love. That was what she had had with Paul. Was she starting to fall in love with Logan? The love she had with Paul was different than the feelings she was starting to feel for Logan. Can someone love two people and that love feel differently for each one?
She suddenly wanted to reread the letter her father had written to her. Sierra quickly went to her room and pulled out the letter she had hidden in her journal. She sat down on a chair that was near her bed and started to quickly read it until she reached the part she wanted.
I know Paul’s death has changed your outlook on love. He was a great husband. I could not have asked for a better son-in-law, a husband for you, and a father for my dear grand-daughters, Ashley and Elysha. But at the same time, I admonish you to not be afraid to move on and have a full life.
Sierra sighed and laid the letter on her lap. Her father obviously somehow knew of her promise to herself to never love again. If she followed her father’s advice, would it be the right thing to do for her daughters and for herself?
Suprisingly, she started to think about what Paul would advise her to do. He had been gone for two years. Would he have wanted her to put her life on hold because of fear of the future? Then another thought came to her. If it had been her that had been killed in the car accident, would she have wanted Paul to put his life on hold and refuse to marry again? She immediately knew the answer. Deep down, she wouldn’t have wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone. She knew that if she could talk to Paul, even for a few moments, he would tell her the same.
She sighed again and put the letter away. She didn’t want to think about this anymore. She pushed Sheridan’s and her father’s advice and her own thoughts out of her head and went to find Ashley, Elysha, and the boys.
Chapter 15
Sierra woke up early the next Saturday morning. It was almost the end of June. As she laid in bed, she started to plan what she would do that day. She had a list of things that she needed to get done. She would not be watching Mason and Noah that day since it was Saturday. Sierra acknowledged to herself that she would actually miss seeing the boys that day, but she was also looking forward to a break.
She sat up in her bed and grabbed her tablet. She started to make a list of things she wanted to accomplish, but then stopped. She needed to help her daughters clean their room. She knew Kathy would love help with the vegetable garden. She also had made arrangements to meet with Sadie later that afternoon. But what she really wanted to do was run away for the day.
Sierra quickly decided that what she wanted to do was drive into Pinedale for the day, and she wanted to take Ashley and Elysha with her. She could run some much needed errands. They could pick up lunch at a fast food restaurant and eat at a park. She also wanted to visit the cemetery. Maybe they could also see the latest Disney movie.
She threw back her covers and quickly showered and dressed for the day. She woke up her daughters and told them of the plans. Ashley and Elysha were very excited that they were going into town for the day. They quickly dressed and ate breakfast as fast as they could. Less than an hour later, the three of them were on their way.
Sierra usually enjoyed the trip into Pinedale. The drive was beautiful at any time of the year. The road winded quite a bit, going back and forth between the mountains. She sang songs with her girls to keep them entertained. Ashley wanted to know if they were going to get hamburgers for lunch and Elysha wanted to go to the pa
rk.
She breathed a sigh of relief when they arrived in Pinedale safely. She was always a bit tense on the drive down the winding canyon ever since Paul was killed. She hated driving by the spot where his car had crashed into a mountain. Someone had placed a small white cross after the accident in the exact spot, along with some artificial flowers. Eventually, the flowers disappeared, probably blown away in the strong canyon winds. The cross stayed there a few months longer and then it also disappeared. When Sierra first drove by the spot after the cross was gone, she had had mixed feelings. On one hand, she was very sad. The last of any signs Paul had ever been there on the side of the mountain were gone. On the other hand, she no longer had a constant reminder of her husband’s death every time she drove up or down the canyon.
Sierra decided to do her errands first. They bought some groceries Kathy had requested and then went to a department store for some personal items. She bought Ashley and Elysha some summer clothes. She allowed the girls to choose a new book. By the time her errands were completed, it was lunchtime.
She took Ashley and Elysha to a fast food restaurant that catered to children. She ordered their food to go, and then they walked to a nearby park. The girls quickly ate their lunch and soon were on the swings and playing with other children. Sierra enjoyed sitting on the bench and watching Ashley and Elysha play. It was always a joy to watch children play together. She let the girls play for an hour and then instructed them that it was time to go.
“Why do we have to go now?” Ashley complained as they walked back to their SUV.
“We made a new friend, Mom,” Elysha explained matter-of-factly. “Why can’t we still play with Jessie?”
“I would like to go to the cemetery before we head back to the ranch,” Sierra responded, and was surprised at her daughters’ reaction. Neither of them wanted to go and usually they liked to go to the cemetery. They liked to listen to stories about their dad.
The cemetery was located on the outskirts of Pinedale. When they arrived, Sierra quickly found where Paul was buried. She noticed that both girls trailed behind her, but they soon caught up with her. She sat down next to the gravestone in her usual spot and looked at the words.
Paul Gerald Newby
Age 28 years
Loving Husband and Father
Sierra brushed away some grass clippings and dead leaves off the stone. She smiled slightly as she tried to picture him and then frowned when she could not immediately do so.
“What do you remember about Daddy?” Sierra asked the girls as they settled down beside her.
“We want a new daddy,” Ashley told her mother.
“You already have a daddy,” Sierra responded, startled at Ashley’s words. She looked at Elysha to see if she agreed with her twin.
“I know, but he isn’t here. Logan is. Can he be our new daddy?” Elysha asked with childlike ease.
Sierra shook her head slowly in disbelief. She had tried so hard to keep Paul alive in her daughters’ hearts. Obviously, they were ready to let him go and to move on.
“Why do you want Logan to be your daddy?” she finally asked her daughters. They immediately gave her many reasons. Logan was nice. He was strong enough to give them piggyback rides. He liked horses and let them watch while he trained them. He let them ask all the questions they wanted. And best of all, they knew Logan liked Sierra, because they had sneaked out of their room a few nights ago and caught him kissing her.
“I think kissing is gross,” Ashley told Sierra seriously. “But if he likes to kiss you, doesn’t that mean he wants to marry you?”
“What about Mason and Noah?” Sierra asked, ignoring Ashley’s question for the moment. “If I marry Logan, they will be your brothers.”
Both girls were silent for a few moments. Good, Sierra thought. They probably aren’t going to like the idea that Mason and Noah would be their brothers if she married Logan. But surprisingly, as soon as she had that thought, she felt a distinct disappointment. Would they really not want Mason and Noah to be their brothers?
“I wouldn’t mind if they were our brothers,” Elysha whispered as she looked at her clasped hands on her lap. “They sure get into trouble a lot, but maybe they just need a mommy. Just like we need a daddy.”
Ashley brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes. “Besides, they haven’t gotten into trouble very much lately.”
“Why don’t you girls go look at the other gravestones,” Sierra suggested and they both jumped up and ran to look at their favorites. There were quite a few old statues in the cemetery that they liked to look at. One was a statue of an angel cradling a baby. Another statue was of a soldier keeping guard over a war hero.
Sierra sat quietly by her husband’s grave, thinking about her conversation with her daughters. She had been so insistent that she not remarry, using her daughters as an excuse. She didn’t want them to go through the possibility of losing another father. But she was starting to realize she was only trying to protect herself. She really did not want to lose another husband.
She thought over the last few weeks since Logan came into her life. Without realizing it, she had come to love him. Everything Ashley and Elysha said about Logan was true. He was a good man. But did she want to spend the rest of her life with him?
The fact that he had two boys that would be added to the family wasn’t an issue. She loved those little tykes. Logan was already treating her daughters like his own.
And she loved his kisses. She could get lost in them. He had kept his promise to her and kept his show of affection towards her with only kissing. Her respect for him, and her love, had grown because he had kept his promise.
She knew Logan wanted to marry her. But what if something happened to him? She didn’t think she could go through that again. Sierra glanced at her daughters to make sure they were still close by. She smiled and watched them start a game of tag at the edge of the cemetery. She was so grateful she had Ashley and Elysha. She didn’t know if she would have made it through the last few years without them.
Sierra bowed her head and clasped her hands together in prayer. “God, I don’t know if marrying Logan is the right thing to do. I know he wants to. Could you give Paul a message for me, if he really is up there with you? Tell him I love him and miss him so much. Tell him…” Sierra paused as she carefully thought about her next words. “Tell him I will always remember him and I will make sure our daughters will always know what a great dad he was. God, please somehow let me know if it is all right to let Paul go.”
Suddenly, she felt a peace in her heart. Feelings came to life, new and powerful, feelings she hadn’t felt in a long time. She knew she had received her answer. She still wasn’t sure if she should marry Logan, but she knew that Paul would not want her to be alone for the rest of her life and that if she had another chance of happiness, she should take it.
Sierra rubbed her hand on Paul’s gravestone. “I will always love you, Paul. But our daughters are ready to move on and I think I might be ready, too.”
****
Logan watched as Sierra drove down the ranch’s road towards Pinedale. He felt a distinct disappointment that she had not even told him where she was going. They had talked for a few minutes the night before. Did she know she was leaving then, but didn’t tell him?
He shook his head and reminded himself that he had no right to her or what she was doing. He knew she was attracted to him. Her response to his kisses told him that. She was very kind to Mason and Noah and they were both starting to respond to her like they would if she was their mother. As for himself, he had fallen in love with her almost from the moment he met her.
He remembered that he had promised her he would give her the time she needed. But would she be able to move on from the tragic loss of her husband’s death? He wasn’t sure.
He heard a screen door slam and saw one of Sierra’s sisters, Sadie, leave the Ranch House with her young daughter. As she left the porch, Logan noticed Sadie had a small backpack on.
; “Hi, Logan,” Sadie called when she saw him. She walked towards him, holding Brooklyn’s hand.
“It looks like you are going somewhere,” Logan told her with a smile.
“We are going on a hike,” Brooklyn told him as she jumped up and down on her toes with excitement. “We might even go all the way to Mirror Lake.”
“That sounds like fun,” Logan told the child. As he talked he inadvertently looked towards the road where Sierra had disappeared.
“Sierra had some errands to run this morning,” Sadie said, but her eyes let him know she understood his thoughts.