She looked down at herself and wanted to cry. She was a sweaty mess. Her pajamas were skewed, as if she’d been caressing herself, just as she’d imagined he would. Her pussy was aching, empty…
With a grunt, she tossed herself back onto her pillow. After only two times, she was addicted to sex. Great. She hoped the Viking’s long, thick, lonely dick hardened—no, calcified!—and his gonads turned to stony fossils. Dee huffed and then turned to punch her pillow; it was easy to imagine she was pounding the face of a certain handsome, adorably sweet…sexy…uh. Dee pressed her face into the pillow.
Fuck.
Somehow, the big lug had wormed his way into her heart. It scared the crap out of her—she’d tried so hard to resist him! She didn’t want to belong to him, to anyone. She liked her independence. Being alone was her thing; it had always been her thing. She was comfortable alone, damn it! So what if she liked his stupid nicknames? The thrill of being desired, even if she felt more pursued than courted? And so what if she now loved sex? She could totally go back to going without, to surviving as a strong, single woman.
Besides, she wasn’t in love. She might be on the cusp, but lust was messing with her mind. Probably. Maybe. Yet…she wasn’t imagining just any attractive male. Only one lickable, fuckable alien kept popping into her brain.
Chapter 5
The two days holed up with Jane and Logan were the hardest of Dee’s life. In some ways, they were also the best of her life.
Dee’s youthful shyness and constant tinkering had kept her apart from other children—and even, to a degree, the adult colonists on Paradise. As she grew into an adult herself, she lost most of the shyness, but there had never been a need to venture near children or to help take care of one. Although she’d begged the universe for a little brother or sister at one time, she had remained an only child.
Now, in the midst of Jane’s home, Dee was at a loss.
“Thank you, sweetie. Mommy loves hugs, especially from you.” It wasn’t a hug. The boy was wrapped around her like a starving octopus. “But we’ve talked about being gentle when we hug. Remember?”
Jane was a bit breathless by the time Logan remembered what gentle meant. Then, without warning, the little crazy man threw himself to the floor and crabwalked away. He was so weird. And adorable.
“I couldn’t do it,” Dee said.
“Yes you could.” Jane rubbed at her neck, where her son’s tiny arms had clenched hard enough to leave red marks. “Especially if you have help.”
Logan made a noise, somewhere between a scream and a screech. Jane was totally unfazed while Dee startled and almost fell out of her chair. “Help?”
“Before Peter died, things were different. Having two parents…” The wistfulness on her face was bittersweet.
Dee was surprised; Jane hadn’t spoken of Peter since the invasion. Her husband hadn’t been immune to the disease—in fact, he’d turned on his family. No one knew how Jane had gotten herself and Logan to safety because the woman point-blank refused to answer questions.
“I wasn’t like this.” Dee nodded at Logan, who was ramming several of his toys together as if they were in a continuous, horrible accident. “My father insisted on silence and self-sufficiency in the house. I was taking care of myself by the time I was four, maybe five, and I have no memories of playing this way.”
Jane wrinkled her nose. “What do you mean? How did you play?”
Father had worked as a mechanic and was always exhausted when he stumbled into their home. The flask tucked into his belt compounded the problem, making him grouchy and lazy. Dee had learned very early on not to disrupt her father, to stay quiet and out of sight. Besides, she hadn’t had toys—not even the junk Logan played with. “I tinkered.”
Jane snorted. “I can see that.”
“I didn’t realize kids required so much attention. You sing to him and play with him—and that’s just during playtime. The way you work to teach him…” Dee shook her head, honestly amazed. “I don’t think I have the patience for that!”
“Potty training is a bitch,” Jane whispered, eyeing Logan to make sure he didn’t hear the naughty word.
Dee burst into giggles. The day before, Logan had calmly walked to his mother, climbed in her lap, announced he had to “peeeeeeeeeeee peeeeeeeeeeeee” and then let loose a gallon of urine in Jane’s lap.
“But don’t give up on the idea of kids,” Jane said, her tone turning serious. “Even though I’m exhausted, I wouldn’t change a thing about Logan. A mother’s love…there’s no way to explain the bond. I would die for him, if I needed to, but I’ll spend my life living for him, and I think that’s infinitely harder. Parenthood has given me something precious to protect, no matter the challenges the universe throws my way.”
Challenges—as in a zombie plague, slavery, and the new alliance with the Peacekeepers.
Dee stared at her friend, awed. “You’re an amazing mother.”
Jane shrugged. “Not really. I make mistakes, I can still be selfish at times. Like when…” Jane blushed. “Uh, when I have friends over.”
Dee frowned. “Friends?” And then it hit her. Friends.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that,” Jane whispered, leaning toward Dee so as not to distract Logan from the tower he was building with a set of lumpy plastic blocks. “I’ve been meaning to explain, so you don’t think…well, that was I ignoring Logan…”
“What?” Dee pressed both hands over her ears and shook her head. “No, no, no! You don’t need to explain anything!” The idea was laughable. Jane waited until after Logan was in bed to take showers—and she left the door open to hear him should he need her, allowing herself a few minutes because she fretted over the nightmares he still suffered. She gave herself up to his every need. An hour or two of the boy playing in his room while she…exercised? There was nothing to apologize for in Dee’s book.
Jane blushed and shrugged. “Thanks.”
“Your business is your business,” Dee told her. “Especially when you’re doing such an amazing job with our kiddo.” As their only remaining child, Logan was precious to all Paradins. “Besides, after experiencing sex, I can’t imagine never indulging again. Must be the same for you.”
For a second, Dee thought Jane was choking, and then she realized the woman was choking—on laughter! “If you’d ‘indulged’ with fumbling boys like the rest of us, you might have been okay going without. But with an Abbaleer as a teacher…”
There was a knock on the door. Logan squealed and then started running around like some kind of miniature tribal berserker. Jane answered the door and then turned to Dee with a bright red face. “Um, excuse me just a minute?”
A pair of handsome Lu’O peered into the suite, and Dee grinned. Miss Mommy had more than one way to scratch her itch! Ha! Dee grabbed Logan’s hand as he went running by and pulled him into a hug. “Would you like to go on a walk?” she asked him. “We can visit Lanie, Paul, and maybe even Brandon. I’m sure we can scrounge up a fun new toy.”
“TOYS!” Logan grinned and wrapped himself around Dee.
“I’ll show him around, feed him lunch.” She winked at Jane, who was still blushing. “It should take a couple of hours.”
The Lu’O politely moved out of her way, both smiling, and Jane hugged her. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Have fun!” Dee double-winked at her friend before walking away.
Putting the kiddo down in the corridor was a no-go. The little dude was fast. But he didn’t seem bothered to be sitting on her hip; he kept chattering, his words a mix of baby talk and randomness.
Dee wanted to give Jane plenty of time to work out her…stress. The woman was amazing, and she deserved some S&S—sex and sleep. Besides, the crew loved Logan, and Dee had no doubt they’d all coo over him and help keep him entertained.
Lanie proved her right.
“Oh, look how big he’s gotten! It’s only been a week!” She rushed over and plucked the boy right out of Dee’s ar
ms. “You’re adorable.”
“I’m adorbur,” Logan parroted. He grinned at Lanie and ran his tiny fingers through her long black hair.
Dee rolled her eyes when the pair continued to babble at each other. She had brought Logan to the Life Support hub, the control room that monitored the environmental systems for the entire ship. Lanie loved the hub, considered it her domain—the entire team of Peacekeepers trained to look after the hub might as well have been chopped liver. Truthfully, Lanie did a better job than they did anyway because she was passionate about her work.
Two of Lanie’s brakka were visiting their Charm. Hilom, the cute youngster, and Fen…who intimidated Dee with his intense, brooding stares. She had always shied away from Fen, and she made sure even then to keep Lanie between them. Not that Lanie noticed. The woman was smacking loud, exaggerated kisses on Logan’s belly, and the boy was uproariously laughing.
It was a side of Lanie that not many people got to see. Back on Paradise, there hadn’t been a lot of chances to play with children. Their society had been very well ordered, very peaceful…and friendly. Just not too friendly. Now, with only one child, all the Paradins had banded together to spoil the rugrat. He was tickled and coddled and soaked up every minute of it—hopefully it would be enough to dampen whatever memories he had from the invasion.
“I thought I heard a little loogie!” Paul bustled in and dropped to his knees. “Come to Unkie!”
“UNKIE!” Logan screamed, abandoning Lanie. He rushed to Paul and threw himself at the man.
“Traitor,” Lanie grumbled, smiling as she watched the toddler laugh hysterically as Paul swooped him up and twirled.
Dee snorted.
Lanie’s brakka walked over and wrapped themselves around her, sandwiching the small woman. “I have training in a few minutes,” Hilom pouted. “I wish I could stay longer.”
“I will stay longer,” Fen bragged.
“Actually,” Lanie cut in, obviously interrupting what was about to a mine-is-bigger competition, “I was hoping for some girl time for Dee.”
“Girl time? No!” Fen nuzzled her. “You need Fen time.”
Dee grinned. The males were crazy for their Charm, and watching them interact was sweet. No doubt there were a few women on board hoping to one day have the same type of relationship—after all, three was better than one. Or so everyone said.
But Dee didn’t know if she could handle one. Her one was a pain in the ass. And huge. And annoying. And sexy. And she missed him so very much. The idea of three males—and all the emotions that followed being attached to them—made her want to throw up. There was no way she could spread herself so thin…she was a one-on-one type of gal.
As Lanie squabbled with her brakka, Dee wandered to the other side of the hub. A thingamabob sat forgotten on the counter, and she picked it up. Her fingers went absently to work, her mind barely engaged.
All her thoughts were on a certain Viking. What was he doing? Was he thinking about her? And if he was, why hadn’t he sought her out? It wouldn’t be that had to find her.
Fingers snapping in front of her face jolted Dee. She dropped the gadget and jerked back. “What! What?” she yelped.
Lanie snorted. “Wow, who were you daydreaming about?” There was a knowing gleam in the woman’s eyes, one that defied denial. Both Fen and Hilom were gone, having slipped away while Dee was zoned out.
“So this is girl time?” Dee asked. “More like inquisition time.”
“This is girl time. Paul doesn’t count.”
“Hey!” Paul shouted, coming over with Logan perched on his hip. “I do count—I’m one of the gals. Especially if we’re gonna talk about naughty daydreams.” He wagged his eyebrows, and the exaggerated expression sent Logan into a fit of giggles.
“Not going to happen!” Dee told them. “But I am interested in learning about the scans. I miss sleeping in a bed.” The floor pallet wasn’t terrible, but she’d grown used to her own space and she missed it.
“Well, that’s why we needed privacy. Brandon convinced the Peacekeepers to all get re-scanned, and then looked them over. He had a bit of help from Candi…and Melissa.” Melissa was a whiz with codes and patterns; she could piece together anything.
“That was a good idea!” Paul said, bouncing Logan to keep him entertained.
“Yeah, it was. She picked up some interesting patterns. All the males are similar in that they really do need to live in space. The modified pressure and oxygen levels are necessary…but she doesn’t think it was a natural evolution.”
Space turds. “You can’t mean…they’re mutated? Like us?”
“From the same virus?” Paul wondered.
Lanie shrugged. “We don’t know enough to determine that. Yet. Melissa is working with Candi to break all that information down. But that’s not the most important thing for you, Dee. Melissa found subtle genetic markers that hint that the Abbaleer do use pheromones. Glands, found only in Abbaleer, dormant in all but one particular male.”
“Tugarth,” Dee whispered.
“Yep.” Lanie looked grim. “And that tells us two things—one, you were right. He was using pheromones. But two, he may not know he’s doing it.”
“What!” Paul yelled, throwing up his free hand and startling Logan. The boy pressed his face into Paul’s chest and started to bawl. “Oh, I’m sorry! Little Loogie, don’t cry,” he cooed.
Dee reached for Logan, taking him from Paul so she could cuddle him. She shushed nonsensically and rocked from side to side like she had seen Jane do over the last couple of days. “It’s okay, Logan. Unkie didn’t mean to scare you. We’re fine. We’re safe,” she whispered. As he calmed, he cuddled closer. Soon he was nestled beneath her chin, arms and legs wrapped tightly around her torso. Dee kept up the rocking motion.
“Sorry,” Paul murmured, looking remorseful. They all knew how skittish the boy was around yelling and violence.
“No worries,” Dee told him. “He’ll bounce back in a minute. Just keep talking.”
Lanie cleared her throat. “As I was saying…I think Tugarth might be unaware. He’s the only Abbaleer showing an active pheromone gland. It could be triggered by the possibility of lifebonding, something they’ve never experienced before.”
That wasn’t something Dee had considered—she thought he’d been lying. “Oh crap.”
“Yeah, that’s crazy.” Paul scratched at his neck. “Smelling like pure sex sounds like fun…but if it freaks out your honey-bunny, it would suck. Imagine once all our ladies know Abbaleer could stank their panties off? I don’t envy the bastards.”
Lanie nodded. “True, but I wouldn’t blame the women. I don’t want to throw around the word ‘rape’ lightly, but not having a choice…after what we’ve been through…that’s scary.”
Paul shuffled from foot to foot. He continued to feel shame and guilt for not being to help his friends—his female friends—that were abused by the Pirates. Same as Dee. “This is bad,” he murmured.
Logan squirmed and Dee loosened her grip. The little boy clambered down and started exploring, his tears drying as he poked and prodded everything in sight. It warmed her heart to watch him—his resilience gave her hope for their species.
“It wasn’t rape,” Dee told them after a minute of gathering her thoughts. “Not like how you’re thinking.”
Lanie looked unconvinced. “You told us you felt compelled—like you didn’t have a choice.”
Dee nodded. “Yes, but I was already attracted to him; I was fighting that attraction. It was like being hit with a wave of lust, one that had to be quenched…but he was in control of himself. If I had said no, he would have stopped. I didn’t even think about it, though—it wasn’t until after the second time that I noticed how strongly I was reacting. It felt natural, and I’m still craving him…which makes me think it was more than just the pheromones. I was attracted to him and I trusted him. He told me he was already beginning to think of me as his Charm. Chances are, he was serious. I think the
pheromones—the sex—was more than just sneaky sex.” She sucked in a deep, fortifying breath. “I think we accidentally lifebonded.”
Chapter 6
Dee was sucked up into hivemind so quickly that she felt her physical body tilt as she adjusted to the mental honeycomb around herself. The dual sensation of settling into the collective as her flesh slumped against a control panel was disconcerting, but nothing except exhaustion or death could yank her out of hivemind until the link dissipated.
We have a situation, Lanie announced to everyone. Deegan thinks she may be lifebonded to Tugarth—and it wasn’t intentional. This is a serious issue, especially considering the Medbed scans we’ve procured.
A tidal wave of questions rose up from the other survivors, but none were distinct.
Let me explain! Lanie shouted into the honeycomb. Please, let me explain.
Dee listened as all the facts were laid out, as panic filled the tinny questions that hummed steadily in the background. She was too shocked to participate. Part of her felt relieved that there was no longer a choice, that she belonged. The more sensible part of her was horrified. She was bound, for the rest of her life, to a relative stranger. An alien.
Now that we’ve heard the facts from Lanie and Melissa, we need to hear from Deegan, Brandon said. The rest of the Paradins quieted as he spoke. While Lanie was their emotive and empathetic leader, Brandon was their ruthless, unflinching champion.
I think I’m lifebonded, Dee admitted, but I’m not sure. I’m craving him—physically. I honestly, literally, ache to go and find him. I miss his smell, his touch…I miss him. It’s confusing, but it also feels natural. I like him—I liked him even before the sex. Now I’m torn between relief and heartbreak.
There was silence for a minute, and then everyone was asking questions again. How do we know? And what can we do? Should we confront them? Are we safe? There was no way to tell who was asking what, and there were no answers.
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