by Diana Nixon
“Take a seat,” she said.
I looked around the room and saw a lonely chair standing near one of the opened windows. I moved it closer to Tara and sat down, taking one of her hands in mine. The moment our palms touched, I flinched from how cold her skin felt against mine.
“Marion froze me to death,” Tara said, jokingly. “Sorry about that.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I brought her hand to my lips and placed a light kiss on her palm. All of a sudden, the images from our past started to flash behind my eyes. One by one, day after day that Tara and I spent in Dever, a long time ago. There was our first meeting and our first kiss; our dates, jokes, and the Spring Ball; our first night together and our last night together. And then – there was the moment I thought would ruin me forever. She was about to leave Dever… Even in my memories, the pain from losing her felt too damn real.
“How are you doing this?” I asked, knowing that she had never had the ability to get into my head. For that, she would need to possess magic, or be a Mistress.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” She said dreamily, as if she could watch those memories of mine with me. “It’s magic.”
“Marion did that?”
Tara smiled. “Everything you can see here, including me, is magical. Without her, I would be dead a long time ago. She did it all to give me some more time... The time that I needed so much to get a few answers before I… Fall asleep.”
I blinked and the memories stopped. My eyes found Tara’s and I saw tears glistening there. I was seconds away from dragging her out of this room, out of this illusion. But I knew I wouldn’t do any of that, because like Will’s mom said, it was her choice, not mine. I didn’t have a right to make her suffer even more than she already had, simply because I couldn’t let her go.
“It’s been a long way,” she said. “Long and beautiful.” She turned away from me and looked up at the ceiling that now looked like a night sky, full of small shining stars. “Remember the night I had a nightmare, when you tried to wake me and I pushed you off the bed?”
I laughed, nodding. “I do. How could I not? I had a bruise on my back. All thanks to you.”
“I didn’t tell you about the nightmare I had, did I?”
“You said it was just a bad dream.”
“No… It was something different.”
“A vision?”
“A vision about you.”
“What did you see?”
Tara turned to look at me again. “I saw you, Eileen, Christian and Amanda on the rose field. The vision was about the day when you destroyed the Lords.”
“You saw that happening? You never mentioned that.”
“Because I didn’t know what it meant. Until the day of my wedding, when I saw the other Lords entering the church. I immediately recognized them as the men from my old vision. But it was too late…”
Again, she turned away from me and closed her eyes, as if it was too hard for her to keep her eyes open.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I said, caressing her hand. No matter how cold it felt, I refused to let it go.
“I knew we would never be together, Evan… Even when I dated you, I knew it wouldn’t last long.”
“Because of the dream where you saw the eyes of your so-called future husband?”
“No. I knew it even before I saw that dream. Because in the vision about the rose field I saw Amanda watching you. I knew the meaning of that look. It was full of fear, worry and love so strong; no one would be able to ruin it. It was the kind of love I knew you would feel for her one day.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Why I agreed to date you? Why I fell in love with you and let you fall in love with me?” Our gazes met. “I couldn’t help myself… I couldn’t get you out of my head…I fell asleep and woke up with thoughts of our first kiss. The mere thought about that kiss repeating made my pulse accelerate. And even when I was with Kevin, you were the only guy I could think about.”
“Oh, Tara…”
She didn’t listen to me, or look at me. She proceeded, “And then, I saw that damn vision that showed me the eyes of my true and only love… And you know what? Those were not the eyes of another man, those were your eyes, Evan, only silver, not bright-blue like now.”
I was taken aback by her words. I stared at her, not sure if I had heard her correctly.
“What?” She smirked. “You want to know why I never told you about that?”
“Well, that would be nice of you.”
“Because the Evan with silver eyes didn’t belong to me… He belonged to Amanda.”
“So… You sacrificed your love for me, just to let me be with Amanda – the girl you didn’t even know?”
Tara shook her head slightly. “No, Evan. I sacrificed my love to save you. To let you live. Because without Amanda’s and Eileen’s help you wouldn’t be able to destroy the other Lords. You would become one of them – a cruel and heartless monster, dying to make the entire world spin around you. I would never let that happen.”
All of a sudden, I got so angry. I couldn’t believe what Tara was saying. I refused to see the reason in her words and actions, just like the day she broke up with me. That was just too much.
“But what if you stayed?” I asked the only question that really mattered to me. “What would happen if you just stayed in Dever, with me?”
“Everything would be so much worse. Sooner or later, you would realize that I was not the girl for you. It would make you suffer even more.”
“But if it was not for the magical bond that brought Amanda and me together, you and I could still be together. Do you realize that?”
“It is what it is, Evan. There are things that can’t be changed. Accept them.”
“How can I accept the fact that my life has never been mine, but a well-planned scenario that turned everything upside-down?”
“Live your life, Evan. It is yours now. No one can take it away from you, unless you let that happen. Love and be loved. And please, never tell Amanda what I told you. Make her happy; she deserves to be happy. And let yourself be happy with her. Because this is the only thing that matters.”
I shut my eyes, feeling the pain so strong; I thought it would kill me right then and there. But that pain wasn’t mine…
“I’m running out of time,” Tara said in a barely audible voice. “But there are a few more things that I need to tell you, before I go.”
“No, please… Tara, I can’t… I can’t let you go.”
“Listen to me, Evan,” she said firmly. “There’s something very important that you need to do before the hermits come to destroy Dever.”
“What are you talking about?” I couldn’t think about the hermits or anything but what Tara told me about our destinies being so terribly messed-up.
“There is a girl, Carine Verbeke. You need to find her.”
“Who is she?”
“She’s a Mistress. And she wants to help you.”
“Why would she want to help me? I don’t even know her.”
“But she knows someone who wants you dead.”
“Are you talking about the person who planned the attack on your wedding day?”
“Yes. His name is Allister Woodrow. And he is after you, Evan. He won’t stop at anything until he destroys you.”
“Why does he want me dead?”
“Because you are the son of the man who ruined his life.”
I smirked, humorless and a little frustrated. “For how long exactly am I going to pay for my father’s screw ups?”
“He’s a pure-blood Wizardy, Evan. But he’s not strong enough to face you on his own. He hates Dever and everyone living there. He’s gathering the hermits to attack and destroy Dever, and you.”
“But why? What did my father do to him?”
“He took away his powers, he stole his magic. Just like Allister once did to a girl your father wanted to protect.”
“Who is she? Do you know her name?”
&
nbsp; “No. I only managed to get Carine’s name. Allister used to be her lover. But when he found out who she really was, he tried to use her to get to you, because he believed that the Lords and Mistresses have a special bond, or something. But we both know that it’s not true. And now, Carine wants to pay him for using her, but she’s too afraid of you. She has never met any other Lord or Mistress.” Tara paused and took a long, deep breath. The more she talked, the harder it was for her to make her voice loud enough to be heard. I moved closer to hear what she was saying.
“Shall I bring you some water? Or…”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Tara, are you sure there is no way to take you out of here? I could take you back to Dever, if only…”
“No, Evan. Like I said, I’m fine. Well, as fine as I can be, considering the circumstances.”
“Tara…”
“You can’t save me, Evan. No one can. So please, let me tell you everything I want to tell you and then, well… Then you will go back to Dever.”
“What else do you want to tell me?”
“Tell Eileen and the guys that I love them… Tell them that I will always be there for them, no matter how far away I will actually be. I will take the memories of them with me; they will stay in my soul, forever.”
Tears started to flow down my cheeks. I didn’t try to stop them. Not today. Those were not the tears of weakness, those were the tears of love and admiration that I felt for one of the most amazing girls in the whole world.
“I’m sure they would ask me to tell you that they love you too,” I said, barely able to form the words into an intelligible sentence. “I would have followed you anywhere, Tara… You know that, right?”
Her beautiful smile suddenly became so sad, “I know, Evan. But not this time.”
We had been watching each other for an entire minute, no less. Neither of us was ready to give up on one another. But we didn’t have a choice.
“Eileen, she… Will have to go through something terrible, but you need to be there for her.”
I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. “Something terrible? Did you have a vision about her future?”
“I did, but I can’t tell you anything about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because what Eileen is doing is right.”
I shook my head, already knowing that whatever Eileen had come up with could not be good. Simply because all of her plans usually ended with a screw up that I or someone else needed to fix.
“What if something goes wrong? Please, Tara, I need to know what she has on that reckless mind of hers.”
“Just be there for her Evan. And remember – no matter how real the hell may feel, it’s just a myth, an illusion that can be easily broken if only you let yourself see the light.”
Oh, God, I was so not ready for more riddles.
“Everything’s gonna be all right, Evan. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”
“What about you? Who’s going to take care of you after I’m back to reality?”
“Don’t worry about me. Marion has already taken care of everything.”
Tara shut her eyes and growled, as if stabbed by another wave of pain. Only I didn’t feel it this time.
“What is it? Tara?” I shook her slightly by the shoulders. It was so wrong, in so many ways. She was not supposed to die like that. She was not supposed to die any time soon in the first place.
“It’s time, Evan… It’s time for me to go.”
“No, no…just give me a few more minutes…please.”
“It’s been one hell of a ride, Evan… But I enjoyed every second of it.” It was the first time that she touched me, running one hand down my cheek, as if she wanted to wipe the tears that kept falling onto her skin.
“Close your eyes,” she whispered, with a soft smile touching her lips.
I knew I needed to end this. I could see how hard it was for her to prolong this conversation. For one split second, she opened her mind for me again, and let me feel how much she loved me. Her love was still there, filling her heart and her soul. If I thought her feelings for me had changed, I was wrong. I was so, so wrong…
“I will never forget you, Tara. Never…” I moved closer and kissed her one last time. “I always loved you.”
She smiled, then gave me one last look and closed her eyes, saying, “See you on the other side, my dear Evan.”
“Sweet dreams, Beautiful.”
Just when I closed my eyes, ready to wake up in my room, something unexpected happened.
I saw myself riding a horse. The day was warm and sunny. But something about me looked different. Only later did I realize that the Evan from my vision looked older that the real me.
My future… Tara was showing me the future. It was her last gift for me.
As soon as I realized what was going on, the pictures in my head started to change. And there was everyone I loved and cared about: Amanda, Eileen, Christian, Kevin, our friends from Dever, and a few new people that I was sure I had never met before. There were new places and new things surrounding me. The events that my future family and I were going to celebrate together: birthdays, Christmas and New Year’s Eves, The Festivals of Arts and many more…
It was Tara’s way to say good-bye. She showed me my life without her, a very happy life, full of things and people to love and fight for.
But the next time I opened my eyes again, the room was empty.
The fog was gone, as well as Tara…
Something tickled my palm. I looked down and saw a small silver feather lying there.
“To the best friend in the world,” said the inscription, engraved above the silver surface.
I smiled, feeling myself surprisingly happy, relieved and free. Free from pain and agony, free from suffering and darkness. Free from sadness and misery, and everything that makes life on earth so hard.
“I’m glad to know that you are okay now,” I said into the sky above my head that was the only magical element left in the room. I knew the emotions overwhelming me were not mine, not really. They belonged to Tara. Even from the heavens, she had found a way to let me know that she was fine, that she was happy now.
Chapter 15
I was back in my room in Dever, sitting on my bed with a glass of whiskey in my hand. It was not the first glass that I filled with the burning liquid that morning. But I didn’t care about what was going to happen after I got drunk enough to not feel anything; I just wanted to shut down the pain that refused to leave my body and mind.
I couldn’t believe that Tara was gone, this time forever… I just couldn’t wrap my mind around losing her without getting a chance to save her.
It was my fault. She was dead because of me. Because of the things that she couldn’t change.
God, she never stopped loving me… Until her last breath, she loved me. If only I had known that earlier. I would probably never have let her go. I would never let love kill her.
I swallowed the rest of my drink in one gulp and went to refill my glass.
Tara was sure that I could find my happiness with Amanda, but I wasn’t sure about it anymore. I used to think that with Amanda I would finally find everything I ever needed, until the moment I looked into the eyes of death that took Tara’s life away. I felt like I betrayed her, like I didn’t fight enough for her, for us. True they say - we never cherish what we have until we lose it. So it was with Tara.
I made myself believe that I didn’t love her anymore. I shut the door to my past where she was, and moved on. I started a new life, when she, in fact, stayed where we used to be together. Only I was not welcome there anymore.
I was thinking that my feelings for her had changed. Well, they have changed. But not enough to shut down the damn guilt eating me alive now. Tara thought that she would be able to be happy without me. She tried, I know she tried. She would never admit that losing what she and I shared broke her. She swallowed her pride and gave up on her happiness just to see me hap
py, with someone else.
Frustrated, I threw the glass I was holding in my hand across the room. It slammed into the wall and shattered into pieces, scattering all over the floor.
Tears ran down my cheeks. I sat on the floor near the window and wrapped my arms around my knees. I never felt so small in my entire life. I never felt so lonely, not even when I realized that my parents were both dead. At least that was what I thought. When in reality, my mother was still alive, only I didn’t know that.
But now… Now everything was different. I didn’t know what to do or how to live knowing that Tara died because of me. I would never stop blaming myself for losing her, never.
Until now, I didn’t realize how much I actually missed her. Like she was the best part of me, the part that kept the memories of the most joyful period of my life. Because when I was with her, there was nothing else I wanted or needed. She was everything to me. And now, that she was gone, that joyful part of me was gone too.
Until now, I didn’t realize how much she actually meant to me, how much she changed me, how much my life changed thanks to her…
“Evan? Are you there?” I heard Eileen say from behind the closed door.
I didn’t respond.
“Evan, please… Open the door.”
“Not now, Eileen!”
After a short pause, she said, “I know about Tara.”
What? I didn’t tell anyone about what happened in the morning. I didn’t know how to make myself say it aloud, I just couldn’t say it aloud.
“I felt you,” she said the only thing that could make me change my mind about seeing her.
I sighed, rose to my feet, and went to the door.
“You felt me?” I asked, as I opened the door and saw Eileen standing there, as sad as ever, with her eyes red and puffed from crying. “You were there with me, weren’t you?”
She shook her head, and wrapped her arms around herself, as if she were freezing. “No, but at some point, I knew that she was gone.” Eileen’s voice broke and I saw tears running down her face.