“Es,” I say as I bring my eyes to meet hers. I don’t want to be late, but damn, she is giving me that 'I want you' look.
“Yes,” she smiles as she gins and begins touching me.
I smile and grab her hips, pulling her to the edge of the couch and in one swift move, her panties and shorts are off and I am deep inside of her. I am on my knees and have my hands buried in her hair and my mouth latched on to hers. My hands move from her hair to her lower back so that I can pull her further off the edge of the couch so that I can make love to her fast and quick. Her loud noises fueling my desire and need.
“I’m close,” she moans and bites down on my lower lip.
I whimper from the sting and pick up my pace, already feeling a light sheen of sweat forming on my brow. A few moments later, she screams as she tugs on my lip some more. I move faster as we both reach our release and then slowly move away from her. She slouches and leans back against the couch with her eyes closed and a sexy satisfied smile on her face. I fix my clothes and then stand up, kissing her softly on the forehead.
“I love you, Es.”
“I love you, too,” she whispers, still breathing heavily.
I step outside and jump into my car so that I can meet Dimitri. I glance at myself in the rear-view mirror as I pull up to the bar. My face is still flushed and my lip is red and swollen from where Estelle bit me. I run my finger along the mark and grin just as Dimitri gets in the car. When I glance at him, I can see that he has a scowl on his face.
“Bolʹshoĭ, you’re late,” he states angrily. “You screw your wife after business, not before.”
I start to say something but Viktor and Stephan slide in the car as well and I won’t do anything to jeopardize his standing with anyone else so I remain quiet.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say as I pull away from the curb.
A few minutes later, he shoves my arm and I glance at him, seeing him smirk. I smile and turn back to the road, watching where I’m going. I swipe my tongue over my lip and feel a shiver go through me, thinking about how good she had felt and how sexy she was when I left. God! I already want to do her again. But the sound of Dimitri’s voice brings me back to the here and now.
“It’s easy to frighten someone when you have a gun but I want them to fear me without one. I want them to know that their life is in my hands, that I could kill them like that,” he says snapping his fingers.
“I think people already do that. No one messes with you, Mladshiĭ,” I say, watching him intently.
“That is because of you, Bolʹshoĭ. They fear you.”
I sigh and nod, knowing that is true. Over the past several years, well really since we were kids, I have developed a reputation of being pretty hard core. It started with the fact that I would fight anyone without hesitation. I never cared how big they were or how many there were. That was always irrelevant, and then my reputation increased tenfold after the knife incident before I met Estelle and has continued to grow. I am generally not afraid of anything. It’s like these Russian guys can smell fear on someone just like a dog and once they smell it there is no hesitation. I have not had to kill anyone, thankfully, but I have hurt a lot of people. My knife has turned into my calling card. People know when they see it that something bad is going to happen. I carry a gun as well but there is something really bad ass about using a knife or, hell, just beating the crap out of someone. Dimitri is right though. It is easy to scare someone when you have a gun in your hand, but to elicit that kind of fear without one is powerful. As we pull up to the building, I grab Dimitri’s arm, stopping him from getting out. He turns to me confused.
“They fear me because they know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. I’d give my life for you and they know it,” I say intently and nod towards Viktor and Stephan. “We all would. Can anyone else say the same about the men near them?” I ask.
He smiles and touches my face and then looks over at Viktor and Stephan, who are nodding.
“Семья!” He says fiercely, making eye contact with the three of us.
“Семья!” We all say ‘family’ back to him.
~*~
“Oh my God! Charles, are you okay?” Estelle asks panicked.
I nod. “It’s not my blood.”
I walk into the bedroom and quickly unlace my boots, stepping out of them, and then start peeling off my bloody clothes, tossing them in the hamper. I pull out a clean white T and then glance at my fingers, seeing blood underneath my nails. I frown and toss the shirt on the bed before walking passed her towards the bathroom.
“What did he make you do?” She asks from behind me and I think I can hear anger in her voice.
“He didn’t MAKE me do anything, Es,” I reply, annoyed.
“Then what did YOU do?” She asks coming up to the open bathroom door.
“I got in a fight, that’s all you need to know,” I answer, glancing at her and cocking my brow.
“You got in a fight,” she says crossing her arms.
I turn away from her anger and start scrubbing my fingers, getting the dried blood from underneath my nails. Things got a little out of hand tonight. I had to fight two of Borovsky’s men while Stephan and Viktor fought the other two. That was pretty easy but I broke one of the guy’s noses and he bled all over me. And then I ended up needing to use my knife on him to make Dimitri’s point. I can’t believe Borovsky would even try that with us. Who comes to a meeting and challenges the family and their standing? He must have lost his damn mind. Dimitri’s father is going to be livid. This is going to get very bad, very quickly!
“CHARLES!” I hear her yell and I glance at her in the mirror.
“What, Es? What do you want me to say?” I stand up straight as she narrows her eyes at me.
“I want you to say that you’re not stupid enough to do whatever the hell Dimitri tells you to do. I want you to say you have enough common sense to not hurt anyone, but obviously I am mistaken,” she says bitterly.
I glare at her and push my way through the door. I walk back to the bedroom, pull out a clean pair of jeans, and grab the t-shirt on the bed, quickly pulling it on. I then snatch my keys off the dresser and slip my boots on without lacing them back up. I hear her footsteps and glance up to see her at the door.
“Where the hell are you going?”
“OUT!” I growl, stepping passed her, heading towards the door.
I drive around for a couple of hours and end up at the pier with my head between my knees. As if the night hadn’t already been messed up, I have to come home to Estelle’s anger. I just wanted to change clothes and let her make me feel better, let me feel clean and worthwhile again, but, instead, she made me feel terrible. I suppose that I am not angry with her. I do understand how she feels but the reality is, she knew, she knew what I was before we got married. If it was going to be a problem, she should have said something then. I am so lost in my thoughts that I don’t hear anyone until they are practically on top of me. I jump off the bench quickly, reaching in my jacket and pulling my gun out, finding myself pointing it straight at… Dimitri.
“SHIT!” I lower my gun. “Don’t sneak up on me, Mladshiĭ. I almost shot you,” I say angrily as I slip the gun back in my jacket.
He grins at my reaction and takes a seat, patting the bench beside him. “Bolʹshoĭ, you didn’t even hear me. If I had been anyone else, you would have already been dead.”
I frown at him, but I know he is right. If any of our rivals had snuck up on me like that, someone would have been calling Estelle with bad news. I sit down next to him and run my hands through my hair a couple of times, trying to compose myself.
“What are you doing here?” I ask confused.
“Estelle called me,” he says, cocking his brow at me.
“She… called you?” I ask mortified, afraid of what she might have said to him.
He leans back against the bench and crosses his legs, eyeing me speculatively. He offers me a small smile when he sees how horri
fied I am. I can’t believe she called him.
“She said you walked out and she thought you might be with me. When I said I hadn’t seen you, she started crying and shit. I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do,” he says, shaking his head, “Hell Bolʹshoĭ, she wanted to call the damn cops to report you missing. I told her to calm down and that I thought I might know where you would go.” He shrugs. “I told her I would see if I could find you.” He reaches into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes, lighting one. “What the hell happened?” He asks blowing a cloud of smoke in the crisp air.
I lean back against the bench and look up into the night sky, taking a deep breath, I stand up and walk over to the ledge of the railing like I have done so many times before and close my eyes, listening to the water crash against the pier. Dimitri doesn’t say anything. He just smokes and waits for me to start talking.
“I don’t know. She was… angry. She wanted to know what I did tonight. I just couldn’t talk to her about what happened so I … left,” I say, sitting back down and bringing my head between my knees again.
“I told you she wasn’t cut out for our lifestyle,” he says casually and I whip my head up, glaring at him. He laughs as smoke swirls around us. “Don’t look at me that way, Bolʹshoĭ. Your woman just called me at three in the morning because you weren’t home. One of OUR women would never have done that and you know it.”
I stand up and walk to the ledge again. I know he is right about that last part. One of the women associated with our organization wouldn’t have thought twice about me coming home with bloody clothes on. She would have just taken my clothes and cleaned them and then let me screw her any way I wanted to. But is that what I want of Estelle? I shake my head, answering my own internal question. No, I don’t want that of her. She is sweet and pure and with her I can have a normal life.
“I don’t… want that of Estelle,” I say to the water. “I don’t want her to think it’s normal the things that we do.”
He doesn’t say anything right away, but a few moments later, I hear him get up. “Go home, Bolʹshoĭ,” he says slapping me on my back. I turn to look at him.
“What should I tell her?” I ask, hoping for some guidance, but, instead, he starts laughing.
“You’re asking the wrong person, Bolʹshoĭ. What do I know about relationships? I screw whoever I want, whenever I want, remember? Speaking of which, I have Katya warming my bed right now waiting for me to come back so I can screw her senseless,” he says, giving me a knowing look.
I smile at him. Katya is a girl I have been with a few times so I know she can be pretty wild but I don’t know, I think she may like him a lot more than Dimitri is comfortable with. I shake my head. I can’t concern myself with that. I have my own love life to worry about. He smiles at me and puts his arm around my shoulder, leading me away from the ledge. We start walking down the pier towards our cars when he starts to laugh suddenly.
“What?” I ask curious.
“I can’t believe I actually left Katya, in my bed, naked, to come look for your stupid ass,” he laughs and shakes his head.
“Thanks,” I reply, smiling for the first time in several hours.
“Only for you, would I do that,” he continues, still chuckling.
“Tell Katya I said sorry.”
“Bolʹshoĭ, when Katya and I get together we are not talking and if we did talk we certainly wouldn’t be talking about you!” He says, laughing as he opens my car door. “Go home and make up with your wife. I’ll see you later.”
I nod and he shuts my door. He casually lights another cigarette and blows out a cloud of smoke as he strolls to his vehicle. I watch him until he actually gets in his car and starts it. As he pulls passed me, he gives me a head nod and then drives off. I know it is probably stupid that I don’t leave until I know he is safely off, especially since he came here without any protection, but whenever he is near me I feel a strong desire to look out for him.
“Stop stalling, Charles,” I say with a sigh as I start my own vehicle and pull away from the pier.
It doesn’t take long for me to get back to the house, and when I walk in, Estelle is sitting on the couch. Her legs are drawn up and her arms are wrapped around them. When my eyes meet hers, I feel such pain in my heart that it is almost unbearable. Her eyes are red and swollen so I know she has been crying. I make my way to her and drop to my knees so that we will be eye level.
“I’m sorry.”
“You just left. I was worried.”
“I know. I… I wasn’t prepared to have you question me,” I say, lowering my head.
“I don’t want to lose you,” she says, reaching out to me.
I pull her into my arms as she starts to cry once more. My hands gently stroke her hair as I rest my cheek on the top of her head. Finally, I simply pick her up and carry her to our bedroom, laying her on the bed. I settle in next to her and throw my leg over hers, running my fingers through her hair. I understand why she’s worried. She has a right to be but I don’t see an easy way out of it. This comes with the job.
“I can’t make any guarantees. This is who I am,” I say as I gently trace my fingers over her lips. “I’m sorry that I’m not the man you thought I was,” I finish with genuine sadness in my heart.
Tears start to fall from her eyes again. She’s shaking her head adamantly. “Charles.” She pulls me down to her. “I love you, always.”
“Always,” I say, bringing my mouth to hers.
Chapter 19
October
Three Months Later
The next several months were significantly better. I was more cautious in how I came home and what part of my life with Dimitri I brought home with me. She doesn’t need to be a part of that lifestyle and I am bound and determined to keep it separate. Although, if I am being completely honest with myself, I am finding it more difficult to determine where Charles begins and Bolʹshoĭ ends. That line seems to be getting blurrier and blurrier and it almost feels like Bolʹshoĭ is winning the battle most days. I glance at my watch. She won’t be home for another couple of hours. I close my eyes, relaxing, when the door bursts open. I jump up and automatically reach for my gun, pointing it at the intruder.
“Jesus, Charles. Put that thing away,” she says out of breath.
Shit! I put it in my jacket and plop back down. I can’t believe I just pointed my gun at her. “I’m sorry, Es but what are you doing home so early?”
“I asked to leave before my shift ended,” she says as she makes her way to the couch and sits on my lap.
“Why? Is everything okay?” I ask concerned.
She rolls her eyes and then laughs. “Everything is perfect.”
She brings her mouth to mine and immediately begins kissing me. And not that sweet kind of kiss she reserves for telling me that she loves me. No this is that let’s have sex kind of kiss that immediately brings my body to life. I unbutton her slacks as she wiggles her slacks off. I quickly reposition her on my lap, all the while not breaking our kiss. We got at it for several minutes, having sex right there on the couch and when we both stop moving, satiated from our love making, she lays her head on my shoulder as I run my fingers gently into her hair. I can barely breathe and my heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest.
“You’re going to be a father,” she whispers as she starts gently kissing my neck.
“Whhaaat?” I stutter, pulling her back so I can see her. Did she just say what I think she said?
“I found out today. I was feeling sick and I started getting paranoid. I thought I was getting that flu again that prevented me from taking my exam so I went to one of the doctors and they ran routine blood work and told me I wasn’t sick that I was just pregnant,” she says in one quick, rapid breath.
“I’m going to be… a father?” I ask completely shocked.
“Yes,” she says, smiling at my stunned expression.
I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole idea. Then suddenl
y panic sets in as I think about my own terrible father. But before I can allow my head to go down that road I feel her hand run down the side of my face. She then leans in, kissing me lightly on the mouth.
“Daddy…” she says sexily, kissing along my jaw. “Daddy…” she whispers, kissing down my ear and to my neck. “Daddy…” she murmurs once more before sucking my flesh into her mouth, nibbling gently.
I bring her mouth back to mine, kissing her passionately before rising from the couch and carrying her to our bed. I lay her down beside me where we make love again. Exhausted, she eventually falls to sleep but I am wired. I wrap my arm around her tighter, pulling her body flush to mine. My brain has been in overdrive since she said I was going to be a father. I know that it is something we both wanted but now that it is here. I just can’t believe it. I run my fingers along her flat and smooth stomach, trying to envision it expanded and round with my child.
“Charles…” she mumbles but I can tell she is dreaming.
I nuzzle my head in her hair trying to think of the implications of her being pregnant. How will this affect things? This is not a great time for me as Dimitri is working hard to get the other families and their people to see him as a boss. The events over the last few months are a great indicator that we will be challenged continuously. And that’s not the worst of it. I can see that Dimitri has been changing, becoming more brutal and impatient. How will he respond to this news? Will he be happy for me? My heart aches because I am not so sure that he will be. I kiss Estelle lightly on the shoulder and finally let sleep take me.
When I wake a few hours later, she isn’t in bed with me anymore. I glance at the clock and see that I should be leaving soon to meet up with Dimitri. I sit up and look around, noticing a note on her pillow. I snatch it up and unfold it.
I had some errands to run and then I am going in to the hospital. You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you, especially since I know you didn’t sleep well last night. I'll be home early.
Have a great day, Daddy!
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