by Tony Correia
“Gay people don’t always get that option. Try being black and gay.”
I know Thom is trying to help. But I really wish he wouldn’t bring the conversation back to himself. For once I wish I could just vent without being interrupted.
“This is all Lionel’s fault,” I say.
“What?”
“He was talking to Bobby Bentley at the party.”
“You’re being paranoid.”
“So Lionel gets the benefit of the doubt and I don’t?”
“Lionel would never out another gay guy. It’s not his style.”
“Could have fooled me. And I didn’t tell you this, but Lionel vowed to break us up.”
“That’s it. I’ve had it. You have to go.”
“So, let me get this straight. The minute I point out something that bugs me about you, it’s conversation closed.”
“I think we need a little time apart to think about this relationship.”
“You’re breaking up with me?”
“No. But if you don’t go, I might.”
Man, life is just like wrestling, the good guys can’t catch a break.
18
Heel Turn
I haven’t seen Thom in the week since our argument. We’ve texted back and forth a bit. But he’s still pretty upset that I accused Lionel of outing me.
Part of me feels that Thom is being too dramatic. But mostly I’m worried that our relationship is over. Thom and I have had our ups and downs, but he’s made me really think about my future. I can’t help but wonder if I shouldn’t have taken his advice more.
I’m glad that Thom won’t be at the Russian Community Centre to see me debut my new “Big Gay Hipster” gimmick. I still hate the idea, but I promised Ricky I would try it out. I don’t have much of a choice. He made it clear: “My way or the highway.”
The time comes for the ring announcer to introduce my match with Thunder. I make my way to the ring as usual. I stop to take a selfie with the Schlepp sisters. One of them pushes me away. The other spits at me. I know this is part of the show but it’s hard not to take it personally.
I take my corner in the ring. There are catcalls of “fag” and “fudge packer” from the crowd. Ricky and the other wrestlers prepared me for this at our last practice. I know the other wrestlers are ready to pounce if things get ugly. I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Thunder’s entrance is met with boos and jeers. He tries to quiet the crowd so he can insult me on the mic.
The crowd is having none of it. They hate Thunder. But the marks who have read Bobby’s blog hate me even more.
“Kill that pansy!” someone shouts above the crowd.
The announcer looks at me like she’s worried for my life. She gets out of the ring as fast as she can.
The bell rings. Thunder and I circle, sizing up each other. I put Thunder in a headlock. A couple of Thunder’s gut punches actually connect with my stomach. I block his next punch and push him into the ropes. I slap my hand across his chest so hard it leaves a red mark.
“Quit it,” I whisper into his ear. “I’m on steroids. You don’t want to make me angry.” Then I whip him off the ropes and flip him over my back.
It’s almost time for me to play the gay card. Once I go gay, there’s no going back. This is either going to boost my career or kill it right here.
Romeo’s voice drifts through my mind. “Remember to tell a story when you’re wrestling.”
I decide this match is the story of a guy being forced into a box he didn’t create. It’s a story about being open to possibilities, but being judged by people who can’t see past their noses.
I push Thunder into the corner and kiss him on the lips.
This wasn’t in our practice match at the gym. Thunder pushes me away and wipes his face like I just gave him cooties. The crowd is on its feet. No one can believe what just happened.
For the rest of the match, everything I do has a sexual overtone. The crowd is eating it up. To my surprise, I am too. I start to feed off their hatred. It informs every hold I apply, every move I make. Thunder is at a loss to stay in the match. I’m completely upstaging him. I set up the end of the match with a low blow and get ready for my big finish.
Will Thunder stay in position when I go for the moonsault? I climb to the top turnbuckle and give the marks the finger. Some of them throw stuff at me. It feels amazing. Then I do a backflip and land across Thunder’s chest. I straddle him for the pin and the crowd goes nuts.
When I get backstage, Ricky is excited. “That was insane!” he says. “Keep that up and you’ll be wrestling Kyle O’Malley by the end of the year.”
“Really?” I ask.
“You need to start selling some merchandise,” Ricky says. “People are going to want a piece of you.”
* * *
I help the crew take down the ring even though I don’t have to. I don’t want anyone thinking I have a big head. A few of the wrestlers invite me to join them for something to eat at the Cactus Club to celebrate. I tell them I’ll meet them there.
To my surprise, Thom is waiting for me at the van. I’m so glad to see him, I open my arms for a hug. Then I see the look on his face.
“What the hell was that supposed to be?” he asks. I’ve never seen him so angry.
“It’s my new gimmick. Did you see how the crowd ate it up?”
“That was the most disgusting thing I’ve seen in my life.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Are you on crack? Oh, of course not . . . you’re on steroids. No one gets that big that fast.”
“I need to look the part to make it in this business.”
“That day in the park makes so much sense to me now.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk about this calmly?”
“We are beyond that now. I actually came here ready to apologize. But after what you did in there I’m embarrassed to be seen with you. We’re over.”
Thom turns his back on me and gets into his car. I bang on the window to get him to roll it down. But he leaves me in his dust.
I was so upset I didn’t hear the metal stage door open and close behind me. It’s not until I turn around that I realize Thunder and the other wrestlers have seen the whole fight.
“Aww . . . did the flamer break up with his boyfriend?” Thunder says. He looks and sounds like Ian Adamson.
Without thinking, I drop my gym bag and charge toward him. Thunder starts to run but I’m too fast. I can hear the other wrestlers yelling for me to stop, but I don’t care. I grab Thunder by the back of his coat and spin him around. I can see the fear in his eyes as I pull back my arm and punch him in the face.
Thunder hits the ground like a bag of cement. He’s not moving. My heart starts to race. Jamie runs to his side to see if he’s breathing.
“Call 911!” she shouts to the other wrestlers.
I start to panic. I want to run. But that will only make it worse. It’s finally happened. I let my temper get the best of me. I’ve done something I can’t take back.
19
Below the Belt
Ricky doesn’t waste any time kicking me out of Lion’s Gate Wrestling.
“I don’t blame you for punching Thunder,” he says on the phone. “But he has a restraining order on you. I can’t have you anywhere near him.”
“Why don’t you kick him out of the fed? I’m the draw, not Thunder.”
“I thought about that. But word gets around fast. I can’t risk you going off on another wrestler. It’s bad for business.”
I want to go off on Ricky. The only reason I lost control is because the steroids he was supplying me with were screwing with my hormones. But I have no one to blame but myself. Romeo, Dad and Thom warned me about Ricky. Now I’m paying the price.
The only friends I have left are my parents a
nd Arshdeep. Arshdeep and I hang out. But I’m jealous that he’s still able to pursue his dream while I’m stuck stocking the shelves at the store.
My head is clearer since I stopped taking the steroids. I replay the last few months over in my mind. For all my success in the ring, I realize something. All the highlights involved Thom: the protest, the day on Burnaby Mountain and all those quiet times in between.
For six months, people were praising my ability in the ring. But Thom was the only one who saw me for who I am. He listened to me when I was scared. He calmed me down when I was angry. He even kept my hands from shaking before my debut match. I can’t believe I put wrestling before him.
I’m dying to tell Thom I’m sorry. But he won’t answer my calls or return my texts. I want to hear his voice again, even if it’s yelling at me. I need to hear him get what he has to say off his chest. So I do the next best thing.
“What do you want?” Pria says coldly into the phone.
“Advice. How do I make things right with Thom?”
“You can’t.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You have an assault charge hanging over your head, Jorge. That is not attractive.”
“So am I just supposed to curl up into a ball and die?”
“It’s a start.”
“I’ve thought about it.”
“Ugh. You and Arshdeep are exactly alike. You project this tough image when all you really want is a hug.”
“I admit that I screwed up. I can’t even pretend to makes excuses for how I behaved. But I can’t let go of Thom without a fight.”
“This isn’t a wrestling match, Jorge. Fighting won’t get Thom back.”
“So what do I do?”
“You make peace with yourself. That’s the only way Thom is ever going to be able to look you in the eye again. You need to remind him of the guy he had feelings for.”
“How do I do that?”
“Who am I, the goddess Parvathi?”
“Who’s she?”
“Google her.” Pria takes a breath. “Maybe you can volunteer at a soup kitchen or sign up to become a Big Brother. I wish I could give you a five-point plan to solve all your problems. But I can’t. Whatever you do, you have to accept that Thom might never want to talk to you again.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“I wish I could be more help. I know I can be really rough on you, but only because I actually like you.”
“At least someone does.”
* * *
I spend a few days reading a book my mom bought: The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.
“Oprah swears by it,” Mom says.
I’ve been doing yoga at the community centre. I downloaded a meditation app for my phone. Mom thinks I should start going to church again, but I’m not ready take the Jesus route to inner peace.
Yoga and meditating help, but I still find myself getting angry if I’m not careful. Yesterday some guy on his cell phone tried to butt in line in front of Mrs. Lopez. She is like a hundred years old. I almost lost it on him.
Today on my break at the store, I am flipping through the The Province and see Thom’s photo. It’s next to an article he wrote: “Clean Air and Water: My Future depends on it”.
I hug the newspaper to my chest. I’m so proud of him. I want to call him and congratulate him on getting in the paper. But I know he won’t take my call.
I go to a yoga class after my shift at the store. I try to clear my head with my breath but it isn’t working. I keep looking at the clock. I’m counting the minutes until class is over and I can drive to Thom’s house in Surrey. I need to talk to him in person.
For our final yoga pose, we sit cross-legged with our hands resting on our knees. An image of Pria appears in my head. She has eight arms. All eight of her index fingers are waving at me, warning me against doing what I’m thinking of doing.
Imaginary Pria is right. Seeing Thom will just make things worse. But then crazy wrestler Jorge takes Pria’s place and says, “What’s the harm in congratulating someone for a job well done?”
* * *
It’s just after seven o’clock when I get to Thom’s house. I can either wait in my car for Thom to come out, or knock on the door. If one of his parents answers, I’ll get the door slammed in my face. As I ponder my options, I realize what I’m doing is crazy. It doesn’t stop me from getting out of the car and ringing Thom’s doorbell.
Thom opens the door. “Jorge,” he says. “What are you doing here?”
“I saw your article in the paper today.”
“You shouldn’t be here.” Thom starts to close the door. I stop it with my hand.
“Can’t we just talk?” I ask.
“Please take your hand off my door. You’re scaring me.”
“Don’t be like this.” I worry that I’m going to start to cry.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing. But from where I’m standing, this looks like stalking.”
My mind starts to spin. Why didn’t I listen to yoga-Pria when I had the chance?
“We can’t let things end this way,” I say.
“I can.”
A voice calls out from inside. “Thom? Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, Dad. It’s just a canvasser,” Thom calls back. Then he turns to face me. “You have to go. Or I’m going to call the police.”
There’s no point in arguing. I can imagine how this looks. I walk back to my car.
As I drive off, I see Thom watching me from the front window. For a brief moment I think he looks sad to see me go.
20
Making Amends
The bell rings. A customer has entered the store. I look up from my tablet and see Arshdeep with Pria. Arshdeep looks uneasy to be here, like Pria has a gun to his back.
“This is a surprise,” I say. “What brings you two here?”
“Can you get away for a couple of minutes?” Pria asks.
A few minutes later the three of us are sitting at a metal table in front of the store. “Arshdeep has something to tell you,” Pria says.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“Either you tell him, Arshdeep, or I will,” Pria warns.
Arshdeep looks at his lap. “I was the one who told Bobby Bentley you’re gay.”
This was the last thing I expected. Of all the people I thought I could trust, it’s Arshdeep.
“Why would you do that?” I ask.
“It wasn’t on purpose, I swear,” Arshdeep says. “At the party, he asked me if Thom was your boyfriend. I said yes without even thinking.”
“I would have made him tell you sooner. But I only just found out myself,” Pria says.
I bang my head on the table. I think of all the trouble caused by Arshdeep’s slip of the tongue. It’s enough for me to never want to talk to him again.
“Thom and I broke up because of what that led to,” I say.
“I know,” says Arshdeep. “I’ve felt horrible since it all went down.”
I’m fuming inside. Arshdeep and Pria push their chairs away from the table, afraid I’m going to blow.
Oh my God, I think. My friends are afraid of me. I can’t live my life like this.
“It’s okay, Arshdeep,” I tell him. “It’s water under the bridge.”
“Really? I would hate you right now if the tables were turned,” Arshdeep says.
“Oh, I hate you. But not enough to end our friendship,” I say. “I brought this on myself.”
“Speaking of which,” Pria interrupts. “What the hell were you doing going to Thom’s house?”
“I lost my head, okay?” I explain. “My heart is broken. I can’t mature overnight. I still have so much growing up to do. I hate it.”
“At least you’re man
enough to admit it,” Pria says. “If you hadn’t gone there, Arshdeep would have never told me what he did. For what it’s worth, your stupid move exposed the truth.”
“The truth? Right now my only truth is I don’t have anything. No boyfriend. No wrestling career,” I say. “Yay! Everything worked out in the end. Drop the balloons!”
“Don’t be stupid,” says Pria sharply. “Getting Arshdeep to apologize is not the only thing I’m doing. Tell him, Arshdeep.”
“If you come to the School of Hard Knocks with me tonight, I’ll try to patch things up between you and Romeo,” Arshdeep says.
“Good luck with that,” I sigh. “Last time I saw Romeo, he was angrier with me than Thom was.”
“But he felt pretty bad for you when I told him you got arrested for punching Thunder.”
“Do you think he would listen if I tried to make it up to him?”
“He might. I’ve never known Romeo to turn his back on a good wrestler. Besides, he needs the talent as much as you need a place to wrestle.”
“I’m game if you are,” I say.
“Then pick me up after you’re done work,” Arshdeep says.
I don’t think Romeo will let me back into his fed. But it’s worth a shot. I know this isn’t the answer to all my problems, but it feels like a step in the right direction.
* * *
Romeo is horsing around with Troll in the ring when we arrive at the gym. His shoulders go rigid when he sees me standing there with Arshdeep.
“I told you not to come back here, Jorge,” he says.
“Don’t get mad at him,” Arshdeep says. “It was my idea.”
“I should kick you both out of here,” Romeo says.
“What good would that do anyone?” Arshdeep asks. “Can I talk to you before you go all postal on the guy?”
Romeo throws up his hands and the two of them go into the office. Troll and Brittany hop down off the ring apron to give me a hug.
“How are you, you big fag?” Troll asks.
“Don’t you start,” I tell him.
“I’m just yanking your chain,” he says. “Did you ever find out who outed you?”