They laid like that for hours and when her mom was coherent, she recounted her memories of Shania’s childhood and the father she’d never known.
Signaling Beth, he went upstairs and found a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt with some thick white socks. He grabbed a chair from the kitchen.
In front of the nurse, he removed her clothing and dressed Shania in the comfortable clothes. He removed the pins from her hair and smoothed his fingers through the length.
When he took the clothes she’d worn back to the third floor, he called Gerald. “I’ll need clothes for myself and contact information for the funeral home I used.”
“Her mother?”
“Yes. It won’t be long now. I don’t want Shania to worry about anything.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
On the first floor, he removed his jacket and tie and rolled up his sleeves. Placing the chair in the corner, he sat.
There was only the sound of the hospital equipment and Shania’s quiet crying. Arabella smiled at her daughter each time she opened her eyes.
Slender fingers stroked her mother’s gaunt face and the pain etched on her features almost broke him.
There was nothing to do but wait.
In the middle of the night, Spencer woke to the sound of Shania whispering to her mother.
“I’ll miss you like crazy. I’m so sorry, Mama.” Her accent was thicker in her sadness.
Arabella’s voice was weak and hoarse. “Don’t be sorry, honey. I’m goin’ to your daddy. I’ve missed him every day.”
“I know. I want you to be together again…I just don’t want to lose you. I’m not ready.”
“You’ll never be ready, sweet girl. You were a wonderful child who grew into a woman who makes me so proud. I was never lonely because I had you.” She smiled weakly as she took a sip of water from a straw. “Do you love your young man?”
“So much it hurts sometimes.”
“That’s the best love. The stayin’ kind. You take good care of Spencer and let him take care of you.”
“Mama, please…”
“Shh…Shania Felicity Murphy…don’t do it. Let me go. You know you have to let me go.”
“I’m scared. You’re all the family I have. You’re my best friend. I’m not ready. Not yet…not yet.”
“You have Spencer and he loves you real deep. One day, you’ll have babies. Would you like that?”
“I want more than one so they always have each other, so they always have family. Spencer and I are only children and it can get lonely. I’m not much to be his only family, Mama.”
“You were my only family and you were perfect. Tell me you love me then tell me about the babies you’ll have with Spencer. I love you, honey. When you have kids of your own, you’ll understand how much you were loved by me. Talk to me, Shania. Talk me to sleep.”
In a whispered voice filled with pain, Shania did. “I love you, Mama. I want to be a mother like you. I’d love to have a son who looks like Spencer. He’s so beautiful and he can show a little boy how to be the kind of man he is.”
Shania swallowed hard. “A little girl would look like you and me. That would be like having a piece of you with me. Maybe one of them will like to paint and we can do that together.”
On and on, she talked to Arabella as she stroked hair like her own. She stilled when her mother stopped breathing but she kept talking as Beth turned off the equipment.
“I’d love to take them to Georgia, to the old farm your parents left us. We can pick peaches and I can tell them stories from when I was little. I’ll tell them all about you…what a wonderful mother you were to me and how lucky I was to have you.”
Gasping for breath through her sobs, she added, “I really hope that my babies love me as much as I love you, Mama.”
Burying her face at her mother’s neck, she cried brokenly. Spencer felt as if his heart would explode in his chest.
He stood behind her, his hands stroking her hair as she accepted that her mother was gone.
Eventually, Beth gave him a small nod and he lifted Shania in his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck, and laid her face on his shoulder as painful sobs wracked her body.
“Can you give her a mild sedative?” Beth nodded and administered an injection. Within seconds, she began to calm. “Shania, we’ll go tomorrow to make arrangements. Right now, you need to lie down. I’ll be with you in a little while.”
He carried her upstairs and placed her in the center of her bed. He sat beside her, stroking her back, until her crying slowed and she drifted to sleep.
Covering her, he bent to kiss her temple before returning to the first floor. The paramedics removed the body. He thanked Beth and told her they could talk in the morning.
When the house was quiet, he locked up and went to the woman who needed him. Removing his shirt and shoes, he climbed in bed beside her.
Careful not to wake her, he wrapped his body protectively around her. They could face anything together.
Right now, the best medicine was sleep.
* * *
The first day was the hardest. When Shania woke the morning after and realized she hadn’t dreamed it, there was a fresh flood of painful tears.
She was also angry she hadn’t ridden with her mother’s body to the hospital. “I should have been with her, Spencer! I shouldn’t have slept.”
“It was the middle of the night. You were exhausted and in a lot of emotional pain.” She started to interrupt but he said, “I didn’t want that to be your last memory of her!”
Blinking, she inhaled carefully, thinking about the statement. “You went with your grandfather.”
“Grandmother warned me not to. She told me the body was a shell and everything I loved about him wasn’t in it anymore. I insisted and I’ve regretted it ever since. It added to the pain of it, the trauma.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one who should apologize. I should have asked but…I was trying to protect you.”
It was absolutely the truth and she loved him for it. She hugged him hard and he did what he could to ease her grief. She hoped it would help him lance much of his own lingering grief for Spencer and Genny.
They worked together to make arrangements for Arabella. She could be calm and focused because of the intense relief that her mother was no longer suffering.
The day of the service, she dressed carefully and wore nothing but lip gloss and waterproof mascara. Anything else felt like a waste of time.
Spencer wore an elegant suit and sat talking to her, watching as she did her hair and makeup. It was a decidedly domestic activity that touched her unexpectedly and gave her strength.
When she was ready, he clasped a single teardrop pearl on a platinum chain around her neck.
“This belonged to my mother. I thought it might make you feel stronger to have something of hers as you say goodbye to Arabella.”
Reaching up, she covered his hand on her shoulder and blinked against the emotion that bubbled up. “Thank you.” Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “Let’s go.”
During the memorial, Shania managed to retain her composure as people in New York who once worked with Arabella took the stage and spoke about her.
She was surprised but honored when Beth walked up and stood behind the podium. “I’m shy about speaking in front of people but Arabella asked me to read something for her. I can’t let her down.”
Clearing her throat, she unfolded a piece of paper and began to read.
If you’re listening to the words on this paper, it means I’ve left the pain behind and am reunited with my Daniel.
I leave behind many friends and colleagues that had an enormous impact on my life. Losing my husband so young, I didn’t have as a lot of experiences but I didn’t mind. I did what was important. For every interaction, big or small, thank you for adding to my life story.
My Hospice nurse and friend agreed to read this letter aloud at my fu
neral so I could tell the world about my daughter.
Shania saved my life when I lost her father. Without her, I wouldn’t have gone on. Her smile, her laughter, and her sunshine-filled love brought me through it.
It was just the two of us. As a little girl, she learned to cook and clean while I worked and went to school. More nights than I can count, she tucked me in instead of the other way around.
When I got sick, I feared leaving her alone. She has a great capacity for love and I grew anxious that she’d have no one to share it with.
Thankfully, she met a man worthy of her.
It always surprised me that Shania didn’t recognize her young man. I did the moment he gave a gentlemanly bow the way his grandfather always did. The heart sees in its own time, I guess.
I’m not afraid for her anymore. She’s in good hands. I can attest to her hands as well.
For my beautiful little girl, I have this to say…life is shorter than you think and the years are gone in a blink.
If you’re in love, do everything within your power to stay that way. If you’re angry, count to a hundred before you say a word. If you’re sick, sleep and let your body do its job. If you see injustice, speak. If you see the chance to help someone, do so.
And if you have children, love them as hard as I’ve loved you.
Think of me with happiness and don’t shed too many tears. Paint beautiful things, Shania. Be strong, be loving, be kind, and be true to yourself. Treat my life’s work with care.
I love you,
Mama
Shaking and crying unbearably hard, she leaned against Spencer and he gripped her tight, murmuring at her ear.
He handed her a handkerchief and she tried to regain control before she had to follow the casket from the church.
She managed it, grateful there wasn’t a reception afterward.
Spencer took her to his house when everything was done. Tucking her into his bed for the first time, she slept for more than fifteen hours.
Chapter Eighteen
End-November 2009
Shania gradually pulled past her grief. Watching her sleep in his bed was a surreal experience that never got old.
He worked from home in his grandfather’s old office. The first time Gerald walked in on him behind the antique desk, the long-time employee teared up.
“You look exactly right sitting there, sir.”
“It feels right sitting here.”
“Welcome home, Spencer.”
“Thank you, Gerald.” Sitting back, he crossed his arms over his chest. “I want to create a specific space for Shania. Maybe you can help me figure out the best place.”
“A surprise. Excellent idea. Let me get my notebook.”
The two of them sat together for hours going over basic aspects of the house that Spencer had avoided since the death of his grandparents.
Near dark, the estate manager stood to leave as Shania appeared in the doorway. She wore leggings and one of his t-shirts. Her feet were bare.
“Miss Murphy. You look much better. Is there anything I can get you?”
“No, thank you. I don’t want to interrupt.” Spencer walked around his desk and approached her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
Gerald smiled warmly. “We’re all set. Dinner will be in an hour. Would you like to sit in the family dining room tonight or take food in your room?”
“The…family dining room? Is that different?”
Both men chuckled. Spencer rubbed his palm over her upper arm. “Smaller than the formal dining room. Why don’t we take you on a tour? Are you up to it?”
A slow smile spread over her face. “Yes.”
The three of them wandered room to room and did their best to make her laugh.
Gerald told stories about Spencer as a child and gave her history on different objects through the house.
“This hideous painting was a gag gift presented to Spencer I by the Kennedys. They were mortified that he displayed it.”
Shania touched the edge of a child’s drawing down another hallway. “Genny received that from a little boy many years ago and said he’d been so intense while drawing that it had to be framed.”
By the time they walked the many rooms on three floors, dinner was ready. Spencer led her to the intimate family dining room and held her chair while she sat.
“What do you think of the old place?” he asked her.
“It’s beautiful. Fascinating. An eclectic blend of museum and average family home.”
Holding her hand, he kissed the back. “It’s your home now.”
She nodded shyly. They ate together and he was glad to see her normal color returning.
“I’ve been off for a week. I need to get back to work.” She inhaled carefully. “It’s time and it will help.”
“I’ll talk to Sax.”
Eyes wide, she asked, “What do you mean?”
Shit. He hadn’t meant to have this discussion with her yet. “To finalize your protection detail.”
“Like…bodyguards?” He nodded. “Why would I need bodyguards?”
Sitting back, he considered. “Because my family was stupidly good at making money even after we had more than enough.” She blinked. “It’s a precaution given the world we live in.”
He watched her swallow hard. “Alright.”
Relieved, he murmured, “Thank you.”
They settled into a routine of sorts and she wanted to know more about what he did for a living.
Those discussions could last for hours. She asked question after question as she sketched him.
* * *
Ten days after her mother’s death, Shania woke Spencer in the middle of the night. Her eyes were clear and there was a warm smile on her face.
The woman he adored leaned over him, her hand on his cheek. “You look like you’re feeling better. Did you have a bad dream?”
Shaking her head, she kissed him for a long time. When she pulled away, she said softly, “The day you asked me to marry you, the good things were drowned in sadness. I miss you. We only had our one day together.”
Her fingers ruffled his hair. “I’d like us to share happy things again. I miss my mother but I have you, Spencer. That’s more than you had when you lost your grandparents. I’m grateful for the chance to hold you, to love you.”
Crushing her in a hug, he kissed her with all the emotion and need he’d held back to let her grieve. He pushed her to her back, touching her in desperation.
Rubbing his cheek against hers, he breathed in the smell of her. Her toes curled into the bed.
In seconds, he pulled her tank top over her head and her sleep shorts and panties from her legs. Stripping his sleep pants away, he settled between her thighs with a soft sigh.
“I’ve missed you, Shania.” She wrapped her arms and legs around him, pulling him into her. “Thank god you’re already wet. I can’t go slow. I need you too much.”
His initial thrust caused her to gasp and lift to him. “Yes. I want to feel all of you inside me.”
Only when he was buried in her body could he exhale. He’d never taken a woman without protection and the increased sensation was almost his undoing. He struggled for control.
“You could get pregnant. Are you okay with that?” He rubbed his thumb along her jaw. “I don’t want to rush you.”
“We need family. I want children with you.”
“Anything you want.”
He started to move and she sighed. The green of her eyes glowed in the low light from the small lamp across the room.
“That feels amazing. What are you…that’s fabulous.”
Spencer circled his hips into her again and she stopped talking. The only sound was their breathing and the meeting of their bodies. Her climax built quickly and he gritted his teeth to hold on, to hold back.
“I’m coming…come with me, Spencer.” She groaned. “Let’s enjoy the pleasure together.”
He thrust harder, harder still, driving himself as d
eep as he could inside her. She held him with her arms and legs, chanting his name into the room as her orgasm stole her breath.
His own pleasure couldn’t be contained. Sealing himself to her body as tight as he could, he let go.
“Shania!” Filling his soulmate with his unguarded release, possibly getting her pregnant, was pure power. Incomparable to anything in his life that had come before this moment.
Slender fingers fisted in his hair held him close.
“It’s so hot,” she murmured. Her eyes were closed as she gasped for air. He watched the pulse pound along her delicate throat. “I don’t want to lose a drop.”
Lowering himself, sealing their bodies together from hips to chest, he stroked his fingers through her hair.
Long strawberry blonde lashes fluttered open and green eyes stared into his own. Her voice was low, still breathless, as she said, “All my life, I wondered if I’d find a love as strong as the one my mother shared with my father.”
Swallowing hard, she continued, “Friends called me picky and men called me frigid but I didn’t care. I believed if the love of fairytales could happen once, it could happen again. To me.” Tears slipped over her temples. “And I was right.”
Cupping her face with his hand, he whispered, “I love you.”
“I-I was beginning to doubt it would ever happen.”
“But here we are.”
Her fingertips rested on his bicep, tapping softly against his skin.
Grinning, he asked, “Shall I get your book?”
Her answering smile was radiant.
Chapter Nineteen
Spencer sat with Shania when her mother’s will was read a few days later. He held her hand as she cried.
The process was simple. Everything Arabella owned went to her only child. There was the brownstone, a house and working farm in Georgia, a small life insurance policy, and her personal possessions.
When the lawyer left, he sat with her for a long time, stroking her hair and talking about trivial things to ease her mind.
“I can’t…,” she started before clearing her throat. “I need to get my things from the house.”
“Would you trust me to handle that for you? I can have everything packed up and moved here. We can store the boxes until you’re ready to go through them.”
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