Tatting!!!! I almost forgot the BIG news. Mother says Ann has a baby sister. She will be so happy. Maybe I’ll write a letter to Ann congratulating her and tell her about being her friend at the same time.
Saturday, October 23, 1937
Today I showed the girls how I do tatting. Surprisingly, Thelma was quite taken with it and caught on really fast. I even let her try working on my bookmark. Lillian popped in to check up on us, though we didn’t have massage today. She said it was time to rest up for next week. She saw my tatting and thought it was a wonderful activity. She made me show her how to do it and then asked if she could borrow my shuttle and tatting until Monday to study it. I gave it to her.
Edna’s mother and father came to visit again. I wish it had been Mother and Dad who had come, but Saskatoon is too far away for them to travel to see me for an afternoon. Julie’s parents can’t come to visit her, either, as they don’t have a car and there isn’t a train nearby. I asked Thelma if her mother and father were coming to visit and she said, “No!” Just like that, “No!” — really mad sounding, so I didn’t ask anything further.
Edna’s parents brought us each a square of chocolate! I didn’t even have to share it. I nibbled on it all afternoon until Thelma (who is talking to me again tonight) told me to just eat it rather than gnaw away on it like a rabbit.
The volunteer woman came in late this afternoon and once again handed out colouring papers. This time Thelma took hers without comment and as soon as the woman left, she flipped it over to the back and began to draw a Hallowe’en pumpkin with an orange crayon. She gave it a frightful mouth and drew it so well, it looked real! One of the student nurses taped it to the wall over Thelma’s bed. When the Head Nurse came in to check up on us, she frowned at the picture, until the nurse told her that Thelma had drawn it. Then the Head Nurse studied it and said it was very good and Thelma had real talent. That is the first time I’ve seen Thelma look happy and not tough. We’re all getting Thelma to draw Hallowe’en pictures for over our beds.
Twelve days to go.
Sunday, October 24, 1937
Henry came to visit us today. He’s sixteen and in the boys’ ward down the hall. He has dark brown hair and really green eyes. He’s almost ready to be discharged, but his father (his mother is dead) can’t leave the farm right now to come and get him. So he races about in his wheelchair and causes quite a ruckus. He brought his checker board to our room. The nurse came to chase him out, but he told her there was no one smart enough in his ward to offer him a challenge, so she let him stay. But only after she checked that Head Nurse Stanfield wasn’t in until later.
Henry played checkers with Edna, though Julie and I had to take turns moving the pieces where Edna told us they should go. As I was moving a piece it suddenly occurred to me that Eugene, who had been in the isolation ward in Saskatoon with me, might be here in this very hospital. So I asked Henry and he said, yep, there was a boy named Eugene in an iron lung in their ward. After the checkers game, a nurse helped me into my wheelchair and I wheeled myself down to Henry’s ward, and there was Eugene! He was very happy to see me and said he could breathe better here than in Saskatoon. The iron lung looks scary. It’s brand-new and is a new treatment for people who have bulbar polio — that’s the kind that makes it difficult to breathe. (I didn’t know all this — Henry told me! I think Henry likes to explain things. He’d be a good teacher.)
It was really nice to be able to go to see Eugene ALL BY MYSELF (after I got help to get from the bed to the wheelchair). This is the first time since I got sick that I felt like I could go where I wanted to. I used to just walk anywhere I felt like, and then I couldn’t go anywhere unless I was carried! Now I can get around again. Soon I’ll be able to put myself into the wheelchair, as Lillian says I am getting stronger every day. I can hardly wait until I can do that.
The iron lung makes a soft whooshing noise. Henry told me it actually breathes for Eugene, inhaling and exhaling. It is quite big and only Eugene’s head shows, as the rest of him is inside the machine. Down the side of the iron lung, round holes have been cut out where the nurses can stick their hands in to give Eugene a bath, move his legs or arms to a more comfortable position, or give him a bedpan or whatever he needs. Henry says that they are taking Eugene out of the machine a little bit each day to see if he can breathe on his own. Eugene says it’s scary in the machine, but scarier out of it because when he’s out of it, it’s hard for him to breathe.
Then it was my turn to be chased back to my own room. The nurse said that we patients make more work for her by disappearing every time she turns around. But she didn’t sound mad.
I told the girls I had eleven days to go and Thelma said they didn’t need a daily accounting of my days and what made me think I was going home in eleven days anyway. I wonder what’s got her knickers in a knot. (Henry said that about Nurse Stanfield and I thought it was funny.)
Monday, October 25, 1937
Lillian took me for a bath today. It’s a big metal tub that I get lowered into with warm water up to my neck. It felt wonderful. I wanted to stay in it forever. I also like bathing because my legs don’t feel so heavy and I can move them a lot easier. Lillian tells me to move them a lot in there for exercise. While I was in the tub, I asked Lillian what was wrong with Thelma, because she didn’t seem to want to get better. Lillian pursed her lips a bit and didn’t answer right away, so I knew she was having an argument inside herself. I have seen Mother do that when trying to make up her mind about something. Finally Lillian told me that Thelma had been at the hospital for such a long time because her parents did not want her back because she was a cripple, and they couldn’t take care of her as they were busy running a farm and had eight other children. So Thelma’s parents made her the responsibility of the province. I asked Lillian what was going to happen to Thelma once she left the hospital and Lillian said Thelma would go into an institution for children with disabilities. Then Lillian said that Thelma has just given up on life and the only reason she, Lillian, was telling me was in the hopes that we girls could help Thelma. I don’t know, though, what Edna or Julie or I can do. Well, there is one thing — I won’t count the days until I leave out loud anymore. I’ll just write them here.
Ten days.
Monday, October 25, 1937, evening
I nearly forgot that Lillian brought my tatting back and also brought shuttles for all four of us, even Edna. I am to teach Lillian and the girls how to do tatting. I’m a bit nervous about that, but also excited because here is something I can do and I can show others how to do it, too. Lillian said it was a wonderful way to exercise the hands, keep us busy and make lovely items to boot. I’ll have to send a letter for Ann in my next letter home and tell her how the hospital is using tatting for polio patients.
Thelma drew me a wonderful Hallowe’en picture of a yellow moon with a haunted house and bats flying out of it. Our room looks very scary and all ready for Hallowe’en with all the pictures on the wall. Dr. Lear popped in to see me and even he said it looked very festive.
I’m at the part in Heidi where Heidi has to leave the mountain and stay with Clara. Thelma says it is nice to know other people have problems, too. The girls do their tatting while I read. Thelma is so fast she has almost finished an entire bookmark! Because I’m the one reading, I don’t get to work on my bookmark.
Tuesday, October 26, 1937
We were all screaming today and the nurses came running! We were screaming because Edna can move her fingers. Edna was crying and crying and showing everyone how her fingers on her right hand can move. Julie and I were so excited we couldn’t do anything except scream. Even Thelma looked happy for Edna. Tomorrow the doctors are going to take off Edna’s splints so Lillian can massage her arms and Edna hopes she won’t have to wear the splints ever again. Then Edna said I better get ready to teach her how to do tatting, though. She also said it wouldn’t be easy because she was a slow learner. The nurses telephoned Edna’s parents to give them the good ne
ws. They are going to come and visit Edna tonight.
I wrote a letter home to Mother and Dad this afternoon, telling them Edna’s good news. I also told them that I can stand on my own and that soon they will get a telephone call saying that I have taken a few steps. I also told Mother all about Thelma’s parents not wanting her anymore.
A secret: I think I told Mother that because a small part of me is afraid maybe Mother and Dad won’t want me back, though I know that’s silly. I also told them about Eugene being here in the boys’ ward and all about the iron lung. That was mostly for Grandpa, though. I also asked if there had been any more OLD FOGEY letters in the newspaper! I thought Grandpa would think that funny.
I am going to try my hardest to take some steps tomorrow, as my crutches came this afternoon and tomorrow I am to try them out. I’m very scared, but also very excited.
I can get from my bed to my wheelchair myself now, though sometimes at night I’m too tired and a nurse has to help me.
Nurse Stanfield gave me permission to visit with Eugene whenever I want in order that Eugene feels there is someone from home nearby. I asked her when Eugene would be out of his iron lung, but she said that she didn’t know, as everyone’s recovery was different and that was what made polio such a frightening yet curious disease.
After Nurse Stanfield left I got thinking that I might want to be a nurse, but then I remembered how the nurses have to empty the bedpans and I don’t think I want to be a nurse after all. Maybe I should be a pilot like Amelia Earhart.
Tuesday, October 26, 1937, evening
Edna’s mother and father brought in a cake and ice cream to celebrate Edna moving her fingers. Even the nurses and Dr. Lear and another doctor had some and Dr. Lear took some to the boys in their ward. Some of the boys were showing off for everyone this evening, racing their wheelchairs up and down the corridor, and Henry showed everyone how he could tip back onto the two rear wheels of the wheelchair. After he did it twice, Dr. Lear told him not to do it anymore and sent the boys back to their beds. Henry said I should try doing it some time, but I’d be afraid I’d fall backward and not be able to get up.
I’m not the least bit tired, so I’ll write a bit more. I asked Dr. Lear if he had heard of an Australian nurse named Kenny. He said he had, and I told him that Grandpa had been reading about Sister Kenny and had wrapped my legs in warm cloths and massaged them like she recommended. Dr. Lear said he was keeping an open mind and was willing to look at any treatment that would alleviate suffering. But he said that the best treatment for everyone was eradicating the disease entirely. I told him I was thinking of being a nurse except for the bedpans. He said he could understand my reluctance, but I could be a physical therapist and bypass the bedpans altogether, yet still help people. I never thought of that before. The girls want me to keep reading Heidi so I have to go.
Nine days until I go home.
Wednesday, October 27, 1937
I did it! I walked! My crutches came today and they fit perfectly. They come to just below my elbows and fasten there, rather than the ones that come under your armpit. They make my arms a bit sore, but Lillian said that would go away in time. I walked from my bed to Edna’s bed with Lillian and a student nurse holding me. Then I walked three steps all by myself with my crutches, until I wobbled, so they put me back in bed.
The leg braces hold my knees rigid so I sort of swing myself along, but at least I am on my feet. I was very tired afterwards, which Lillian says is normal, but she said I was also getting stronger each day and soon it wouldn’t tire me out so much. I was shaking and sweating all over afterwards, but I did it. I walked! I reminded Lillian of her promise to call Mother. She went immediately and telephoned and then came back and told me that Mother was very excited.
I need to rest now as I’m very tired.
Later in the afternoon
We are going to have a Hallowe’en party — the entire polio ward — boys and girls together. Edna had her splints taken off her hands this morning and now she is busy telling everyone what to do. Julie and I are making orange-and-black paper chains to hang from the ceiling. (We won’t hang them — the student nurses will!) Thelma is drawing orange pumpkins like mad to hang on the walls. It is very exciting. Henry said he and a couple of boys are putting together costumes!
After supper
Edna wanted me to keep reading Heidi while everyone worked on their Hallowe’en projects. I told her I’d only read if she kept one of her promises and told us about kissing a boy. She went beet-red because just as I said that, Dr. Lear came in with a couple of training doctors. Dr. Lear said he would like to hear about kissing, too. So what did Edna do, but try to put everyone’s attention on me! She said that I only wanted to hear about kissing because I was sweet on Henry! Then Julie said, “Ice cream soda, lemon tart. Tell me the name of your sweetheart.”
I can’t believe Edna said that! I AM NOT SWEET ON HENRY! I AM NOT SWEET ON ANYBODY! And I told them that.
Dr. Lear had brought the doctors to see Edna move her fingers. We all watched when he asked Edna if she could bend her arm at the elbows. She did it and we all cheered. Then out of the blue Thelma told Dr. Lear that I had walked three steps on my own. It was very embarrassing because I had to show him and the other doctors how I could do it (with their help). But I was very proud, too. I know I am growing stronger, but I also know it is going to take a lot of time.
Eight days to go!
Thursday, October 28, 1937
I got the biggest surprise in the world today! Grandpa drove Mother from Saskatoon to Regina. They left at 6:00 a.m. and got here in time for lunch. Mother was a bit flustered because she said Grandpa drives like a madman, and actually got them lost, though she doesn’t know how as it is a well-marked road all the way from Saskatoon to Regina. Grandpa says he knew where he was the entire time. I held so tight to Mother I never wanted to let her go.
Mother said they came to see me walk, so I showed them and because they were there I walked five steps to the doorway and back again. I felt I could fly today. Mother says I look very well. I started to introduce her to the girls, but she said, no, no, she wanted to see if she knew them from my letters. She guessed them all right. She said I had described them perfectly from Edna’s rosy cheeks to Thelma’s lovely golden curls, to Julie’s wide grey eyes. All the girls looked pleased at Mother’s comments.
Mother brought me some new underwear and then she took a blouse from a bag and held it up in front of Julie and Edna, and then Thelma. She told Thelma she thought it would fit her best and that it was one of my cousin Jean’s old blouses and was going to be thrown out, so if Thelma could use it, that would be wonderful.
Thelma said in that case she would be glad to take it off Mother’s hands. I never did tell the girls that I wore my cousin’s hand-me-downs. It’s funny, but when Mother gives people things, like clothes, she makes them feel like they are doing her a favour, rather than the way Aunt Ella does it. When she gives you something, it makes you feel like you’re on the Relief.
It makes me love Mother all the more.
I heard all the news from home and I told Mother that James was not to take my bedroom, and to keep Edmund out of it, too, and Mother gave me a letter from Ann that I will read after I write in my diary. I just remembered that I wanted to write Ann a letter, but forgot to do it! I could have sent it back with Mother. I’m ashamed of myself. As soon as I finish writing about Grandpa and Mother’s visit, I’ll write Ann! She’s a much better friend than I deserve and it is time I told her that!
Grandpa greatly admired our Hallowe’en decorations and went into the boys’ ward to see what sort of costumes they were making. He came back with a big grin on his face so I expect they are very good. He said, “That Henry boy is quite a card.” I saw Edna open her mouth to say something, but I quickly told Grandpa how I was reading Heidi to the girls every night and showed Mother my tatting and then all the girls showed her their tatting and Edna never said anything about me being sweet o
n Henry, which I AM NOT!
The visit went so fast and Grandpa and Mother had to leave in the early afternoon so they could get most of the way home by dark. Mother said she didn’t trust Grandpa’s driving in the dark. Then Grandpa said that Mother should learn to drive and Mother said she just might take him up on that offer and that maybe it was time she did learn to drive an automobile. Then Grandpa said maybe he’d spoken too hastily, but Mother said it was too late to take back the offer now.
Mother gave me a huge hug and told me she was so proud of me. And when Grandpa hugged me goodbye, I told him thank you for making me come to Regina because now I believe I really will walk. They continued their argument about Mother driving as they left. It’s funny, I’m so happy they came, but I can’t stop crying now that they’re gone. Mother said as soon as the hospital called to say I could come home, she’d be right here to get me.
I told her it was only seven days now!
P.S. I asked Mother how she and Grandpa paid for the gas to come to Regina, and Mother told me everyone pitched in some money, including Aunt Ella and Uncle Tom, and that I must write and thank them. That was very nice of Aunt Ella.
Thursday, October 28, 1937, evening
I flatly refused to read Heidi until Edna told us about kissing. She got out of it the other night, but not tonight. So she finally agreed. But she said we had to turn off the lights because she’d be too embarrassed to have them on. Julie said that she, Julie, should not listen because she wasn’t sure it was proper, so we told her to plug her ears with her fingers. Thelma scooted over in her wheelchair and swatted the lights off. (We swat the lights on and off with a flyswatter because we can’t reach them from our wheelchairs.)
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