by Lyssa Layne
I head to my bedroom, hating that I’ve been sleeping in there alone. I miss her frozen feet sliding between my legs to warm up and her hair always in my face in the mornings. I never hated those things, I just pretended I did and she knew that, it’s why she kept doing it night after night. My door is open and the carpet is wet in the doorway which means Mariana must’ve been in there. I look toward her room and decide to go check on her. The wet carpet trails from my room to hers. Quietly, I push open the door and can make out the shape of her body under her blankets. Satisfied that she’s safely in bed, I turn to close the door but stop when she calls out to me.
“P.J.…”
My heart beats faster when she says my name. Casually, I glance over my shoulder and answer her. “Yeah, it’s me. Sorry to wake you.”
“Come sleep with me.”
My stomach flips and my heart goes into double time. “You sure?”
She nods in the darkness but I can see the movement from the moonlight. Taking a deep breath, I walk over to the bed and lie down beside her, careful to not touch her. Mariana reaches over, pulling me to her and whispering for me to relax. In a matter of seconds, all the tension between us disappears as Mariana holds me in her arms. Yawning, I nuzzle my head against her chest and close my eyes, drifting off into a much needed sleep. This is where I’m meant to be and where Mariana is, too. Hopefully this is a sign that she agrees.
Chapter Ten
Paul
Completely rested and feeling better than I have in weeks, I lie here in Mariana’s arms, pretending to be asleep. The truth is that I’ve been awake for the past hour and I can tell from her breathing that she has too but neither of us are ready to face each other. Right now, in this moment of peacefulness and silence, all is right in the world but the second either one of us speaks, the perfection will start to crumble away. As I stare at the clock, it hits me that she’s late for work.
“You going to work today?” I ask quietly without looking up.
She shakes her head and even though I can’t see her do it, I feel her whole body twist as she does. “No, I called in.”
Puzzled, I roll off her and sit up. “Why—what the hell happened?”
Half her face is a shade of purple I’ve never seen before and her eye is nearly swollen shut. Instinctively, I reach out to touch the bruise but stop midway. I move my other hand to cradle the side of her face that isn’t injured, needing to show her some kind of affection.
“What happened, Mariana? Something at work? Why didn’t Kade stop whoever did this?” My blood pressure increases with each question I ask, furious that her boyfriend didn’t intervene.
Mariana drops her head, her dark locks falling over her shoulders. “He’s the one that did it.”
She speaks those words and for a split second, the whole world stops. My vision goes white from anger. I stand up, pacing slowly and curling and uncurling my fists. Clenching and unclenching my jaw, I finally manage to speak one word.
“Explain.”
Mariana sighs, leaning back on the bed and crossing her arms, a sign that she’s about to shut down on me. “I made a mistake. I should’ve listened to you but I thought you were just trying to stop me from dating, so I blew you off. So there, P.J., you were right and I was wrong.”
My anger dissipates and I drop to the bed beside her, reaching out and taking her hand. “No, Mari, that’s not what this is about. I don’t care who was right or wrong. I want to know why that bastard did this to you and… and did he do anything else?”
“No, this is it,” she says, not bringing her eyes to meet mine. “He tried to force me… but I remembered what you taught me. I nailed him in the nose and he reacted with a backhand to my cheek. I took off as soon as I could, ran to the subway with no shoes, and luckily found a couple good people along the way to get me back home.”
“Fuck, Mari…” I mutter, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight. She nuzzles her head against my chest, crying softly and my temper grows. How the hell a man could put a woman, Mariana for that matter, in a situation like that pisses me off. As much as I want to sit here and comfort her, I want more than anything to get my hands on Kade Sumerton. “I’ll take care of it, Mari, don’t worry.”
She pulls away from me quickly, shaking her head. “No! Let it go, P.J.. I have to figure out what to do myself. If I don’t handle it right, I could lose my job.”
My stomach clenches at the thought of Mariana moving out of the city. I press my lips to her forehead. “I’ll handle it so that you don’t have to worry about that. Sumerton will be lucky if he has a job when I’m done with him.”
Without warning, Mariana’s lips are on mine for the first time since I slept with her almost a year ago now. Her mouth tastes just as sweet as I remember and I waste no time returning the kiss. Tilting my head to deepen the embrace, I pause, remembering the situation she was in just the day before and not sure if we should head down this path. As much as it pains me, I pull away and whisper, “We shouldn’t do this, Mar…”
Mariana
His words are like a dagger to my heart but he’s right. We shouldn’t do this, I’m in no frame of mind to do anything like this with anyone, even P.J.. But, in my messed up mind, which it is totally messed up right now, I figure this distraction will stop him from any confrontation with Kade and it’ll get my mind off the mess that my life has become in less than twenty-four hours.
“Shut up,” I mumble, my mouth moving along his jawline as I tug at his t-shirt, trying to pull it over his head.
“Come on, Mar…” he whispers in my ear, not making any effort to stop me.
“Ssh,” I answer, his shirt now off and my hands moving to his pants. P.J. tilts his head back, moaning although I’m not sure if it’s in anticipation or uncertainty. I don’t use my words to find out, I just keep moving my hands, lowering the zipper on his pants and rubbing my hand over the rock in his boxer briefs.
“Mariana…”
I look up at him as he holds his hands to the side of his head, unsure where to place them. My heart tinges because I know what’s going through his mind—I’m tainted goods. He doesn’t know how to touch me because he doesn’t know how I’ll react. Hell, I don’t know how I’ll react but the one thing I do know is that I want to figure it out with someone I trust like P.J.. Reaching out, I take his hands and put them on my breasts. He holds them awkwardly, glancing from his hands to my eyes, begging for me to explain what’s going on.
“I’m not fragile, P.J.. Stop overthinking this, it’s just like the first time we were together.”
P.J. shakes his head, moving his hands to my hips and squeezing them gently. “It’s nothing at all like the first time we were together, Mariana.”
Tears cloud my eyes and I look away from him because I know he’s right. The first night we were together was raw and savage. We were a couple of new recruits, looking to celebrate that we had big kid jobs. Then we got to know each other, fell into our routine, and dare I say, we fell for each other. It was the worst possible outcome but that’s what it was. There’s too much on the line for us to give in to our feelings, although if I’m going to lose my job, now’s the perfect time for me to go for it with P.J. because it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m headed back to the ‘burbs.
Without acknowledging his statement, I lightly press my lips to his. Taking my time, I kiss him nice and slow, letting him look into this kiss however he’d like. To me, it’s to get over this hurdle of not feeling broken anymore from what Kade did to me. P.J. moves his hand to my hair, pulling his fingers through it. His tongue slips between my lips and I close my eyes, pretending for a brief moment that this kiss is so much more than making me feel whole again, that it’s about P.J. and me crossing the line in our relationship with so much ahead of us.
My eyes closed, an image of Kade pops into my head along with the physical and emotional pain that goes along with it, and I quickly open my eyes. With one hand, I push P.J. to his back and str
addle his legs. Tenderly, he reaches out and pulls on the hem of the shirt I’m wearing.
A smile spreads across his face and he nods toward me. “You’re wearing my shirt.”
I shrug. “Yeah…”
“I like when you do that.”
He sits up and kisses me softly, his hands running underneath the shirt and over my hips to my backside. I feel my lips twitching into a smile, enjoying this moment for way more than it’s worth. Shaking my head, I move my hands to his shoulders, pushing him back again. I move his hands behind his head to keep him from reaching out and touching me again. Our eyes lock and his mouth grows into a grin as I push his boxer briefs down, exposing his manhood. Unable to keep up the intensity of our stare because I’m afraid he’ll be able to look into my soul and know that I’m bluffing all of this… or worse, he’ll know how real we really are.
Chapter Eleven
Paul
Still half-asleep, I already know I’m wearing a perma-smile. I fell asleep smiling with Mariana in my arms and I don’t think it’s left my face since. Despite last night starting off a little rocky, in the end, we went there and it was better than I remember. We might not have said it in words or verbally admitted our feelings but the barrier was broken and I know things can only look up for us from here. My playboy ways can be put behind me because I can now finally be a one-woman man, Mariana’s man.
Rubbing my eyes, I note that my cheeks ache from all the smiling but I don’t mind. I roll to my side and open my eyes, expecting Mariana to be lying beside me but she’s already out of bed. My lips dip into a frown, my face muscles welcoming the break. I throw back the comforter and stand up, still naked from the night before which makes my smile return. Wandering our small apartment, I quickly find that Mariana is already gone. The note taped to the door confirms it.
Left for work. Thanks for last night. XXX, M
My stomach somehow manages to sink and jump at the same time. In my mind, I imagined everything being completely different yet entirely the same after last night. Based off Mariana’s note, things are the same… but are they different as well? I know I’m just reading into it, what can a two sentence note honestly reveal? The answer is nothing. Glancing at the clock, I note my twenty-four hour shift starts in an hour then it’ll be exactly one day again before I can hold Mariana like I did last night. Hopefully, it’ll just be the first of many nights exactly like it.
Sixty minutes later, I stroll into Engine 58 feeling rejuvenated by both the training in Dallas and my night with Mariana. Hell, I’m even whistling! I walk into the locker room, my lips still blowing wind, and I get the most bizarre looks from both Naj and Murph.
Patting them both on the back, I open my locker before turning to face them. “Murph, thank you for the training. It helped me not only professionally but personally as well. I’m happy to say that I’m back, sans chip on my shoulder, and ready to be a part of the Engine 58 team.”
Murph stares at me, dumbstruck before finally asking, “What the hell are you talking about sans chip on your shoulder?”
I grin, squeezing his shoulder. “The one that was holding me back from everything.”
Naj scoffs and shakes his head. “Whatever, Jefferson, so long as you’re back and not going to get any of us killed, that’s all that matters.”
“Deal.” I extend my hand in his direction. Naj stares at it then reluctantly shakes it before looking at Murph. The two men exchange a look then both exit the locker room, leaving me alone. I glance over at the empty lockers I once talked down about. Looking from one side of the room to the other, ensuring that I’m on my own, I walk in front of the locker and nod toward it.
“Hey… I just want to say I’m sorry for all that stupid shit I said. I’m obviously still learning and even though you’re not here, I know I’m learning from you because you had an impact on all the guys here at Engine 58 so… thanks.”
I touch the locker, knowing I’m standing in the presence of where greatness once stood. Hopefully, one day, I can live up to the standards that the Garrity brothers left behind. Thinking I’m alone, I jump when I hear someone mutter “thanks.” When I turn around, Patrick Doyle is staring over my shoulder at the locker.
“Thought I was alone,” I comment, trying to sound tough and not so emotional.
Patrick drops his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Yeah, whatever, it’s fine.” I walk out of the door, brushing my shoulder against his as I do.
Patrick doesn’t respond to my touch but he speaks quietly, “You’re right. Garrity had an impact on all of us, he truly was one of the best.”
“Yeah?” I look over my shoulder at Doyle who’s looking back at me. “How about we agree to not let him or his brother down?”
Doyle nods. “I’ve been trying not to ever since he died.”
He walks further into the locker room, letting me know our conversation is over. I sigh, still not understanding Patrick Doyle one bit. Normally, I’d be relentless in finding out his story, but in the past, I haven’t gotten anything other than told to leave him alone and today is too good of a day to start any shit. Heading downstairs to the bay, I busy myself with proby work without being asked. The whistling comes back to me and the fire engine is sparkling by the time we get our first call.
When we pull up to a car accident on the Henry-Hudson Parkway, I recognize Kade Sumerton before anyone else. My good mood diminishes as I climb out of the fire truck, making a beeline for the asshole that touched my Mariana. Briefly, a small smile touches my lips at the thought of her being mine but that thought is blacked out by the image of her bruised face, the result of his handiwork. Closer to the scene, I note that he’s working with another male paramedic which brings me relief that Mariana hasn’t been spending her day with him.
“Sumerton,” I say his name and judging from the look on his face, he knows to be scared.
“Jefferson.”
He stands up straight, tucking his hands into his pockets, which pisses me off. He’s inviting me to throw the first punch, to show off to everyone around us that he’s defenseless because he knows I’ll lose my shit if he tempts me. I don’t stop moving forward until my chest is touching his.
“You’re smart. Hit her in private, confront me in public.” I shake my head, snickering as I do. “But I swear to every last person around us, if you so much as speak to her again, I will eat your balls for breakfast. If you really want to try me, so much as even look in her direction, and you’ll be lucky if you keep your eyesight. Understand?”
Kade’s lips go wide in a grin. “I don’t know what she told you but she asked for it. She likes it rough, she’s a kinky little vixen but… I guess you wouldn’t know that, would you?”
My blood turns ice cold yet anger boils through me faster than I can control it. In a split second, one of my hands is clenched around his shirt while the other is around his neck. Before I can mutter another threat, someone throws all their weight on me, tackling me to the ground. My eyes are already playing tricks on me from the spike in my blood pressure but I know for certain that Naj is sitting on top of me. I squirm, trying to get unpinned from underneath him until I hear Murph’s voice. My pleasantly plump lieutenant is shoving his finger into Kade Sumerton’s chest and although his voice is low, I hear every word he says.
“I don’t know about you, asshole, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want the entire fire department after my ass, would you?” Kade smirks and Murph takes a step closer to him, his pot belly rubbing against Kade’s flat stomach. “Keep it up. Ask the last medic that messed with one of our guys, he still hasn’t found his truck. You mess with one, you mess with all of us, your choice.”
Murph turns and signals to Naj who lets me up but grabs hold of my shirt as he does, forcing me to walk in his direction. Once we’re out of earshot, Murph looks at me and shrugs. “You don’t fuck with the brotherhood, he’ll learn.”
Brotherhood. I can’t help but smile and repeat the word. �
�Brotherhood?”
Naj rolls his eyes, finally letting go of me. “Yeah, Jefferson, whether we like it or not, you’re part of the brotherhood.”
“Been part of it since the day you got your letter that you were assigned to Engine 58.” Murph narrows his eyes at me and slaps me on the back. “Don’t think it was any coincidence that we got you on our engine.”
I open my mouth to ask what he means but he shakes his head. Naj glares across the parkway at Kade and moves his head from side to side, his neck cracking loudly as he does. I smile, I’m part of the brotherhood. It’s good to know these guys have my back… and finally, Mariana has my heart.
Mariana
I’m pacing back and forth across the apartment, my stomach literally eating itself as I wait for P.J. to get home. I swear the acid in my stomach is eating a hole through the lining and I want to double over in pain but I keep walking. If I stop moving, my mind will start to overanalyze all the events that have happened over the last couple days. My face is a slightly paler shade of purple but no amount of makeup is covering up the mess that Kade left behind. Still, that pales in comparison to how my heart is reacting to everything with P.J..
I drop to the couch, pulling my legs to my chest and rocking slightly as I recall our night of passion. In one day, I got slapped around like a rag doll and let myself go too far with P.J.. As good as it felt to be with him, it hurt me so bad to see how happy he was. I want to let my guard down, I want to let him love me, I want to love him, but I’m too afraid. I’m not scared in the sense that I think he’ll treat me the way Kade did, I’m scared that if things go south, I’ll lose my home and my best friend.