by Lyssa Layne
P.J.’s been in surgery for hours now and I desperately want nothing more than for my hand to be in his. Murphy had to pry my hand away from P.J.’s as they tried to load him into the ambulance and it’s never felt more empty than now. Those surgeons don’t know it but they have two hearts in that operating room—P.J.’s and mine.
A commotion at the wall of brothers catches my attention and my grief and stress jump to anger that someone is trying to invade our space. Murphy moves and a gorgeous woman in her thirties with long brunette hair walks through the crowd. Her face is pale as she looks at Murphy for answers. Not wanting to miss anything myself, I walk over to the two of them.
“Give me an update, Murph,” the woman begs.
He shakes his head, his hand running over his pot belly. “I don’t have one, Katy. We’re waiting for the doctors to get Jess out of surgery.”
She nods. “What about the other firefighter, is he okay?”
Murphy looks at me then back to Katy. The lady turns to me and without a word, she wraps her arms around me, pulling me in tightly for a hug. Murphy nods, letting me know this is normal for this kind of situation. Either way, the emotional support is much needed after being surrounded by emotionless men all evening. I squeeze her tightly, one teardrop falling down my cheek after another which surprises me because I thought I was all cried out. She holds me until I pull away, content with whatever this moment was supposed to provide.
The lady gives a smile and extends her hand. “Katy Garrity, Jesse O’Neil’s wife.”
Looking down, I stare at her hand, ironic that we’re shaking hands now after that embrace. I place my hand in hers and move them up and down. “Mariana Barbosa, Paul Jefferson’s…” I trail off, unsure what I am.
Katy rubs her thumb over my cheek. “Loved one. If you’re here for him then you’re his loved one.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I nod. Push come to shove, I will always love P.J., he will always be my loved one. Now, I just hope that I didn’t push too much and there’s still a chance for us to grow on that term loved one.
Katy points to a set of chairs. “Why don’t we sit? It’s going to be a long road to recovery for both our boys so we should get our rest while we can.”
Following her, I take a seat, pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my chin on my knees like a small child. For a brief moment, I wish I were a small child without a care in the world. Tears clog my eyes again and I squeeze them shut, trying to keep them at bay.
“I take it this is your first time in this kind of situation?
I nod, turning my head to look at her. “P.J.’s been with the department for almost a year. He’s good at what he does, I never expected this.”
Katy smiles softly. “No one ever does. It doesn’t matter how good they are, the fire dictates what happens in there. Fighting fires is the ultimate game of gambling. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve worked or how much they’ve studied, there’s no way to prepare for every possible situation.”
“How long has your husband been a firefighter?”
“Over a decade but I’ve been a part of the FDNY family for thirty years. My father was a firefighter and so was my first husband. They were both damn good at their jobs but that didn’t save them.”
Fear washes over me at her words and apparently it’s evident on my face. Katy reaches over, rubbing my back and shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Mariana, I didn’t mean to scare you!” She leans over, resting her cheek against mine. “I know all of this is new and scary but I can tell you’re a strong woman. You know, everyone always says how brave and tenacious the firefighters are but the same goes for the family that stands behind them. You have one job and one job only, support them as best you can and if you believe in prayer, you pray they come home safely at the end of every shift.”
Lifting my head up, I swallow the lump in my throat and look into her eyes. “And what if they don’t?”
“Today, they do,” she says in a voice that is so confident that I believe her.
A man clears his throat and we both turn to look at the surgeon.
“Good to see you, Dr. Garrity.”
Katy smiles and the doctor looks from her to me then back to her again. The surgeon coughs and my stomach sinks that he’s about to give bad news.
“Firefigher O’Neil is in stable condition. He has severe third degree burns on his hands but the rest of his body didn’t get burned as badly thanks to his protective gear. He has a few broken ribs and also his collarbone. Somehow, Jesse took the brunt of the fall and kept them from falling more than one flight. Of course with his burns, he’ll be unable to use his hands until his burns begin to heal but he should regain use of his hands with no issues.”
Katy lets out her breath that she’d been holding. Without looking at me, she reaches over and takes my hand which I know isn’t a good sign. The doctor coughs two more times before he looks me directly in the eyes and begins to speak.
“Firefighter Jefferson did not have his helmet on so he received third degree burns all over his head and neck as well as his his left hand. He’s stable for now but in the ICU. He is at high risk for infection since he has so much raw skin exposed. He’s going to need an immense amount of reconstruction surgeries so we’ll monitor him and when we feel he’s strong enough, we’ll proceed. His recovery will all depend on how he’s progressing.”
I wipe my eyes with my free hand. “But… he’s alive and he’ll bounce back, right?”
Katy squeezes my hand and I look at her. “Yes, Mariana, he’s alive and he’ll heal but he won’t be the same Paul you know.”
I stand up, letting go of her hand and brushing off my pants. “I’m a paramedic, I know he’ll never look the same but all I care about is that he’s alive.”
Katy stands, looking at the surgeon then back to me. “Then yes, he’s alive.” She opens her mouth then closes it.
“What?”
She pauses then begins to speak slowly, carefully picking out her words. “Being completely honest, from one firefighter wife to another, the physical healing is the easy part. He’ll go through depression, he’ll block you out, he probably won’t ever work again and that’ll be just as hard on him as the physical changes to his body. You’re going to have to be his rock, Mariana. It’s not easy but that’s the role you step into when you love a firefighter.”
Stepping forward, I hug her. “I do. I love him.”
She embraces me, holding me tightly and nodding her head against mine. “Then you can do this.” Katy pulls away, holding me at an arm’s length and smiling. “And if you ever need anything, I’ll give you my number and I’ll just be a phone call away.”
I smile and realize that the brotherhood doesn’t end with the men of fire. It extends to a sisterhood of the women who love their firefighters.
Paul
Groggily, my eyes flutter open and my body answers by screaming out in the most severe pain I have ever felt. I try to mumble about how much I hurt but the pain intensifies. Concentrating on not feeling the torment, which is absolutely impossible, I try to open my eyes but there’s a white haze over them, making me unable to see around the room. Panic sets in and my breathing quickens as I feel like I’m trapped inside my body.
“Ssh, you’re okay,” a sweet voice assures me and I feel her hand inside mine. I squeeze her hand, urging her to keep talking. It’s the perfect distraction to how horrible I feel. Her soft hand squeezes back and she speaks again. “I love you, P.J., and I’m so sorry for pushing you away.”
My heart skips a beat at Mariana’s confession and I can only grip her hand tighter in response. Her lips touch the backs of my knuckles and her thumb rubs a circle in the palm of my hand.
“After what Kade did to me, I was afraid I would never be myself again, that I would never be comfortable being intimate with another man. I used you, P.J., because I knew I could trust you. I thought you would be able to heal me and while both times that we’ve been together have been amaz
ing, nothing compares to just being with you. That’s when I feel like me, the woman I’m supposed to be. I feel safe and comfortable and I feel loved… because I know you love me and I love you, too.”
The start of her admission doesn’t help my pain, my anger only burns me more. By the time she gets to the end, I’m relieved that she finally gets it, finally gets us. I want to respond to her, tell her she’s right but my voice won’t work so I try to nod my head, not sure if I’m even moving it as I clutch her hand even harder.
“Now it’s my turn to heal you but I know I can’t. The doctors said it’s going to be a long road of pain, both physically and mentally. I won’t be able to take any of that away from you but I promise I will be by your side every step of the way. You won’t do any of this alone, ever, P.J.. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”
I pump my hand against hers to give an affirmative answer.
Mariana laughs, kissing the back of my hand again. “Although I could get used to you not talking… then I’d always get my way.”
Lowering my fingers except my index finger, I draw letters in her palm, one at a time.
Y-O-U A-L-W-A-Y-S D-O
I can hear the smile in her voice when she speaks.
“And you do, too, P.J.. It’s why we love each other, it’s why we’re a perfect match.”
THE END
Check out the other books in the Dallas Fire & Rescue Series at
http://www.paigetylertheauthor.com/BooksDallasFireAndRescueKindleWorld.html
If you like Perfect Match and the firefighters of FDNY Engine 58 then you'll love Love is a Fire and Burst Into Flame. Check them out at www.lyssalayne.com
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First off, I want to thank Melissa Keir for sharing this opportunity with me. Long before I was an author and I was blogging, I reached out to Melissa asking to review one of her books, little did I know what an amazing relationship would come from that simple question. When I finally decided I was ready to publish, Melissa took me under her wing, helping me with formatting and sharing my work throughout the indie writing community. She has included in me in amazing boxed sets, offered me support and guidance, and she’s the one that introduced me to Paige Tyler. Everyone needs a role model and mentor like Melissa Keir, the woman is amazing and I am forever grateful for everything she’s done for me. Thank you, Mel, you are the absolute best!
I also want to give a shout out to Dawn DiDominzio for beta reading for me, Melissa Keir for your formatting skills and quick turnaround, Krissy from K. Smith Proofs for your proofreading, and to Amanda Walker for creating the cover and keeping me sane during the past few crazy weeks. To my devoted Lovers of Lyssa Layne, I am happy to give you a little bit more Jesse O’Neil and hope you enjoyed reading about the guys of Engine 58 again.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lyssa Layne is first, and foremost, the proud momma to her precious daughter, AR. In addition to working full-time and being a mommy to AR, she is also an avid St. Louis Cardinals fan, a runner, blogger, and an infertility survivor.
Having watched one too many medical dramas and being inspired by author Rachelle Ayala, who introduced her to the world of indie writing, Lyssa decided to try her hand at writing a romance story. Her attempt turned into the Burning Lovesick series. You can find Lyssa’s own interests throughout her stories although all stories are fictional.
Contact Her:
Website: http://www.lyssalayne.com/
Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bq2JQn
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lyssalayne
Twitter: https://twitter.com/layne_lyssa
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/authorlyssalayn/
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Lyssa-Layne/e/B00KP1Y5BY
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8280977.Lyssa_Layne
OTHER BOOKS BY LYSSA LAYNE
The Right Pitch
Loved by the Linebacker
Fear of Striking Out
Another At Bat
Over the Fence
Until You Fall In Love
Everybody’s After Love
My Favorite What If
Holding the Other
My Calling
Unfinished Business
Catch My Heart: A Valentine’s Day Collection
Love & Famiglia: The DiDominzio Novellas
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Burning Lovesick Series:
Love is a Fire
Burst Into Flame
Love Can’t Save You