“And you got yourself a pretty girl.” He chuckles.
“I did.” I look towards the barn, even if I can’t see Mikayla. “She’s special.”
“Looks like you’re pretty special to her, too. How’d you guys meet?”
“At Chasing Freedom.” I leave it at that, but he nods in understanding.
“How’s your mom? Has she met Mikayla?”
“She’s good. She’s coming over with Ben tomorrow for dinner. They’ll spend more time together tomorrow, but they have met briefly.”
“Tell them I say hi. They’ll have to come by the farm some day.”
“Yeah, man. I’m sure she’ll love to see your mom, too.”
“Definitely. So, you’re good then?” He looks me straight in the eyes, reconfirming my state.
“I’m great. Honest to God. I have a lot to thank to the woman out there, but I’m finally on track.”
“Damn straight. Let me get you that CD.”
I look around his land while he goes into the house. Must be nice to live out here away from the chaos of the city. He’s still close enough to get to Downtown, thirty minutes or so, but he’s got the land and silence to find peace.
I sign the CD when he brings it out and tell him I’m going to check on Mikayla to make sure she’s getting on with Abby.
I hear her talking and stop walking to not interrupt. I catch part of what she’s saying and relax.
“I want to be everything I can be. I want to be fully free from it all, so I can give Tyler that. I am working on forgiving myself for almost ending my life.” I press my lips together and hope she finds that peace. No one else is upset at her about that but herself.
“Do you forgive me?” I hear her ask Abby. The horse makes a neighing sound. “I’m so sorry for it all. For allowing the abuse to happen, for not telling my mom and talking about it, for taking the blade to my skin instead. I’m sorry I was weak during that moment. I want to let it go. I have let it go. I’m sorry I hated myself so much because of it. I’m done with that. I’m done hating myself. I’m ready to love myself.” Her voice cracks between sobs. I slowly walk to her, not wanting to interrupt and knowing eavesdropping isn’t the right thing, but wanting to make sure she’s okay.
I see her hugging Abby around the neck, the horse’s head placed gently over her shoulder with her deep brown eyes staring at me intensely.
“Red?” I stay outside of the stall.
She turns around, her eyes red, and releases the horse. Her arms wrap around my middle, and she melts into me with her face in the crook of my neck. I run my hand up and down her back soothing her.
“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.” I hold her tightly for a long time as she cries.
After some time, I whisper into her ear, “You are everything to me. You’ve given it all to me.”
I wipe away the tears when she leans back to look at me. “You heard?”
“Yeah, sorry. I wanted to make sure you were okay, but not interrupt.”
“Thank you. I think I needed to let that out. God, it’s like those creatures make you confess by looking at you.”
“I know.” I don’t loosen my hold on her. “I don’t want you to hold a grudge. Forgive and move on.”
“I think talking to that horse I did. Or started to. It was weird, staring into her eyes and speaking as I saw my reflection. It was like I was sucker punched, but the hit threw out whatever was weighing down in my core.”
I kiss her forehead, listening patiently.
“Thank you for bringing me here.” She turns to look at Abby. “Thank you for listening,” she tells the horse. Abby nods her head as if she understands what Mikayla is saying.
“Am I going to have to buy you a horse?”
“What? No!” Her head snaps towards me.
“I’m kidding, Red. Although, I wouldn’t mind a place like this away from the noise.”
“Would be nice.” She looks around the barn. “How amazing to wake up to this every morning.”
It would be amazing, especially sharing that home with her. Maybe one day we can have that. I release my hold on her but stay close.
“You are a beautiful girl,” Mikayla tells Abby. “I’m ready for all that.” She reaches back blindly and grabs my hand, still looking into Abby’s eyes. “I’m ready to let go and give my all.” She leans in and kisses the horse before turning around and closing the door.
“I love you, Red.” I’ll never get tired of telling her and even less feeling this way. There’s something amazing that happens when you connect with someone so perfectly. Whole yet not, like the yin-yang she always talks about. Able to stand on your own, but so much better when you twist to fit each other.
“Are you ready to go?” She’s still holding my hand, and I run my thumb against her softly.
“Yeah. I want to thank Chris.”
“Of course.
We walk out of the barn and towards the back porch.
“Hey guys,” Chris calls out from another side of the yard and walks to where we are. “You heading out?”
“Yeah, thanks again for letting us come by on your day off.”
“We never have a day off at the ranch.” He chuckles. “You’re both always welcome.”
“Thank you,” Mikayla says. “I appreciate it. You have a beautiful home.”
“Thanks. It’s our sanctuary, so we do our best.” Chris gives her a smile. “Have a Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you. Say hi to Michelle and Kate for me,” I respond.
“I will, and the same to your mom.”
I nod and walk Mikayla back to my truck. I look over at her once I get the car started. She’s staring out the window, her expression blank. I hope that she is feeling better after releasing all that.
Instead of grabbing lunch like I had planned, I decide takeout is best so we can go home. I do not know if she will spend the night again, but I love having her in my house. It’s where she belongs.
Christmas dinner was great. My mom and Ben enjoyed coming over, and they got to know Mikayla. Mikayla amazes me. The way she interacted with them was as if she’d known them her entire life. I sat back and watched, vowing right then and there that I would do everything in my power to keep her in my life.
I fell in love with Mikayla a while ago, but seeing her almost fully healed makes me love her even more. It adds to the person she is. The person many people never got to know, because she was quickly turned off from the world. Now, she lights up with a single smile and can handle attention thrown her way beautifully.
Mom and Ben went back to Alabama the day after Christmas since Ben’s family was having some big New Year’s Eve party and they wanted some time to rest in between. My mom was hopeful that we would make it down, but seeing as I’m still new to the whole sober life, I would rather not attend any parties yet. Besides, I can use the rest before going back on the road.
God, I have changed.
In reality, I want to spend as much time with Mikayla as possible. Our relationship is new, and I leave back on tour early January, so I want to make time for her. For us.
My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts.
“Hello?” I told Joe not to call unless it was of upmost importance.
“Hey, Tyler. We need to talk.”
“What is it?” I pace around my room.
“We got a call at the label. No name, but some man asking for you. He said something along the lines that you have his bitch.”
I still, heat traveling through me.
“Did the caller ID have any info?”
“We couldn’t track the number to anyone,” Joe says, sounding concerned.
“I need you to give me that number,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Do you know who it is?”
“I’m going to find out.” Anger shoots through me. Motherfucker.
“Is this about the girl?” Joe’s a smart guy, so I don’t need to confirm his theory. He already knows.
“I
need that number. Now, Joe!” I exclaim.
He reads it to me, and I jot it down. I’m going to kill that fucker if he gets anywhere near her.
“I told you all that I didn’t want the media involved with anything having to do with Mikayla. Her identity remains as private as possible. Clearly, some news has already been put out. From now on, not another fact about her. Got it?”
“Yup. Is she in trouble?” Joe has the balls to ask.
“Not if I can help it.” I hang up the phone and punch the wall in my room. He’s not getting near her. I’ll kill him and spend a lifetime in jail before that happens.
I check the time and realize I have two hours before I need to pick up Mikayla to go get my new tattoo done. Right now, I want to cancel the fucking appointment, bring her here and lock the house. But she can’t know what’s going on. Not with how well she’s been doing.
I pick up my phone again and make a call.
“Tyler?”
“Sam, we need to talk. A-SAP.”
“Okay, talk.”
“No, in person. Are you at Chasing Freedom?” I ask, praying she is, so Mikayla won’t get suspicious.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be right there.” I hang up and throw on a clean shirt and grab my keys.
I speed down the highway towards Chasing Freedom on my motorcycle, hoping that a ride will help ease the tension.
I shoot Sam a text to let her know I’m in the parking lot and see her walk out a few minutes later.
“What the hell is going on? You hung up before I could get another word in.” Sam crosses her arms in front of me.
“The label received a call. I’m pretty sure it’s Mikayla’s stepdad. He said something about me having his bitch. The media must have taken a picture, and he must have seen it. I didn’t know who else to tell. I need to find him, but I don’t want Mikayla to know. I don’t want her to backtrack when she’s been doing so fucking good.”
Sam’s face is expressionless, but her stance is ready to fight. I know Mikayla means a lot to her, too.
After a long pause of silence, she finally speaks. “You have to go back on tour in a few days. You can’t change that. Take her with you. It will throw him off to always have you traveling, even if your schedule is made public. I’ll find out a name. I’ll let you know when I do.”
“Are you sure? What the hell, Sam? How are you even going to find that out on your own? I want a swing at him.”
“I won’t be doing it on my own. Trust me, okay? After all you’ve been through, a fight won’t be in your favor. Or in Mikayla’s. We need to convince her to go with you on that bus.”
“Okay.” I run my fingers through my hair. “Fuck!” I yell, starting up at the gray sky. “Why now? Huh?”
“Tyler.” Sam places her hand on my shoulder. “You have to be strong now more than ever. He may never find her or he may, but she will be with you. This could be simple revenge, but revenge can get nasty.”
“I know. Fuck, Sam. I can’t lose her.” Sam’s lips form a grim line, and she nods. She knows that something that seems insignificant can push Red right back to where she started, and I’m not sure she’ll be strong enough if anything were to happen.
No. Nothing is going to happen. I’m going to keep her safe like I’ve always promised her. She has made a lot of progress, but the fear turning into reality will be enough to undo the stitching she has sewn.
“I will take care of this. Even if it’s the last thing I do. Go get your tattoo as planned and talk to her about going on tour.”
I nod and hop back on my bike, riding off as fast as I can for fear that I’ll get to her and it will be too late. A million things run through my mind as I drive to Sam’s house, but I keep shaking them off, knowing that will only add to my fear. Never in my life have I feared losing someone as much as I fear losing Mikayla right now.
I knock on the door harder than I mean to, and her smile wipes right off when she sees me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I answer and walk into the house. I need to keep myself in check.
I take a few deep breaths and relax. I turn around slowly and pull her to me. I kiss the crown of her head, her forehead, temple, nose, and lastly lips. I am much more relaxed when I pull away and look at her again.
“I want you to come on tour with me.” I spit it out. No use in waiting for the right time.
“What?” She scrunches her nose. “I can’t.”
“You can.”
“No, Tyler. I cannot leave with you. I have a job and a ceramics class. I have Sam, who’s helping me, and a kickboxing class I love.”
“And all that will still be here when we come back.”
“You don’t understand. I have a life here that I finally love and a routine that’s good for me. Being on tour is anything but routine,” she argues.
“You create your own routine. I did it. It’s all about how badly you want it,” I counter.
“You’re crazy.”
“I’m not. I want you out there with me. I need you there. I need to make sure you’re okay. With my own eyes,” I add before she says I can do that from a distance.
“I am okay.” She’s defensive.
“I know you are, but I want you near me.” I have no idea how to argue with her about this and not tell her the truth. I hate lying to her, but if she finds out, she will flip.
“I’ll miss you, too, but this is how your life works.”
“Please think about it.” All I can hope is that Sam can convince her as well.
“Ty, there’s nothing to think about. I have everything here. You’ll be back in no time.”
“Red.” I inhale and rub my temples. “Please,” I beg.
“I’ll think about it. Now, let’s go get your tattoo.” She squints at me quickly before returning to a neutral expression.
I agree and leave with her on the back of my bike. My nerves are at the forefront of my mind.
When we arrive at the tattoo shop, I am fired up and trying to get the cold weather to cool me down before I burst. I should have canceled this appointment, regardless of Mikayla thinking it would be odd. Instead I walk inside ready to fight with the next person who gets in my way.
“Hey!” Brian, my tattoo artist, calls out.
“What’s up?” I jut my head forward in greeting.
“That kinda mood, huh?” He laughs it off, but I don’t need anyone commenting on my mood.
“Are we here to talk shit, or get some ink done?”
He laughs again and walks behind the counter in silence. He pulls out a paper from a file and places it flat on the countertop, smiling smugly.
The drawing is exactly like Mikayla’s. She stands next to me, having been silent this entire time, and stares.
“Wow,” she whispers.
“That’s all you, Red,” I tell her.
“This is your work?” Brian asks her.
“Yeah.” She nods her head.
“You’re talented. Ever thought about selling your art?”
“Working on that now. Thanks.” She offers a small smile and looks back at the paper.
“So, are you ready? We’re doing the outline today and the coloring and shading later on.” Brian confirms with me.
“Yup.” I seek Mikayla’s hand on the other side of the counter and lace our fingers. The tension leaves a bit as I feel her hand in mine. I need to stay calm for her sake. I need to focus on keeping her out of the limelight, so he doesn’t know where we are. He may only want money to stay quiet. Or he could want the revenge Sam mentioned.
His bitch. What a fucking pussy.
I tell Mikayla she can sit when she’s moving around nervously, but she assures me she’s fine standing. The familiar buzzing hits my ears, and I relax my muscles, closing my eyes. I keep my breathing even and open my eyes to see Mikayla staring as she chews her fingernails.
“Red, your nails.”
“Sorry.” Her arms drop to her side as her eyes
are trained on my arm.
A couple hours later, Brian finishes off the outline of the guitar and roses. He tells me the same speech about taking care of my new tattoo, and I roll my eyes.
“Hey, man. I gotta tell you the rules. You know how it goes.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I smirk.
“Does it hurt?” Mikayla asks.
I shake my head. “A little sore. What do you think so far?”
“Looks good.” Her smile is gentle. Almost as if she were in shock that her art is now permanently marked on my body. Either that, or she’s afraid she’ll hurt me.
“Come here, Red.” I reach my hand out to her and she takes it. I pull slightly and wrap my arm around her waist. “Thanks for giving this to me. Love you.” I squeeze her hip and stare into her brown orbs.
“I love you, too.” Her eyes twinkle.
I finally stand from the chair and look at the design in the mirror before he applies ointment and wraps it.
Instead of going home after, I take us back to the park where I first told Mikayla I was in love with her. We could both use some time with nature and the silence that comes with it. Her and I.
Something has been up with Tyler for the past couple of days. I can’t put my finger on it, but his mood swings are wilder than a monkey in the jungle. One moment he’s begging me to go on tour with him, which was never even an issue, and the next he’s sweet and gentle asking what I want for dinner. It doesn’t help that Sam agrees with him.
She thinks I should go on tour with him and said that I can keep my sessions with her via telephone. Apparently, it will be good for our relationship. It’s out of character for Sam to say something like that, put our relationship before my routine. Besides, he and I don’t have a normal relationship like others our age. At least, I don’t think we do. This is how we will be living from now on.
I like the way my life is going. I will miss Tyler, but we will get used to it. My heart races as I think about it. I finally found stability, and I don’t want to lose that.
Mikayla: We need to talk. I’m coming over after work.
I send him the quick text, knowing we need to talk about whatever has been going on. I know he hasn’t had a drink, but maybe it’s a bigger struggle than I thought. It could be that he wants me on tour as his support, or that his anxiety is based on the constant reminder that he needs to stay sober.
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