“Yes,” Leisha said, her voice a choked whisper.
Throwing his hands in the air, he said, “Let them all burn, then. Let them all rot under Gerolt’s boot heel.” He slumped back in his chair.
“What’s your suggestion? The army’s still coming. Should we retreat towards Embriel still? Or—” Leisha stopped and bit her lip.
All her friends, the little family she had cobbled together from all different stations in life, different parts of the continent, they all watched her. Symon and Zaraki sat forward, resting elbows on knees. With one leg thrown over the arm of her chair, Aniska brooded. As usual, Avrid sat quietly in the background listening to their thoughts. Now they waited to hear what she would decide because she was queen and no one else could make this decision.
Looking down at the table, she wondered how the words would sound when they left her mouth. What did it feel like to admit to complete failure? To fall short on her promises? Her rise to power eight years ago had been spectacular—swift and nearly bloodless. It seemed her fall would be equally as dazzling and breathtaking as she tumbled from the heights.
Perhaps for the final time, Leisha put aside the mask of friend and wife to be only the queen. Delaying served no purpose at this point, so she went on. “No, I won’t risk more lives on a hopeless endeavor. We can’t sustain this, so I’ll abdicate.” The word hung in the air and for a moment no one said anything, they just stared in horror. Without additional troops, there could be no hope of success, but the finality of her pronouncement shocked everyone.
When Andelko and Symon tried to protest, she raised her hands. “Please. I made a promise, to someone very precious to me, I would be a fair and just queen. That I would take care of my people. I’m so sorry. Your jobs, your homes, everything you’ve worked for, your futures—these were all my responsibility and I failed you.”
Worse, I failed Wysia. The only one of her minders in Embriel who ever truly cared about her. The closest thing to a mother Leisha ever experienced. She would do her best to keep some of the promises she made to these friends, at least.
“You’re all welcome to come with us, but I won’t fault anyone who chooses to leave, either. I’m still being hunted. I have enough gems and jewels to allow us to live comfortably in exile if we can find safety. I don’t know where to go, but we’ll work that out. I can’t risk putting myself into the hands of someone who will turn me over to Gerolt.”
The facade began to crack, but she pushed on. “The last thing is, can you all please keep this to yourselves for another few days? I don’t want to cause a panic before we figure out how to wind this all down. And now, I’m sorry, but I think I’d like to be alone.” She stood and made to walk out of the tent, Zaraki behind her, playing bodyguard. Shoving the flaps back, she stepped away from the light to look up at the stars and tried to compose herself. Weeping seemed like another defeat right now, and she still had some pride.
Standing next to her, Zaraki saw the hard set to her shoulders and the stiffness in her back. The queen stood next to him, not his wife, and he knew better than to reach out to her. That would come later. For now, she would brood and think, without seeking comfort from him.
Leisha stared up, lost in the beauty of the night sky, and remembered how Lida looked in the moonlight. She thought back to the night in the Observatory when she and Zaraki almost confessed feelings for each other. The thought she would never see her beautiful city again, that the Deojrin would plant their flags there and make it their own, ate at her. Worse, the knowledge that Otokar would not be an isolated incident haunted her. She wanted to save her people from that fate, wanted to shield them and protect them, all of them. Now there could be no hope of that.
Chaotic thoughts swirled around her—sadness, anger, regret. She hated regrets. Her plans were always so well thought out, so well-crafted as to ensure she would not regret them later. Now everything lay in ruins.
Leisha grimaced, hating the reactions of the others in the tent. When she made her declaration, she felt it all from them—shock, horror, sadness, defeat. Symon knew she would care for him, Aniska felt sure she would be needed. Andelko worried she would have no use for him and he had little to fall back on except mercenary work. Avrid felt terror. A stranger in this land, he had no skills to earn a living here, and falling back into the hands of the Deojrin meant death.
Her shoulders slumped as she expelled the breath she had been holding. Tomorrow she would deal with them. Tonight, she wanted to be selfish. “Let’s go to bed.”
Seeing the fight go out of her, Zaraki pulled her to his chest. “We’ll make our way, I promise. I love you, Leisha, and I’ll always keep you safe.”
***
The next morning, things did not look any brighter. Exhausted, Leisha slept only an hour before giving up and climbing out of bed. She sat for hours on a bench, lost in thought. After a morning of silence, she looked up and said, “This sounds so stupid, embarrassing really, but I don’t know how to be a commoner.”
Zaraki looked up from his book and smiled. “It’s not stupid. How could you know? I was terrified when you made me king. I still am sometimes. I cringe when people call me Sire and refuse to let them bow to me. I’ve learned, though.”
“But you’ll help me?” she asked, wondering what it would be like to live in one of the painted houses lining the roads in Lida.
“Of course. It takes time, and we have funds enough to live comfortably. You won’t have to become a barmaid to eat.”
She laughed, thinking she had never even gone into a tavern. Then his unspoken thoughts intruded and chilled her. If we can find safety. Running away would not be a grand adventure for her. It would be dangerous and frightening and might never be carefree again.
“I wish Gerolt would just let me go,” she whispered in a timid voice. “Just leave me alone. But he can’t. He’ll hunt me for the rest of my life because he has to kill me.”
Coming to sit next to her on the bench, he drew her in close and kissed the crown of her head. “It won’t come to that. Ani and I know how to disappear. We’ll find a place where you’ll be safe, I promise. And with the money we both have, we’ll be all right.”
“Us yes,” she said. When she looked up at him, he saw defeat in her beautiful, dark eyes. “But what about all the people who depend on us? People I’ve made promises to? Who do I take? How many can I bring? Symon, Ani, Andelko, obviously. Avrid, I think, is a must. I feel responsible for him. But what about Danica? I made a promise to her to set money aside for her wedding. How can I honor that now? Eamon can find his own way. Jan and Eli have families. Can I support all of them? Worse, who can I trust? If we bring a large number of people, that increases the risk that one might betray us.”
The logistics overwhelmed her, and she felt panic rising in her chest as the fist returned to grip her lungs. “I’m not ready for this,” she said as her face drained of color.
Zaraki felt her heart racing as he tucked her under one arm. “Let’s skip the breakfast meeting. I’ll tell everyone we’ll meet them at lunch, my love. We’ll ease into this.”
He left to get food, and Leisha set about the task of dealing with her situation. With the decision made, what other choice did she have but to accept this and move on? All morning, she forced herself to think about not being queen, about abandoning her people and her throne, about living under the constant threat of betrayal. She knew she had to harden herself to this new reality. Denying it, refusing to think about, this would not solve any problems. Instead, she would attack this head-on, as she had throughout her life. Unbowed and unbroken, she would make her way.
By noon, she felt ready to take some control again. Together, she and Zaraki walked over to the large tent in the center of camp. Ahead of them, she saw servants bringing food for lunch. She would miss these gatherings more than her castle or Lida.
No one knew how to act when they entered. She felt their hesitation, their discomfort, and did not want their last few meals together to
be tainted. So Leisha found a seat and began eating. Between forkfuls of venison, she talked about what she needed to transition to a new life, trying to sound casual. “Andelko, how much time do we have before they’re on us?”
“Probably two weeks, Leisha, if we don’t move the army away from them.”
She nodded, thinking how much they needed to do before they fled. “Symon, if you could please help me with an accounting of all my assets? Things that I can actually get my hands on, of course. I remember you mentioning some accounts in Embriel. Ani, I’ll also need ideas from you about how to empty those safely.”
Zaraki spoke up. “Same for me, Symon. We’ll need to close out those accounts. Perhaps we open them under new names? I’m not sure. We’ll need to discuss that. I’d like to sell the house in Achym, too. We can’t risk ever going back there.”
“Of course,” Symon said, trying to find the same acceptance his two children had. He admired them trying to be strong for everyone. Leisha, especially, could be forgiven for raging and hating the position she found herself in. She had never known a day of privation or want, except those few when Lukas held her. Otherwise, she lived a life few could imagine, with every whim catered to and every wish granted.
“Everyone here is welcome to go with us. We’ll take care of you as best as we can. We consider you all part of our family. But, as I said before, I understand if you choose not to follow us into exile.” Leisha made a mental note to talk to Ani about staying on as a bodyguard and spy, but after serving a queen, would she be willing to accept such a boring life?
Zaraki nodded. “If you’re coming with us, you should all be thinking about how to get your money and hide it. Any time we withdraw from those accounts, we increase the chance that someone will trace them back to us.”
Ticking off items she thought of earlier, Leisha said, “Andelko, please begin drawing up ideas about how to disband the army. I’d like to send them out slowly so we don’t release thousands of men onto the countryside. That’s just asking for trouble, and there’s been enough suffering. Especially the mercenaries. I know there’s nothing I can do to prevent them from rampaging across the land, but maybe you can help me think of something to minimize it.”
“Yes, I’ll have something soon,” Andelko said, using his fork to move food around his plate.
Now Leisha added talk to Andelko to her list of tasks. He sounded defeated.
“Ani, I’d like you to think about a likely escape route. Maybe two. And timing. I need to know how much time I have to prepare. Also, I’d like to see a list of agents who are likely to be trustworthy along the way. I want to make sure we pay those so they stay with us for a bit. And if you can think of any friends I still have. That would be—” She stopped to fight back the tears that threatened.
Pushing back her chair, Leisha stood and said, “I’m so sorry.” She rushed from the tent, Zaraki trailing after her again.
The fork in Andelko’s hand flew across the tent, followed by his plate. He slammed his fist down on the table, his face a mask of fury and frustration. “This is such shit. Just absolute shit. I can’t believe it has come to this. She shouldn’t be running for her life, praying that she can find a single friend to shelter her.” Shoving his chair back, he paced in the small space available.
“I just refuse to believe that there is nothing to be done,” he raged. “There’s any number of battles where a smaller army found a weakness to exploit and defeated a larger force. We should be able to come up with something.”
With her head in her hands, Ani let out a long breath, tired of always being the voice of reason. She wanted to rant, too, but that would have to wait, apparently. “Let’s do what she’s asked. Then tonight, after she’s in bed, let’s come back together. We’ll get Avrid and really dig in. Maybe see if we can come up with some ideas.”
“Yes, I’m sorry,” he said, hearing the exasperation in her voice and knowing he caused some of it. “That’s a good idea. Otherwise, I’m going to do something stupid.”
Weakness
Leisha could not sleep. Her mind whirled and spun with questions, doubts, indecision. All the threads of her crown, her kingdom, her promises, her plans, they unraveled and unwove themselves from the tapestry of her life when she closed her eyes. She felt the cliff edge under her toes and realized she stood on the verge of becoming something else, something new. The winds of history and fate buffeted her, threatening to send her tumbling down the sheer drop, to her death. Mournfully, she realized her father, Davos the murdered, Davos the failure, ruled longer than she did. Davos managed to keep his kingdom intact, where she lost it all.
Bitter, angry tears threatened again, and she did not want to wake Zaraki now. Carefully, she climbed out of bed, and when he rolled over searching for her, she gently entered his mind and sent him back to sleep. Finding a heavy cloak on the back of a chair where she discarded it earlier in the evening, she wrapped herself up and headed out of the tent.
A voice sounded as soon as she lifted the flap. “Your Highness?”
The guards. How stupid of me.
“I’m just going to find Symon,” she lied, and for the first time ever, she used her abilities to manipulate someone’s thoughts. It felt so wrong. The guards stared at her a moment before accepting this as normal and did not follow her. Later, she would feel guilty for that, but for now, she just wanted to be alone.
Hidden in the folds of the cloak, she wandered through camp, anonymous and unmolested. Leisha did not amble alone through camp, so people let her be, their eyes sliding over the dark figure. She saw fires with soldiers seated around them. Camp followers, some young, some older, wove through their ranks and left the circles of light when they found a willing partner. She heard laughter and angry, drunken voices raised.
The wind carried notes from a flute, high and piercing, and then the man’s voice joined in.
We hear the pipes and Death's command.
We follow close, hand in hand.
We raise our eyes to meet the end.
We bid farewell to foe and friend.
Leisha did not want to hear more of the mournful words, and so she hurried on towards the middle of camp. Lights burned from the large tent she and the others met in, and she saw Andelko ducking in through the flap. She moved closer, wondering what kept them up so late. If they were working on things for her, she would order them all to bed. Especially Symon. His shadow splashed against one fabric wall and he did not need to be up this late working on her accounts.
No guards stood watch, so she approached one of the corners, listening. She could barely hear Symon speaking and reached out to listen through his mind, as she did as a child. “If we’re here to think of ways out of this mess, let’s get started. We don’t have much time before she’s ready to announce it to the army.”
A short silence followed before Ani spoke up, “Assassination. Could we try that? Eamon and I. Or hire an Ostravan assassin.”
Avrid’s voice emerged, sounding tired. “For the same reasons you can’t get spies close, you would never get past the outskirts of their camp. They can read your intentions. If the main issue is a shortage of manpower, can’t you find more mercenaries?”
“We could, but it will take time and we’re short on that,” Andelko said as his shadow paced restlessly.
“And money,” Symon added.
“And that. We’d need some place further to retreat to, and since Andrzej has indicated a willingness to turn Leisha over, we’re left with Trillinae. I’m just not sure about them.”
Moving to one end of the tent, Aniska’s shadow took a seat at their table. “I’ve never been there, but at the mouth of Vinca, that’s what town? Gior? Can we reach that and hire a ship to take us someplace? There are other kingdoms besides Embriel, Streza, and Trillinae we could disappear into until we could raise more troops.”
Andelko’s voice interrupted. “Look, I’m fine with us talking these ideas through, but I’d like to focus on the Deojrin first.
I just feel like there has to be something. Some weakness they have that we haven’t thought of.”
***
Some weakness. The words plucked at something in Leisha’s mind and she frowned, thinking hard. What weakness could they have? They had always spoken of their enemy as just an army, treating it like any other. She thought of all the times that had proven incorrect. Their strategies always focused on how to defeat an army of men who happened to have a host of mind readers mixed in. She turned that thought over in her mind, thinking that was not right.
“You’re no better than Aniska,” Zaraki hissed in her ear, sounding irritated.
She jumped and gasped, surprised. So busy eavesdropping, she had not heard or felt his approach. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep,” she stammered, embarrassed at being caught and frantically trying to clutch at whatever thought Andelko’s words triggered. But it fled from her as she grasped at empty air.
“It’s funny because I was having trouble sleeping with all your tossing around and then suddenly I wasn’t. And the guards you managed to convince to let you walk around alone? Skillfully done, my lady wife.” Leisha could feel his annoyance at her as he guessed at what she had done to affect her escape. But she also surprised him with her resourcefulness.
Thankfully, he could not see her blush, though she could feel the heat in her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” she said, rushing to explain. “I just wanted to be alone. And that’s impossible for me most times.”
Sighing, because he knew how she felt after two years of being kept in the same gilded cage, Zaraki relented, letting go of his frustration with her. He took her hand and made to draw her back to their tent. “Tomorrow. Ask them tomorrow what they talked about. You know they’ll tell you.”
Torn, Leisha wanted to hear more but did not want to annoy her patient, forgiving husband further.
Andelko’s booming voice carried to them, and she saw his shadow gesturing angrily. “No, Avrid. No.” His hand sliced through the air. “The Deojrin are not some unstoppable force. They’ve lost battles before. They have a weakness. Think,” he demanded.
As Dragons from Sleep (The Tahaerin Chronicles Book 2) Page 40