And, for the briefest of moments, Allegra wanted to know if his lips felt as good as they looked right now in the tight, firm line he’d pressed them into.
“Contessa…”
“Allegra. My name is Allegra,” she said with heat. “If you are going to speak to me as a friend, then call me by my name.”
“Allegra,” he said, giving her the slightest incline of his head, “I am worried for your safety.”
“No one would dare take down the Arbiter appointed by the Cathedral.”
He took her hand into his. “A day ago, I would have said no one would dare an assassination in the bishop’s parlor, either.”
Allegra looked down at her hand, still covered by his. She didn’t pull away. “If I am called upon to die for the freedom of mages, then I shall give my life.”
The words came out of her laced with fear and anxiety, and yet, once they tumbled out of her mouth, her expression hardened. She didn’t want to give up anything, but she would.
He trailed his index finger along her soft skin, not moving his hand from hers. “For your own safety, we should keep the mages and elementals elsewhere.”
“No,” she snapped and pulled her hand away. “I’m a mage, Stanton.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“I know exactly what you meant. Get out.”
“But, I only meant…” Stanton cleared his throat and said, “Of course. I meant no offense.”
She turned away from him, dismissing him from her sight. “You most certainly did.”
She heard his booted feet pound against her floor before the steps stopped. “One of these days, you’ll have to trust someone.”
Mocking laughter escaped her. She whirled on him. “Trust? You think I’ve never trusted? My entire existence is about trust. I have to trust that my friends do not betray me to some petty magistrate and call me an elementalist. I have to trust that my position as a woman of the blood means I won’t be forced to have tattoos and brands burned in my skin. I have to trust that people don’t run screaming from the room whenever I walk into it, for fear that I shall summon demons to destroy them all. All I ever do is trust!”
Stanton had no reply for that.
“Now get out, before I say something I might regret in the morning’s light.”
Chapter 21
“Stanton sent you, didn’t he?” Allegra finally accused Lex.
He’d been sitting in her parlor for twenty minutes now without really saying much of anything. He fidgeted, and hummed, and hawed, but at no point did he saw anything of substance.
Lex let out a sigh. That was answer enough for Allegra.
“I see.”
“Don’t be angry with him,” Lex said. “Look, he thinks I’m here to discuss security arrangements for Queen Portia’s visit next month. That’s all.”
“I’m not angry at him. Not really. He just got under my skin and wouldn’t let go.”
Lex let out a little laugh. “He can do that. Listen, he has a point. Having people like Cram around is risky.”
Allegra slouched in her chair, shoulders resting against the firm cushion of her arm chair. “I know it’s risky, but I need agitators like Walter and the others.”
“Why?”
The truth was that Allegra feared outing herself. Walter and his compatriots were already out in the public view. It would surprise no one if Walter opened a crater in the abbey’s courtyard out of sheer boredom.
More and more, Allegra struggled to sleep. The nightmares varied, but they all ended on the same thing. A demon manifested in the dining hall. She lost her temper in the midst of a meeting. She was accused of being an elemental. It didn’t matter the situation. They all ended with her using her fire magic and being shackled.
That wasn’t an answer she could provide, however. So, instead she said, “I cannot do all of the work myself. I need to appear somewhat neutral.”
“Contessa, I like you. I really do. So, as your friend, I’d like to share a little secret about you that you might not realize that the rest of us know.”
Allegra knew Lex had no idea she was an elemental, and yet her stomach muscles clenched in fearful anticipation. She covered it up well with a laugh. “I’ve already heard about me and Captain Rainier.”
Lex made a dismissive sound. “That’s been going on since the Cathedral. No, I mean that there are over a thousand runaway mage slaves or free mages or just plain ol’ poor folks out in the abbey’s front yard.”
“Yes, I believe I’ve seen some of them. What’s your point?”
“Well, let’s just say no one neutral would have them littering up our garden.”
Allegra failed to hold back her chortle. “Fair point, Lex. A very fair point.”
“So, listen, when the Captain comes to visit you today about Queen Portia’s plans…”
“I will apologize to him, yes,” Allegra said. She blew out a breath. “I was planning on it anyway. I’m simply exhausted and he set me off last night.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to suggest it was all your fault.” Lex grinned. “I’ve known him a lot longer. Trust me when I say at least three-quarters was his fault.”
She rolled her head over her shoulder, never moving her head off the back of the chair, and asked, “What have I gotten myself into?”
“A whole lot of trouble.”
“Thanks, Lex.”
“Anytime, Your Excellency. Dodd says my helpfulness is my best feature.”
Allegra sat back up, prime and proper again. She poured herself more wine. “You and Dodd are close, aren’t you?”
“The closest. Dodd and I go way back. I’ve never had a closer friend.”
“Friend?” Allegra asked, putting significant emphasis on the word.
Lex rolled his eyes. “You sound just like my mother. Yes, we’re just friends. No, there’s nothing going on between us. Yes, I’m never going to get married. Yes, I feel the disappointment I am giving my mother on a regular basis.”
“I sometimes wonder if my mother is somewhere beyond the grave watching me bumble my way through life, shaking her head in disgust.” Allegra glanced at Lex. “At least my mother can’t write to me anymore.”
“I told my mother she should just adopt Dodd. She’s always adored him.”
“And does Dodd…adore you?” Allegra asked, trying to give her voice as matronly a tone as possible.
“Dodd adores buxom widows of a certain age trying to relive their youth,” Lex said with a grimace. “Besides, he’s my friend. Like, eww.”
“What would be eww, Lex?”
“Captain!” Lex exclaimed, swivelling around to grin. “Sleeping with Dodd.”
“You’re sleeping with Dodd?” Stanton blurted.
“Lord save us all from the abyss, no!”
“Good,” Stanton said. Then he eyed them. “So, you’re both just sitting here, talking about sleeping with Dodd? Your Ladyship, is there something I should know?”
Allegra smiled sweetly. “A lady never tells.” And she took a bite of her cake.
“Except to me, of course. No one can say no to this face.”
“It’s the cheekbones,” Allegra said in agreement. “I just had to tell him everything.”
Stanton made a growling sound. “It’s that baby face of yours. Lord Almighty, are you ever going to look your age, Lex?”
Lex shrugged. “I can’t help how the Almighty made me, sir. Well, I should be going. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you, Contessa. Oh, I’ll let Dodd know your door is open tonight.”
Allegra beamed. “Oh, please do.”
Lex laughed and closed the door behind him. When he was gone, Allegra said, “I like him a lot.”
Stanton rolled his eyes and grabbed a piece of pound cake from the tray on her table. “Are you going to sleep with the entire guard?”
“If I do, I’ll start at the top.”
Stanton choke
d on his cake. “Um…”
Allegra smiled.
“Um… thank you?”
Allegra laughed. “You should see the look of terror on your face. Good lord. Tell me you’ve been with a woman before.”
“A gentlemen never tells.”
Allegra smile. “Captain, what are you doing for the next hour or so? Would you join me on the balcony? I have some thoughts about Queen Portia’s visit and I’d like your opinion. That is, if you’d like my opinion.”
“I always want to hear your opinion,” Stanton said. “I am very sorry that I angered you with mine.”
Allegra put down her tea cup and stood. She faced Stanton and said, “I was tired and took it out on you. I am sorry. Shall we be friends again?”
“We never stopped.”
What should have been an hour stretched into four leisurely hours about security, mages, the horrid state of the abbey’s bread supply, and the odd taste most of the cheese had developed since the cave in.
Allegra sat on her modest balcony, wrapped in a heavy blanket to ward against the early spring chill. From here, she could see the vast expanse of the fields that surrounded the abbey. Further away began the patchwork system of houses and taverns, outdoor markets and indoor crafters, formed a dark blight in the midst of the green and yellow of the fields.
She looked over at Stanton, who sipped at his glass of brandy. Stanton smiled at her. His legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. When he used to visit her, he would stand as straight as a board. Now, he reclined on her little wicker chair, munching on nuts, cheeses, and fruits like they were an old married couple. Allegra looked away so that he wouldn’t see her grimace.
“Have you heard about Sanchez?” she asked. When he shook his head, she said, “I received a letter this morning. Some rebels burned down three estates. They all owned slaves, and rumor is none of them were even actual mages. Just children who were born poor. Anyway, the families were burned in their beds.”
Stanton blew out a breath. “Did they catch them?”
“Some. A couple of the fools got drunk and bragged about it at a brothel in the next town over. The hen in charge there sent for the militia.” Allegra licked her lips. “The bastards were dragged to the town square, tied up, and whipped, right there. No trial or anything. One of them tried to catch his ropes on fire, but it appears he had no control over his magic and…”
“He caught himself on fire?” Stanton guessed.
“More like a good part of the town square. No one was killed beyond the obvious, but…” Allegra sighed, an attempt to gather her emotions. “This can’t go on.”
“No, it can’t.”
“This is so much bigger than one person with a fancy title. I was a fool to think otherwise.”
Stanton shook his head. “You always knew it was an impossible task. But think of the good you’ve done with the post. You have saved lives and you have made a difference.”
“It won’t be enough,” she said quietly.
“Maybe not, but you’ll always be able to lift your head high knowing you’d tried.”
She pushed herself up from her chair and leaned against the railing. “Stanton, I’m so terrified. Everyone expects me to fail. What if I am the frail creature they all think I am? What if I make it worse?”
A moment later and he was next to her. He took her hand into his. Just a brush of skin against skin, but the fine hairs on her neck stood on edge anyway. “They are all fools.”
Allegra closed her eyes and fought off the urges that stirred inside her. With Stanton, it would end in more than just tears. It would end in soot and fire and smoke. There would be nothing left to her but a crumpled, burnt form on the ground.
“What is it?” he asked. He released her hand, only to torture her further by cupping her elbow in his hand. “You can tell me anything.”
Oh, she really couldn’t. She wished it were true, but it wasn’t. Yet, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to feel his body pressed against hers. And even the image of the soot stain on white marble floors was not dissuading her.
She had to act, or this illusion of intimacy was going to ruin everything she’d worked her entire life to hold on to.
Allegra turned to face Stanton. She grabbed the front of his vest and pulled him down. She reached up and brushed her lips against his. She had only meant it to be a light touch, but when his mouth met hers, they lost themselves in the kiss.
Allegra pulled away, her breath thick in her throat. Even as she shook her head, she knew that this was both a mistake and something she had to do. She kissed him again, harder this time. Stanton pressed a strong hand against the small of her back, saving the other hand to grasp a handful of the hair at the nape of her neck.
Stanton’s moan drowned out the petrified voice inside her that screamed she needed to regain control of the situation. Allegra knew she was desperately close to falling in love with him and this kiss threatened to push her over the edge. And yet, she did not pull away. Stanton’s strong hand travelled up her back until it brushed the top of the lacing. He trailed a finger back down the binding, as if asking her permission to pull the laces free.
Allegra found her inner strength and pulled away from the kiss. Her heart thudded in her chest. Her body shouted for her to stop listening to reason and to let Stanton take her right there against the railing.
She smiled up at him, knowing her sadness and disappointment were showing. But she forced the smile. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he whispered, his voice low and husky. “That was—”
Tears welled in her eyes and she looked away. “I simply cannot…this cannot happen, Stanton. Not now.”
“Then why did you kiss me?”
She flinched at his tone, but not because it was harsh. It was full of earnest kindness. They both knew why she’d kissed him. They both knew why they’d been fighting lately like schoolchildren. It was easier to manufacture petty divisiveness than it was to address the undercurrent that delighted whenever they looked at each other.
Allegra let her tears flow. He didn’t understand because he couldn’t. If he knew what she was, everything she had worked for, everything she had sacrificed would end. At his hands, no less. There was more at stake than her cold bed. Thousands of mages depended upon her. She could not, would not, let them down.
But she couldn’t lie, either. “I kissed you because I wanted to.”
He touched her cheek. A sad smile spread across his face. “I understand. We should get some sleep. Tomorrow promises to be a rather big day.”
Chapter 22
Allegra wore her bluebell blue brocade dress as she stood in the main foyer of the abbey and awaited the first of their esteemed visitors of the day. This dress had survived the winter culling because two days of Nadira’s handiwork had updated the dress to be consistent with current styles; there was no way she was going to get rid of it now. The embroidered woolen dress was gathered about her false hips and rump roll in the back. A gauzy neckerchief embroidered with bluebells was stuffed into the plunging neckline of her altered dress, protecting both her exposed skin and her dignity.
Her hair was a tumble of curls; she’d slept with her hair in rags and then Kia and Nadira applied hot iron rods to her hair to achieve the Cartossian style. She applied her usual carmine-tinted lanolin lip soother she preferred and delicate silver sword earrings her brother had given her two years ago. Beyond that, she opted to forego the usual Cartossian style of artificial blemishes and rouge.
Serafina hurried down the stairs, the skirts of her practical dress gathered up in her fists to make the rushing safer. She skidded to a halt at Allegra’s side and failed to quell her panting.
“You going to live, Serafina?” Allegra asked.
“Sorry, Your Excellency. I was unable to decide which dress to wear.”
Allegra eyed the young woman’s dress, striped with wide bands of brown and pink. “It
looks fine to meet a few assistant diplomats.”
“Then why are you in your best dress?” Serafina asked innocently.
Allegra smiled. “Because I’m the evil mage to these people. You’re just the hired help.”
“Do not listen to her, my child. She is like this every morning lately.”
Allegra looked over her shoulder at Stanton and Father Michael, who arrived together. Dodd and Lex were in tow, too, and both were wearing brown, wide-brimmed hats decorated with an ostrich feather.
“What are the two of you wearing on your heads?” Allegra demanded.
“Do you like it?” Dodd asked, though the question was more a statement. He took off his hat and twirled it on top of his index finger. It teetered to one side and he grabbed it again, plunking it back on his head. “Lex and I won them at cards last night.”
“From who?” Serafina asked.
“Oh, just a couple of the militia who thought they could beat us at two partner draw,” Lex said smugly. He flicked the brim of his hat. “I so like a jaunty hat.”
Allegra smiled and turned back to the carriage that was unloading at the front. Stanton stood next to her. In a low voice, he said, “This is just the advance guard, right?”
She chuckled. “Queen Portia’s secretary’s letter said we would be expecting her personal priest, a Brother Ambrose, along with one under-secretary, one under-accountant, and two under-assistant diplomats.”
“A lot of unders there,” Lex muttered, still playing with his hat.
“I’m feeling like we’re not important enough for the important people,” Dodd said in agreement. He was also fiddling with his hat’s placement.
“Dodd,” Allegra said in a firm voice.
“What?”
Allegra swatted Dodd’s hand away from his hat. She adjusted it so that the feather went front to back. “Stop picking at your hat.”
“Yes, Mom,” Dodd said darkly.
Allegra faced the front door so that Dodd couldn’t see her smirk. “Ah, here they come.”
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