Closing my eyes and breathing in deep, I start to condition my mind for what’s to come. Pain, a fuck load of it, and anger. I need to be mentally stronger this time. What better way to start than now!
Waking to small circles being drawn on my back, I realize I must have dozed off. Mmmm, it feels so good, like the velvety touch of hot taboo running through my body. Turning over against the touch, blinking the sleep from my eyes, I stare up at the God who is mine.
“Hey baby everyone is here. You wanna come down?”
“Arghh shit, um ok, I was hoping that I could hide from them.” I groan and admit looking up at him from under my lashes.
“Cute, babycakes, cute, but not happening. They will love you. Anyway, they want the best for me, and you are what’s best for me, this is just a bump in the road.”
Groaning again I flick my legs over the side of the bed, preparing myself for what lies ahead.
“Yeah, a bump, that’s a nice way to put the fucking hurricane called Blue and Viper’s death story.” I snap out as I walk away from him. He comes up behind me as I head to the bathroom, and he embraces me.
“Babe, it will be his death, not yours.” He says it like he knows him, knows what he’s like, knows how fucken crazy this shit will get. I have no words for the man who is so blind to the war coming, so I do my normal Blue thing and fucken agree. It’s all I can do going up against Knox.
“Yeah ok. Right... well, give me fifteen ok?”
Kissing my forehead he slaps my ass as he heads out the door. How can he just keep on going the way he does? Like this is just a walk in the park.
Heading down the stairs, I follow the sound of laughter and old Italian voices, as his Nan and Pa tell stories of their past. Pure and easy going, they talk about what it was like finding their love story and coming to America. It makes me smile the way they love each other and the way they look at one another. Knox has always said that he has wanted a life and a love like theirs. Well, he chose just freaking dandy in me... Readjusting the blade in my hair, I head to the bar, pouring myself a wine. I’ll keep it classy while they are here but later I’m going to knock me back a stiff glass of Jack and fuck the ice.
“Ahh, there you are, my child.” Knox’s Nan pulls herself up wrapping me in her arms, “Hello dear, how are you?”
Smiling at her, “I’m good to thank you” I say. LIE! Blue that’s a LIE.
“That’s good to hear dear. Now sit, sit. I’ve brought food and we shall eat and drink and hear all that you two have been up to.”
Looking at Knox, unsure, with deer in headlight eyes, I don’t know what to say. I know how much of a saint Sarah-Jane was and me? Well I’m nowhere near in the ballpark. I’m wild, tainted with a smart mouth and dark demons who sit on my shoulder. Knox senses my unease, he pulls me down onto his lap wrapping an arm around me. He rubs the pad of his thumb over my thigh and it instantly brings calm to my soul. This hard, dark man is not as tough as everyone thinks. Looking around at the love they all share warms me. It’s just like the Reapers; family first no matter what. Chatter and laughter fill the air as we eat ourselves into a food coma and just about drown in red wine.
Knox fills them all in on what’s been happening, what’s going to happen, and about the club. His Nan cries and wraps us both in a good old-fashioned Italian Nanna hug, his Pa embraces his grandson and commends him for being a true Italian man. But he also reminds him to be aware that saving one soul will not bring back the one who lives with the angels. With tears in both their eyes, I see Knox nod and whisper that he knows that, but that he has to do this for us both. Does he mean me and him or him and her? I’m unsure.
Tammy cuts in with a remark about wanting dessert. God this woman can eat and she’s all of a damn size freaking four. Laughing I say, “none for me.” Pulling myself up to clear away the dishes, heading into the kitchen, I feel eyes follow me. A chill runs up my spine as sweat beads fall down. I’m instantly on high fucken alert. Walking to the kitchen island looking out through the smokey glass windows of the kitchen, I’m startled when I turn from the bench and see a shadow move from the glass doors to the side of the lounge. What the actual fuck? I blink. Did I see that? Or is my ‘red wined-out’ mind playing tricks on me?
Knox’s Nan pops her head into the room, taking my thoughts away from the uneasy blood-chilling feeling that had just washed over me. “Darling girl leave them I’ll fix them right up,” she says fusing towards me.
“No, no I can manage, you did all this cooking, and I slept away upstairs.” Pulling the tea towel from her hands, I start to dry the dishes, determined to distract myself from the shadow and prove myself to his Nan.
“Ahhh don’t be silly, child, after what you have been through, I say you would be tired.”
Smiling down at her round, short cute Italian frame, I give a tired laugh. “You can say that again. I don’t want him involved in this, I promise. I did try to stop him.” I looked at her earnestly.
She pulls my hands into hers, “Yes child, I’m sure you did. But the thing with our Knox is, he will never listen or hold back in his love and sense of honor and protection. When it comes to things and people that he adores and captivate him, he is all in. He is a lot like his Pa in that sense, both strong on values and love, but above all else honor and family.” I look at her with such a sense of understanding as she carries on. “We will love you like we loved her because Knox has spoken with nothing but grace in his eyes for you. You're safe with him. Just look after his heart sweet girl he is only human.” Looking down at my hands I feel shame wash over my cheeks, and tears prick my eyes. I try hard to blink them away but it’s too much. There is something so consuming about Nan. You just feel safe, like you can let go and she won’t let you fall. I break then as she places her arms around me.
“Come here, child, let the tears fall. It’s cleansing your soul and washing away the dark. Let them come.”
Allowing them to fall as I’m wrapped in her tight embrace, I let it all go and start breathing in so much more than just air. Pulling back from her, so I can wipe my eyes and look at her old and very wise ones, I say, “Thank you for being you, the loving lady who has her boys’ backs no matter what.”
She nods her head at me in a small acknowledgment and leaves, knowing I need a minute. I head to the bathroom to wash cold water over my face and to just breathe away from the weight of this all. I hear Knox speaking to his Nan and I can hear the love in his voice for her. It's warming; he sounds the same when he speaks of Sarah-Jane but with the tiniest clip of sadness also. One day I hope I get to hear the same love in his voice when he speaks of me. Walking back out I wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his back as Tammy walks in saying they are heading off to grab Frozen Yoghurt and asking if we wanted to come. Squeezing Knox a little tighter, I shake my head into his back. “Not me this time thanks though Hun, I’m shattered and I need to start training hard tomorrow for my big fight.”
Knox chuckles at Tammy. I love the feeling as it vibrates out through him and against my face. “You’re a bottomless pit aren’t you, girly?” he questions her with such humor. “But I’m good also, babe, I got things to do here, next time though hey.” Unlatching my hands, he walks over kissing her forehead. “Thanks yeah? For everything.” Pulling him into her arms they wrap around him tightly as Jamie enters and sloths his body over them both.
After they all leave I make me a Jack. It will be my last drink till after my fight, so it’s a strong one and on the large side, then, smiling, I fall into the outdoor couch with its oversized pillows, rolling my head back I close my eyes relishing in the warm night’s air over my face, breathing in deep I fell him sit down beside me placing his head on my shoulder, “Thank you for today it meant a lot.”
“Thank me for what? It should be me thanking you and them, it’s not every day you land a bomb on a family you just meet and they take it so well.” He can’t miss the surprise in my tone.
“They are special that’s for sure.,�
�� he breathes out against my shoulder.
Breathing in deep I whisper out into the air. “That they are, you’re so lucky.” Allowing my thoughts to drift off to my brother, I am again hit by how hard it is not having him here. Shutting my eyes I lean down further into the couch and its pillows as Knox runs his fingertips over my thigh. Breaking through my thoughts and the sensual touch of Knox is the sound of Lilll’s voice calling out to us. Opening my eyes, Knox yells out, “out here, what’s up Lilll?”
She looks flustered and puffed. That girl needs to work out more, I observed. “ Knox Bray wants you down at the main compound, there is a package that has turned up for by messenger.” She says breathless. His eyes meet mine and I see something flash through them as he opens his slightly plump and very eatable lips to speak.
“What? Who knows I’m here and who would be sending me shit? Let alone that I’m a Reaper?” Confusion cloaks the air as he pulls me into him kissing my forehead. I feel the beat of his heart, it’s spiked. “You wanna come with?” he asks me.
“Na baby, I’ll hang here with Lilll, we might go for a walk down by the river like we used to.”
Squeezing my hand he looks up at Lilll. “Be careful ladies. See you soon,” whispering to me.
Knox
“I got you remember,” I breathe out to her as she smiles up at me. Even after all this time I still get lost in her moss green eyes. Walking down to the main compound I look back as an uneasy feeling washes over me. I look up at the big house but I can’t seem to put my finger on it. I shrug it off, I’m sure it is just the situation and all this waiting around for something to happen. I see Miss Ginny pulling a young guy out by his ear as I walk into the club.
“Knox.”
“Miss Ginny.”
“The boys are waiting for you in church, go right in.”
I nod winking at the prospect. “Thanks” I push the frosted glass door open and see all the boys there, but not Ghost, that man is so elusive. “Sup boys.”
“Knox! About time, where are the girls?” Bray asks his tone off.
“Ah they wanted to stay back and go for a walk. What’s up?” looking from Bray to Cage and 81
“SHIT this, brother, is what’s up,” He said sliding a box over to me. It’s all black with a silver Viper on it. My heart stops.
“OH, FUCK OFF,” I spit out, ripping it open. Inside is a bundle of photos of Blue and I together. They are of everywhere and everything we have done over the last few weeks. Pulling them out I see a phone with a post-it note stuck to the screen.
TURN ME ON.
My hands shake as I hold it in the palm of my hand. Sweat is forming down my spine and my heart is beating in my fucken ears. Looking up my gaze meets that of the men standing in front of me with the same shocked and worried look on their faces. This better not be a fucken bomb I think looking into Brays eyes “Should I” I ask him, he just nods as a sheen of sweat coats his forehead Turning it on, I look up at the boys while it loads, “this ain’t good is it?” I ask them.
Bray shakes his head as he paces before a beep catches our attention, and a video starts to play of Blue. She looks like she is doped up to her eyeballs. Dancing for the lost souls. Then the screen changes. It flickers to them all taking a turn at touching and abusing her body, while massive tears falling from her eyes. Bruises and scrapes lace her body. Her small frame is weak and pale and caked in dirt; her hair is a matted mess. Then it's black, gone. She’s gone just like that. I hear an evil laugh coming from the screen as small lantern lights up Viper is sitting in a rocking chair in the middle of a dark, wet room with nothing but two chains coming out from the concrete brick wall. Clicking his fingers, he speaks with a cold tone. Instantly my hairs stand up on my back, bile from the bottom of my stomach rears up my throat and into my mouth.
Well, hello there, brothers of the Reaper’s Reign and your newest member, the great Assassin Knox. Kill punch Ambrose, the pleasure is mine, congratulations on joining the feared Reapers. Shall we have some fun boys? Are you ready for mayhem? You have something that I want, something that tried to destroy me, and I want it back. I’ll rain evil down upon her pretty wee soul, so much evil that even if you ever get her back, she won’t even know who she is. She will be a shell of the person she is now, so scared that you will want to put her down like the dog that she is. She’s mine and no-one takes what’s mine, not without some form of vengeance anyway, and well, boys, that vengeance is here. Let the games begin. Follow the rules I’ll be in touch.
Ending with an evil laugh he blows out the lantern. I throw the phone down on the table it bounces back as I fist my shaking, sweaty hands into my hair. Rage surges though my body I can feel the heat of the anger taking it over all the way down to my toes, curling them hard inside my boots the pain washes out over my body bringing a small sense or release before my mind flicks to Blue and Lilly alone up at the barn.
“FUCK! THE GIRLS!” I yell at Bray before spinning on my heels. With the boys hot behind me we run out of the club and up the path to the main house.
Blue
I stand up to hug my bestie, my soul sister, and I smile into her hair. “Lilll, I love you. I’m so glad that you’re here, I’ll grab us a drink, and then we will go for a walk eh?”
“Sure, beautiful, it’ll be nice, it’s still hard coming here,” she says to me with a tone of sadness in her voice.
“Yeah, I know, I thought that when I came here the first time.”
Opening the fridge, I pull out two beers. Then, linking arms with Lilll, we head off the deck walking towards the river.
“Blue, do you think I could be loved?” she asks me, halting my steps.
“Lilll what the heck kind of question is that. Yes, I do, you know I do,” honesty and hurt are evident in my voice, how could she not know this, even after I’ve tried to convince her.
“Why?” she says. The sound of worthlessness leaks from her tone.
“What do you mean why?” I snap back, angry that she feels like she is so worthless and can’t be loved for the amazing human that she is. Her long blonde hair falls around her like a halo of light as her always pinky red hue graces her cheeks she has the most piercing blue eyes that sends even a heart rush to my soul. Then out of nowhere my hair stands up on my arms and down my back as that same damn sick feeling washes over me. Shaking it off, I grab Lilll’s arm and urge her to keep on walking, not wanting to alarm her.
“Look at me, Blue, I’m a mess, scared, burnt, tarnished!” We don’t stop walking until we hit our special spot. Only then do I sit down and pull her down with me, kicking off my shoes. I place the tips of my toes into the water. Sitting on our rock I think over what my friend has just said to me.
“Lilll, remember when we would come here as kids and pretend to be beautiful mermaids? Well we still are. We are just older, smarter, a tad wiser to the world. Shit, we’ve been hurt and a received a fuck load of pain, but it’s made us into this.” Pointing my finger from her to myself, I continue, “Strong!” Raising my arm up I show off my toned muscle with a wink and an eyebrow wiggle.
“You have always been the kick ass out of the box one, Blue, and me, well I’ve been the thinker, the dreamer and believer.”
Sighing I consider what she has said. Before I can say anything she continues,“Well, that belief got blown to pieces after they took you and fucked you up, and after they killed Mom. Then there’s Raven and Bray, you know, it’s just too much.” Leaning back on the grass she brings her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun looking down on my friend my heart breaks at how she looks so lost and alone.
“You know what Lilll, not all love is pain.” God I hope she hears the truth in my words, not the doubt.
“Yeah, that’s what they all seem to say.” She says letting out a sigh of agitation as she replies “You and Bray and shit don’t get me started on Ghost all think that love can fix it all. Look at what it did to Mum and Dad they loved truer than anyone and in one fowl movement it was taken. He has no
wife, I have no mother and it’s all because we loved.”
Shit, shit, shit. I think over and over in my head. I’ve been caught up in myself for so long that I haven’t even noticed how damaged my Lilll is, what a shit fucken friend I am.
Laying down next to her, I see the pain laced in her eyes when I look into them, “Lilll, it’s ok to feel like this, but you can’t shut down completely. Love can be amazing and soul consuming, and yes it can also be painful and raw, but it’s a gamble and you have to take or you’ll have what-ifs forever. You can’t close yourself off because of them and what happened. Look at me and Knox, I think I love that man and you saw how fucked up I was after Viper. But I didn’t let it stop me. I jumped in with both feet and it’s worked, hasn’t it?” She thinks it over and I see it moving behind her eyes. She knows I’m right. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at me, and I her, for what seems like forever.
A few moments passed before I tried bringing her back into the good memories again. I needed to help her move past her pain. She deserves happiness. And the sense of belonging. I need to show her that we were happy here once. “This is nice, isn’t it, Lilll? It’s like we are young again with not a care in the world. Running bare foot though the fields yelling and screaming falling down into the cover of wildflowers and giggling till our sides hurt” turning from takin a sip on my beer I look at my best friend who I love more than life itself I see her pale then her eyes go big with fear shadowing them my heart lunges into my stomach s fear grips her delicate features. “Lilly you ok, what is it?” I say as that feeling of dread comes smashing in hard.
“Bbblluuee get up now and run,” she whispers with a scared stammer. When I just sit there and stare at her, her tone rises. “NOW” she snaps.
“What the fuck!” I state, turning. I see what has upset her and what I see fills me with a terror so great I can’t move. Grabbing her face and looking deep into her eyes I beg her, “RUN, Lilll, don’t stop, don’t look back, just run, I love you Go, Go!” As he approaches I push myself up to into a sitting position squaring my shoulders.
Fractured Promises (Reapers Reign, #2) Page 16