I can still feel the burn from them, the dark demons of the past where his hands had just been, I know he’s trying to bring me back to him to the way it feels, just us, this, but I’m back drowning again, he’s my oxygen I need him but the flashbacks’ pull is too strong I’m back heading inside myself. “Hey, look at me, listen, I’m sorry I got carried away, Blue? Baby? Look at me,” he’s panicked I can hear the fear laced with hurt in his voice.
Looking into his eyes I see it. I see his love, washed with his pain. I’m not who I was before. I loved it the way he gave it before. Now look, one slip one taste of blood and it’s dark again. I’m a fucking UFC fighter I should be able to handle this.
He runs his hands down the side of my face, tracing their way down over my marks. I’ve had worse from fighting, but that’s a different feeling. I do that because I love the sport, this I didn’t love, not once. I thought I loved Viper until he tried to kill the real me, demolish the goddess and silence the warrior. Knox he loves me for me, for all of this scars and all. He loves the fire and fight that is within me. He would never punish me for showing that fire. I feel the heat of his fingers lacing the marks like they are nothing, looking at him I see that his hair is falling around his face shielding his eyes from my vision. Even so I see the way his jaw is set, not in a pained way, but in a way that shows deep caring. Bringing his tongue out he licks his bottom lip before pulling it into his mouth, the way I usually do. That one small movement sets my ovaries on fire, my insides are calling for him again. I now understand why he never liked me doing it in the beginging. He’s bringing me back with the softest of touch. He needs me as much as I need him, I need to get lost in him, kill the voices inside and get stronger for him.
As I tangle my fingers in his hair, as pull him up close to me so I can kiss his lips that take so much hurt away, I get a whiff of his scent mixed with our sweat and prior arousal, it’s intoxicating and sends the most delouses feeling to my core, then pooling out to a tingle between my legs, sensing my arousal, he brings his eyes up to me meeting my stare.
“You’re ok?” he asks me. I can sense the worry in his voice. I hate that I put it there.
Nodding my head “Yes baby.” I am kind of surprised that it is kind of true. When I am with him, I know that I will be alright.
“You sure” his voice is barely audible.
“Yes, I want you, I want to be a part of you, just hold me tight.” My voice says in a whimper.
“ I’ll never let you go,” he murrmers into my parted lips, taking my tongue to the final dance of our heartbeats. Slowly he parts my legs and his hand slides down into my folds. I’m wet, waiting for him, the anticipation is flowing hot and heavy in my body. I open my legs further as he flicks a finger into me, swirling it around he rubs my clit with his thumb. A whimper of pleasure escapes my mouth vibrating back from his lips to mine. Just like that with a pop his fingers are gone and replacing them is his length. I start to fall apart around him as he pushes all of him into me. Biting down on his lip I feel the pop of his flesh blood meeting mine. The pain of the memories still hurt me but this right here is what my soul needs. I need this to fight the demons that want to pull me down. Pulling my nails down his back to his taunt ass I pull him deeper into me. Opening my eyes I see him watching me, waiting for some sign that I am going to break. Nodding at him, I let him not that I am not going to break. He picks up his pace devouring my body like he was dying and I was the cure to his illness.
Meeting his pace, our bodies slap together to a beat made for one. Sliding in and out dancing our way through the disaster finding each other’s demons and setting them alight. Bringing his lips to my neck I allow mine to meet his, both nibbling on the sweet flesh of each other, kissing each other’s necks as his fingers find a nipple. I snake my arm around and under him so I can tease his balls his breathing and pace pick up spiking mine in the process. Skin on sweet wet skin, I tease him further, driving him to sink deeper into me, relishing in the pain his length gives me as his head hits the back of my wall. I’m sure it will come out through my throat, he is driving into me that deep. This is what lovers do, primal, sweet, tender, rolled into this crazy dark love. Pulling him back with a handful of hair our eyes lock and focus on one another, both seeing the hunger in each other’s eyes his thrusts fasten. I buck my hips up to meet him, his lips find mine as we ride higher together, spiralling on the sweet ecstasy of arousal, thrust for sweet thrust. The telltale tingle is forming in the pit of my stomach, grabbing his hair harder I pull him deeper begging him to take me. I feel it coming. Riding higher, looking deeper into his eyes as a spine-chilling orgasm breaks out over me. Grabbing his ass I dig my nails in tight till I feel the pop of skin under them. Bucking up to take all of him, milking him for every last drop, I have him fill me till I no longer know my name or can hear my breathing over the pounding of my heart. He rises back pulling out just a little, looking me over he pulls my hips up sending my legs over his shoulders so he has my ankles as earrings. Holding my hips, he pulls me deep onto him as he thrusts in and out. The sheen of sweat glistening over his body has me licking my lips. Running my hands up to his chests I tug on his hard nipple, rolling it through my fingers, pulling my lip into my teeth. A hiss of breath leaves him as I bite harder on my bottom lip, while squeezing harder on his nipple. My other hand sits at the top of him meeting me. I run my fingers over my clit as he glides in and out of me. He’s body tenses and stiffens as I pull at his nipple. With his eyes rolling back he pumps hard and fast as another orgasm ripples out over him, vibrating back through my body, filling me. As I watch him I feel another one take my soul. Pulling myself up against him, I wrap my arms and body around him pumping us lightly a few times, soft and smooth I wiggle my ass a little as a small mmmm escapes his lips to where they rest on my shoulder. Pulling him into me I kiss the side of his neck whispering,
“Thank you,” to him before he pulls out laying me down. He pulls up the blankets up, wrapping me agianst his strong, sleek body. We fit together like puzzle pieces and I allow the sweet release of his lovemaking to pull me into a peaceful sleep, well let’s hope it’s enough to keep the dark dreams at bay at least for this morning anyway. I don’t want them tainting the feeling and memory of us not today, not right now when it’s all starting to feel right, his heart slows down, it's ragged beating against my back is and the whispered words of my Assassin Knox Ambrose is the last thing I remember, “’I’ll love you over the moon, under the sun, and in and out of the stars.” Those small words mean more to me than anything right now.
Chapter Twenty
Blue
The sun hits my face warming it through the opens blinds, the breeze is filling the room, pulling my senses alive. Stretching my body out I protest at the tightness of my muscles. They scream out at the movement, then a delightful memory washes over me, of the healing he did to my body and mind.
Reaching my hand out and patting where his body should be but isn’t, panic rises up in my belly. He’s not in bed nor is he sitting by the window. Sitting up my rips protest as I throw my feet over the side of the bed, putting them inside my slippers I pull his T-shirt over me looking at the clock on the nightstand it’s two in the afternoon. Wow I slept. It’s the first time in, god I don’t know how long, that I slept free of my nightmares. Padding down the stairs l feel lighter and alive, a smile washes over my face as I walk into the kitchen and see him there dancing with his Nan, to Elvis Presley’s And I Love You So. I just stand there and stare at them, love washes out of them filling this house with warmth. How did I ever get so lucky to receive such a remarkable family to hold me and keep my head above water. She hasn’t left here in days, not once. Spinning his Nan around he spots me kissing her on the cheek, she waves him away smiling her big smile at me, “Good afternoon Bella Donna,” she says to me.
“Good afternoon Erabella,” I say to her as Knox walks over to me, kissing my shoulder, before pulling me into him. He is nuzzling his face into my neck.
; “Good afternoon beautiful,” he whispers. His voice sends shivers down my spine. I wrap my arms around him pulling him deeper into my being, breathing him in. This is what love smells like. Pulling me out to the deck by my hand, a schoolboy grin plays on his face. Smiling I sit down on his lap as he pulls me down.
“Got a surprise for you today,” his voice laced with happiness.
“You do?” I ask raising my eyebrow up at him.
“Yes, I do.” His smile stays plastered over his face.
“Well,” I ask, giggling.
“Well, what” he questions me back.
“Are you going to tell me?”
“Nope,” bringing his lips to mine he gives me a soft kiss before standing with me in his arms. He spins us around before sitting me down on the chair and walking back inside. I love seeing him happy like this. The dark in his eyes is slowly fading. The sadness disappearing from his features, makes me realize that yes, we are all human, we are breakable but yet repairable. We all can’t pretend to be made of stone before the weights threaten to drown you, so you have to slowly chip out be reborn. I am reborn he has given me a second chance and I shall take it and mend us both as I go. He gave her up for me. I know this because she hasn’t been around. I know because if she had, I would see her in his eyes but she hasn’t been there for a long time, and I know it hurts him.
I am lost in my thoughts, till his voice cuts through. “You're beautiful you know, sitting here with the mid-afternoon sun shining down on you. Don’t be afraid to let people see you, just you because baby you're beautiful.” I Smile up at him as his head comes to mine kissing my nose before saying, “I love you.” I close my eyes soaking in those words as well as his scent. A voice behind him startles me.
“Blue? You must be mistaken brother, she’s a firecracker. She doesn’t do beautiful. Do you baby?” Stepping up and looking over Knox’s shoulder to the voice I know and love, I see him beaming from ear to ear. Walking over to his waiting arms he picks me up with one hand spinning us around.
“How are you Celtic warrior?” his cheeky voice flows out.
“Oh, I’ve been better, missed you though,” I say into his shoulder
“Same princess same,” letting me down we sit at the table as Nan brings out coffee and buns.
Knox pulls me into him close, I never even noticed the woman with him she looked like a deer stuck in headlights, eyes big and wide, shaking and skinny, with the most amazing purple hair and covered in tattoos. It’s the mystery girl from hotel horror. I need to talk to her, but not now. We fall into small chatter nothing really important Arlam’s still a shut book, not letting even me in and the lady with him does not speak a word all she does is pull at the cotton on her jumper. After a bit Knox breaks in reminding me we have somewhere to go, getting up I pull Arlam to me kissing his neck, he speaks to Knox over my shoulder.
“Church at eight bring Blue,” before squeezing me, as Knox answers with a simple, “got it brother.” Walking through the kitchen, I look down and realize what I’m wearing. Oh hell no I need to change.
“Bike or car,” I ask, halfway up the stairs.
“Ah, car you’re so not going on the back of a bike right now.” The look on his face pulls a smile to the corner of my lips. Stepping up onto the stairs his hand pulls his into mine stopping me. Turning he looks into my eyes, before stepping up into me and bringing his hands around my face his nose to mine.
“Baby I just have to go out for a bit.” Bringing his lips to the tip of my nose placing a kiss on it he brings his forehead to mine I take in a breath and holding it before pulling him to me tighter. I know where he’s going and why he has to go.
“Ok” I whisper to him. “Do what you need to let go.” Crushing my lips with his, he takes my soul away each time. Letting go I watch him walk down the steps to the door. Reaching for his bike keys on the table he walks out, stopping before he pulls the door closed he blows me a kiss.
Smiling I turn and head up the stairs to the bedroom, I’ll shower while he’s gone. Stepping into the walk-in wardrobe that has been stocked with my clothes, I look for something to wear. It’s about time I stopped wearing Knox’s even if they feel safe. I need to bring Blue back and today is the day to start, he’s saying goodbye to his Angel for good, choosing me over her Ghost and I’m taking her place in his heart. It’s a remarkable feeling, it shows me, scars and all, to him I’m beautiful.
Chapter Twenty-One
Knox
Zipping my leather jacket up straddling my bike I turn the key and roar her to life, this is going to be hard to say goodbye, but I think that she has made her decision by not coming back since the day she pulled me from my bed. Pulling out of the compound I head to the florist on 5th and 10th to buy the purple roses that grace her grave every week. I’ll never lay anything else down for her. The scent walking into Flowers by Rose is engulfing she smiles up at me as the bell chimes. “Knox, six purple roses, is it?” She asks me while reaching around behind her to open the fridge holding the roses.
“You know it doll,” I wink at her. I look around while she makes up the bouquet. Running my fingertips over the soft petals of the iris that sit in the tall black bucket by the window, I instantly think of Blue and then the most beautiful white Lilly dances in the breeze from the fan, the movement catching my eye. Picking up the Lilly and half a dozen of the purple Iris I head over to Rose placing them down on her counter, she ties the black ribbon around the roses
“These too, please beautiful,” Blue will love these I think as Rose’s sweet voice sounds out.
“Sure thing!” Once she has finished I thank her and head out, putting both bouquets inside the front of my leather jacket. Pulling on my helmet I take the freeway out, heading over to the cemetery, mentally going over just what I shall say. It’s like breaking up with someone you really don’t want to leave but you know it’s for the best and this is even harder with her being a fucken ghost. She's stubborn, standing her ‘I’m not coming around anymore ground’ she will not waver on her stance. I know that she’s been to everyone else but me. I see it in their eyes when they look at me.
Pulling up to the resting place of the dead, I head to the grave of my baby. I run my hands through the umbrella tree that hangs over her very own spot on a small rise. We chose this spot so she can overlook the NY city’s skyline, night time here is the best.
Pulling her flowers from my jacket and placing Blue’s down on the seat under the tree, I run my fingers over her name engraved in stone still so fresh and new. Placing her purple roses down into the black vase one at a time, I stop on the very last one. I look out around me waiting willing her to appear.
“Angel, it’s to your grave that I now speak, holding no more than this purple rose for it’s now that I realize you are gone and not going to come back to me, for now, you will always be out of my reach. I feel you. I do. At night watching me, I feel you when I train, But see you, I no longer can so I now know that you’re gone. I tried to spend what felt like a lifetime holding onto you so I didn’t lose my feeling of home, but I now see Angel that you were not my home, the dead can never be. A ghost I can’t hold onto, so in this lifetime I shall make home in Blue and make it with her. I will never leave you, Angel, I shall come from time to time and I will still lay down here with you and remember how your heart used to sound beating next to mine, for the love we had shall never die. But I have to give my all to Blue. I wanted to give you all that you had ever dreamed of, and forever more I shall love you and see the world through your eyes. But I will put your dreams to rest as I lay your spirit to sleep until I see you again at the gates of our maker.”
Placing the last Rose in the vase, I sit down leaning my forehead into the grass below and breath in deep as the ache sets fire to a soul I thought I had sold long ago to a devil. I soul that now I have made peace with. Just like that as I’m about to stand and leave a gust of freezing cold air whispers to me that you are gone. Left behind circling on the wings of the wind.
>
“I will always love you, over the moon, under the sun, and in and out of the stars.”
In a whirlwind of leaves mixed with the gold and black feathers of an Angel. An Angel who allowed me to hold on for this long. An Angel that lost her spot in heaven, breaking all the rules, just to keep me company in my dark mind. Now she must find a new home. Kissing the headstone, a flashback of every memory we ever made together washes through my mind’s eye. Standing and shaking it all off I pick up the flowers for Blue. It’s time to start living. I head back to the beautiful Celtic goddess that I can now call mine as for tonight I will make her my old lady in her world, and now mine, that is the most sort after title.
Blue
Standing in the full-length mirror that stands in the corner of the walk-in wardrobe of our room, I slowly pull the towel away from my body. I had wrapped so tightly around my beaten body after the shower so that I could hide it. No matter how hard I wish I never ever seem to feel clean. Letting the towel drop to the floor my eyes close. I breathe the air deep into my lungs, wincing at the ever-present pain that sits there, always swimming inside my body, a reminder of what happened. I reminder that I am broken inside and could be losing my fucken mind. Wondering how he can love what I am now. Still holding the breath I sucked in slowly, I peel my eyes open and start at the top of my body my hair, down to the angry red footprint on my forehead, to the purple and yellow bruises that scatter my face. I contiune down to the puffy eye socket that is broken, laced in the angriest blue-purple-red bruise, matching the evil bloodshot eyeball. All the blood vessels have been popped inside it, now it looks like it's bleeding red instead of the most intense green like my other one. Traveling my good eye down my neck, I trace the marks and scrapes with the tips of my fingers to my collarbone and the fingerprints that are embedded in my skin, to the swell of my breasts that have tiny dots laced out all over them. Bites from bugs mixed with the bite marks of the Viper and his men. Down to my torso that has kick and punch marks all over it, running my fingers over my ribs it feels as though each one has been broken. The dark blue marks on either side, looking deeper down my thighs, are littered with the angry blue bruises and track marks cover my arms, even the skin is off the tops of my feet. Falling to my knees, I look at myself with eyes that don’t feel like they belong to me. How did I allow this to happen to me? Why didn’t I find a way to reach inside and wield the hands of this hurt away from me? How can Knox see past all of this and still want to make love to me? It’s so unclear as im so unclean.
Fractured Promises (Reapers Reign, #2) Page 30