I remained silent.
She threw her arms in the air. “Of course you cannot. All you can see is the past and not in the way you were intended to. Even after I told you of your many deaths you still deny yourself a chance to heal. Have you ever stopped to think what those deaths will do to the Àrd-shagart and your friends who love you? Why would you? All you think about is denying your gift without a care in the world as to who gets hurt in the process. Do you want to know about your deaths? I will tell you everything about them." She raised one finger in the air. "The first one was when you fell in your hut last week." I frowned. "You thought the stones flew into the air and formed the portal as you tried to reach for them before fainting, the truth is I was there, invisible, and helped you open the portal so you could be found in time. I changed the past by helping you. If I had not, you would not have been found until two weeks later. It took the Àrd-shagart four days of healings to be able to restore your brain back to full functionality, due to the severity of the concussion you had suffered. The second death was in the river, where I saved you once again. Originally, the river took your body. The energy concentrated in the water masked your essence, so the Àrd-shagart could not sense you no matter how many times, or how desperately he tried. Your body was discovered a month later, and you spent double that time under the healing of the Air ais bhroinn—Restoring womb due to the condition you were in." Her eyes suddenly watered when her third finger went up. "You got attacked by a jaguar while in a trance. Art spotted your lacerated body deep in the jungle where you had been dragged. They had spent days on a search mission for you because your essence was so weak it could not be sensed accurately. It took four months to heal you." A tear escaped her eyes. "Would you like me to keep going?"
I shook my head as tears of my own grazed my cheeks. Imagining Cyn and Art going through all of that because of me tore my heart to pieces. Cyn would think he had failed me. That he had not helped me enough, or that he was not there for me when I needed him. Art… he would blame himself for the rest of his existence for not protecting me. Going through those things would destroy his spirit.
My vision blurred, yet I focused on Asrhia. She sat on the ground, crying.
"I am trying to help you. I thought bringing you here would do you good. That telling you about my clan, the Ovates and what we could do would make you see what was possible for you. There is so much good you could do. You could contain this power and actually be happy, proud of who you are and your ability." Her gaze found mine, and she wiped her tears away but more fell. "I am trying to help you." She repeated, her lips trembling. "Why will you not let me? You are not living. You have to let go of the pain, Eisha. You must. It is the only way you will be able to keep the others safe. You deny your gift and powers, and even true love all because you are scared, and not the way you tell yourself. What happened to your mother was terrible and truly sad, but it is exceedingly rare. She has been the only case to ever exist of an Ovate dying because of their powers. She was sick at the time, and that made her vulnerable. Unfortunately, the vision was too much for her weak body to bear. But that has not happened since, and it had never happened before, that is something you know as a fact because your Mòr Sagart told you it was so.”
She cleaned her face once again and stood. Her fingers touched the necklace, and the portal opened. The glow surrounded only me this time. I could see the river right in front of me.
"You are not scared because your mother died in the trance, Eisha. You are afraid because you think that without her by your side, to teach you and guide you, you will fail. You believe you shall never be as good or as powerful as she was, and that it is best to serve your people as a Warrior Leader than to fail them as an Ovate."
The tears fell freely from my eyes as I looked into hers. Pain rippled through my body. It was as though my heart had ripped open and she could see inside it.
“I need her so much,” I whispered, so low I could barely make out my own words.
“I know.”
I looked away from her and crossed the portal. “Are you coming?”
“No.”
I turned around and saw Asrhia still standing on the other side. “Will you meet me tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Will you not help me anymore?” I asked, seeing the pain increase inside her eyes.
A new tear fell over her cheek. “I no longer believe I can.”
My heart tore. "Do not give up on me." I pleaded, and my voice quivered. The next second the air changed before me, and she was gone. Her majestic world disappeared, and I was left standing in the middle of the jungle, next to the river I considered part of my home.
I walked through the cave, with my gaze low. The tears kept coming, and the truth was I no longer cared to maintain this though façade I had upheld for so many centuries.
I was hurting.
I had been for a very long time.
My arms wrapped around myself, as I entered Felix's room. The air in the cave seemed cooler than normal today, and that concerned me. Rubbing my arms, I walked towards him. The chair had been set before him, probably by Ronan, it was late in the morning, so he would be gone until the evening. I took his place and sat next to Felix. My gaze roamed his body, following the glow as it traveled over the veins in the film that covered him. It still amazed me. My gaze blurred and I wiped the silent tears away, focusing on his face. I wondered if he could feel the cold that had spread inside the cave or if it was just me. Reaching for him, I placed my hand over his heart and dragged the chair closer. My eyes hurt and my head began to throb from crying, but I ignored it and concentrated on him. The warmth reached my palm with the transfer of energy, and the light flowed from me to him. I rested my back on the chair as I watched the light. By the time I realized what was happening I was already gone. My gaze turned white as my head fell backwards, and suddenly I was no longer in the cave.
My back fell on the bed, and he laughed as I bounced on the soft mattress.
“You pushed me!” I said, in mock outrage as his body settled over mine. The feel of him against me threatened to overwhelm me.
He chuckled, kissing my neck. "Yeah. I'm rough like that." My eyes closed as his breath fanned my skin. "Don't you like it?" He whispered in my ear and gently bit my earlobe, pulling it. His lips continued down, and I gasped when he bit me right at the sensitive spot on the curve of my neck. I shuddered at the feelings the gesture awakened.
“Do not bite me.” I half gasped as his tongue traced my skin.
“You taste too good not to enjoy you.”
I repressed a moan as he sucked my neck. “Behave,” I panted.
"Why?" I searched for an answer yet I could not find one. "It's fun to be naughty once in a while." I tried to open my eyes but his lips nibbled at my skin once more, and I was lost. "Fuck, you are delicious."
“Stop cursing.”
He chuckled and lifted his lips from my neck. I almost whined about it.
"Look at me." I forced my eyes open and struggled to focus on him. The haze covered his face, but somehow I knew he was smiling. "You don't need to worry about me. I respect you. Although I'm dying to feel your naked skin against mine and make love to you, I know you are not ready. I will wait until you know you love me as I do."
I frowned. “You think I love you?” I asked, holding back the part of me that urged me to say it.
"I know you do." I could hear the joy and certainty in his voice. "You haven't said it, but your lips do every time I kiss you." He kissed my lips, and I instantly gave into him. "Your body does when I touch you," He whispered as his fingertips caressed the skin just under my top and I shuddered. "Your eyes do because when you see me you always smile." His lips brushed mine, and I sighed. "See? You love me, Eisha Cinnia, even if you won't admit it to yourself." His lips left me once again, and I opened my eyes searching for his. "I will wait until you are ready to accept it and give yourself to me because I love you and there is nothing in this life or the next t
hat I want as badly as I want you. I am yours, I have always been even before I knew I loved you, and I will always be. Scout’s honor."
His lips claimed mine, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, praying never to lose him.
* * *
When my eyes opened, I was still sitting in front Felix. My back rested against the chair, and my hand…
“My hand!”
I gasped realizing it had gone through the cocoon and it was resting directly on Felix's chest. I stood as panic gripped me. Was I hurting him? Should I just pull my hand away? Had I broken the film, and interrupted his healing? I took a deep breath to calm, and slowly pulled my hand out. As the last finger left him the veins in the film stretched as though reaching out to each other and reconnected. The gelatin-like substance expanded once more and covered the hole seamlessly, as though it had never been there. My eyes widened when I realized the skin where my hand had rested a moment ago still glowed. I could see the outline of my hand on his chest. Then it began to dim until it disappeared.
I looked at my hand, then at his chest still startled, and turned, walking out of the cave.
ASRHIA
* * *
I will not give up on them. I can’t afford to.
* * *
Wiping the tears off my face, I stood in the passage circle and touched my Bhòidse seud-muineil—Voyage necklace. The next second, I was standing in my room. I reached for my hood and cringed. I had left my cloak in Eisha’s hut.
“Daingead! Now I’m going to have to go back for it. Ugh.”
I sighed and walked towards the bathroom. I needed a shower. I could go back during the night while she was sleeping. I was going to have to take a few days to figure out how to do this. Things were not going according to plan. Like, at all.
* * *
After the shower, I put on my academy uniform, and as usual, I stopped by my uncle's room before leaving to class.
I walked the hallway and smiled. The rainbow beams that shone through the glass ceilings with the sun rays of the morning, always made me smile. I loved my home. This was such a beautiful place. The architecture of this city alone was breathtaking. Our city was forged on hope, the dream of a better tomorrow… a better future. Nevertheless, a lot of tears were spilled, and a lot of suffering had been endured to get here. It had taken our clan so much work and many sacrifices to create the world we lived in today, and we appreciated every aspect of it. We highly valued who we were, our origins and our abilities. Nothing went unnoticed, but more importantly, nothing was taken for granted.
I lifted my fist and gently knocked on the door, in case he was sleeping.
“Come in, monkey.”
A sincere smile touched my lips. I slowly pushed the door open until my eyes settled on his face. "Hi, uncle. How are you doing this morning?"
"Who, me? I couldn't be better. You know me. It's only noon, and I've already ridden a horse on the sand mounds of the Arabian desert, swam in the sacred waters of Atlantis, discovered a Golden City hidden within the jungle, and now I'm just taking a small break before I help a determined archeologist find an ancient crystal skull. What have you done with your morning, little monkey?"
I chuckled, walking towards him. “Geez, you outdid yourself today. Compared to that, I’ve done absolutely nothing worth saying.”
I kissed his cheek and sat next to him on the bed. His eyes lit up as he looked at me. He had a way of making me feel like I was the most important person in the world. I gently caressed his cheek, careful not to touch the medicine inhaler attached to his nose. My gaze fell on him as it always did, I was unable to stop it. His body lay on the bed, immobile. He had slid a bit on the mattress, and he seemed to rest at an odd angle. Had Jennyver, his Healer not been by recently?
“Has Jennyver been here this morning? I asked, standing and reaching for his arms.
He rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. She was here a little while ago and replaced the medicine cartridge in my inhaler. I'm fine."
"Yet she didn't notice you weren't comfortable? I'm going to talk to her." I held his arms firmly and pulled him up slowly so that I wouldn't hurt him even more than he already was. He cringed slightly. "I'm sorry. I was trying my best not to hurt you."
Stepping back, I reached for a small pillow and lifted his head, laying it under the curve of his neck. The bed sensor scanned his body and sent the signal to his inhaler for the medicine dose to be released. He visibly relaxed as it took away the pain.
“Thank you,” He whispered closing his eyes.
I sat back on the bed and held his hand. My heart hurt to see him this way. He was an amazing man, loving, forgiving and so noble. He had been through so much. He didn't deserve to be paralyzed, stuck in bed for the rest of his life. No one did. Unfortunately, there were conditions nothing could heal, not even our powerful magic.
“Don’t.” He said, knowing exactly what I was thinking. “I’ve made peace with my life. You must too.”
I shook my head. "I don't want to. I can help you. I can fix this. I just need a couple of extra days to change my strategy. To figure out how to get through to her, but I know I can help her and you."
He sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to let this go. “Things not going as planned?”
I shook my head again. “It's so exhausting speaking so formally all the time. I never know if I'm using the correct grammatical structure.”
He offered me a small smile and searched my eyes as he waited for my real answer. I sighed, knowing I would have to answer sooner or later. "I didn't think it was going to be this hard."
He took a deep breath and looked at the tray placed in front of him, which held his personal TV monitor. “Power off.” The screen went black, responding to his voice command. “Retreat,” He said again, and the tray moved out of the way. “Lay with me, little monkey.”
I turned and laid next to him, resting my cheek on his shoulder. He kissed my forehead.
“You don’t need to do this, Asrhia. What’s done is done. I don’t like you risking your life this way. Especially not for me. I’m not worth it.”
"You are worth everything, uncle." I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. "I can change things. I can manage my ability better than any other Ovate, and I know everything that happened. I can make it so that this never happens to you. I can do this. They need my help you know they do. I will do this."
"My little monkey. I love you, but you are so stubborn. If something happens to you for traveling there, I will never forgive myself."
“Nothing will happen, and you didn’t ask for this. I’m doing this all on my own but I’m being careful, I promise. I don’t want you tied to a bed and in pain for the rest of your life, uncle.”
“I won’t be for much longer, and I’m at peace with that.”
“I’m not.” The tears escaped me. “I need more time with you. You are my best friend. I need you in my life, to be here for me, to see me grow up, and get married. I want you to give my husband a hard time and promise to kill him or something if he ever makes me cry.”
His eyes teared up. "You might be thinking of the wrong uncle." I smiled as another tear rolled down my cheek.
"It will be more scary if both of you threaten him.” He chuckled. “I want you to be part of my children’s lives like you are of mine. I'll always need you by my side, no matter how old I am, and I want you to be healthy and happy. I will change the past, for them… for you. I promise you. I will not stop until I do."
EISHA
* * *
I laid in bed that night thinking about everything I had learned. That trip to the future had offered so much clarity and managed to confuse me even more.
The words Asrhia shared with me, had formed images that I was unable to erase. I could not imagine putting anyone through the pain of not knowing where I was, or if there was anything left of me to still recover. Just thinking of the situation being reversed brought tears to my eyes. If Cyn ever disappeared like that… if Art was ever lost I
would rip the rainforest apart looking for him. He was my best friend. He had been there for me since we were kids. He understood me, he knew me, and he loved me.
I loved him too.
Yes, I loved him, but did I love him like my visions of him had revealed? The love I felt during the trances was something I had never felt before. A feeling too strong to actually exist. How can one love another with that overwhelming sense of need, of belonging and devotion? How can you ever remain yourself wanting to give every part of you to the one you love? Even as the questions crossed my mind I knew the answer. That was true love. It was the love Cyn and Bri shared, the one we all secretly aspired to one day find. A love more powerful than any ability in this world.
My hand gripped my chest as the need once again awoke in me. I shut my eyes fighting it but it was a senseless endeavor. No matter how much I pushed him away the truth was with every vision, every kiss, touch, and word we shared brought me closer to him. My skin tingled with the memory and I could not lie to myself any more. I wanted that love. I needed him. I needed to feel him be mine and I wanted to be his.
If being his felt just as the visions showed me, if we belonged to each other then letting go of the memory of Gildas could not be the wrong thing to do.
Perhaps Asrhia was right and I could learn how to turn this curse around and manage it. Maybe I could even master it.
I sat up on the bed as my heart constricted and raced all at the same time. I could not live my life afraid. The tears fell over my cheeks, as I finally understood the truth Asrhia spoke of.
It was time to let my heart heal.
It was time to let go.
CHAPTER 5. AWAKENED
Unwanted Magic (The Ancient Magic Series Book 3) Page 7