Suddenly, it was spring. Beautiful colored flowers filled the ground, the bushes and the trees. They were everywhere my eyes looked. I stood in the middle of a clearing, and at my feet, there was a big spiral of flowers and candles that began with me and expanded around me. I wore a beautiful white dress, and my hair was adorned with flowers. Cyn stood before me with a white shirt and pants, and a white, High Priest cloak. Briana stood right beside him. She had a crystal crown on her forehead and a gorgeous white dress with silver thread embroidery all around. A long white fabric covered her chest and fell backwards over her shoulders. It hung from her back like a cloak, and she held in her hand a long white oak staff with the most beautiful crystal I had ever seen on its top. My eyes roamed the flowered clearing once more, and I could see the Warriors and all our friends standing around us with stunning smiles on their faces. Realization dawned on me, this was a Handfasting Ceremony, and Cyn and Bri were the officiants.
Art suddenly appeared in the clearing. He was also dressed in white and held a white rose in his hand as he began to walk among the flowers and the candles on the ground. His face was still hidden by the hazy white mist as in all of my visions, but I knew it was he. I couldn't see his eyes or his smile yet I could feel his gaze on me as he slowly circled me, making his way inside the spiral towards my side. My heart burst with happiness, and I could not wait for our hands to be tied together and to love this man for the rest of my life. He was everything to me, and I had never thought that love would be this powerful. Only with him.
He finally stood before me and kissed my cheek. He gave me the white rose and looked at Cyn and Bri.
“I know this isn’t the custom but may I say a few words to my bride before we begin?”
Bri chuckled. "Go right ahead."
He held both my hands and brought them to his chest. “Mo chiad leannan—my first love…”
“Awe.” Everyone said in chorus, and we laughed.
Art cleared his throat. “As I was saying.” I chuckled. “Mo chiad leannan. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe the love I feel for you. You are with me as I wake up, during my day and when I finally close my eyes at night, and then all I want to do is hold you in my arms and love you. You are in every cell of my body, in my heart and part of my very soul. I never thought this day would come. I wished for it, but I didn't believe that you could ever love me the way I do. Now I stand in front of you, ready to pledge my heart and body to you and as I look into your eyes, I'm absolutely sure that you love me the same way I love you. I can't describe how it feels to know you love me too. I am blessed, and I only have the Goddess to thank because she gave me you. I will cherish every day, hour, minute and second with you and we will need about three huts for all the babies I want to give you." Everyone laughed, but the tears began falling from my eyes. "I would give my life for you in the blink of an eye Eisha Cinnia because you are the other half of me and I will be yours until the very last day of my existence." He cupped my cheeks and claimed my lips in an honest kiss, sealing his vow. He rested his forehead on mine and smiled. "I swear I will always love you… Scout's honor."
My eyes opened and found only darkness. Night had fallen in the forest. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and stood, feeling a modicum of relief. The vision had given me the strength I needed for what I must do next. It would hurt right now but the love I would share with Art, and our future together was more important to me than anything else.
* * *
I walked into Felix’s hut and found him sitting on the bed. The moment he saw me he straightened and stood.
“Are you ok? Was he furious with you? I’m sorry, Eisha. I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head as my chest tightened at the sight of him. “It is all right. You must not worry. Everything will be as it should.”
He frowned noticing the change in me and nodded. “Cynwrig said I have powers too, because of my mother… that I’m a Healer. Did you know?”
I nodded feeling the sting of guilt. “I knew. I am terribly sorry, Felix. I wanted to tell you myself but I could not.”
“I understand. Cynwrig said he would teach me what my gift meant, and that I didn’t need to worry. He would help me use it and master it. I guess it is my time to learn.”
I nodded but remained quiet, not truly knowing how to do this.
“I lost you didn’t I?”
The pain I thought I had blocked in my heart returned, implacable, and I could not stop the tears that fell from my eyes. I nodded unable to speak, and he walked towards me pulling me into his arms. I clung to him.
"Fuck. I am so sorry, Eisha. I never meant to cause you any problems with Art. I should have never kissed you. I should have never let myself need you the way I do. Is this insane love I feel for you that has possessed me and it won't let go of me. It hurts almost as much to love you, as it mends me. It's always inside me, overwhelming me and making me desperately need your touch. I am sorry. I truly am. I just… No, I have no excuses. I'm sorry."
I pressed my face to his chest as my heart seemed to split wide open. I did not want to let go of him. Forcing myself to pull away, I gazed into his eyes.
“I cannot come see you anymore. Ronan or someone else will replace me, make sure you have company and get everything you need. Cyn will decide.” His eyes filled with tears but he nodded. “Thank you for being there for me and helping me learn to control my gift. It has meant so much to me.”
A tear spilled from his eyes, but he smiled. "It was my pleasure." He gently wiped the tears from my face. "Who will help you now?"
"I am not sure. It is not important. You need not worry about it. I think I will stop practicing now."
“What? You can’t do that Eisha. You need to finish mastering your ability. You can’t lose everything because of me!”
I shook my head and smiled remembering the vision. “I am not losing everything. I have Art.”
He took a ragged breath as the pain my words had caused traveled through him. “I understand.”
His arms wrapped around me and he held me so tight, I felt as though I would never be able to walk away. What was happening to me? Why did it hurt so much?
"I spoke to Cynwrig about leaving the village to look for my father, and he agreed."
I pulled away and looked into his eyes shocked. "You are leaving?" He nodded, and I panicked. This was exactly what Asrhia had warned should never happen. "No, you cannot leave, Felix. We need you here."
"No, you don't. You have everything you need, remember? You have Art." The tears fell from my eyes once more, but he kissed them off my cheek. "It's ok. Don't worry about me. Cynwrig asked me just to give him one more month so he could at least teach me to use my ability. That it might help me in my new life. I wanted to be a doctor when I was a kid. Maybe I can be one now."
What was happening to me? I was drowning in agony. I was not strong enough to deal with this. It was too much. "I have to go," I whispered and tried to walk away, but he held me tighter.
"Wait. Please. Just… hang on." I shut my eyes and felt him lift my chin. When I opened them again the love in his gaze robbed me of breath. "I just want to say one more thing. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me and seeing a better man inside me, than what I was. You know, the first time I saw you here you promised me you would kill me." I chuckled as another tear fell. "You kept your promise." I frowned searching his eyes. "You did kill me. You killed the man that was full of misplaced hatred and doubt. The Roman that had followed generations after generations of crimes against the innocent, only because he was told to do so. You killed the spoiled man that had suffered so much pain and just didn't care anymore because he had fallen into an abyss. You killed the man that arrived here that day and made me who I am now. I know I have much more to grow, but I hope that whoever I become it's someone you can be proud of."
I wrapped my arms him tightly around his neck and cried. I did not have any words I could offer him. I just cried.
* * *
&
nbsp; I was not sure how much time passed until my tears slowed. Felix was still holding me close when I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. I could see the trail of the tears he had shed for me, but he smiled, and it was such a brilliant smile it reached my heart. Taking a settling breath, he let go of me and cupped my cheeks. His forehead rested on mine.
“I practiced this for a long time and never got to tell you. I guess it doesn’t matter now, but I’d like to say it anyway.”
I searched his eyes once again finding only love. “Please say it.”
He smiled. "Well you always enjoyed watching me make a fool of myself, so here it goes." I laughed, and he grinned. "No matter what happens you will always be a part of me, Eisha. Thank you for being Mo chiad leannan. I know that wherever life takes me, you will remain with me, and I promise always to love you… Scout's honor."
I gasped stumbling back. “What did you just say?”
He frowned, worried at my reaction. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I had Ronan teach me something in your language and I though my first love was fitting since I have never loved anyone before you. You taught me what love was. I’m so sorry, please don’t be upset. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”
He reached for me, but I moved out of his grasp. "No. No. It is not you, it is Art," I said, as my heart began to thunder in my chest.
He shook his head. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.” I turned around and headed for the door. “No! Eisha, please. Don’t leave like this. I’m sorry. Don’t leave this way, please!”
I swung the door open and ran as fast and as far away as I could from him.
The tears streamed down my face as his voice echoed in my mind.
“Mo chiad leannan… I promise always to love you, Scout’s honor.”
I burst through the trees and ran towards the river. The fight finally left me and my knees crumbled beneath me. My hands hit the ground, and I shut my eyes as the images from all the visions I had experienced with him returned to me. One after the other they replayed in my mind. I saw us in my hut, by the river, on the beach, at the winter solstice, receiving blessings, at the summer festival, making love, and finally at our wedding.
As the visions replayed in my mind’s eye, the haze that had concealed his face to me slowly disappeared, revealing Felix’s face. His brilliant smile and twinkling honey eyes took my breath away as our voices echoed in my ears.
“You pushed me… Yeah, I’m rough like that.”
“… please take my hand… I don't bite.”
“You think I love you?”
“I know you do. You haven't said it, but your lips do every time I kiss you….”
“Behave…”
“Why? It's fun to be naughty once in a while.”
“…You need not try to make me love you… Because I already do. With all my heart, in a way I never thought possible, I love you…”
“…I am yours, I have always been even before I knew I loved you, and I will always be. Scout’s honor…”
I sat on the ground, stunned and defeated. I had been wrong all this time. My eyes suddenly fell on Asrhia’s still form. She sat on a rock a few feet away from me.
“It is he, is he not? It has been Felix all along?”
She nodded offering me a kind smile. “It was Kevan all along.”
“Kevan?” I asked in a half gasp, remembering the name his mother gave him.
She looked towards the river. “What he told you before you ran away from him, was the truth. You killed Felix Cornelli, and allowed Kevan Duel to be reborn.”
Her gaze came back to me and when it settled on my eyes, it was unyielding. It reflected the experience of a woman much older than her.
“What happens next is entirely up to you. You can deny yourself true love because you don’t want to hurt Art and you have convinced yourself that his happiness deserves your sacrifice. Or you can follow your heart, help Kevan become the extraordinary man he will be, and claim the happiness you not only deserve but crave with all your heart.”
My heart constricted in my chest, and I swallowed, pressed by the options before me. "You are far too wise for your age."
A knowing smile curved her lips. “I have witnessed way too much to remain naïve.” She walked towards me and kissed my cheek. “I know you are scared, but I beg you to choose love, Eisha. A great deal of our future depends on it.”
I stared at her as she smiled one more, and disappeared before my eyes.
CHAPTER 15. MINE
One month later...
FELIX
* * *
My eyes widened as Cynwrig sliced his forearm wide open with the knife.
“Heal me,” he said, and his jaw worked from withstanding the pain. He hadn’t even used a spell to block it.
Cynwrig had spent all week testing my ability and everything I had learned from him so far, and today had been no exception. Spending this past month with him had taught me three things about him.
One. He was a remarkable man. I didn’t think I had ever met anyone that actually embodied the meaning of the word noble. He was good through and through. B. He stood for what he believed was right, and when he believed in someone, he would defy whoever he needed to and defend them. He believed in me and knowing that meant a huge deal. And lastly, the man was not afraid of pain.
“You Druids don’t fucking play around, do you?” I cringed at the expletive. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to curse.”
Cynwrig looked at me, amused.
I lifted my hand, and as I concentrated on my desire to heal the wound my finger began to glow. The blue light transferred from my fingertip to his skin while I traced the injury. The nerves stretched reconnecting with each other, and the gap slowly closed.
I grinned. “This is so fuc.. freaking cool.” I corrected and sighed. “I really need to stop cursing.”
“I’m assuming that is Eisha talking, not you?” Cynwrig asked, examining his arm.
My heart tightened at the memory of mia Bella Stella. I had tried so hard not to think of her, but as ridiculous as it sounded even in her absence the love I felt for her had grown. Torturing me with every breath, I took.
"Why do you say that?" I asked pulling my gaze from him. Grabbing the knife, I pressed it against my palm and slid it down, slicing it open. "Mother fuc…" I pressed my lips together not to finish that sentence. Cynwrig laughed. I looked at my hand and grimace. I had cut way deeper than I had intended. I closed my eyes concentrating on the pain while my body healed itself. It hurt less than thinking about her.
“Well, the women we love tend to talk through us. Briana certainly does. I have her voice in the back of my mind half the day.”
I chuckled and opened my eyes. He was smiling. “You still love Eisha, do you not?”
I frowned looking at my hand as the gash closed. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
“Then why are you leaving her?”
My gaze went back to his. He was actually serious. “Because she is with your brother, Cynwrig. She doesn’t love me. What kind of question is that?”
“A stupid one apparently,” He answered amused, yet there was something in his eyes.
“How is she?” I asked, instantly regretting it. I had been so careful during the last month. I needed to forget about her, not dig myself deeper into this black hole I was leaving in since she left. Oh, who the hell was I kidding? She was always on my mind, whether I wanted it or not. The image of the pain and shock in her eyes as she ran away from me killed me every time it appeared.
He shrugged, and I frowned. "What the hell does that mean?"
"What does it matter how she is, you are leaving this place, are you not?" He sliced his other arm and put it in front of me. "Heal me."
I opened my right hand and cupped his bicep. My full palm began to glow this time, and instantly the light transferred to him, mending the wound.
I sighed, defeated, and threw the knife on the table. “Why are you doing this
to me?”
“I am practicing new methods of torture.”
I chuckled sarcastically. “Yeah, well. Congratulations, you nailed it.” I looked at him. “Please, tell me. How is she?”
“She is well. Continuing Briana’s training with the Warriors, and back to hiding from the world.”
“What do you mean?”
“She stopped practicing her gift.”
"Fuck." I shook my head as the pain became alive inside me. "She had gone so far, and she was so excited about it. She was happy about the things she was learning to do. How can Art let her stop? How can he let her quit something that is part of her, and she needs to master?" I asked, pissed off and saw Cynwrig's eye's widened. I silently cursed. "I'm sorry. I know he's your brother and I don't mean to offend you, but…"
“But he is wrong.” He finished for me.
I took a calming breath. “No, this is my fault. This is all because of me.” I stood and kicked the chair. “She helped me, forgave me, and made me a new man. She gave me a reason to live again, and all I did was fuck up her life!” I looked at him feeling worthless. “You should have let me die at the lake.”
He searched my eyes. “You rather die than not be with her?”
I nodded looking at the table and reaching for the knife. Cynwrig stopped my hand from taking it.
"Well, I am terribly sorry to be the one to tell you this, but if you try to kill yourself, you will heal."
“Typical.” I chuckled and removed my hand. “You are enjoying this aren’t you?”
He smirked. "Perhaps just a bit." Sighing he stood in front of me. "I know what it is to rather die than not be with the woman you love. I would die in the blink of an eye for Briana. I love her with all my being and soul. There is no one in this realm or any other that can fill my heart the way she does. She is made from my essence and as such she was made for me. I am as certain of that as I am that the moon will shine on us tonight. If someone were to tell me today that he loves her better than I can, and that we do not belong together, I would destroy this world proving him wrong. She is mine, as I am hers, and that does not mean we own each other and condemn each other to our will. When I say she is mine, it means she is mine to love, to understand and respect, to protect and to make sure that she is happy for the rest of her life because that is what she does for me. Her mere presence on this earth gives me life, and tells me that nothing will ever be enough to express to her how much I love her, but that I should try nonetheless."
Unwanted Magic (The Ancient Magic Series Book 3) Page 25