by Joan Rylen
“Yes, and I like that word, so zip it.”
Vivian threw her hand up and gave her a “whatever” look.
“This picture doesn’t look very old,” Lucy said, picking it up and looking at it closely.
“It’s starting to look like Al and Shorty definitely know each other.” Kate moved back to the file cabinet and gave the lock another pull to no avail. “I would assume it is a ‘business’ relationship.”
“I don’t want to believe it, but there are lots of coincidences,” Vivian said.
“Al seems like such a nice guy,” Lucy said.
“But if he’s in cahoots with Shorty, it can’t be a good thing.” Wendy noted. “Let’s keep looking around, maybe we can find some other evidence.”
“And look around for the keys to the boat, in case we have to make a break for it,” Vivian reminded them.
Lucy shook her head. “There will be no break-making needed, Viv.”
“Hey, I’ve got to get back to the States one way or the other.”
“We are going to get the bottom of this, Viv. I can feel it,” Kate reassured her.
They took a few more minutes going through the bookcase and the desk but didn’t find anything of significance. Not even anything about the tequila business.
“Let’s move on and see what’s behind door number two,” Lucy said in a bad game-show voice.
“Shorty must have another office at Tiempo Loco headquarters,” Vivian said. “Be good to get in there.”
Lucy, Wendy and Kate just stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. They all started to respond at once when they suddenly heard the other door upstairs open and close. Lucy clapped her hands over her mouth and motioned for them to hide behind the desk.
They didn’t need any convincing.
“Holy shit!” Lucy whispered frantically. “What if they come in here? We’ll be dead meat!”
“Sonofabitch!” Wendy said as quietly as possible. “There’s nowhere to hide really.”
“How about we lock the door?” Kate asked, gesturing toward it.
“We so should have thought of that.” Vivian delicately crawled out from behind the desk and quietly turned the lock. Whew!
They stayed behind the desk, crouched down, for several minutes. Vivian’s nerves were shot and she dealt with it by giggling. Pretty soon Lucy was too. Wendy had her finger on her mouth, telling them to be quiet but it was too late. Kate started in and it was over. No turning back. They held hands over mouths and giggled quietly, wiping tears from their eyes.
After a few minutes and a few deep breaths, Vivian spoke. “Why are we still crouching back here? My sunburn is kickin’ my ass. Plus, the door is locked.”
“Because,” Wendy said, “Shorty doesn’t have a deadbolt, only the lock on the doorknob. Anyone can pick that, right?”
They heard the door next door open and close again and held their breaths.
The doorknob to the study jiggled a couple of times and someone shoved on the door, but it held in place. They heard footsteps going downstairs and waited behind the desk for a few more minutes. Just because.
Finally, Vivian stood up, her knees quivering and her brow wet with sweat. “I think the coast is clear. Let’s go check out what’s behind the other door, but let’s hurry.”
Wendy shook her head. “I don’t know if my nerves can take much more.”
“It’ll be fine,” Vivian said. “Let’s just make it quick.”
“Yeah, right. Famous last words,” Kate moaned.
“I have to pee. Maybe there’s a bathroom next door,” Lucy said hopefully.
Vivian slowly unlocked the door and peeked out. Seeing no one, they left the study and entered the next room, which must have been Shorty’s bedroom. It was huge and the décor reflected the rest of the house, very clean, modern.
“I didn’t know people actually lived like this,” Vivian said.
“Yeah, apparently Shorty’s doin’ well,” Kate said, flipping a switch that turned on soft, cove lighting above the extra-wide platform bed.
Vivian walked over to the sleek wall of windows that opened out to a broad balcony. “Holy crap-ola. Look at this view.”
“Stay away from the windows, Viv! And Kate, turn off those lights,” Wendy said. “People are all over the backyard. They might see us.”
“Oh my god! Look! There’s my birthday kiss guy!” Vivian pointed out the window.
Lucy popped up beside her. “Ooh la la. Yep, there he is, Pasqual. He’s hotty hot hot. Let’s go get you a belated birthday kiss!”
“I’m in!”
“Door number four was definitely a damn good door,” Wendy said. “But y’all need to back up. We’re gonna get busted in here for sure.”
Kate hurried to the light switch and flipped it off. Lucy and Vivian reluctantly backed away from the windows.
“There aren’t a whole lot of places to search other than the nightstands and under the bed,” Kate noted.
“I’ll check the bathroom,” Lucy called as she walked across the room, “and give it a whirl!”
Vivian headed over to the sleek nightstand on the left and Kate and Wendy went to the one on the right.
“Let’s see what kind of music Shorty listens to.” Kate reached for the iPod docking station sitting on the nightstand.
The room filled with the ’80s hair band Poison, playing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”
“Seriously?” Lucy called out from the bathroom. “That’s what he listens to while he’s Kama Sutra-ing?”
They couldn’t help but bust out laughing.
“I figured him more as a porn techno-mix kind of guy,” Vivian said, giggling.
Wendy, trying to keep a straight face, told Kate to shut it off in case someone walked up the stairs and heard it. “Besides, it’s putting awful images in my head of the threesome.”
Gross!
Still smiling, she told Vivian to check behind the picture hanging on that side of the bed. She then peeked behind the one on her side. Neither of them found anything behind their pictures.
Kate dropped down to her knees and pulled up the bed skirt. “Nothin’ under here. Not even a lost sock.”
Wendy and Vivian almost simultaneously opened the nightstand drawers, both shocked at what they found.
“Bingo!” Wendy shouted.
Kate stood up and looked in Wendy’s drawer. “Holy shit!” she said, pointing into it.
“Don’t touch it!” Wendy yelled. “We don’t want your fingerprints on it!”
“I’m not going to touch it,” Kate said, all hint of laughter gone and obviously disturbed at what she saw.
“What is it?” Vivian asked, “because I’m not touchin’ my discovery, either.”
Lucy came running out of the bathroom, her hands dripping wet, and went over to Wendy and Kate. “What’d you find?”
She looked down and gasped.
“A gun,” Wendy said.
“Fuckin’ A. That is some gun,” Lucy whispered.
“Is that a box of bullets?” Kate asked, peering further into the drawer, careful not to get too close.
“It is,” Wendy said. “The box says they are for a Smith and Wesson 1911 .38 Super.”
“Sounds like it would get the job done,” Vivian said, shaking off a chill that had run up her spine.
Wendy closed the drawer with her knee and wiped off the handle with her dress. “What’s in your drawer, Viv?”
“The mother lode of sex toys.” Vivian closed the drawer, not wanting to picture Shorty and The Ladies playing with those. “This is one naughty dude.”
Kate, apparently intrigued, went over and opened the drawer. “What on earth does this do?” she asked, pointing to a blue dolphin-shaped, battery-operated device.
Lucy suddenly shushed them. “I think I hear someone coming up the stairs again!”
They stood frozen, like deer in the headlights, listening.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Lucy waved them over toward the
bathroom. “Quick, follow me!”
CHAPTER 57
THEY TIPTOED as fast as they could after Lucy, following her into a man’s closet which was dimly light by a small window.
Vivian, slowest to run and last to enter, pulled the door closed gently. They waited, listening.
They heard the distinctive click, click, click of women’s heels on the marble floor.
“At least it’s not Shorty,” Kate said.
Lucy covered her mouth, holding back an “oh shit!” Her eyes relayed the message.
They heard some shuffling and then the obvious sound of tinkling.
Like earlier, Vivian’s fear turned into giggles. She kept her hand over her mouth as Wendy pushed her into Shorty’s pants. “Don’t you dare make a peep!” she whispered threateningly.
Vivian contained herself enough to remove her hand.
Lucy spoke softly. “I saw a copy of SoapStuds next to the toilet. I had to pee, so I went ahead and used their bathroom. Anyway, Jon was on the cover. Guess Shorty and The Ladies have been doing their research on him.”
Suddenly they heard a bit of an explosion.
“That’s not very lady-like,” Kate giggled.
“Shit happens,” Wendy said.
“I’d like to read the magazine, but not that copy.” Vivian said, and laughed quietly.
This brought on a new round of the giggles for all of them.
A few moments later they heard a flush, followed shortly by another flush.
“At least she did the courtesy flush,” Wendy whispered. They all covered their mouths and stifled laughs.
Water ran in the sink, then the sound of heels on marble again.
“Let’s give it a few minutes before we open the door,” Kate said. “To let her leave and air things out!”
Vivian took the opportunity to look around. The closet was the size of a small bedroom and Shorty had more clothes than most men accumulate over a lifetime. An island with drawers on two sides sat in the middle. One wall was lined with shelving containing row after row of shoes, hats and sunglasses.
How many pairs of sunglasses does one person need?
“Look, he has Bears, Bulls and White Sox hats,” Kate pointed out.
“Quite the Chicago sports fan,” Vivian said sarcastically.
“No Cubs hat?” Wendy asked.
“Guess he’s not a closet Cubs fan.” Kate poked through his dirty clothes with a hangar.
Hahahaha. Good one, Kate.
Vivian went through the drawers in the island. Nothing exciting, just the usual men’s undergarments and socks. “Shorty is a boxer guy, not briefs,” she called out. “He also wears wife-beaters.”
Lucy opened a cabinet in the corner, revealing a collection of long, gold, machismo chain necklaces. She donned the chain with a large J. She pointed a finger at them and said in a crappy Mr. T impersonation, “I pity the fool who wears this necklace.”
Vivian couldn’t hold back any longer and busted into a laughing fit. Kate handed Lucy the White Sox hat. “Put this on, a little cock-eyed.”
“Hehehehehe…you said cock.” Vivian could be so trashy.
“Here, put on Shorty’s White Sox jersey,” Wendy said, tossing it to her.
This completed the ensemble, and Vivian snapped a picture. Classic.
Kate opened the door a little and listened for any sounds. “I think we’re in the clear. Put back the outfit, Lucy, and let’s get outta here.”
Lucy removed the hat and the jersey but paused with the necklace. “What do you think? Souvenir?”
“No!” they all whispered in unison.
“Check out the size of this Jacuzzi tub.” Kate said stepping out of the closet then into the tub. She sat down and stretched out. “I think all four of us would fit in here.”
“Let’s see,” Lucy said and climbed in. “Yeah, there’s plenty of room for two more people.”
Vivian gingerly climbed in, too. “I need me one of these.”
Wendy was last in. “Wow, he is over the top on everything.”
Vivian pulled out the camera and took a shot of all their feet joined together in the tub. Kate cracked open the bubble bath and took a sniff.
Lucy looked across the large expanse of bathroom and pointed. “I didn’t have a chance to open that door. I bet it’s The Ladies’ closet.”
“This Carrera marble is nice stuff,” Kate said and stepped out of the tub.
Lucy opened the only remaining door they had not checked behind. She made her best Angelic sound, then said, “This is my dream closet. Look at the design, Kate. This is fabulous.”
“I am going to have to take pictures so I can use this as a model for the house I’m going to build me and Shaun someday.” Kate got her camera out of her bag.
“Okay, enough of this,” Vivian said, knowing they’d pushed it about as far as they could. “Let’s head back downstairs and mingle, maybe find out who some of these people are.”
“Just a few more pictures,” Kate mumbled.
Wendy looked in the cabinets under Shorty’s sink. “Only the usual manscaping supplies.” She then looked under The Ladies’ cabinets, “Oh, yuck. Feminine products, including douche. I’d just rather not know these things about them.”
Vivian opened the drawers in the bathroom vanities. Shorty had a year’s supply of toothpaste in one drawer, six roll-on deodorants and about ten bars of soap. “Shorty buys in bulk,” she announced.
The Ladies’ vanity was about the same, except they also had tons of makeup.
“I think I found the town of Cover Girl,” Vivian said and glanced in the mirror at her crimson face. Nope, wouldn’t do any good.
Kate had hopped into the shower. “Girls, y’all gotta check this out,” she said, snapping more pictures. “Shorty could have a party in here!”
“Uh, I think he does. How does this thing even work?” Vivian asked. “I don’t see a shower head anywhere.”
“You see the slits in the ceiling and along the sides? Those shoot out streams of water and they’re motion activated.” Kate waved her hand in front of a thin stainless panel, and sure enough, a perfect vertical jet of water appeared and splashed onto the iridescent mosaic floor, getting Vivian’s feet wet.
“The water sprays in various ways, like rain, a cascade, a heavy downpour, whatever,” Kate said. “Those pinholes are lights, too. I bet they change colors.”
They got out of the shower and walked back into the bedroom, heading toward the door. Kate paused at the nightstand and picked up a remote control. “This has too many buttons on it to be for just the TV. Let’s see what else it does.”
Just as Wendy held up her hand in protest, a section of ceiling opened up and something lowered into the bedroom.
“What the hell is that?” Wendy stammered.
“Holy crap, is that what I think it is?” Vivian asked.
Kate walked over to the apparatus, inspecting it. “My my my…I do believe what we have here is a sex swing.”
“And how do you know that?” Vivian asked, eyebrows raised.
“It’s obvious!” Kate responded. “This is the seat, and these two straps hold up your feet, and these along the back hold up your shoulders and head. Here, I’ll show you.”
Lucy stepped between her and the swing. “Hold it right there. God knows what kind of germs are on that thing. Let me look for some Lysol in the bathroom.”
“It’s under Shorty’s sink,” Wendy informed her.
She reappeared with a spray can and took it over to the swing and doused it top to bottom.
“I can’t believe you want to touch it, much less get in it,” Lucy said as she went to put the Lysol up.
“You and Shaun must be kinky!” Wendy said.
“I’m workin’ on him!” Kate said and laughed, then skillfully maneuvered herself into the swing.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve been in one of those before,” Vivian said, watching her contort herself. “That would kill my sunburn
.”
Kate gave her a sly smile.
Wendy and Lucy just stood and stared. “Wow” was all they could manage.
“Voila!” she said. “Give me a push!”
“No push, but I am taking a picture,” Vivian said.
“Damn girl, you look like a pro,” Lucy commented.
“Okay, let’s see you get yourself out of that contraption so we can head downstairs,” Wendy said. “We need to find Pierre. He’s probably wondering where the hell we went.”
“Million bucks he wouldn’t guess where Kate’s at right now!” Vivian said.
Kate wiggled out of the swing and grabbed the remote. She pushed buttons trying to get it to retract back into the ceiling. Lights flickered, the flat screen turned on and off, the fan moved and the drapes started to close.
The swing remained.
“Crap! What are we going to do?” Vivian asked.
Wendy, already standing at the door, said, “We get the hell outta here. Leave the swing.”
“Maybe it’ll give them inspiration tonight!” Lucy said.
This got a round of “ewwwees” as they headed out the door.
CHAPTER 58
THE GIRLS snuck out of Shorty’s domain, through the man-cave and back downstairs. They found Rodney, the masseur, in the middle of the living room gleefully dancing, waving and making a fool of himself. “Hey, girls!” he called.
Lucy waved and made a drink sign. He gave the okay, then pointed toward the kitchen.
They made their way through the crowd to the bar. Rodney got there first and scooted the bartender out of the way. “I’ve got this one, honey,” he said.
The bartender didn’t look too happy about Rodney being in her bar.
“I’m making you girls a Rodney Special,” he said excitedly, reaching for martini glasses. He grabbed several ingredients and started pouring and shaking.
“You’re shakin’ it better than Shakira,” Lucy said and laughed.
He skillfully poured five beige beverages, then dropped a little red kiss of grenadine in the middle of each glass. So lovely. So Rodney.
He delicately handed each of them a glass.