His first impulse was to protest. It meant something. How could kissing her not mean anything? Smothering a sigh, he forced himself to come back to reality. The only thing it meant was that he might not lose his job. He couldn’t allow himself to think this subterfuge with Tessa could lead to anything else. He wouldn’t use her like that. He could never offer her more than friendship.
She watched him as if wary of his next move.
“Right,” he conceded. “This is just for show.”
Pressing her lips together in a tight line, she studied him. What was going on in her head? He considered asking, but he figured she wouldn’t tell him if he did.
She relaxed into the cushion, and he wondered if was too soon to kiss her again. Probably. Sitting at opposite ends of the couch, they stared at each other. Theoretically, kissing her was supposed to help acclimate her to his touch. But now, the only thing he could think of was how badly he wanted to taste her.
Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to get a grip. “How about dinner?”
She blinked in apparent confusion. “What?”
He couldn’t blame her. He was sure he’d gone from looking as if he wanted to devour her, to being practically disinterested. “The party is tomorrow. I thought maybe we could go wander around the street fair and practice in public.”
Her gaze widened and darted toward the windows. She looked almost nervous.
“Are you okay, angel?”
“Yeah. Fine,” she rushed to say. Turning back to him, her lips curved in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I hope this isn’t your subtle way of telling me you’ve got an exhibitionist bent.”
He laughed. “No. But for you, I’d develop one.”
For a moment, her smile held a hint of sadness, but just as quickly, it was gone. “That’s okay. No need to trouble yourself on my account.” She rose from the couch and brought their empty bottles to the kitchen. “Where do you want to eat?”
As if a switch had been thrown, their relationship returned to normal. The disquiet that had permeated the room a few moments earlier had vanished. It was as if he’d never kissed her. Was it that she simply didn’t care or that she was able to compartmentalize her feelings better than most people? This was a prime example of why he didn’t date women like Tessa—they were too damn hard to figure out.
“So you want to go?”
Resolve settled over her features, and she nodded.
“It’s a nice evening,” he said. “I figured we could browse the vendors and get something to eat while we walk around.”
* * * *
They fell into an easy rhythm as they wandered through the darkening streets. During the summer and fall, Oakdale’s independent artists and musicians set up booths on the weekends. Patrons could buy anything from a handmade sweater to a serenade. Tessa enjoyed wandering through the rows of merchants. Zander didn’t care for the crowds, but he was beginning to realize that there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do to make her smile.
He glanced at the woman by his side. In deference to the chilly weather, she wore a bulky sweater with a long, denim skirt. Quintessential librarian wear and she was still the sexiest woman he’d ever known. He wanted her arms wrapped around him. Again.
Zander couldn’t remember enjoying a date more, but every once in a while, a troubling sensation prodded him. It felt as though an invisible, third person had accompanied them on their walk. Solidifying his discomfort, Tessa often scanned the area around them as if searching for someone. The farther they moved from the house the jumpier she seemed.
“Who are you looking for?” he finally asked.
Her head whipped around to face him. “No one.” After a pause, she added, “I mean, no one in particular. There’s a jewelry maker that sometimes sets up here, and I didn’t want to miss her.”
He couldn’t believe Tessa would lie to him, but something didn’t feel right. He sighed inwardly. Maybe, it was just him. The more time he spent with her, the more he wanted to be with her—a feeling that was foreign and definitely disconcerting.
She peered intently around the area as they walked. She could be looking for the elusive jewelry maker, who Zander was beginning to doubt existed, but another more chilling thought occurred to him. Her behavior reminded him of Julia in the days before she died. An ex-lover had been stalking her for months. As the threats escalated, so did Julia’s fright. Worry knotted his gut. What the hell was going on with Tessa?
He slipped his arm around her waist and tugged her against his body as she stopped to listen to several college-aged guys playing acoustic guitar near the fountain. One of the musicians nodded in their direction. Zander recognized him from his Criminal Mind class.
Now seeming completely at ease, Tessa returned his embrace and laid her head on his shoulder as they stood silently listening to the music. If someone was threatening her, he wanted to know about it. And put an end to it. A lump of tenderness rose and settled in his throat. He gently smoothed a stray lock of her hair from her face.
She tilted her head up. “You’re really good at this fake relationship thing,” she murmured.
“It’s a gift.”
She laughed. “I think I’m doing a bit better, too. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble being believable.”
Disappointment nagged at him. For the first time in his life, he questioned his decision to avoid love. Tessa was the only woman in twelve years who even made him consider the possibility. She made him feel things no other woman ever had. She made him want to take chances.
Maybe, he was blowing his worry over Tessa’s behavior out of proportion. After all, she incited feelings he’d refused to acknowledge since Julia’s death. This could be his mind’s way of dealing with the anxiety of experiencing these emotions. He smiled grimly. Being a forensic psychologist didn’t make interpreting his own mindset any easier.
Tessa felt right in his arms in a way no one else ever had. As he looked at her, an image rose in his memory. Niko standing at Julia’s casket, refusing to leave her side. Zander would never forget the haunted expression of pain and anguish on his brother’s face.
He pulled Tessa closer. Was he willing to give up what might be the best thing that had ever happened to him because of fear? Julia had died and Niko might as well have, but that didn’t mean he had to.
“Hey. You okay?”
Zander focused on Tessa, realizing he’d drifted off. “Sorry. I was just thinking about my brother. He’d really like you.”
He wasn’t exactly lying. Niko would have…a long time ago.
Her eyes darkened with concern. “I’m not going to push you, but you know you can always talk to me, right?”
“I know, angel.”
Her compassion wound around him, and he realized how easy it would be to tell her anything. Maybe, some day but not tonight. Tonight, he didn’t want the ghosts of the past to come between them. He didn’t want to be another sad story to her. He didn’t want pity.
She searched his face as if she could find the answers written on his skin. Finally, she smiled in defeat. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
“Sure.”
They headed for a cart that sold souvlaki and Greek spinach pie. She pulled her wallet from her purse, but by the time she got it open, he’d paid for their meals.
“Hey!” she said.
“My treat.”
“This isn’t a real date. I’ll pay for my own.”
How often would she bring that up?
“You’re doing me a favor. The least I can do is buy you dinner.”
She rolled her eyes but conceded.
They sat on a park bench near a tree strung with colorful Chinese lanterns and ate. Zander enjoyed the quiet peace of the night as they watched some of the merchants pack their wares. Tessa straightened beside him.
“There she is.” Discarding her dinner trash, she pulled Zander toward a table covered with brightly colored scarves and jewelry.
Obviously, she’d been
telling the truth.
Tessa examined several beaded bracelets, trying on a blue one. Necklaces hung from a spinning rack in the middle of the table.
He pushed it absently, and a pendant caught his eye. Nestled among faeries, flowers and beads, a small, silver heart hung from a delicate chain. He picked it up. On closer inspection, he saw that angel wings formed the heart shape.
It was perfect for Tessa.
He laughed inwardly at himself. He’d gone from relationship-phobic to contemplating of buying jewelry for a woman. His closed his hand around it and considered putting it back. Jeez. What was the matter with him? It was just a necklace, not an engagement ring. Besides, no matter what, she was his friend, and this made a nice thank you gift. He glanced up. She had moved on to next table. While her back was turned, he quickly paid for the pendant.
Zander followed Tessa and slid his arm around her waist, nuzzling her hair. The fading notes of her sweet, spicy perfume drew him closer. “Mmm, you smell good.”
She didn’t even flinch. Maybe, the desensitization therapy wasn’t so far off the mark, after all.
“I’ve got something for you,” he murmured in her ear.
“Oh?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it a bad time to tell you I don’t like surprises?”
He shrugged. “It’s a little late.” For as long as he’d known her, she’d been a creature of habit, firmly entrenched in the predictable. The fact that she didn’t like surprises wasn’t a shock.
She eyed him suspiciously. “What is it?”
“You don’t trust me?” He realized in a moment of startling clarity that she didn’t. Not really. The thought stung more than it should have. More than it would have if she’d been anyone else. When had he ever wanted a woman’s trust so badly?
He pulled her from the rows of vendors to stand near a reflection pool that mirrored the rising moon. He lifted the hand he still held and placed the pendant on her palm.
“It made me think of you,” he said as she studied it. “I figured you could use your own set of wings.”
She ran her finger over the delicately etched feathers and smiled. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”
Zander lifted it from her palm and motioned for her to turn around. She complied, lifting her hair and exposing her graceful neck. He fastened the clasp, fingers brushing her warm skin. Unable to help himself, he lowered his lips and kissed the gentle curve where her neck met her shoulder.
Her breath caught in her throat before shuddering out in a sigh. That faint sound made him want more. Made him greedy for her. His lips trailed up the side of her neck to the sensitive spot behind her ear. “Turn around.”
She did, her eyes wide and luminous in the falling night.
He regarded her silently, ignoring the flow of people moving past them. He’d never bought into that whole time-standing-still scenario, but as he stood there staring into her eyes, it seemed as if everything else ceased to exist. He concentrated on the shape of Tessa’s mouth. Pink and full, her lips beckoned to him.
“More practice?” she asked, her voice breathy.
He shrugged. “It can’t hurt.”
“It does need to be believable,” she whispered. Leaning toward him, her gaze dropped to his mouth. She grasped the front of his shirt and tugged him forward.
He didn’t need any coaxing. Her lips met his, soft and warm and everything he’d been missing. She tasted like heaven and he wanted more. Zander pulled her to him, aware that she offered no resistance. She twined her arms around his neck, playing with the hair at his nape. He wanted her touch everywhere.
Her breasts pressed against his chest as he drew her closer. A breathy sigh escaped her lips, and his cock hardened at the sound. What he wouldn’t give to back her up against the wall and bury himself inside her. It was almost impossible to remember that they were in public. It was even more difficult to remember this was supposed to be make-believe.
Earlier, when she’d responded to his kiss, he’d pulled back, not wanting to push her. Now, he lost himself in the sensation of holding her like he’d always wanted to. Sliding his hands over her body, he couldn’t get enough of her. His fingers slid beneath the hem of her sweater, and the heat from her skin practically seared his hand. He wanted more. He wanted to cup her breasts, feel her nipples harden at his touch, suck the tight buds into his mouth while she cried out.
Trying to rein himself in, he raised his head slightly but she traced his upper lip with the tip of her tongue. Who was he kidding? He groaned and plunged into her. She tasted even sweeter than he remembered. She opened beneath his fevered onslaught and clutched at his hair. Her primal hunger staggered him.
Tessa didn’t show any sign of stopping. Instead, she slid her hand up and down his body as if crazy to touch him. Leaving her lips, he feathered kisses along her jawbone, moving toward her ear. Abruptly, she stiffened in his arms.
“Tessa?” Pulling back, he looked into her face. Had he pushed the boundaries of their friendship too far?
Her eyes open and fear-filled, she focused on a spot across the shadowed street. He turned his head, following the direction of her gaze, but he saw nothing unusual.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She didn’t answer.
“Tessa?” He turned her head to face him. “What’s wrong?”
She shook herself as if waking from a dream and pulled from his embrace. “Nothing.” She smiled suddenly. “I’m just tired.”
Her smile, plastic and unconvincing, needled him. Though she tried to project tranquility, tension rolled off her in waves. He should still be reeling from the taste of her on his lips, the feel of her in his arms. Instead, dread settled low in his gut as the memory of finding Julia’s lifeless body rose in his mind.
Something had spooked Tessa, and she wouldn’t tell him. Why? He wanted her with an intensity that unnerved him, but above all, they were friends. It wasn’t like her to lie. He looked into her face. Though she tried to hide it, he saw her panic.
He glanced over his shoulder again. Had someone been watching them? Someone who frightened Tessa? Protective fury roared through his blood. If someone wanted to hurt Tessa, he’d damn well find out.
Chapter Six
Despite the security Zander’s embrace offered, Tessa pushed from his arms. Apprehension slithered across the back of her neck, but she tried to keep the fear at bay. Someone had been watching them, but the person she’d glimpsed wasn’t necessarily her stalker. It could have been anyone who’d noticed her and Zander. They had been making out in the middle of the street.
Zander’s brow creased with worry. “I’m not buying the ‘nothing’s wrong’ line, so let’s try again. What’s the matter?”
What version of the truth would she tell? She peered over his shoulder. Whoever had been there was gone. Maybe, she’d imagined the whole thing because of nerves. If it really had been her stalker, wouldn’t he still be standing there?
“It’s stupid,” she began, meeting Zander’s gaze. “I thought I saw…an ex-boyfriend over there, and it startled me.”
“An ex?” Zander looked skeptical. She couldn’t blame him.
“The relationship didn’t end well.” She left the rest to his imagination, because she sure as hell wasn’t telling him the truth. He could fill in the blanks, and they could both go their merry way.
“What happened? Did he hurt you?” His worry morphed into anger. She almost expected him to ask for the guy’s name and address so he could pound the crap out of him.
“No. Nothing like that,” she hurried to say, ignoring the stab of guilt her lie caused. Since yesterday, she’d told one lie after another. Each one hurt a little more.
He stared at her, obviously waiting for more of an explanation.
She swallowed hard. “It just surprised me.”
A smile softened his expression. “And you hate surprises.”
“Exactly.” She wasn’t sure if he believed her, but he seemed willing to go along with
her explanation.
She toyed with the necklace, still stunned he’d given it to her. She knew it wasn’t more than a gesture of friendship, but that alone was precious beyond words.
“Do you want to head back?” he asked.
“Yeah. I am tired, and tomorrow’s the big day.”
He frowned. He visibly struggled with something, but before he could speak, an older couple approached them. Tessa studied them as unobtrusively as she could, but neither one seemed familiar.
“Zander, good to see you,” the man boomed.
Zander shook his hand. “Alex, Helen, how are you?”
He introduced the couple to her, and they made the sort of polite small talk Tessa had never been any good at. Turned out they both taught in the History Department at Holbrook. Tessa nearly choked when Zander introduced her as the love of his life. She reminded herself that was the whole point of pretending in the first place, but hearing those words tugged at her heart anyway.
Eventually, they were able to extract themselves from the talkative couple and head toward home. When they were out of earshot, Tessa turned to him. “The love of your life? Don’t you think that’s a bit much?”
“Nah.” He grinned. “Alex is probably the biggest gossip on campus, and I’m pretty sure they saw us kissing.”
She tried to tamp down the disappointment. Of course, he’d kissed her for the benefit of the audience. The way she’d responded, no doubt he thought she was sex-starved and desperate. Which obviously she was—a fact she hadn’t realized until they’d started this sham of a relationship.
Regret at her behavior after the assault usually dampened any desire she’d felt in subsequent relationships. Unfortunately, Zander called to everything primal within her. The sexuality she’d suppressed for so long wanted out. This facade couldn’t be over soon enough.
He lifted her chin, and she met his gaze. “You don’t have to do this, Tess.”
“What?”
“If it’s too stressful to fake a relationship, we can forget about it.”
Vengeful Shadows Page 7