The way Amaryllis stilled and her gaze shot in her direction made Ari hold her breath and the hairs on her arms stand on end. Whatever Jorges was saying had to be about Bale.
“We’re on our way. Thank you, my friend.” Amaryllis ended the call and closed her eyes. She let out a slow breath as she shook her head. “Oh, Bale. The man is fortunate I love him so. Come along, Ari. We are needed.”
Chapter Twelve
Amaryllis allowed her just enough time to change out of her work clothes into a more comfortable skirt and ballet flats before pushing her out the door and toward the elevator.
“Explain now.” Ari stood before the closed elevator doors with arms crossed in defiance. She refused to enter a situation without any hint of preparedness.
“We’ll talk while we walk.”
“Where are we going?”
“There’s a storage unit down on the lowest level. That’s were Bale and Jorges are.” The doors opened and they stepped inside. “I told you, no one is harder on Bale than Bale. From what Jorges has discerned, Bale wanted to prove to you he can atone for his crimes and tried to turn himself in to the police. Apparently that plan didn’t turn out well and they declined to arrest him.”
“Seriously? If he confessed, why not?”
“We’ll have to get that story from Bale. With the attempt to prove himself to you foiled, he contacted Jorges to bring him the chain.”
Chills ran down her neck as images of gladiators swinging lengths of chain at each other in dark, humid rooms with blood and sweat flying everywhere flashed through her mind. “What does that mean?”
The elevator doors opened, revealing a hallway with concrete floors and walls that looked as welcoming as a prison cell. The dampness and creepy shadows did not help her nerves.
“By accident Lucian and his brother discovered a mineral here on Earth that steals our powers.”
“You mean like Superman and kryptonite?”
“Similar, yes. There was a man who discovered a way to harness the strength of this mineral on its own and fashioned several products, including a chain we used to restrain Bale when he was bent on his revenge. Afterward we gave the chain to Jorges for safekeeping since none of us from Skandavia are able to handle it.”
“So Bale asked Jorges for this chain to what, steal his powers?”
“My guess is that’s part of the reason. Believe it or not, Bale is an honorable man. He wanted to be punished for his failure to protect his family. I gave that to him. If he is seeking punishment for the crimes he has committed afterward, this may be his way to obtain it.”
They rounded a corner and saw Jorges standing in front of a closed door. He crossed to meet them and placed a hand on each of their shoulders, bringing them into a huddle.
“How is he, Jorges?” Amaryllis asked in a hushed tone.
“Quiet and determined, which is not unusual for Bale, but something about the way he’s acting makes me want to hug the guy. I take it you two had a fight?” he asked Ari.
“Kind of. Sort of.” She let out a huff. “I found out…things. Scary things.”
“Ah.” He nodded. “I understand. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen if Miranda ever finds out about all of this Saturn business.”
“You’ve never told her?” How could he have kept such a secret so quiet? Especially since she worked so closely with Amaryllis.
“It’s not my secret to tell.”
“Tell her, Jorges.”
The both looked to Amaryllis in surprise. His eyebrows rose to his hairline. “What?”
“Tell her.” She laid her hand on his cheek. “She’s family and has earned the right to know the truth.”
“Okay. But if she takes it poorly, I’m not going the Bale route.”
“Were you ever an assassin?” Ari asked.
“No.”
“Then she won’t take it as poorly as me.”
“Good point. So I can leave our boy in your hands?”
“Definitely.” Amaryllis kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” He squeezed Ari’s shoulder. “Good luck.”
As Jorges walked away, Ari turned to face the closed door to the storage room and felt her heart climb into her throat. “What now?”
Amaryllis settled her hands on her hips and cocked her head. “Well, the last time I used a whip to help him break through his guilt.”
“You whipped him!” Would the mental shocks never end?
“Do not fret. I didn’t beat him. I didn’t even break the skin. I told you, he wanted punishment for his failure, and the pain helped him to break away from his perceptions and see the truth. It appears he may need that lesson again.”
“So you’re going to go in there and whip him?”
“No. You are.”
“Are you insane?” she hissed. “I’m not whipping anyone.”
“Ari.” Amaryllis grabbed her around the biceps and gave her a shake. “Bale needs you just as much as you need him. I know you’ve received a lot of extraordinary information in a very short time, but I know you are strong enough to handle this. You don’t have to whip him, but you do have to go in and see to his needs. Only you will be able to provide that for him. I have faith in you.”
There was no controlling the tremble in her voice. “I have no idea how to handle a restrained alien with masochistic yearnings.”
Amaryllis smiled. “Maybe. Maybe not. But you know how to handle Bale. You can do this. Now go.”
Ari stumbled as Amaryllis gave her a friendly shove. The solid steel door grew larger and larger with each timid step. What was waiting for her on the other side? The possibilities made her shudder as adrenaline raced through her system. The fight-or-flight instinct was most certainly kicking in. Too bad she couldn’t decide which path to choose.
“Ari. If I had asked you to tell me how you felt about Bale before tonight, what would you have said?”
She glanced over her should and saw in Amaryllis’ smile that she already knew the answer. “I love him.”
“Why?”
“Because.” She swallowed as the undeniable truth burned her throat. “Because he fights for those who cannot fight for themselves. And because he has done nothing but try to give me everything I wanted.”
”I believe you.” Amaryllis nodded with encouragement. “He’s worth the second chance.”
Ari sucked in the positive reinforcement. Damn it. Amaryllis was right. No matter how much Ari wished it to be otherwise, her feelings for Bale weren’t going to shut off and disappear as if they had never existed. At some point she was going to have to confront her feelings for the big man. Now was just as good a time as any, however this rip-the-bandage-off method was destined to be painful.
The handle was a block of ice against her palm as she opened the door and crept inside. Boxes and stacks of chairs created an eerie maze of shadows in the dimly lit room. From the corner she heard the soft rattle of chain-on-chain and she inched her way in that direction.
Around a stack of short cocktail tables, she stopped suddenly as she caught sight of Bale.
In the chilly room his face and torso glistened with sweat and his head lolled to the side to rest against his arms that were stretched to the sky. A thick chain wound around his wrists and snaked down each arm, crossing over his chest before continuing down each leg. His skin had lost its golden glow and his lips appeared pale and parched.
Bale wasn’t just weak, he appeared as if he were dying and her heart lurched. He asked for this? He wanted to suffer? What was he thinking?
Fear for his health propelled her into the small pool of light. “Bale, what are you doing?”
He started and cracked opened his eyes. “Ari? What are you doing here?”
“I asked you first.” She gestured at the chain then around the room. “What is this? Why did you ask to be hurt this way?”
He shook his head and sighed. The movement rattled the chains and the sound set her teeth on edge. “I sullied you w
ith my darkness. I broke you and that is unforgiveable.”
“You didn’t break me. Shocked the hell out of me, yes, but I’m not broken.”
“Aren’t you?” he spat, although he appeared more angry at himself than at her. “You got sick. Your voice is damaged. I did that to you.”
“You didn’t—” Tears choked her as she processed the implication of his words.
Was she broken? Forever changed, absolutely, but was she broken? And what did broken mean? Obviously she was able to function, but was she now damaged, like he claimed? Would she no longer be able to face the world? No longer be able to exist as a loving, compassionate, trusting person again?
God, the thought was depressing. And weak. He made her sound weak and frail and that just pissed her off.
She was Ari Rayner. Each time life knocked her on her ass, she got up, dusted herself off and got back to living. Her mother with her revolving door of husbands and Anthony’s betrayal hadn’t kept her down, and by God she wasn’t going to allow Bale and all of his whatever-you-call-it prevent her from getting up every morning and having a happy and productive life.
“I am injured. But make no mistake, I am not broken. Now explain to me what all of this,” she waved her hands around, “is about.”
“The man you spoke to at the bar.” He shuddered and swayed on his feet. “He is a police officer and was tasked with capturing the vigilante. I went to him and turned myself in.”
“Why would you do that?” If what Amaryllis said was true, his work as the Claymore was his sole reason for living.
“I wanted to prove to you that I am willing to pay for my crimes.”
“So you were willing to give up your work? Just like that?” She snapped her fingers.
“For you. Yes.”
“What about your wife?” she whispered.
The air stilled and she saw every muscle in Bale’s chest and arms tense as his eyes widened. The chains rattled as he began to shake and his mouth moved as if trying to speak, yet he didn’t say a word.
“What about your wife, Bale?” She stepped closer. “All night long I’ve been hearing about the vow you made to honor her. How all of the bad you’ve done has been in her and your daughter’s name. And you’re telling me that you were willing to give up that vow? For me?”
The harsh in-and-out of his breathing brought her to tears, but she refused to break her gaze. Damn the man. The words were there, swimming in his dark eyes and hovering behind the tremble of his lips, all he had to do was say them.
“Tell me, Bale.”
“I—Ari.” He closed his eyes and hung his head.
“Damn it, Bale. Tell me,” she shouted and closed the distance between them and cupped his face. Her fingers curled with her frustration, but she restrained the urge to claw at his cheeks. If there was any hope for them, he had to talk to her. This was too important to guess at his reasons. “Why would you break your vow?”
And still he remained silent.
Frustration bubbled over into anger as he continued to shake. “Are you fucking kidding me? Just tell me. Or are you too much of a pussy?” She pushed against his chest and as the chains swung him back in her direction she slapped at him again as her anger erupted. His relieved sigh drove her into a blinding rage.
“Is that it? Amaryllis said she had to whip you into a confession. Is that what I have to do? Beat you senseless?” She slapped at his right arm, then his left, over and over until her palms stung. “You sick fuck.”
The dam broke inside her and a great sob burst forth followed by another then another as she fell to her knees.
What was she doing? What had she become? Giving in to the violence wasn’t going to solve anything. Couldn’t he see she was willing to hear him out? If he cared about her one bit, he’d try to help her understand his thoughts, his motivations. He would confirm that her love was not one-sided and that all this shit she was going through was not in vain. She needed to be secure in the knowledge that if she forgave him of his past, it wouldn’t come back and bite her in the ass later. The future was never for certain, but he had to give her something to go on. Where was her hope?
“Ari, love, please don’t cry.” Bale’s plea brought her head up. “I love you. I’m sorry. I love you and you don’t deserve this. I’m not worth your tears.”
At his profession her hands flew up to press against the ache in her chest.
He loved her. Did he really? The Bale she thought she knew would not have said those words unless he meant them. So why wouldn’t he answer her questions?
For her, love meant pushing aside all rational thought for the slightest chance of happily ever after. Love meant walking through fire for another. Love meant entering a dark room not knowing what lay in wait to confront a man you want to give everything to with the knowledge that blood stained his hands. Love meant risk and here she was stripped bare, trying to understand him, and he couldn’t even muster the courage to answer her with the truth. He was the fighter, yet he wouldn’t fight for her. Wasn’t she worth the effort?
“You’re right.” She stood and swiped at her cheek with her sleeve. “I don’t deserve to be used as an excuse for you to be a fucking martyr. Obviously this has nothing to do with me.”
“No. Wait. Don’t go,” he cried as she turned. “This has everything to do with you. Ari…I don’t have the right words to say. I can’t phrase it perfectly.”
“Any words are better than none. They don’t have to be perfect. They only have to come from the heart.”
“My heart.” He chuckled without mirth. “In my case that is two hearts, and I mean that literally and figuratively.”
Silence descended while she waited for him to continue. And waited and waited as the chains creaked and her teeth chattered. With a last sigh, any hope she had that he would finally open up died. He was never going to change.
As her foot shifted to leave he pinned her with a hard stare that froze her in place. His eyes glittered with his tears as he croaked, “I love you, Ariel. And I love my wife. Reconciling those two thoughts has not been easy for me. You two are so different. She was delicate and calm. You are strong, a fighter, a force of nature that frightens me at times with your intensity. But you are both kind, compassionate, and unfortunate enough to have me fall in love with you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Absolutely nothing.”
Like kill. Neither of them said it out loud, but the implication hung there as heavy as a lead balloon.
But he was talking. Thank God, he was finally talking.
She crossed her arms, fighting the chills that rattled her bones. “So you feel guilty for loving me? Like you’re being unfaithful?”
“Yes,” he sighed as if relieved that she understood. “She’s dead. I know that. I know she is never coming back. And you make me want to live. You make me want to be a better man. Natalia did too, but I was too afraid to be that man. She deserved better than me. You deserve better than me.”
In her heart the walls shifted and all the love she felt for him poured out. Here was a man trying to make right and going about it all the wrong way. God, men could be such idiots.
“What kind of man do you think I deserve, Bale?”
Surprise flashed across his face, but his voice was sure as he answered, “A good man. A man who doesn’t need to fight unless it is to protect you. Who loves you with his entire being. Who will do everything he can to see to your happiness. You deserve a man who is loyal and will never give you cause to cry. Who will tell you every day with his actions and words that you are the most precious treasure in existence.”
Tears welled as he proved her right. He knew exactly the right words to say. “Before this evening, those are the words I would have used to describe you.”
“But I am not that man.”
“Yes, you are. And then some.”
He shook his head. “I am evil.”
“You’re not evil. Yes, you’ve done bad things, but I don’t believe you are evil.�
� And that was the truth. An infinite amount of shades of gray, Amaryllis had said, and she was right. Bale had done wrong, but in his heart he wasn’t evil. “Did you take any pleasure while you were killing?”
“Only when I terminated the men who killed my family,” he said without glee but with definite satisfaction.
“Okay. I can understand that.” She didn’t want to ask her next question, but she needed to know. “When was the last time you killed anyone?”
“A year ago.”
She sucked in a sharp breath but pressed on, despite the urge to run away. She had to learn the entire truth of who he was. “Was that here on Earth?”
The muscles in his jaw tightened as he nodded.
“What happened?”
He swallowed hard then licked his lips. “I have the power to read another’s emotions.”
“I know. Amaryllis told me.”
“I have a feeling Amaryllis told you a lot of things.”
“She did, but continue.”
The corner of his mouth kicked up for a nanosecond. “When I arrived on Earth, I had difficulty filtering out the purity of human emotions. I still do. But back then the onslaught was overwhelming. I crossed paths with a street gang that had beat up a man who they felt betrayed them and were going to attack his sister. I stepped in to defend her. But I was already running on a high of anger and frustration and could not contain my rage. I maimed and killed several of the gang members.”
“Were they all bad guys?”
“Does it matter? Ari, I shouldn’t have killed anyone.”
“I know. I just—” She laughed. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I guess I would feel a little bit better if I knew they were all bad guys. Like they deserved it, somehow.”
“If they did, I shouldn’t have been the one to carry out the execution. Ari, I love you, but you need more than I can provide. You were right to push me away. You should leave.”
“I should leave.” She drew in a breath. “But I don’t want to.”
In two steps she was before him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Against her cheek his skin was cool, not nearly as warm as normal and she hugged him tighter.
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